Earlier today I was in the living room when I noticed my grandma cutting up a t-shirt. When I looked closer, I realized it wasn’t just any shirt, it was my shirt.
This wasn’t some random old shirt. I’ve had it for 10 years, and it was the very first shirt I ever bought with my own money. It wasn’t expensive, but the front design has a lot of sentimental value to me, which is why I’ve kept it all these years.
For context: the shirt doesn’t fit me anymore and it’s obviously old. I could afford to buy thousands of new shirts if I wanted to, but that wasn’t the point. This one was important to me.
When I realized what was happening, I freaked out and called for my mom. I was really upset and ended up yelling at her for giving my shirt to my grandma to cut up. My mom brushed me off and said it was “just an old shirt,” that I was “exaggerating and ungrateful,” and that she could buy me a hundred more. She told me I was making too big a deal out of it.
To me, it wasn’t just a shirt. It was special, and now it’s destroyed. I got so upset that I locked myself in my room and cried.
Later, my mom called my dad to complain about me, and then my dad called me to hear my side. From what he told me, he had already gotten mad at my mom and grandma when she first explained it. Apparently, he asked my mom if the shirt had any sort of design on the front. When she admitted it did, my dad reminded her that both he and she know about my hobbies and interests, and they know I place value on things like that. He also told her that it was my property, not something she had the right to make decisions about.
For additional context: I’m currently in my parents’ home country on vacation to see family. I only came because my parents wanted me here for my cousin’s wedding. Otherwise, I would either be in Asia right now with friends for a graduation trip or in Europe, where I study and live. My dad apparently even pointed out to my mom that if I didn’t have some attachment to the shirt, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to bought it across borders in the first place.
After I explained my side to him, he agreed with me completely and said my mom and grandma were in the wrong. He also told me he’s going to make my mom take the shirt to a clothing repair shop to see if it can be fixed.
My mom, however, still insists I overreacted and embarrassed her in front of my grandma. But I feel like I had every right to be upset since it was my shirt and nobody asked me. Could I have handled it better?
So, AITA for yelling at my mom when I saw my grandma cutting up my sentimental shirt?
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Earlier today I was in the living room when I noticed my grandma cutting up a t-shirt. When I looked closer, I realized it wasn’t just any shirt, it was my shirt.
This wasn’t some random old shirt. I’ve had it for 10 years, and it was the very first shirt I ever bought with my own money. It wasn’t expensive, but the front design has a lot of sentimental value to me, which is why I’ve kept it all these years.
For context: the shirt doesn’t fit me anymore and it’s obviously old. I could afford to buy thousands of new shirts if I wanted to, but that wasn’t the point. This one was important to me.
When I realized what was happening, I freaked out and called for my mom. I was really upset and ended up yelling at her for giving my shirt to my grandma to cut up. My mom brushed me off and said it was “just an old shirt,” that I was “exaggerating and ungrateful,” and that she could buy me a hundred more. She told me I was making too big a deal out of it.
To me, it wasn’t just a shirt. It was special, and now it’s destroyed. I got so upset that I locked myself in my room and cried.
Later, my mom called my dad to complain about me, and then my dad called me to hear my side. From what he told me, he had already gotten mad at my mom and grandma when she first explained it. Apparently, he asked my mom if the shirt had any sort of design on the front. When she admitted it did, my dad reminded her that both he and she know about my hobbies and interests, and they know I place value on things like that. He also told her that it was my property, not something she had the right to make decisions about.
For additional context: I’m currently in my parents’ home country on vacation to see family. I only came because my parents wanted me here for my cousin’s wedding. Otherwise, I would either be in Asia right now with friends for a graduation trip or in Europe, where I study and live. My dad apparently even pointed out to my mom that if I didn’t have some attachment to the shirt, I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to buy it across borders in the first place.
After I explained my side to him, he agreed with me completely and said my mom and grandma were in the wrong. He also told me he’s going to make my mom take the shirt to a clothing repair shop to see if it can be fixed.
My mom, however, still insists I overreacted and embarrassed her in front of my grandma. But I feel like I had every right to be upset since it was my shirt and nobody asked me. Could I have handled it better?
