I told one of the flotilla participants she should not have joined and needs to leave at the next stop.
She is not handling the stress. She forgets instructions, doesn’t secure gear properly. My backpack went into the sea because of her mistake. Lost a book and sunscreen. Not a big deal, but next time it could be something critical. What if it happens when we are in true danger? She is supposed to be promoting our mission on social media but forgot to bring her laptop. She asked that she could use mine but I cannot trust her to safeguard it.
She missed her night watch. Slept through the alarm. We almost missed a signal. She cries after our meetings twice now (we bunk close together so I know) and panics when things get tense. We all feel pressure, but we need people who stay focused.
Having her on board creates more work. We have to repeat things, check her tasks, calm her down. It’s not sustainable. I told her she should disembark. This mission needs discipline and reliability.
She is not a bad person. Just not ready for this. Better she leaves now before things get serious in my view but she went crying to our ship captain and he reprimanded me because he said it is not my place- she is younger and I should provide support but this is not daycare. Even despite she lost my personal items and my personal safety is at risk if mistakes continue.
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I told one of the flotilla participants she should not have joined and needs to leave at the next stop.
She is not handling the stress. She forgets instructions, doesn’t secure gear properly. My backpack went into the sea because of her mistake. Lost a book and sunscreen. Not a big deal, but next time it could be something critical. What if it happens when we are in true danger? She is supposed to be promoting our mission on social media but forgot to bring her laptop. She asked that she could use mine but I cannot trust her to safeguard it.
She missed her night watch. Slept through the alarm. We almost missed a signal. She cries after our meetings twice now (we bunk close together so I know) and panics when things get tense. We all feel pressure, but we need people who stay focused.
Having her on board creates more work. We have to repeat things, check her tasks, calm her down. It’s not sustainable. I told her she should disembark. This mission needs discipline and reliability.
She is not a bad person. Just not ready for this. Better she leaves now before things get serious in my view but she went crying to our ship captain and he reprimanded me because he said it is not my place- she is younger and I should provide support but this is not daycare. Even despite she lost my personal items and my personal safety is at risk if mistakes continue.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action I took is to tell her she needs to leave
Maybe I am wrong because I am not the captain and HE gets to make the decisions on whether she puts the mission at risk
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
not accusing but how did no one wake her for her watch?
Nta
NAH given what very limited info you gave and your captain’s words. It’s understandable that you’re frustrated with her given that she sounds ill-prepared and somewhat irresponsible (and in her place I’d try to buy you a new book when the opportunity arises).
Saying so, from what I gather she doesn’t have lot of experience (if any) and her role isn’t crucial for this mission. Everyone was a beginner for some time and everyone makes a lot of mistakes while still learning. Also 19-20 (as you said in a comment) is still very young, not yet fully developed person. If she won’t get an opportunity to learn, she’ll never grow.
Do other people also raise their issues with her, or is it only you who actively wants her to disembark?
NTA, if your safety and that of others is at risk, she needs to go. Tell the captain, she is not pulling her weight and creating more work for others, is creating an unsafe situation, and lost your personal items. Maybe it would help if someone else who is having to pick up her slack came with you and also told the captain how things are.
At some point she will become a liability and either she or others will get hurt (and on a boat, this could go bad fast)
Personally, if i really felt unsafe due to her not doing her work/missing things I would tell teh captain, either she leaves or I leave… Being on this boat with her is creating an unsafe situation and I am not risking my own health and safety because she is not doing what she is supposed to do. I’m open to helping people, but she panics at every turn, forgets instructions, does not secure gear and is unable to stay focussed. She is not ready for this mission
YTA. You should have taken it up with the captain and asked them to do it. The captain is right, this is not your place or right. If the captain allows them to remain on board there’s nothing you can do about it. You sound as juvenile and inexperienced as she does, and should probably get off at the next stop too. Assuming the captain doesn’t just toss you off, which is their right as captain.
If it is not your authority to tell someone they should disembark, you should not have told her so. You should have gone to the captain with your complaints instead.
NAH but it seems you should both shape up a bit.
If you don’t have the authority to ask her to leave, then you’ve just created hostility in an already stressful situation. You need to take your (very valid) concerns to the responsible person and make your case so they can make her leave for the safety of everyone else (and also find a solution to replace your lost items, if possible). Minor YTA bc you do have a point, you just haven’t handled this effectively.
YTA
I get the issues, but you should be raising this with the captain/those in charge and letting them deal with these things proactively rather than just giving uour opinion direct to her. Some people do need more help, especially when inexperienced. It’s part of how they learn. It also causes more anxiety when your shipmates are against you. People make mistakes more when anxious.
You don’t mention your ages, but i’m guessing teenage/early twenties at most.
What the actual fuck kind of specific nonsense is this? No offense to you (if it is actually the case), but I don’t believe anyone on the flotilla would take to reddit anonymously rather than talking to the people around them. Sorry you lost a book and sunscreen, but there are much bigger things at hand. It’s almost like people who sign up to protest a genocide in a flotilla assume they’ll have to support each other and not nitpick? Instead of complaining about playing daycare and whatever else?
ESH
I agree that based on what you’re saying, that she is not responsible enough for what amounts to a dangerous job where lack of attention can lead to negative consequences. Where you went wrong was in overstepping your authority and telling her to leave when it really wasn’t your decision to make. Say this was a Wendy’s, she’s a new cashier and you’re on the grill. No matter how many times she messes up the orders you still don’t have the ability to fire her.
You should have brought it up to the captain. I honestly think the captain is making a mistake by keeping her on. Apologize to both parties, and then privately explain to the captain why what you said is actually a good idea.
You’re all asses. Enjoy your sandwiches and flight home.
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She sounds like she’s a danger to everyone’s safety. This isn’t even the dangerous part of the trip and she’s freaking out imagine what she’s gonna do when there’s an emergency
YTA.
If you have a ship captain, that’s where you take your problems and complaints. Nowhere else.
You are a team. You are her teammate. It’s not every man for himself, you’re supposed to be a unit. She’s obviously struggling, so help her gain her footing. Help build her confidence. Support her growth so she can become a better, more secure crewmember. This posture isn’t something that comes from nowhere, it’s built. And if everyone acted like you and told those who found themselves in too deep to just leave instead of grow, how many people do you think you would have left?
You airing this conflict out on the internet is a bad look, and probably the worst thing you could do for the mission as a whole. So, provided this is real and not a fake post intended to damage the flotilla’s public image and weaken their standing on the world stage, I encourage you to read and re-read point 1 until you understand fully that in a unit you praise in public and complainin private. This makes you all look bad, and it makes you specifically look terribly disloyal. If I were your captain and found out you posted this you’d be the one disembarking at the next stop. Delete this and do better.
Ther person in question is clearly a liability and safety concern. She clear can’t handle it and have made you look bad to protect herself.
NTA