TLDR: My sister hit, and almost killed, a person with her 2 kids in the car because she was drunk while driving. While in rehab, she contacted her children against court orders and I contacted the rehab and snitched. AITA?
AITA? 3 years ago, my sister was drinking and driving with her 2 kids in the car. She blew twice the legal limit. The person she hit was in a coma for almost 3 weeks, had several injuries including a broken pelvis and brain injury, and was unable to speak anythkng but small sentences for the 3 months following when she came to. My sister went to jail and my husband and I took in her children, several questions asked.
My sister has always made poor choices, from the company she keeps to the way she lives her life. We’ve always loved each other at a distance. Close, but not close.
Anyway, she spent a few months in jail and then was put into a rehabilitation center. Part of her sentence was that she is unable to contact her children, and rightfully so in my opinion. As their caretaker, I could tell that they were extremely traumatized by the whole situation, on top of not being able to see or talk to their mother. I felt for her and them, but she made her bed.
Back to the rehab center…she was given her phone back on certain days. Well, one of those days her kids happened to be at my cousins house staying the night and come to find out, she called them…on FaceTime, no less…more than once. This made me upset because I knew I would have to handle the mommy questions all over again as well as the fact that she isn’t allowed to contact them. For context, when the kids first came to us, they were always crying for and had questions about their mom. Being 2 and 4 at the time, it was hard to explain. This happened a few months after, so they were pretty settled with us and questions about mommy had started to die down.
When I found out, I called her rehabilitation center and I told them “(blank) is contacting her children. According to her court order, she isn’t allowed to” and that was all.
Now, I understand where sibling loyalty should play a part in all this, but I don’t have sympathy for someone, regardless of relation, who could almost end an innocent person’s life because of their poor choices. Also, I feel more of an obligation to protect the children and their mental health and healing than I do to my sister for making, yet another, poor choice. I also understand that “I’m a snitch” idgaf tbh.
Part of the reason I called is because she needs to be held accountable for her actions. Every single other person in my family is on her side. They want her with her children, free, and basically free from consequence because “she made a mistake”…which I understand, but making this kind of mistake almost cost a 19 year old girl her life and shouldn’t be handled with just a slap on the wrist. My sister doesn’t seem remorseful, either. In the beginning, she only was for selfish reasons (i.e. she wanted her to be okay so she didn’t get vehicular manslaughter) but now, she just feels bad about the whole situation, but not any true remorse.
Anyway…everyone else is on her side and I’m just the bitch who wants to see her sister in jail for life. I don’t, I just think the punishment should fit the crime. As you can assume, when the family found out I called the rehab center, the group chat BLEW. UP. Everyone was coming at me saying I was awful, it was a low blow, etc etc. It was, but I think I was justified in my actions. My view is…where does it stop? I do love my sister and I want her to come out of this happy and healthy and HEALED. If everyone in the family is enabling her actions and no one keeps her on the right path…and shes not doing it for herself, how is she ever going to change? Also, seeing as the kids were so young, it was VERY confusing for them to go from living with their mom one day and their aunt the next and not seeing or talking to their mom for 6 months…then suddenly shes on the phone talking to them…then she goes back to jail for 3 years and they can’t talk to her again.
BTW, it was confusing for them and they cried and had so many questions and it broke my fucking heart.
So….AITA?
Comments
NTA. You’re protecting traumatized kids and enforcing a court order. Your family’s enabling could get her in worse trouble.TL;DR: Breaking court orders isn’t a “mistake,” it’s a choice. You did right.
NTA. You’re not just protecting the kids, you’re holding your sister accountable for her actions when no one else will. The fact that she contacted them despite the court order shows she’s still making selfish choices instead of prioritizing their well-being. Your family enabling her won’t help her heal or change, but enforcing consequences might. You did what was best for the children, and that’s what matters most.
NTA you’re trying to protect the kids and the rest of your family shouldn’t be enabling her. She almost killed someone and her kids and she needs to realize the consequences of that. I would have contacted the court that sentenced her as well
NTA. When someone is in rehab or fighting addiction, it’s important for family and other close people to have tough love. That means supporting the person but letting them know that their actions are causing pain. It also means NOT letting them have their way and giving them what they want. Might seem harsh sure, but being harsh is ultimately what is good for the person in the long run. Acting like your other family members is detrimental and takes away the purpose of the court order and the rehab. Your family needs to understand this. This is why psychoeducation is so important for family members in cases like this.
NTA, your sister is an adult and made choices, the kids didn’t make these choices and need to be protected.
Definite NTA. Not only did she almost kill an innocent teen, but she could just have just as easily killer her kids. She put their lives at risk and thus she forfeited her right to be their caretaker. Yes she’s mom and one day maybe they can start up a relationship, but these are highly traumatized little children who are so lucky their own mother didn’t kill them. Your responsibility is to these kids, not your sister.
NTA. Children can get retraumatized by this crap she pulled. They don’t understand the passage of time, so it’s not fair to yank on their heartstrings by awakening their longing and feeding them misleading promises.
NTA. If you family keeps coddling your sister, she will never learn her lesson and she will very likely kill someone, or even her own children. What a mess she is. You were right to let the rehab folks know that she blatantly disregarded the “no phone calls” order. She traumatized her children right when they were settling into a comfortable routine. What an AH she is.
NTA. If the kids were in the car with her, then she could have killed the kids too. You are doing what’s best for the kids and your sister is unfortunately a danger to them as long as she drinks. She needs to at least prove she can get sober and turn her life around before she can have contact with them in any way. As long as the family enables her, she won’t ever change and the next time she hits someone, they may not survive. Maybe just remove yourself from the family for a bit, but ask them if your sister would still only have made a “mistake” had her kids died in the accident?
NTA.