I’ve been on holiday, my best friend of 10 years agreed to look after my cats for me while I was away, calling in every other day and agreeing to feed, water and change litter. They have each other to play with so I thought they’d be fine.
I returned home yesterday and found dirty cat litter everywhere, all over my toilet seat (which I had to bleach before using, as I was bursting when I got home after 10 hours travelling), the shitty litter scoop in the bathroom sink, litter EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere (doorstep, neighbours doorstep, piles of it down the side of litterboxes that hadn’t been put back properly), plants knocked over and put back but dry soil all walked through my carpet, water all over the kitchen floor etc.
The worst was though, both cats were very thirsty, so I checked their water and the one they use most was old and full of flies and the one in the kitchen was dirty and the bowl was slimy. My friend had also left the sharp, empty food tins on the side and my kitten (not a kitten we just call her that) had licked them so much she cut her tongue (small cut). The clean bowls I left out hadn’t been used either so my friend was just refilling food in dirty bowls for 5 days.
I had also left a handwritten note with instructions on top of the electric oven burner and stupidly forgot to switch off the oven at the mains, so I messaged my friend asking her to please turn it off as I didn’t want the cats knocking it on and burning my house down – she didn’t turn the oven off, she didn’t even move the paper.
When I called her to ask why she disrespected my space she said I should have paid someone, so I reminded her I offered to pay her but she refused, she then said she was only there to do the bare minimum and if I wanted more I should have asked someone else. My friend takes care of dogs for people when they are on holiday so I expected her to know how to look after animals and tidy up after herself, to which she told me I should expect a dirty house leaving animals alone for 5 day and if I don’t like it I should get a cleaner. She also told me she was very busy and doing me a favour, (even though she was messaging me yesterday to say she was going out of town to buy hair dye and sent me pics of it on her head – was hairdye more important than her doing what she promised to do?) but even so, I would never treat a friend this way?
I said I am not her client, I am her best friend and would never leave her animals or her house in that state and if she had told me she would only be visiting for 4 minutes (I checked the door cam), I would have found someone else . Then I told her to get fucked and put the phone down.
Now I’m thinking, she DID put food down and she DID put water down and she DID clean the litter trays, just to a very sloppy standard, so maybe I am the ungrateful one?
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I’ve been on holiday, my best friend of 10 years agreed to look after my cats for me while I was away, calling in every other day and agreeing to feed, water and change litter. They have each other to play with so I thought they’d be fine.
I returned home yesterday and found dirty cat litter everywhere, all over my toilet seat (which I had to bleach before using, as I was bursting when I got home after 10 hours travelling), the shitty litter scoop in the bathroom sink, litter EVERYWHERE and I mean everywhere (doorstep, neighbours doorstep, piles of it down the side of litterboxes that hadn’t been put back properly), plants knocked over and put back but dry soil all walked through my carpet, water all over the kitchen floor etc.
The worst was though, both cats were very thirsty, so I checked their water and the one they use most was old and full of flies and the one in the kitchen was dirty and the bowl was slimy. My friend had also left the sharp, empty food tins on the side and my kitten (not a kitten we just call her that) had licked them so much she cut her tongue (small cut). The clean bowls I left out hadn’t been used either so my friend was just refilling food in dirty bowls for 5 days.
I had also left a handwritten note with instructions on top of the electric oven burner and stupidly forgot to switch off the oven at the mains, so I messaged my friend asking her to please turn it off as I didn’t want the cats knocking it on and burning my house down – she didn’t turn the oven off, she didn’t even move the paper.
When I called her to ask why she disrespected my space she said I should have paid someone, so I reminded her I offered to pay her but she refused, she then said she was only there to do the bare minimum and if I wanted more I should have asked someone else. My friend takes care of dogs for people when they are on holiday so I expected her to know how to look after animals and tidy up after herself, to which she told me I should expect a dirty house leaving animals alone for 5 day and if I don’t like it I should get a cleaner. She also told me she was very busy and doing me a favour, (even though she was messaging me yesterday to say she was going out of town to buy hair dye and sent me pics of it on her head – was hairdye more important than her doing what she promised to do?) but even so, I would never treat a friend this way?
