My (30 F) sister (28 F) lived with me in my current house over 2 years ago. She since has moved out. She left behind some belongings, one of them was a 40” smart TV that she left mounted to the wall of her old bedroom, which is now my downstairs living room. Me and my partner as well as her son, my nephew (4) use it daily. She has mentioned the TV a few times over the years but never really stressed it. Lately my sister has come into some big financial issues, and needs help. My boyfriend and I help as much as we can. It’s important to note that nobody else in our family will help my sister with money anymore due to her not paying back small debts. Therefore I am really the only person who gives her any financial support. Most recently I bought her an iPhone on marketplace for $200 because hers was broken. I have not asked her to pay me back for this. Also my boyfriend and I constantly buy her groceries, and give her food we buy-but will not eat. Additionally we buy her son special items whenever he comes over for a sleepover.
So the incident happened 2 nights ago. My sister came over during the day to grab some gas money from my cash stash, so she could take her kids to the water park. Absolutely! Come get it.
While in my house she took the liberty to take a photo of the TV she left behind and post it to Facebook marketplace for $100. I was not aware of this. At 7pm that night I get a text from her saying that 2 strangers will be at my home shortly to take the TV and asked me to collect the $100 for her. Mind you. My partner and I were actively watching a movie on that TV.
I. Was . Livid. I called her and gave her a piece of my mind. Called her shady, said she was disrespectful and delusional if she thought that behaviour was acceptable or normal in any way. I said it was bonkers for her to believe she could just do that without talking to me.
She doubled down and reminded me it was her TV and I didn’t have a say. She even went so far as to say I “clearly couldn’t care less about my nephews” and that I was more concerned about my own “convenience”.
Eventually after some back and fourth I had my BF send her $85 and told her we would be keeping the TV. She hasn’t spoken with me since. So I am wondering AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My (30 F) sister (28 F) lived with me in my current house over 2 years ago. She since has moved out. She left behind some belongings, one of them was a 40” smart TV that she left mounted to the wall of her old bedroom, which is now my downstairs living room. Me and my partner as well as her son, my nephew (4) use it daily. She has mentioned the TV a few times over the years but never really stressed it. Lately my sister has come into some big financial issues, and needs help. My boyfriend and I help as much as we can. It’s important to note that nobody else in our family will help my sister with money anymore due to her not paying back small debts. Therefore I am really the only person who gives her any financial support. Most recently I bought her an iPhone on marketplace for $200 because hers was broken. I have not asked her to pay me back for this. Also my boyfriend and I constantly buy her groceries, and give her food we buy-but will not eat. Additionally we buy her son special items whenever he comes over for a sleepover.
So the incident happened 2 nights ago. My sister came over during the day to grab some gas money from my cash stash, so she could take her kids to the water park. Absolutely! Come get it.
While in my house she took the liberty to take a photo of the TV she left behind and post it to Facebook marketplace for $100. I was not aware of this. At 7pm that night I get a text from her saying that 2 strangers will be at my home shortly to take the TV and asked me to collect the $100 for her. Mind you. My partner and I were actively watching a movie on that TV.
I. Was . Livid. I called her and gave her a piece of my mind. Called her shady, said she was disrespectful and delusional if she thought that behaviour was acceptable or normal in any way. I said it was bonkers for her to believe she could just do that without talking to me.
She doubled down and reminded me it was her TV and I didn’t have a say. She even went so far as to say I “clearly couldn’t care less about my nephews” and that I was more concerned about my own “convenience”.
Eventually after some back and fourth I had my BF send her $85 and told her we would be keeping the TV. She hasn’t spoken with me since. So I am wondering AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) k called her shady, and said her behaviour was unacceptable and wrong. Even though the TV was hers.
2) that might make the asshole because she is struggling financially and probably tried to sell the TV out of desperation. But I believe I do enough to help her that she pretty much owes me 10 TVs.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She left it for two years. That’s your TV now.
NTA, but I think you know it’s time to cut her off.
HELL no. NTA. That’s her TV, but it’s your freaking home! She can’t invite people to your house lol. Especially when she ain’t even there. You’re supposed to just let some random strangers into your home?? Like, that’s genuinely what she thought was going to happen?
You gave her 200 bucks for a new phone?
The TV is yours you shouldn’t have paid her anything for it.
NTA.
Can you clarify this:
>Me and my partner as well as her son, my nephew(4) use it daily.
This is the same sister’s kid? So she left one with you along with the TV?
Lot of audacity from someone whose kid you’re graciously raising for her.
NTA, $85 seems a cheap price to pay to never have to be her bank again
Slight YTA.
Here’s the thing. You can do your own accounting regarding what you’ve given her and the value of TV.
Are you technically “in the black” on your accounts with her? Absolutely. She owes you all the money you’ve “lent” her over the years.
But it’s still her TV. She decides what to do with it. Your past decisions around giving/lending money don’t really enter into whether it’s her TV or not. If she bought it, it’s hers.
