This is a throwaway account so hopefully she doesn’t see this. I know how the title sounds so please just hear me out so I, 19F, have an older sister, 22F, and she has become overly religious after her boyfriend of 7 years broke up with her and then it got worse when our grandma died a few months later. I get it a lot of traumatic things have happened and we all deal with it in our own ways but still. The main point of contention is that she has basically been shoving her religion down my throat. Every day she asks if I’m gonna go to church with her on wednesday and sunday and even after I tell her no she continues to push. This has caused a lot of tension in our relationship since she doesn’t seem to understand that while she may not still be grieving, something she has stated, I am and she keeps saying that the only way to move on is to pray and get in touch with god (which is something I don’t personally believe in). This has led to many arguments between us because she doesn’t understand how what she is saying is hurting us. Most recently she has obsessed over the idea that she will be closer to god if she gives back to the community by buying food for the homeless (I have nothing against helping people who are homeless just want to point that out) but in the area we live in it’s extremely dangerous to do so. However she continues to spend the money my mom transfers to her account to buy snacks for the homeless when we are already financially stretched thin, due to my college tuition payments. She frequently asks me to make these stops and if I refuse, she gets mad even after I point out how dangerous it is and the fact that she’s spending my moms money without telling her. I recently told my mom about this and she was very upset about it but was really glad I told her. As of late my sister and I get into giant fights and I won’t lie, I’ve yelled at her a few times and her responses are once again about how I should go to church and I would feel better if I did. After all of that context I am asking if I am the asshole for being pissed at her and shouting at her when she basically disregards my feelings about things, only ever talks to me if it’s about religion or how i should be more religious, and never listens if i want to talk with her about something. I also know that I am still grieving and know that I am not in the best place mentally so I don’t know if that’s clouding my judgement or not. This is something I feel really guilty about every time it happens but she just never listens and doesn’t care to actually listen to what I’m trying to say.
tldr: My sister has become ultra religious and has tried multiple times to push me into doing things I don’t want to do and I want to know if I’m the asshole for yelling at her when she does stuff like this.
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This is a throwaway account so hopefully she doesn’t see this. I know how the title sounds so please just hear me out so I, 19F, have an older sister, 22F, and she has become overly religious after her boyfriend of 7 years broke up with her and then it got worse when our grandma died a few months later. I get it a lot of traumatic things have happened and we all deal with it in our own ways but still. The main point of contention is that she has basically been shoving her religion down my throat. Every day she asks if I’m gonna go to church with her on wednesday and sunday and even after I tell her no she continues to push. This has caused a lot of tension in our relationship since she doesn’t seem to understand that while she may not still be grieving, something she has stated, I am and she keeps saying that the only way to move on is to pray and get in touch with god (which is something I don’t personally believe in). This has led to many arguments between us because she doesn’t understand how what she is saying is hurting us. Most recently she has obsessed over the idea that she will be closer to god if she gives back to the community by buying food for the homeless (I have nothing against helping people who are homeless just want to point that out) but in the area we live in it’s extremely dangerous to do so. However she continues to spend the money my mom transfers to her account to buy snacks for the homeless when we are already financially stretched thin, due to my college tuition payments. She frequently asks me to make these stops and if I refuse, she gets mad even after I point out how dangerous it is and the fact that she’s spending my moms money without telling her. I recently told my mom about this and she was very upset about it but was really glad I told her. As of late my sister and I get into giant fights and I won’t lie, I’ve yelled at her a few times and her responses are once again about how I should go to church and I would feel better if I did. After all of that context I am asking if I am the asshole for being pissed at her and shouting at her when she basically disregards my feelings about things, only ever talks to me if it’s about religion or how i should be more religious, and never listens if i want to talk with her about something. I also know that I am still grieving and know that I am not in the best place mentally so I don’t know if that’s clouding my judgement or not. This is something I feel really guilty about every time it happens but she just never listens and doesn’t care to actually listen to what I’m trying to say.
tldr: My sister has become ultra religious and has tried multiple times to push me into doing things I don’t want to do and I want to know if I’m the asshole for yelling at her when she does stuff like this.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> the action i took was yelling at my older sister and i feel like i might be the asshole since we are all kind of grieving and she’s just trying to help in her own way
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH. She sucks for pressuring you to go to church.