I said I am not her client, I am her best friend and would never leave her animals or her house in that state and if she had told me she would only be visiting for 4 minutes (I checked the door cam), I would have found someone else . Then I told her to get fucked and put the phone down.
Now I’m thinking, she DID put food down and she DID put water down and she DID clean the litter trays, just to a very sloppy standard, so maybe I am the ungrateful one?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my friend to get fucked after she looked after my cats but did a bad job. She says she did a good job and I expected too much from her. I think I may be ungrateful
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, and this person would no longer be my friend.
Definitely leave a a bad review on any dog sitting websites and never speak to her again. NTA.
NTA and you should drop this “friend” ASAP. Absolute disrespect from her.
Not the asshole. Your “friend” did less than the bare minimum, then got defensive when called out. This is a classic move of someone who knows they screwed up but would rather gaslight than apologize.
She didn’t “look after” your cats; she kind of existed near them occasionally while they slowly dehydrated and bled on dirty floors. Leaving sharp tins out for pets is next-level careless. And the paper-on-a-live-burner thing? That’s not sloppy, that’s “accidental arsonist” territory.
You’re not ungrateful; you’re baffled that someone you trusted acted like a hungover teenager. You and your cats deserved better.
NTA
I think the gratitude for “bare minimum” was overridden by the maximum damage caused by her bizarre lack of basic respect.
NTA. Like, for 5 days and free, I wouldn’t expect much to be fair. I wouldn’t expect my friends to sweep up the litter by the litterboxes, annoying as it is to come back to.
But:
Leaving the tins? Lucky your cat just got a small cut on her tongue! That’s dangeroous!
Litter scoop in the sink, wtf?? I’m assuming that is not where you leave it yourself.
The water wasn’t being taken care of. Like, at least switch out the dirty water and put some fresh water down.
How sloppy can she be that there was litter all over the toilet seat?? I get some litters are flushable. But you can at least… put the toilet seat up first. And just wipe it quickly with some TP before flushing.
NTA.
This is NOT friend behavior. This isn’t even any kind of okay behavior.
I’m glad your kitties are okay, because this could’ve been much worse.
This girl is actually dangerous and apparently doesn’t give a shit about you or your cats. She made it clear how she feels about you.
Time to block that waste of space and look for better friends. You and your cats deserve so much better.
I’m so sorry this happened to you and your kitties!
This is not how friends treat each other.
This is not how friends treat each other.
This is not how friends treat each other.
This person is not your friend.
Go no contact.
NTA- this person KNOWS better. i would never speak to them again. they’re absolutely gaslighting you. i can’t say the things i want to say about how terrible this person is. they said they’d take care of your animals, and when they caused harm to them through their own negligence, they didn’t bring them to an emergency vet?? i’m raging for you. those poor babies.
JFC. I’m so angry reading this on your and mostly your poor kitties’ behalf. That friend is NO friend and clearly TA. You have done nothing that would even remotely make you one.
I’ve had friends taking care of my cats, and a neighbor, and while they did not clean my apartment (which I never asked for or expected), they took excellent care of my cats and at least roughly swept the floors.
The “bare minimum” she cited imho is a) getting rid of garbage b) providing food AND WATER in clean bowls and c) cleaning the litter boxes. That’s bare minimum cat care. If your friend didn’t want to do “all” that she should never have agreed to watch your cats while you were away.
The worst bit of it is that she didn’t only disappoint you, she actively put your animals in harm’s way. Like, seriously, even if someone I hate asked me to take care of their pet I would not take my feelings out on the pet.
Your friend is a true asshole, and I would really, really reconsider whether you want to call such a person your friend. You and your kitties deserve better!
Edit: Typo
Wow! NTA!! I would have been peeved! That friendship for me, would be done ✅
NTA. Your “friend” abused your cats and harmed them. You are big time under reacting. Cats can die within 24 hrs of no water from irreversible kidney failure, you describe no clean available water. I love my cats and would be going nuclear.