If I were in your position, I’d give her back the TV, tell her the $85 was a gift, and that is the last gift she will receive. You’re developing strong emotions around this BECAUSE you resent the loans and the gifts.
Wash your hands and become morally clear of the situation, then stop doing things you don’t want to do.
NTA and it sounds like it’s a good thing this leech cut you off. Saves you the trouble. Maybe her time away from you will help her realize just how much you’ve helped her over the years.
NTA. She abandoned the tv when she moved out and left it there. Add up all the money she has had off you over the years and demand she now pay it all back. Stop helping her financially at all.
NTA. It’s her TV to sell yes. That also means it’s on her make the exchange. Not just say “hey the buyer is on the way” without talking to you before hand. If she took it off the wall and you never saw it again that’s totally fine. But inviting strangers your house without talking to you first is way wrong. And also expecting you to take it off the wall and make the exchange without her is crazy.
NTA – stop giving her money!
Actually it’s not her TV. That abandoned property was your TV, and you should habe kept your $85. Though that said, $85 is a fairly reasonable asshole tax in the grand scheme.
She’ll cone crawling back the second she figures out her cash cow – and free babysitter- is drying up. Don’t lose sleep.
2 years? tv was abandoned. you shouldn’t have paid her and just told her to kick rocks.
NTA
NTA and now you know not to bother helping her anymore in the future as she clearly doesn’t even acknowledge it, let alone appreciate it.
NTA, your sister takes cash from your cash stash, gets groceries from you, gets iphone from you, but you cant keep TV and then doesn’t even discuss it with you before posting it. Wow she is shady OP, be happy she ain’t talking to you, change your locks.
Why isn’t she on food stamps and using food pantries?
NTA, OP’s sister abandoned that TV when she moved out of the house over 2 years ago. If sister wanted the TV she needed to remove it from the house within a month or 2 of leaving the house. Sister is shady.
NTA, she sounds like a parasite.
YTA only for continuing to enable your sister. Don’t give her anymore fucking money, Jesus.
Why did you pay her 85? Should’ve paid her 0. You just spent 200 on a cellphone for her plus gas plus groceries, etc. Also, she invited a bunch of strangers to your house without your consent. that’s blatant dis-respect and unsafe. I guess you’ll keep in contact with her for the sake of your nephew, but at this point I’d stop giving her money.
OP. You are NTA. In fact, you are obviously a very decent person. There are many things you could have said and done. You could have said the tv is yours because she abandoned it. You could have said you already paid for it with the phone money. Instead you gave her money you know will help her during a hard time. The world needs more decent people like you.
NTA. It’s her TV but the free lunch is over.
why do so many people just have kids that can’t afford em, she can’t pay for gas but she can pay for kids to go to water parks … go to a lake and save money. yta to yourself for giving money to this clearly addicted person
No, you are not, but it may be a good thing that she is no longer speaking to you! It should save you some money!
NTA. Also, you have to start distancing from her. She’s using you
NTA. Unless you have prevented her from retrieving it, she has abandoned it. Even if it was still legitimately hers, she owes you far more than 100 bucks.
If you don’t want to the TV, sell it and keep the money as a downpayment on her debt.
“Lately..has come into some big financial issues, and needs help.”
That sounds ominous.
Yeah i dont give my address
NTA.
Everyone covered the different aspects of the TV and money. Legally, it’s her tv. You agreed, you say you both communicated about it multiple times but she wasn’t overly stressed about it, etc, so you have already verbally acknowledged to her that it’s her TV. If she just left it without that interaction, it would be abandoned. If she left and you warned her after a while it would be yours, ok. If she was a random tenant, fine. But no, none of that applies here.
Unlike what others say, you paying her for other things does not negate the TV. Paying for her phone is irrelevant to the TV. Not sure why other people here are using that connection.
What is relevant is that regardless who owns it, it’s never ok to send strangers to your home unexpectedly and without permission. You don’t know who she’s selling to. I would say she is also NTA if she had told you she was going to get the TV, and she then took it down and with her to sell at her place.
NTA for saying it’s shady, but YTA for the reason you say it’s shady. She isn’t slighting you by selling her TV. The shady part is not telling you and expecting you to just let strangers come in, look at it, take it down, etc on her behalf.
NOTE that I DO agree that you’ve done more than enough and she’s very entitled. She won’t stop til she gets cut off, because she always has you as a backup. You know what broke people do? They don’t go to the water park. They turn on the hose or go to a free splash pad park. They get SNAP for food. There’s even cell phone assistance. I am on your side in this, but the other forms of assistance you’ve given are separate issues and unrelated to the TV unless discussed beforehand. She’s TA for how it was handled. Heck she’s even TA for selling it at all, though she’s legally fine.
NTA . Stop giving her money!
NTA I would be livid that she had the audacity to give 2 strangers your address and expect you to take care of the transaction. I thought when selling things on marketplace people meet in a neutral location like a police station parking lot.
Stop giving her $.
Going to water park while broke is wild.