But you also seem like you’re trying to control her behavior. It may be that you want her to go back to the way she was, but yelling at her isn’t going to do that. Set your boundaries and avoid her if she keeps crossing them.
NTA. It’s sad to have to say it but with some ultra religious people who just won’t stop shoving their religion down your throat you sometimes have to yell at them to get through their mania. Otherwise they have selective hearing & can/will choose to ignore you when you tell them to stop.
However, be prepared now for your sister complaining that you are “attacking” her because she’s a Christian, and her behaving like a martyr.
NtA she is actively harassing you. Its little wonder you snapped.
NTA. She’s at the age where she should have learned how to take “no” for an answer.
Tensions can get bad after someone dies as different people have different reactions. Just come up with a funny song to sing and a weird dance to do every time she starts harassing you about religion. Break into song and dance every time it comes up and dance out of the room. 💃🫡
My brother is the same, he has opposite political views than I, and enjoys debating them. I’d be happy to discuss politics, but he wants to do it every single time he talks to me in any situation or setting, and even argues against me for fun on things that he actually agrees with me on! I don’t enjoy debates or confrontation. So I’ve started saying straight up, “I’m not going to talk to you about this” and then being evasive and silly and removing myself from the room. It makes him notice how many times he does it, because he claims he never does, and also just gets me out of there without conflict. Likely she WANTS you to keep rejecting her because she feels more pious and holy in comparison. Don’t give her that, just give her zero power and walk away
My son joins me if he feels like coming with me. The Lord wants you to actually desire a relationship with him.it cannot be forced.The sister should be told this and using her own money to help folks. It’s not hard giving away someone else’s money.
snitching to mom makes yta
Your sister is the AH. Shes hiding the fact that she isn’t a good person behind this false morality guided by religion. Good people don’t alienate their family by disrespecting their wishes. Shes over compensating for the short comings she knows she has but will never admit to. Seen it several times before. My friends brother did this and it took him a decade to learn to how respect his friends and family. Hes still just as religious, but he isnt an AH about it anymore.
NTA
My mom is religious and she knows I’m not. However, she never pushed me going to church and I never felt pushed when I would go with her (I live out of state) and visited her for awhile.
Your sister shouldn’t push anything onto you. It’s your decision if you go to church or not. A breakup is not an excuse to hound you.
I am sorry for your losses. Your grandmother and your sister. You sister being lost to a cultish obsession. It’s time to stop the madness and disengage.
NTA, Religion is your choice and should not be forced to other. Your sister was controlling you and did not gave you freedom of choice just because of the religious beliefs that you don’t actually believe.
Your sister using your mother’s property even as a good purposes is theft since your mother has never consented.
It is not your fault, and I believe sadly, it is time to move on with your sister if she never becomes better and be only interested about religion.
Good luck with your sister though, but please only do your sister’s desires when you feel like you should do so.
(My English language skill is bad so please understand! English is my 2nd language)
NTA – any religious person should respect their religion enough to not shove it on others. You said you aren’t into it which should be enough for her to not try to convert you. Respect goes both ways so you should tell her not to ask you about going to church anymore.
Telling your mom was the right thing especially her going to places that’s dangerous. I want you know that grief doesn’t have a timeframe and it also doesn’t have a standard way of grieving.
Grieve as long as you need to without justification. I’m so sorry for your loss and from personal experiences the love that we have for those who have passed away just doesn’t stop the moment they die. It takes time.
NTA.
Been here, people who are ultra religious don’t actually find peace in their faith, they need to “show” people how to be perfect and “good”…and save you.
The only way I’ve found to be effective is to shut this down immediately by getting up and walking away and refusing to engage until they get the point.
If she values you more than her obsession, she’ll get the point.
If she doesn’t, you need to choose distance perhaps.
NTA. This is spiritual abuse. There’s nothing wrong with her being religious or giving back to the community. But what is wrong is that she tries to shove it down your throat and then belittles you when you disagree or say no.
NTA. When she starts up, just walk out of the room without saying a word. Keep doing it every single time.
NTA too many religious folks are pushy about their fandom.
Part of me wants to suggest going to church with her once and doing stuff to embarrass her so much that she won’t ask again, but that’s one of those things that’s just fun to think about and probably wouldn’t get the desired results.