She wasn’t doing you a kindness or favor like watering plants or turning off a light you left on. She agreed to caretaking. She put your cat’s life at risk and, at the very least, distressed your cat with unhygienic practices. This is beyond disrespectful.
NTA. I would cut ties with her immediately for treating your cats this way and also showing you what you mean to her as a friend. That was extremely disrespectful and her lackadaisical attitude is comical. Her priorities are clear and you aren’t on the list. OP, you didn’t overreact – she’s just a trash human.
NTA. Those are you companions! ie your “babies”
She should have cared for them as such. And the disrespect for the cleanliness of your home is atrocious.
Ditch her.
NTA that person is not a friend and obviously should not be left to care for any other sort of living creature.
NTA— how could she?! They are living beings!😞
NTA
I’m so sorry to say this, but you were her friend, she isn’t yours. You deserve better. Also, it’s not your fault that she did this. You had no way of knowing she would be like this with your pets.
NTA. I’ve dog sat for friends for free before. Not only do they come hang out with me the entire time, I make sure that they are fed, watered, exercised, and enriched because they are part of my friend’s families! That is what good friends do. Honestly would drop the friend with that kind of attitude and leave them a bad review on any animal sitting sites because how could anyone do that to an animal??
NTA. And I’m sorry to tell you this, although you really should have figured it out at this point…
>I am her best friend
you might be HERS, but she damned sure isn’t YOURS.
Nta!
A friend of mine looked after my cat for two months while I was away.
She visited morning and night, kept everything spotless and brushed my cat so often she was silky and shiny on return!
And I would do the same for anyone else’s pet.
Your person here is no friend. Cut all contact!
This is NOT your friend. Block and never talk to them again. Sorry about your babies
If my supposed best friend treated my cats that way I would never speak to them again and probably do something that I can’t say on this subreddit. NTA. What a disgusting person to let animals suffer like that.
Wow. NTA, but your “friend” is a huge one.
I would literally tell everyone I know about that unhinged behavior. NTA get fucked was right
NTA she’s NOT your friend. If she has a business page I would leave a review so people can be warned about how she treats animals. No one forced her to look after your cats and she accepted the commitment and then neglected them, it’s disgusting.
Eww. NTA. You treat cats with the same respect you do a dog. And a friend the same you would a client. I bet she’s one of those people who thinks cats don’t need to be looked after because they’re “independent” compared to a dog. Take photos and leave those with reviews on her animal sitting sights. This is not a best friend. A friend would not do this to their friends’ pets.
NTA
This is not a friend let alone best friend. I hope you took pictures because if I were you I put up a review of her and post the pics. And if you had the conversation abt payment over text then put those screen shots in too. I would not want someone like that watching my pets.
A few years ago I was fostering and the cat basically lived on my top floor and wouldn’t come down or go outside. So she had a litter box in the bathroom. I had to go away for a few days and my neighbour, who I barely knew (didn’t even know his name at that point), agreed to look after her. He fed her and my own two cats (they have access to the garden to use as a toilet so he didn’t have to worry abt them), cleaned her litter, and watered them. I came home to my house looking exactly the same way it was when I left. I had specific instructions on how to set the litter box when it needed to be changed and he did it exactly like I asked. And I barely knew this man. Dump that ‘friend’ of yours, they’re a massive AH!
NTA.
If she wasn’t going to do it properly, she shouldn’t have volunteered. She put your kitties in danger and neglected them. What you described is friendship ending imo.
NTA. We asked my best friend to watch our two cats last summer for two weeks. She drove over (35 minutes one way) every single day. She sent photos of our cats every day. We came back to our apartment super clean, happy cats, and a clean litter box. I am so sorry you had a hellish experience.
Are you actually serious? This is NOT a friend.
Horrifying NTA
NTA but she almost certainly flushed litter down your toilet so I want to tell you you won’t be the asshole if you have to take her to small claims court over a plumbing or vet bill either. Don’t block her number, just document well. She is no longer your friend.
Anyone who can fathom doing something like this is unhinged. Your “friend” is not your friend. NTA.
Absolutely NTA.
