I 35m share custody of my daughter 9f with my ex wife, my ex has her on the weekends and drops her off with me every Sunday and of course dropped her off with me today.
My ex also has a new husband who has a 5 year old son.
When my ex dropped our daughter off today I noticed she got out of the car from just the regular seat and wasn’t in her booster seat.
Turns out today my ex and our daughter thought it would be fun to stop off at the park for a while before she dropped her off with me, when the 5 year old heard this he wanted to come with them and my ex and daughter agreed.
My ex didn’t want to go through the trouble of uninstalling the 5 year olds car seat and putting it in her car and her husband needed his car for errands so he said she should just put the 5 year old in our daughters booster seat and let her ride with just the seatbelt and my ex agreed to this.
I was so upset, I asked my ex how could she be so irresponsible to let our daughter ride without her booster seat, she said she didn’t think it was a big deal since it wasn’t a long drive and it was just one time and that our daughter liked not being in a booster seat.
I got more upset and said it was completely irresponsible to drive our daughter ANYWHERE WITHOUT HER BOOSTER SEAT because it’s for her safety. I kinda snapped and yelled at her for a minute because I was so shocked and angry that
she would disregard our daughters safety like that.
She got defensive and said he would have been disappointed if she told him he couldn’t come with them and our daughter liked not being in a booster seat, I told her it was better to disappoint one child then put another in danger and our daughter is 9 she isn’t old enough to make this decision on her own.
My ex left upset and has since sent me some angry text messages and her husband sent me one to saying I way overreacted.
AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I 35m share custody of my daughter 9f with my ex wife, my ex has her on the weekends and drops her off with me every Sunday and of course dropped her off with me today.
My ex also has a new husband who has a 5 year old son.
When my ex dropped our daughter off today I noticed she got out of the car from just the regular seat and wasn’t in her booster seat.
Turns out today my ex and our daughter thought it would be fun to stop off at the park for a while before she dropped her off with me, when the 5 year old heard this he wanted to come with them and my ex and daughter agreed.
My ex didn’t want to go through the trouble of uninstalling the 5 year olds car seat and putting it in her car and her husband needed his car for errands so he said she should just put the 5 year old in our daughters booster seat and let her ride with just the seatbelt and my ex agreed to this.
I was so upset, I asked my ex how could she be so irresponsible to let our daughter ride without her booster seat, she said she didn’t think it was a big deal since it wasn’t a long drive and it was just one time and that our daughter liked not being in a booster seat.
I got more upset and said it was completely irresponsible to drive our daughter ANYWHERE WITHOUT HER BOOSTER SEAT because it’s for her safety. I kinda snapped and yelled at her for a minute because I was so shocked and angry that
she would disregard our daughters safety like that.
She got defensive and said he would have been disappointed if she told him he couldn’t come with them and our daughter liked not being in a booster seat, I told her it was better to disappoint one child then put another in danger and our daughter is 9 she isn’t old enough to make this decision on her own.
My ex left upset and has since sent me some angry text messages and her husband sent me one to saying I way overreacted.
AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my ex wife for driving our daughter without her booster seat
She says I’m overreacting and it wasn’t a big deal
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
At 9 years old, one car ride without a booster is not gonna kill her. I’m not even sure why she’s still in one. Be so fr
Info: Where do you live, and if it is in the states, which one? There are different laws in many different places and a nine year old may be well past the age where she needs one to comply with the law. Obviously I know she’s safer in it for as long as possible, but it may not be a big deal at all anymore.
NTA.
Safety of the child trumps all. She didn’t feel like taking the car seat out of the other car? Too bad. Tell her next time you’ll call the cops.
INFO – does the 9 year old still meet the criteria for needing one?
Do 9 year olds still need booster seats or were you looking for an excuse to have a go at your ex?
Well. The reality is. Booster seats aren’t about age but weight. If she is over 90 pounds or about that. Then it is perfectly fine.
You being concerned for your child’s safety does not make you AH. You did overreact a little but honestly better safe than sorry nowadays..
Your exes Husband is a soft AH for speaking up and even reaching out to you tho. Clearly didn’t concern him.
