I will preface by saying that I do not like my mil. I have done my absolute best to get along with her and tolerate her selfish entitled bs attitude simply to keep the peace for my husbands sake. She does not like me. She has blatantly stated that she does not like me but doesnt know why – she just doesn’t like me.
My brother in law, his girlfriend, my mil, my infant son, and I went out to seattle boardwalk just to spend some time together and pass the day.
My MIL is enamored with my infant – her first grandchild. I love how much she loves him, I will say that.
After we spent the day walking around and seeing the aquarium, I wanted to stop in the gift shop and get my baby a toy and maybe shirt. She argued with me that there’s no point. I told her I’m getting him something, end of it.
She was pushing the stroller and following me around as I looked at toys. At some point, she decided to just leave the shop without saying anything to me. She told my BIL she’s going right outside..
When I looked around and couldn’t spot her or my son, I began to panic. I spotted my BIL and asked where they are and he said that MIL told him she was stepping outside.
I didn’t see them outside the door.
I went outside, looking around for them, and eventually spotted her in a crowd walking away. She’d decided to just go on an adventure with my son without saying anything to me.
I ran up to her and told her not to walk away with my son and that it is NOT okay. Do not do that! She argued that she told BIL where she was going. I told her that I don’t care what she told him, she should have told ME, as I am the parent and not him!
She yelled at me to quit freaking out and that they were just going for a walk.
I yelled at her, “do NOT argue with me about MY CHILD. You do NOT walk away with MY child without talking to me about it!”
She kept arguing that I’m over reacting and to quit freaking out.
I was so enraged that I was shaking and borderline considering clocking her in the face.
I got in her face and told her again to never do that shit again and to quit arguing with me about my child! Then took the stroller and walked away.
I was red faced and loud.
People were staring.
She was embarrassed.
She gave me the cold shoulder the rest of the day and I honestly enjoyed tf out of it because she finally stfu.
I am wondering if I over reacted?
This is NOT the first time she has done things like this. From keeping the baby from me and refusing to give him back to me to kissing him on the mouth when I have told her countless times not to because it’s dangerous and nasty.
She has demeaned me, talked down my mothering, picked fights, and I have caught her telling my son that I am stupid mother when she thought I couldn’t understand her native language.
I can understand plenty.
I feel like all of my pent up rage towards her came out today and I was absolutely ready to knock her tf out, I simply didn’t because I had my son with me.
AITA for the way I reacted today…?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wonder if I am the asshole for reacting the way did. I yelled at her and berated her in a crowd. I wonder if I maybe over reacted and over did it by lashing out in public and embarrassing her.
She feels that I am the asshole for freaking out because she told BIL that she was going out and because she is grandma and my son was with her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Uhhhh wtf is your husband doing about this? His mother is a huge AH
You are definitely NTA but you have a huge husband problem. Also, doctors/nurses etc will tell you and her NO kissing an infant. It’s too dangerous. If she can’t respect you as the mother and your basic rules, she shouldn’t be allowed around the child
[deleted]
NTA. You were 100% correct. You’re the mom and she’s repeatedly disrespectful. You threw down some boundaries and she best respect them. Does your husband support you?
NTA-You don’t leave with a baby without informing the parent where you are taking the baby.
NTA — Not even a tiny bit the asshole. Take it from someone with a very awful MIL, cut that off now. Don’t be enamoured of the attention she pays your child because it sounds inappropriate. Someone who cared about her son and his child would respect reasonable boundaries and would never say anything about you to your child. If she starts doing it while they’re an infant it will only increase as they age. We had to completely cut my MIL off after she started telling people I was abusing my husband and child physically, had bipolar personality disorder, and that I was holding my husband hostage with sex. Yes, she actually said all this. To complete strangers, doctors, friends, my husband’s friends. It was an awful time.
> I will preface by saying that I do not like my mil. I have done my absolute best to get along with her and tolerate her selfish entitled bs attitude simply to keep the peace for my husbands sake. She does not like me. She has blatantly stated that she does not like me but doesnt know why – she just doesn’t like me.
Didn’t bother reading through the following wall of text.
Sounds like you don’t like eachother. ESH for not figuring it out by now. Talk to your therapist later, not reddit. Or at least talk to eachother like adults.
Partner goes to therapy and deconstructs mom or this will probably end in divorce. Maternal enmeshment is gross. She doesn’t like you because you’re competition. In her eyes she will always have to one up you and use to you. Good on you for putting that bitch in check. She don’t run your life.
Don’t hit your mil, don’t resort to violence. Getting arrested with your kid is going to cause you more problems than you can imagine and maybe even cost you your marriage.
Im proud of u! Hugs!
nta
and don’t meet up with her again, no matter her reactions, see your comments (that are IMHO very manipulative), do not try, do not open the door if she visits without having beforehand approval, never met her without your husband being there too.
7.5 years putting up with her shenanigans? I’m amazed that you lasted that long. If you had called her out on her attitude in the past a few times, i have no doubt you would have been able to keep a grip on your anger, because telling her off would have allowed the pressure to vent a little, and in each of those times you would have been less terrifying and more polite, while still bejng definite. Not that that would have stopped her attitude. But after so long, it is no wonder you had so much anger built up.
NTA
Your child is not a toy for you to share. I wouldn’t do that with someone’s pet, never mind their children. That’s just stupid.
You said in a comment that your husband always sticks up for you, but you worry that always having to do that is weighing on him. I just find it odd that he still inflicts her on you knowing what she’s going to do. In my opinion, he should be protecting you from it happening at all. Not just telling her off afterwards.
Either way, kidnapping is illegal, and telling someone who isn’t currently in charge of your child’s safety that they’re taking them doesn’t make it legal. It’s even worse that she wasn’t even where she told him she was going to be. She is unhinged.
This is not going to change. Ever
It sounds like grandma needs a long break from baby boy. I saw your comment saying you did this once and she threatened self harm. Please just send the cops for a wellness check instead of giving in with your child, if she’s actually suicidal they’ll put her in a involuntary stay at a mental institution or she’ll admit the truth that’s she’s fine and only trying to manipulate her son and DIL into feeling bad for having boundaries. Either way you ain’t gotta deal with it NTA
Well done. I applaud you. I also suggest you stop playing happy families and have your husband tell his mother that if she can’t respect you, she can’t see her grandson
NTA. Your reaction was proportionate to her behaviour. Personally, I would never leave her alone with the child. At least not until she has earned your trust back.