I would be beyond livid. I left a detailed infosheet for our sitter from Rocer when family took us along on a cruise a while back and was fussed the whole time as we didn’t have reliable contact. She was a live in sitter and went so far as to clean up the house (which I had cleaned for her before we left) for when we got back and stayed late on our last day because of travel issues.
A ‘friend’ leaving my house in such disarray and clearly not caring for their well being would never be in my life again. Comments from my inlaws have already ensured they will never watch our cats. . .something like this would see me cutting them off.
I’d have hurt someone that did that to any of my pets. You’re “friend” is garbage
NTA – This isn’t your friend. She doesn’t respect you… does she even like you?
You are not Her best friend.
Your “friend” is wild asf. I have cared for my friend’s animals before and would have done the basics plus clean up after myself with or without payment. Cause a good friend will do that. NTA. Dump the friend.
Not the asshole, and she’s not a friend.
NTA. I can tell you right now, a squirrel would have taken better care of your animals than she did. No ”friend” treats another friend like that, and especially not their animals. I am so sorry for your poor kitties and I hope they are feeling better soon!
It’s best not to ask friends to take care of your animals when gone from home. Because it’s a business, Professionals will be more likely to do the job as you ask. Hire the professional to do the pet care, but you could ask your friend to check in on the pet. See that what you asked is being done and can give you a report .
NTA
> I am her best friend
No, you’re not. She agreed to help, then treated your animals shabbily. When you held her to account, she doubled down and claimed that her refusal of payment justified performing half-assed job.
I mean, come on OP. You know what happened here — she didn’t check in daily, she didn’t replace their water, she didn’t feel them regularly so they started tearing shit up.
I don’t know why she decided to burn down your friendship over this, but that’s what she did.
Holy shit im so mad on your behalf!! Dont apologize and go no contact!! I hope your babies are fine 🙁
NTA
NTA She refused payment and treated living animals like houseplants. Fuck her. I’d call her out publicly.
This makes me so angry! I hired a girl to come by our house for ONE visit to feed and let my dogs out at bedtime, between 8 and 9. What she didn’t know is the garage opener was app based so I could see when the door was opened and closed. She didn’t show up until almost 11pm and only stayed for 6 minutes. I certainly regretted paying her upfront but I did tell her she is a shitty human when she came back to return the opener. What this ah did is 1000x worse. She probably stole something while she was trashing your home.
NTA this would be friendship ending for me. My best friend knows how important my cat is to me, and in turn to her.
Best friend you say 😂
“Was” your best friend.
NTA- the friend let you down and the cats down. When a conversation was attempted she refused accountability and DARVO’d you.
Friend had the option at any time to be honest and openly communicate, chose not to.
That person is NOT your friend. Wtf, I’d drop her as a friend. A real bestie or even the average respectful person would have done more. Nope, no, and no.
NTA
Here’s how it works:
You have a list of tasks that you need someone to get done for you and you’re willing to pay.
If your friend told you she could not complete all the tasks then that’s fine and you could have gotten someone else.
If your friend wanted payment then you could have paid.
But what your ‘friend’ did was not follow the tasks you needed to have done and then she got mad at you for calling her out.
This is insane behavior to me. I can’t imagine any other situation where this would be remotely acceptable.
Like you need a ride home from the airport and you can call an Uber but your friend offers to get you. You offer to pay them. They refuse payment, they’re doing you a favor. Then they drop you off halfway home, toss your luggage off a bridge, and tell you to figure out the rest of the way there. That they’re doing you a favor so god forbid they’re not perfect.
What the fuck? Either do the favor or don’t. You don’t half ass things you yourself sign up for. The audacity and delusion on her side is astonishing. I would lose all trust in her, her sense of judgment, her morals, and especially our friendship. Holy shit.
I’m glad your pets are okay.
She is not your friend. Please don’t blame yourself.
If she had been putting food down consistently and appropriately, your cat wouldn’t have had to supplement her diet by licking cans that had been dangerously left out. There’s no reason for a water dish to be slimy, either.
I’m so sorry your cats were mistreated, and I’m sorry your best friend of 10 years turned out to be such an irresponsible disappointment.
