Our neighbor “Emily” just turned 18 recently. I (21F) was in the kitchen when I heard my dad (55M) say, “Damn, she’s really grown into her figure.”
I snapped, I called him a creep and a pervert before storming off.
He tried to explain that it was just an observation and that he didn’t mean anything by it. I told him it’s completely inappropriate, and I called him a pervert. I was shaking with anger and disgust.
Later, my mom pulled me aside and told me I overreacted. She said it was an innocent comment and that dads notice things sometimes, and that I shouldn’t call him a pervert over one remark.
I still feel uncomfortable and grossed out around him. But my mom thinks I was too harsh.
AITA? Is this just a normal thing that men do?
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Our neighbor “Emily” just turned 18 recently. I (21F) was in the kitchen when I heard my dad (55M) say, “Damn, she’s really grown into her figure.”
I snapped, I called him a creep and a pervert before storming off.
He tried to explain that it was just an observation and that he didn’t mean anything by it. I told him it’s completely inappropriate, and I called him a pervert. I was shaking with anger and disgust.
Later, my mom pulled me aside and told me I overreacted. She said it was an innocent comment and that dads notice things sometimes, and that I shouldn’t call him a pervert over one remark.
I still feel uncomfortable and grossed out around him. But my mom thinks I was too harsh.
AITA? Is this just a normal thing that men do?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I called my dad a creep and a pervert. (2) They’re harsh names to put on someone over one remark.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
It sounds like you are an adult living in your parents’ home. You are NTA for knowing that your father’s remark was disgusting.
That said, you probably need to rethink your behavior until you are able to move out. Your mother and father subscribe to traditional values where men are excused for objectifying women, even when those women are teenagers. That is not going to change. I would keep quiet about it for the time being.
NTA. That was not an innocent comment. That was your dad sexualizing a teenager.
NTA. You’re right about your dad. That he thinks it is bad enough. That he said it out loud is disgusting.
Good for you for saying something!
As a Dad, as a son growing up with a Dad who made similar comments, you’re NTA. You heard something you didn’t like and you said so. If your dad’s not actually a pervert, hopefully this made him rethink what he says and why.
Full disclosure: we all make inappropriate comments, the question is whether or not we learn anything when we’re called out. I hope your Dad takes your reaction to heart, OP.
NTA. That is gross and your mom trying to normalize the comment is just as bad.
If this is wildly out of character for your dad, this kind of thing can be part of age related cognitive decline.
ETA: which doesn’t mean “alzheimers!”, just that as people age they tend to blurt things out or do things in public that they wouldn’t have done in their 30s. E.g., we had one relative who started pointing at people at the store if she noticed anything “weird” about them, and no amount of telling her it was embarrassing would stop it.
NTA
It’s a gross comment, but I’d hold off on the name-calling. Saying it grosses you out is a fact, saying ‘you shouldn’t be making sexual comments about, or objectifying women, let alone those younger than your own daughter, would be fine. I would say you maybe crossed a bit by calling him a pervert, that’s clearly what made them both defensive.
You absolutey can speak your mind, just hold off on the outrage…not all men who make stupid comments are perverts. Be mindful of how/when they grew up and what was ‘acceptable’ language. Not excusing the comment, just explaining where it may have been coming from.
YTA .
Men have sexual desires. Okay he shouldn’t have said it out loud with you nearby. But that doesn’t make him a disgusting pervert. Its not like he said it to the woman and made her uncomfortable. He was in his own home. People say all sorts of shit behind closed doors. The only mistake was you overheard.
Women talk about and sexualize guys all the time .
Grow up, laugh it off and move on.
Sure, dads notice things, but that doesn’t mean they say them. It was creepy of your dad to say that, and creepy of your mom to defend him. I… don’t want to think about what they get up to if they both think this is normal. NTA
NTA
Your father was creepy
NTA Ask your father how he would feel if your mother noticed the 18-year-old boy next door wearing a swimsuit and said, “Wow! He’s really filling out that Speedo nicely…” Put it in perspective for both of them. You are not TA, nor are you overreacting. Fathers (and mothers) need to hear their sexualizing comments for what they are.