So, AITA for yelling at my mom when I saw my grandma cutting up my sentimental shirt?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Why I might be the asshole: I yelled at my mom in front of my grandma, which embarrassed her. I also locked myself in my room and cried, which may have seemed dramatic considering the shirt doesn’t fit me anymore and is very old. From her perspective, I was disrespectful and overreacting over “just a shirt.”
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It does not matter that the shirt was old or did not fit anymore, it was yours and it had meaning to you. Your mom had no right to give it away without asking first. Sentimental value is real and cannot be replaced with a hundred new shirts. You reacted in the moment because something important to you was destroyed right in front of you, that is human. Your dad seems to understand and is backing you up which says a lot.
NTA, Mom is 100% wrong here
NTA
I’m sorry this happened. I’ve had something similar happen and it sucks.
NTA. Your mom clearly is the asshole here. There’s nothing assholes hate more than being called out as assholes in front of people they respect. Your mom is the kind of person who likes to rationalize their asshole behavior, but it’s hard for her to refute when her own husband called her out. I think you need to start calling her out every time she does something that shows her utter lack of awareness. Eventually even she might start to see a pattern in her behavior and wise up to how she has been treating others.
If it’s “your property” and so important, why did you leave it behind?
>I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to bought it across borders in the first place.
It’s a fucking t-shirt. Why are you pretending taking a t-shirt anywhere is some sort of herculean task? And again, it’s obviously not that important did you didn’t “go out of your way” to take it wherever you are now.
>For additional context: I’m currently in my parents’ home country on vacation to see family. I only came because my parents wanted me here for my cousin’s wedding. Otherwise, I would either be in Asia right now with friends for a graduation trip or in Europe, where I study and live
First of all, who are you trying to impress? Nobody cares. Second of all, if you’re “only there” because your parents wanted you to be, that makes it clear the shit you left behind at your parents’ house really isn’t that important.
This honestly just sounds childish. Had they cut it up in your absence you probably wouldn’t have even noticed since it doesn’t sound like you “go out of your way” to go to your parents’ house.
Like yeah, that sucks, but if it was that important you should have treated it as such. Don’t use your parents’ house as a storage unit for your shit when you apparently never even go there in the first place. YTA.
It wasn’t just a shirt, it was your shirt with sentimental value, and your mom had no right to hand it over without asking you. Anyone would be upset seeing something meaningful destroyed like that.
Could you have reacted more calmly? Maybe but your feelings were totally valid. Your dad clearly gets it, and your mom should too.
NTA. Sorry you have such a shitty mom. Your dad sounds cool, tho.
It’s a shirt. Good lord and you’re crying about it? It doesn’t even fit you. I’ve thrown away clothes that I’ve bought myself that don’t fit. Grow up
INFO: Is this is a shirt that you packed and brought with you? Did they find it in the laundry and just decided they hated it so it was okay to chop up? Or was this a shirt kept in your childhood home? Why did they cut it up?
NTA. She did it on purpose because she didn’t want you wearing a small, tight, old tee shirt.
Maybe you can take the front of the shirt with the graphics on it and make a throw pillow
nta, why did it have to be that shirt that got cut up? it didnt belong to her it was yours.
do you normally get along with your mother?
NTA
Your dad gets it….and it’s funny but sometimes when people are presented with what THEY did wrong in the moment, their only reaction is defensive. This is what your mom did. She was so focused apparently on how embarassed SHE felt, that she tried to minimize your feelings and say YOU overreacted, not that SHE did anything wrong.
You are NTA…could you have handled it better? I mean I’m not a fan of yelling but in the moment when you realize something precious of yours is destroyed, then yeah, yelling kind of ‘happens’.
I’m sorry that happened. It sucks when people don’t understand a sentimental attachment.
Your mom was in the wrong for the way she reacted – but some people just don’t understand.
Since it doesn’t fit anymore, I might suggest having it turned in to a pillow or even framing the design as wall art. The situation can be turned in to a positive, even though it wasn’t what you wanted at the time.
You mom SUCKS. Take the shirt back and tell both of them to go f themselves
NTA. Your mom was wrong to do it and wrong to get nasty about your reaction. She had no right to give it to your grandma to cut up. She needs to respect your property.
I’m glad you have such an understanding dad, who stood up for you and will try to make it right.
NTA, it wasn’t her‘s to give away.