A little back story: my ex husband and I were together for 8 years. My two sons were ultimately adopted by him. He has two daughters that I fell in love with and we were a good family. His ex wife hated me, which I understood due to her daughter’s wanting me over her, though I engaged them to be with her, even when she wasnt around for various reasons. My ex-husbands mother hates me because when we first got together, I made him be his own person and not rely on her. He would literally go over there and have her do his laundry and watch his kids while he did nothing. Again, I understood why she hate me and continued on with our relationship. Well, we split up, and now his mother and ex wife are best friends and when she is around my children, she continues to bash me in front of them. I got a call from my step daughter a couple weeks ago crying that she cant handle what “meme” was saying. This was the last straw for me. Apparently she told my 13 year old son who has a rare tumor disorder and experiences pain, that im lying to him and everyone about his diagnosis and treatment, and that I shouldn’t be allowed to have contact with my own children. I attempted to talk with her to understand the situation and put boundaries down. She replied by saying I lie about everything and she doesnt care what I have to say. I told her I wouldn’t allow my children to be subjected to her type of abuse, and she said that because my ex husband is their dad and pays child support, she can essentially see and do whatever she wants. So, AITA for asking my ex husband to not let his mom see my children? I tried to reconcile with her and only got hate and threats. Ive dealt with her for 10 years in total now and this is the first time ive put my foot down because she actually made two of my children cry due to what shes said. I feel terrible because she is “family”, but my children and I have been through a lot and I dont feel like they deserve to be subjected to that. What should I do if he does allow her to see them if I’ve asked him not to?
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A little back story: my ex husband and I were together for 8 years. My two sons were ultimately adopted by him. He has two daughters that I fell in love with and we were a good family. His ex wife hated me, which I understood due to her daughter’s wanting me over her, though I engaged them to be with her, even when she wasnt around for various reasons. My ex-husbands mother hates me because when we first got together, I made him be his own person and not rely on her. He would literally go over there and have her do his laundry and watch his kids while he did nothing. Again, I understood why she hate me and continued on with our relationship. Well, we split up, and now his mother and ex wife are best friends and when she is around my children, she continues to bash me in front of them. I got a call from my step daughter a couple weeks ago crying that she cant handle what “meme” was saying. This was the last straw for me. Apparently she told my 13 year old son who has a rare tumor disorder and experiences pain, that im lying to him and everyone about his diagnosis and treatment, and that I shouldn’t be allowed to have contact with my own children. I attempted to talk with her to understand the situation and put boundaries down. She replied by saying I lie about everything and she doesnt care what I have to say. I told her I wouldn’t allow my children to be subjected to her type of abuse, and she said that because my ex husband is their dad and pays child support, she can essentially see and do whatever she wants. So, AITA for asking my ex husband to not let his mom see my children? I tried to reconcile with her and only got hate and threats. Ive dealt with her for 10 years in total now and this is the first time ive put my foot down because she actually made two of my children cry due to what shes said. I feel terrible because she is “family”, but my children and I have been through a lot and I dont feel like they deserve to be subjected to that. What should I do if he does allow her to see them if I’ve asked him not to?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I am the asshole because I am holding my children from seeing they grandmother. Their dad and his mom have a great relationship and I would be asking him to not allow the kids to see her because of what shes said about me to them.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Obviously NTA. The rest of this is a legal matter and I hope you get some advice on your custody and guardianship options, and realistic outcomes, soon.
NTA. Might be worth involving the courts.
You’ve tolerated a lot already. The fact that your stepdaughter called you crying says everything. You’re not the only one seeing the damage here. NTA
Please get some legal advice. While your ex is their dad and has rights your kids have the right to not be around this kind of abuse.
Nah you’re not the asshole at all. Protecting your kids from toxic people isn’t drama, it’s basic parenting. Blood doesn’t give her a free pass to be cruel. If your ex won’t back you up, it might be time for legal boundaries too.
Let me get this straight, the kids who are of no biological relation to the grandmother are being subjected to her verbal abuse of you? Why not just take your kids and go your way and let the ex and his kids go their own way?
Get proof of her accusations
Parental solinatiom is a real thing & you should really speak to someone about that.
She is only right in the fact that she can see your kids if your ex allows it. Grandparents have pretty much NO rights at all as long as both or either of the parents is fit and involved. I would take him back to court to have a clause added to your custody agreement that says that no one who is around the kids can speak badly of either parent.
Her a lawyer involved.
Actually you can present evidence to the court and get a restraining order.
Most divorces have a Speak No Evil clause where you may not disparage OR ALLOW OTHERS TOO in the presence of the children…
This is parental alienation and your husband is ALLOWING it. The courts will not take this lightly, especially trying to negate his medical diagnosis. You need to get an attorney today and file for her to be out of their lives and if he is not willing to be taken from him. He is condoning it and co signing her behavior. If he wanted her to stop he would put his foot down or stop contacting her. He is the problem. She is his mouth piece while claiming innocence.
NTA for asking but he has no obligation to agree.
NTA
but depending on custody legal custody arrangements and where you live, there isn’t much you can do.
Going to court can be expensive and take a long time
NTA- Sing it with me now- “just because they say they’re family, don’t mean shit
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clap clap
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It’s no excuse to abuse with words, nope thats not it
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clap clap
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If they say that they are kin, but treat you worse than sin, then it’s time to go no contact, that is that
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Clap clap
💜🕯💜
NTA
Buf you need a lawyer involved immediately. You can’t overrule your ex’s decision to let his mom see them if he adopted and has parental rights
You need a protective order or some method of barring her
Your ex is their adoptive parent, so he has a right to them. Your former MIL has no rights whatsoever. I’d look into getting a restraining order against her because she is being verbally and emotionally abusive to your children.
Go to court and get a restraining order against her. Then it doesn’t matter what he wants, the kids cannot be near her. You might also want to revisit the custody agreement. If he is allowing these kids to be verbally and emotionally abused, he is not a fit father.