A huge majority of 9 year olds no longer use booster seats. If 9 year old is tall enough that the actual seat belt fits correctly around her, then she doesn’t need a booster. YTA I guess? Idk how to rate this one…
NTA, 9 year olds most definitely do still need booster seats if they’re shorter than 145cm or very lightweight
I need more info. Does the child still meet the necessary requirements to require a booster seat?
YTA. They are correct, you overreacted. I would understand if she was 5-6. But she is 9!! You wanted to yell at your ex, and this was your chance.
Is this real? Look, technically many 9 year olds are still in the height range to use a booster, but this is not exactly a safety catastrophe. My daughter still used one at 9… but she was the ONLY one of her friends who did.
I suggest you save your freak outs for something more urgent.
I’m going to go with YTA, but you went outsized with the yelling. There was no need to yell. Do you yell at her often? Because that’s a maladaptive way of dealing with anger or irritation. Also, double YTA if your daughter witnessed it. That’s not how to model conflict.
INFO: Depends on the local laws and your daughter’s size. Most 9yos would be legally and physically safe without one.
I can’t believe people thinking this is not a big deal. A booster seat is based on height AND age. It isn’t like ex said: “ I realized that she no doubt longer needed one”. Ex decided she couldn’t be bothered.
This is a BIG deal. NTA
What other safety precautions is she ignoring outing convenience?
Legally as long as they meet the height and weight requirements, kids don’t have to be in boosters after 8yo. My grandson is 8, but is tiny so he still rides in a high back booster. My daughters who are 10 and 12 have been out of a booster since they were 8 because they were above the limits.
YTA – you wanted a reason to yell at your ex.
Missing critical information about the car seat.
In Michigan it’s 8 or 4’9″ so unless she doesn’t meet those reqs.
YTA.
YTA – at 9 years old she doesn’t need to be in a booster seat anymore. Jesus you are just looking for something to yell at her for!!!!!
Is she an extremely underweight or smaller 9 year old?
YTA because the impact of your reaction is disproportionate to the risk. Your child will feel the impact of this fight and you haven’t shown any concern over that. You could have voiced your concern in a more appropriate manner.
NTA
Booster seats are to make sure the seat belt is correctly placed if an accident occurs.
Without the booster, the seat belt could do some much unnecessary damage. Easily preventable damage.
Weight and height are both very important.
YTA Unless your 9 year old is unusually small for her age, it’s safe for her to ride without a booster seat. Yelling at your ex was uncalled for.
Even if your daughter was too small to ride without a car seat, treating your ex that way is not productive. The two of you are still both your daughter’s parents and the way you treat each other does affect her. I’m a child of divorce myself, and I’m grateful my parents acted as a team (especially considering the number of other divorced parents I saw fighting growing up).
NTA. If she got into an accident, and your daughter was hurt, she would definitely think it was a big deal.
Depends on her height and weight and where you live.
NTA.
Your ex could also put the 5 year old at risk by putting them in a booster seat that wasn’t correct for their size and weight.
Why would a 9 year old require a booster seat provided their weight isn’t under the norm?
YNTA. I would be pissed too. My daughter is 9 and I never take her anywhere without her booster. So upsetting some parents think it’s ok.
NTA. Anytime a parent chooses convenience over safety is bad. Especially since they choose the younger kids safety over your kids safety. A short drive does not equal a drive with no accidents. Id be pissy.
This is assuming you all put her in a booster seat because she’s within the requirements for needing one still…..
That being said: it would be different if they just so happened to decide “9 year old is now big enough she doesn’t need one” and just didn’t let you know… Because coparents aren’t required to loop each other in on all choices made during their time, even tho it’s polite.
How did our parents ever get us anywhere when we were kids.
NTA if your child still met the height and weight limit of her booster seat.
There’s zero excuse for slack automobile safety just like there’s zero excuse for boating safety. The whole reason parents and kids put up with the annoyance of car seats and boosters is to protect against the slight chance of injury during an accident.