NTA
No. Dump your friend
Last two times I was on sitting duty, I had left insufficient time to do the task. But in my 5 minute stop I still washed bowls, refilled, including water bowl. The rubbish was thrown away. Admittedly I did not do the litter (but I knew it was done the day before, in both instances).
NTA. I’m so sorry your friend did this to you and your furbabies.
I am more of a dog person than a cat person, but even I would never treat anyone’s cats this way, especially a friend’s. As a dog mom, myself, (my baby passed last year at 18 years old), I know exactly how I would want my furbaby to be cared for while I’m away. I can’t even imagine neglecting someone else’s babies or being so callous in their space.
In fact, my neighbor asked me to take care of her cats while she was away a few times. They were pretty self sufficient, but she asked that I check on them every 2 days during a couple of long trips that she went on.
I stayed about an hour or more, each time I went over. Played and petted the one social kitty and took pictures to send her, and hunted for the one that hid all the time, just to make sure he was okay. Refilled wet food in clean bowls and cleaned the old ones. Refilled, cleaned, and checked water bowls and their fountain. Refilled dried food and put out extra snacks. Dealt with litter boxes. I even brought in packages from her lobby, if she got a notification something had arrived. She didn’t pay me, because I offered it as a favor and as a friend and pet mom myself. My senior dog was far more work. So, it wasn’t hard. But she always brought me a thank you gift signed by the kitties🙊🥰😂
She was always sweet to my dog and I had known her since I had gotten my dog when my girl was 2. My neighbor had had a dog herself that was friends with my girl. We’d been neighbors and friends for over 15 years. We aren’t even BFFs, but jeez how hard is it to have some respect or to give the most basic care for an animal, even those that aren’t your own.
My dog and I used to rescue wild baby animals on our walks, because she always seemed to attract baby animals in need of help. They’d run or hop right up to her. And she was a “big scary” pitbull🥰😂. She was a very good, sweet girl.
Any animal lover should have basic respect or give basic care.
That girl isn’t your friend OP.
Your “friend” hates you and is also a bad person. NTA
NTA, i have 2 cats, was away for a bit and had a family member look after them, left basic instructions and theh went above that, came twice a day to make sure they have plenty of food and water as well as some company. If anything it shows she doesnt care about animals without a paycheck
She didn’t do the minimum (risk reduction, clean water, clean food containers, scooping litter boxes). She neglected your cats and put them at risk.
No, she didn’t get paid, but she could have asked for payment if this was too much work for her. You could have found someone who wouldn’t neglect your cats.
NTA, and for me, that friendship would be over.
NTA!! I would unfriend her and then leave negative reviews for her actual business. That is terrible!!! I’ve had relatives watch my house and my animals for weeks and my house is always just as I left it. Clean. And I didn’t pay them either.
NTA. I didn’t grow up with pets and have very little experience with taking care of them. Last September my gf and her sister went on a trip and were gone for 2 weeks and I offered to check in on their cats. I didn’t accept payment for it, I just asked her to tell me what to do. I went everyday in the morning and at night and did exactly what she asked, in between going to work and taking care of my child. Your friend has experience and knew better. Your pets are living beings who deserve respect. She disrespected you and them with this treatment
NTA at all! This makes me so mad, how can someone care so little. How can someone not give the slightest shit.
I dogsat two dogs and a cat for five days for my best friend, right after i was technically free from covid. I lived at their house with only their tv and streaming services keeping me busy. I wasn’t in my cozy space. I walked the dogs through a forest trail three times a day and let them out an additional time or two. AFTER COVID, i was so exhausted each time. I fed them at specific times and specific ways. I did EVERYTHING and i kept things tidy, i even cleaned the kitchen because i wanted to. I did so much for them and their family because i genuinely love them and wanted to do right by them. I was even doing it for free, just because they’re my best friend!
Their mama did give me some money as payment because she didn’t want me to do it all for free. I accepted of course but i woulda done another week just because. They meal prepped for me so i was a happy camper!
OP you need better friends. I’m not saying a best friend has to go above and beyond, but yours literally trashed your place and let your cats get dehydrated AND injured. You’re all lucky your cat didn’t get worse cuts from the can!