Just because it’s a “normal” thing doesn’t make it not gross. The fact that it’s the norm and accepted by so many people (men and women) is definitely ick. Your mom is kinda giving the “boys will be boys” excuse, also ick. NTA
The remark was creepy and perverted, but that doesn’t make dad a pervert. He’s as much a product as his environment as anyone else. If i were you, I’d have a heart to heart with dad and explain why it’s creepy (I do this with my dad all the time and he’s very understanding and wants to be a better person so he listens).
For starters, you’ve probably been hit on by men his age, explain to him how weird and vulnerable that makes you feel, and then say how that comment triggered the same feeling. Ask him how he would feel if your neighbor heard him say that? Then ask how he thinks she would feel if she heard that. Remind him it would likely be similar to how it makes you feel when older men comment on your body. Bring it full circle. Make it clear who he’s aligning with when he objectifies young women (I.e. not you).
What world do you live in? Youth and beauty in women is sold day to day on ads everywhere and glorified by Hollywood. It is just a man thing to notice. He did not say he wants to touch her or otherwise be inappropriate he just noticed a young pretty woman. By your thinking every man is a pervert. Even mig Jagger sang about watching girls go by.
Depends on other factors of your father I think. The “damn” part of it skeeves me out but I haven’t thought everyone who’s said that about me or a young woman has been creepy. Sometimes it’s being taken aback by a reveal or something. It has a nuance the internet never really tolerates.
It was a bit of an icky comment… but also a wild overreaction.
NTA. This kind of creepy behavior has been normalized. Women are not property. Their bodies are not public property. I’m generation X and this behavior was rampant among my fellow generation Xers but that’s no excuse. Good on you for calling him out for it. Little actions like this are what changes the world.
You overheard a grown man saying he appreciates a nice looking girl and it upset you? You poor thing. Is it because it is your father? Or is it the comment which you weren’t supposed to hear, that upset you? I ask because I ‘m sure you’ve heard a lot worse in school and when hanging out with your friends. Why are you all some sensitive now?
NTA. Your dad was 5000% being a pervy creep. Good on you to call him out on it. Shame on your mom for defending his disgusting and creepy comments.
NAH – if this is totally out of character for your dad, yeah, talk to him, but I’m dad to a teenage girl, and I have made…not as creepy comments, but like noticing that one of her friends or teammates that was like – a lanky string bean with flipper feet thanks to hormones has had the rest of themselves catch up, or that the poor girl who seemed to go through puberty all at once overnight doesn’t have a babyface any more, and doesn’t tower over the rest of them.
Bad bad bad phrasing, and “Uh dad, you’re skeeving me out” is totally warranted, but it’s like the awkward grandma “you’ve become a young lady now!” (Or worse, my SiL saying directly “you’ve gotten quite busty!” causing conversation at dinner to just die on the spot, leaving my daughter even more mortified)
If it was like “look at the gazongas on neighbor girl!!” HWBTA, but this seems mostly innocent and REALLY poorly phrased.
NTA sounds like he’s feeling emotional
NTA. And, as someone who had the creepy neighbor say garbage to my face as a tween, thank you for speaking up. Hopefully you got your parents to at least think about why what was said was creepy and grossly unnecessary and inappropriate.
NTA! 👏🏼 You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing!!
Your mom sucks too. This is what we call “internalized misogyny” and “enabling”. She doesn’t want to admit that her husband is a sex pest, so she’s lashing out at you to try and normalize his behavior for her own ego’s protection.
Proud of you. Keep it up mama!!
I mean, it was just an observation. Maybe he was perving at her, or maybe he was just observing that she had developed into a beautiful young woman. But you don’t really know what was in his mind based on that single comment.
Imagine if your mother made such a comment about an 18-year-old boy who was doing yard work. I don’t think you’d think it was a big deal that she noticed that he had become handsome and fit.
I think perhaps the fact that you’re a 21 year old woman, that thinking about your father noticing the figure of an 18-year-old woman makes you uncomfortable. And that’s understandable. But I think you were a bit harsh on him, especially given that it was just a single comment and you don’t really know what it meant.
Either way, calling him a pervert was way over the line. That was completely inappropriate. It would have been better to have a discussion with him and say something like, “Dad, that’s really gross. What did you mean by that?”