U.S. State laws are all over the place on this one
https://saferide4kids.com/car-seat-laws-by-state/
Yelling in front of your kid isn’t a great co-parenting move. YTA for that. If your daughter still requires the booster seat then your wife chose being lazy of your daughter’s safety and that’s not okay.
If a booster seat is required where you live, you should document her not using it.
INFO: What are the height and weight regulations on booster seats in your state? What does your daughter say about the booster seat she is in?
My nibling was out of booster seats at 7 due to height and weight. I was against this for safety purposes until they kept complaining about how much it hurt to be in the seat. I bought another brand and still the same complaint.
Weigh and measure your daughter and look up state laws. Try buying another seat if you think she’s just complaining.
NTA. She broke the law. The 5 year old should have been in his car seat and your daughter in her booster seat. Look up the law for your state and send it to your ex. She put two kids life in danger because of her stupidity.
NTA
She endangered your daughter. She deserves the scream. That level of dangerous risk isn’t worthy of a mild scolding.
YTA, it sounds like you just want something to be mad about. She in like 5h grade lmaooo unless she’s extremely small for her age (which I doubt bc you would’ve pointed that out) you just want to be mad at your ex.
YTA.
That’s not how you deal with disagreements in co-parenting. Seems like you just wanted an excuse to yell at her.
At 9, your daughter may not even need it anymore. It depends on her weight and height. You never mentioned that.
Does she still need one? I can’t remember but I swear I got out of needing a booster seat at a pretty young age.
NTA
YTA. Even the most strict state has a booster until 8 yo. Your daughter is 9 and is fine seating with a seat belt in the back seat.
Height and weight are very important for this discussion. my child is tall and heavy and was nearly 10 before they sized out of a booster. .m
Question: how tall is your daughter? If she’s 4’ 9”+, she’s beyond AAP recommendations requiring the need for a booster seat. The key is to ensure the seat belt lays across her body properly.
Also, local laws do factor into it too. What are the laws in your area?
YTA Most 9 year olds are not still in booster seats unless they are exceptionally small for their age.
YTA. She’s not an infant or toddler. While a booster is of course safest, this was not a HUGE safety lapse. You haven responded to anyone with her height and weight which leads me to believe that she doesn’t legally need to be in the booster.
NTA I was 11 when I no longer had a booster seat. Most nine year olds still need booster seats but don’t have them anymore because parents don’t understand the impact it can have on a child still quite young. I’d like to say I am happy for you, sir, for protecting your child.
Yta because it sounds like this happens in front of your daughter and that’s not ok.
Your daughter 9 she should be able to sit in a regular seat by now my nephew is 8 and is in a regular seat
You overreacted. I’d have done the same. 🫨
What are your state’s rules? In my state, children must be at least 8 and at least 80 lbs. My son was very skinny, so it took well beyond age 8 for him to hit 80 lbs, but most of his friends were out of boosters much sooner.
YTA. At 9 years old they do not need a booster seat to be safe in a car. Seems more like you wanted an excuse to lash out at your ex, seek therapy.
I get the concern for your daughter and don’t want to pull away from that. But the fact that your ex put a 5 year old in the booster seat instead of doing the labor to grab goods car seat is very concerning. Makes me believe that this slight overreaction for your daughter not being in her booster stems from previous careless behavior with your ex.
She should be in her booster for safety of course but it’s really up to the discretion of the parent at a certain age as it’s not required just recommended. My state is 8 years and older are not required.
INFO – What is the local law regarding booster seats?
My kids were in booster seats seemed like forever. Both were small boned and light in weight.
NTA. There was a great image that went around social media a few years ago. A car seat safety person made a height bar, and put a few kids of varying ages next to it. I believe the average 12 year old is still technically too short in some cases to NOT be in a booster seat.
It has to do with making sure the top belt portion sits across their body the right way so they aren’t hurt in an accident. That is what the booster does. Lifts them up so the belt is in the right position.
Not only was your 9 year old unsafe, but the 5 year old was as well. 5 should be in a high back booster at the very least, if not still 5 pt buckle car seat depending on weight.
I say this as a mom of a 10 year old who still is in the booster. He isn’t tall enough, and his safety is key.