Our hot water went out a few weeks ago. I called a plumber and stayed home all day while they replaced the water heater. There is noise when using hot water since the fix. My partner asked if we should call and have them come out to check it. I said I think it’s expected to be this way for a bit based on what the plumber told me but if they want it checked now, could they arrange it. They asked me to give them the phone number. I told them I would just google local Roto Rooter the same way they could.
Already that day I’d done these other tasks, so it triggered me to have to provide a phone number / participate in this task when I feel I’m already doing so much
– scheduled vet appointment for my day off so I can do drop off and pick up
– scheduled gardener for help trimming trees away from roof
– got groceries for the week, cooked, washed all dishes, cleaned kitchen after
– woke up early to start and finish laundry. partner WFH but doesn’t remember to move from washer to dryer and I come home to find wet clothes in washer at end of day.
AITA for refusing to give them the number? It’s easy enough to do. But this is a recurring pattern where they ask me if we should do XYZ, then can’t own the task without me having to schedule/participate in some way. I work away from home from 7:30-6 and they WFH most days, so when I schedule something, I have to figure out how to fit it into their WFH schedule (Idk when they have meetings, when is down time etc); or on my days off (I work 70-80 hrs per week in medicine).
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Our hot water went out a few weeks ago. I called a plumber and stayed home all day while they replaced the water heater. There is noise when using hot water since the fix. My partner asked if we should call and have them come out to check it. I said I think it’s expected to be this way for a bit based on what the plumber told me but if they want it checked now, could they arrange it. They asked me to give them the phone number. I told them I would just google local Roto Rooter the same way they could.
Already that day I’d done these other tasks, so it triggered me to have to provide a phone number / participate in this task when I feel I’m already doing so much
– scheduled vet appointment for my day off so I can do drop off and pick up
– scheduled gardener for help trimming trees away from roof
– got groceries for the week, cooked, washed all dishes, cleaned kitchen after
– woke up early to start and finish laundry. partner WFH but doesn’t remember to move from washer to dryer and I come home to find wet clothes in washer at end of day.
AITA for refusing to give them the number? It’s easy enough to do. But this is a recurring pattern where they ask me if we should do XYZ, then can’t own the task without me having to schedule/participate in some way. I work away from home from 7:30-6 and they WFH most days, so when I schedule something, I have to figure out how to fit it into their WFH schedule (Idk when they have meetings, when is down time etc); or on my days off (I work 70-80 hrs per week in medicine).
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my partner to google the phone number to make an appointment instead of googling it myself and then providing it to them
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. Just give them the number. How hard is that?
YTA
It’s a phone number?
(Are you okay?)
YTA. You wouldn’t Google the number, you’d look in your phone and go to your call history to make sure you’re calling the right number. That’s why your partner asked you for it: Just give your partner the number, it’s not a bit deal. Saying it “triggered” you to have to provide a phone number is laughable
NTA
You are not Google, they should be capable to find the number themselves. And it would probably take them less time, than you googling and telling them.
NTA, they could’ve done the task, same as you. It’s mental labor and I get why you’d be annoyed.
NTA. Sounds like your partner contributes very little and this was just the straw that broke the camels back. Maybe reconsider what this partner brings to the table and why you’re putting up with someone who doesn’t pull their weight.
nta. ppl saying “just tell them” …..just look it up? exact same logic lol. its petty yes but clearly something yall need to acc discuss if you feel what you contribute isnt given back
You reacting that way wasn’t the best. That said, I get what you’re coming from. It’s a teeny tiny thing that feels like a lot bigger than it is because you feel like you take care of most things, so why can’t the adult take on some of the burden. It seems like the bigger problem here is there’s an unequal division of labor.
NTA
There’s a bigger problem here. You’re taking on more of the responsibility for the household and it needs to be addressed. Don’t try to sort things out when you’re upset or angry. You need to sit down with a list of household responsibilities and both partners should agree on an even distribution. Don’t attack or accuse. The blame game won’t help.
Focus on solving the problem together. At the same time, you need to make sure your partner understands that you are overwhelmed.
“The animal needs to go to the vet. What does your schedule look like?”
“Trees are out of control. We need to get the Gardner here. Can you schedule it?”
As for the laundry, stop washing theirs. If you don’t have time to switch your loads, take yours to the cleaners. It’s easier than stressing over it.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp
NTA. He’s gotten used to outsourcing all of the mental and household labor to you and will continue to do so until you put a stop to it, unfortunately.
And yes, I’m pretty confident your partner is a he Correct me if I’m wrong but…I don’t think I am.
NAH. Sounds like your partner is a bit passive and uses hints to try to get you to do a lot of household tasks. If they want the plumber to check, they can call and should be able to obtain the number the same as you. I’m laughing at people thinking you’d review your call history from weeks ago – google is quicker.
I’m the work at home partner in my relationship, so my mind is a bit boggled why you are arranging the majority of these tasks. It seems logical that the person with more scheduling flexibility would do it – or at least the person who was going to be around to meet the contractor would. So if they want the plumber out, they can arrange it.
NTA. You keep doing the work for them, they’ll just weaponize incompetence forever.
YTA for not giving the phone number. It’s so much easier and faster than having to Google it.
NTA. They’re employing weaponised incompetence and expecting you to be their mommy, not their partner.
Problems in this household are much much bigger than a gurgling water heater.
As an individual thing, I’d probably say you should have given them the number of the company that did the work unless you have plumbers over often enough that you have a regular plumber. If it was a recent repair and there is an issue, the installing contractor potentially fixing any issues as part of a callback would be preferable to being charged for a second opinion. If Roto could not make it out and Phil’s Plumbing was next on the list, would you have specifically mentioned you had the other company out? For getting someone out or a second opinion, anyone will do, but this was a potential callback situation.
As a recurring issue, NTA because it sounds like your partner isn’t sharing the load and is instead creating more work for you.
NAH. A lot of this comes down to details. The way that you said it, whether it was reasonable for your partner to know which company (and which specific location) you used, etc.
If you said “it’s the Roto Rooter on Elm St. if you can look it up”, that’s no problem at all.