YTA only because of the name-calling, not because of your feelings of being uncomfortable.
ESH
Your father is old enough to know that there are times when one should not voice one’s thoughts out loud.
You’re old enough to find a more mature way to explain his behaviour made you uncomfortable.
He was wrong to say it out and you overreacted. You could have called him out without name calling.
He said he didn’t mean anything by it. He should have gone a step further to acknowledge your feelings of being uncomfortable and that he understands saying it out loud was inappropriate.
Plenty of people can look at an attractive adult (barely 18 is still an adult) and find them physically attractive and not be perverts. Appreciate their attractiveness and not want to have sex with them.
I think the reason why you are still so upset might be the part where he didn’t say anything about how saying it out loud is problematic? That you think he does that all the time, would say something directly to her, would cheat on your mom? Do you have reason to think that from his past behavior?
Or maybe the older men who have done this to you affected you to the point you’re projecting that onto him?
Or…?
Have a heart to heart with him. Don’t let this fester. If it is an isolated incident, show some grace.
My father detested the Miss America pageant — it used to be televised when I was a child. Dad claimed that the women in the pageant weren’t old enough. “How can anyone be beautiful before the age of 30? These kittens haven’t been anywhere, haven’t done anything, haven’t loved or lost.”
Nta. It’s one thing if he say “wow she’s grown into a beautiful young woman” vs “wow look at the body” one is for sure creeper then the other. And dad’s shouldn’t be noticing the figures of barely legal woman. Maybe he misspoke but I would absolutely have a rational conversation on why that’s an inappropriate comment and why it made you feel so uncomfortable. Maybe even include asking how he would feel if an older adult male said that to him about you.
He should have kept his mouth shut, but you can’t be surprised that he looked.
What happened to “oh my god can’t believed she’s 18 now, she was just a baby yesterday”, “damn time really fly huh? It was just her first day of pre school yesterday” etc etc. Your dad had many options but he chose to comment on her body. Gross AF
Why did you storm off? Why did you snap? YTA for acting very immaturely.
You could have just said “Ooo dad, that gross, she’s younger than me”, and walked away.
YTA
Your father’s been noticing teenage women since he himself was a pre teen. Did you imagine otherwise?
If he’d remarked something like I want to hit that that would have been pervy and creepy. What he actually said was basically an innocuous compliment.
Your father is allowed his sexuality and he seems to handle it respectfully. You need to adjust your own respect.
ESH – some people are so easily offended by non-offensive words, it’s getting tiring. You should’ve just explained to your dad in a calm manner that times have changed, and statements like that might be interpreted as objectifying, even if he doesn’t mean them that way. It’s not like he said it to her directly and made her uncomfortable. People can acknowledge that someone is pleasant to look at without wanting to bang them. Unless your dad makes comments like that consistently and has a history of over-sexualizing women (which it sounds like this was an isolated incident), then I’d say you’re just being overly sensitive. Idk why we can’t show people grace when they say something mildly stupid. I would explain without making them feel like assholes… and then just move on. That was a teaching moment and you totally missed the mark.
You were shaking ? Really? Get a grip 🙄
You mom is under reaction what he said is creepy and gross
You are certainly NTA the comment was obviously objectifying the 18 yr old’s body … these comments r uncomfortable regardless of who said it … u did the right thing by calling out of ur father
ewwww NTA unfortunately it would take a miracle to get a man like that to change his thinking
NTA. Those are just the comments he feels comfortable saying out loud. Or did.
YTA
You were the ah in this situation. Maybe your dad thought his comment was a compliment. Lighten up, not everybody is a pervert. He could have worded it way better is a given though.
YTA
You barely understand adult men and how we think at your age. You calling him a pervert is an overreaction.
Figure means her body shape, it’s like the least sexual way to describe a woman’s body coming to maturity and feminity.
It’s also not some crass way of him saying he wants to do something sexual with her either.
NTA it is common for men to say things like this and it is wrong every time.
NTA
That’s so gross 🤢
Idk, the overdramatics of the reaction is leading me to think that this post could very possibly be fake? The account is apparently 4 days old, but post and comment history are hidden, so… again, idk.