Me and my partner (mid 20s~ both) are currently on vacation.
We have gone to a house he has so we wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel.
He told me his parents, grandparents and cousin would be there but he told me we wouldn’t be bothered by them at all. I agreed and decided to go.
We took the car and went. On the first day, we had just arrived. We spent time with the parents, grandparents and the little cousin. Everything was okay, I figured since we had just arrived it was okay.
The next day came. We spent the full day with his parents and his little cousin, who was chasing me around all day and didn’t give me a moment of peace from the moment I woke up til 23:30(11:30pm) at night.
I went to bed that night, and I couldn’t sleep. The bed caused me extreme pain and I hardly got an hour of sleep. I told him this the next day, and he told me he couldn’t sleep either.
This is the third day. We spent most of the third day together at a beach, went for food and then we got back. As soon as we got back, it was again, us along with his parents his grandparents and the little cousin until almost midnight. (Keep in mind the walls are paper thin, and we can’t even whisper, so we couldn’t do anything on our supposed together vacation).
I couldn’t sleep all night, I fell asleep around 10 am, and woke up at 1 pm. When I woke up, there were guests in the house, there was a whole table being set and they had prepared food.
They’d told me they wanted to cook meat today for the 15th of August but I didn’t expect a full blown gathering.
I got out of bed, fixed myself and went to the table. Now, I guess it would matter to say, I am not good with people, especially when I’ve just woken up. I sat for like 30 minutes at the table, went to the kitchen, went back, sat for another 20, and then I said I had to use the bathroom and left.
I sat in the bathroom for 50 minutes on the floor. I was so exhausted I fell asleep against the wall.
I also have HEDs, so my body was hurting everywhere from the bed, especially my back and waist.
Once I saw my partner, I told him I found another nice destination only two hours from our spot. I told him I’d pay for our hotel and that I want to leave. I told him I am overwhelmed from all the people, I am exhausted from the lack of sleep, and I want an actual vacation with him, not him + family.
My partner agreed at first.
Then he went to talk with his mom.
After he had this conversation with her he became negative, started blaming me, telling me it’s my fault I’m like this and can’t handle people.
I told him that he himself had said we would have a vacation together, not me + him + his family. I offered for us to stay at one of my own houses, and offered to pay for a hotel nearby. He refused to talk to me and told me to leave him alone.
I did and now I’m wondering what the issue truly is.
AITAH? Am I too sensitive?
Update: My partner had been having a long conversation with his mother in the time he asked to be left alone.
He got into an argument with her for insulting me, and he told me we will be leaving tomorrow.
He is upset the vacation is ruined and partially blames it on my inability to handle social situations for long, but he said we will continue it in a different house.
I feel bad that him and his mother ended up arguing, but he told me it’s okay and that she’s irrelevant.
Thank you all for supporting me, and giving me all this feedback, I really needed to hear it. đ¤đ¤
I will stay here tonight, and tomorrow both me and him will leave to continue our vacation elsewhere! đ
Comments
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Me and my partner (mid 20s~ both) are currently on vacation.
We have gone to a house he has so we wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel.
He told me his parents, grandparents and cousin would be there but he told me we wouldn’t be bothered by them at all. I agreed and decided to go.
We took the car and went. On the first day, we had just arrived. We spent time with the parents, grandparents and the little cousin. Everything was okay, I figured since we had just arrived it was okay.
The next day came. We spent the full day with his parents and his little cousin, who was chasing me around all day and didn’t give me a moment of peace from the moment I woke up til 23:30(11:30pm) at night.
I went to bed that night, and I couldn’t sleep. The bed caused me extreme pain and I hardly got an hour of sleep. I told him this the next day, and he told me he couldn’t sleep either.
This is the third day. We spent most of the third day together at a beach, went for food and then we got back. As soon as we got back, it was again, us along with his parents his grandparents and the little cousin until almost midnight. (Keep in mind the walls are paper thin, and we can’t even whisper, so we couldn’t do anything on our supposed together vacation).
I couldn’t sleep all night, I fell asleep around 10 am, and woke up at 1 pm. When I woke up, there were guests in the house, there was a whole table being set and they had prepared food.
They’d told me they wanted to cook meat today for the 15th of August but I didn’t expect a full blown gathering.
I got out of bed, fixed myself and went to the table. Now, I guess it would matter to say, I am not good with people, especially when I’ve just woken up. I sat for like 30 minutes at the table, went to the kitchen, went back, sat for another 20, and then I said I had to use the bathroom and left.
I sat in the bathroom for 50 minutes on the floor. I was so exhausted I fell asleep against the wall.
I also have HEDs, so my body was hurting everywhere from the bed, especially my back and waist.
Once I saw my partner, I told him I found another nice destination only two hours from our spot. I told him I’d pay for our hotel and that I want to leave. I told him I am overwhelmed from all the people, I am exhausted from the lack of sleep, and I want an actual vacation with him, not him + family.
My partner agreed at first.
Then he went to talk with his mom.
After he had this conversation with her he became negative, started blaming me, telling me it’s my fault I’m like this and can’t handle people.
I told him that he himself had said we would have a vacation together, not me + him + his family. I offered for us to stay at one of my own houses, and offered to pay for a hotel nearby. He refused to talk to me and told me to leave him alone.
I did and now I’m wondering what the issue truly is.
AITAH? Am I too sensitive?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I asked to leave the vacation house
2) I offered to pay for the hotel, but my partner still wasn’t happy. Me asking to leave might be what makes me the asshole since this is what he wanted to do for a vacation.
I may be an asshole because maybe I should’ve just toughened it out and not asked to leave.
My partner thinks I’m the asshole because I ruined the vacation. I think I’m not because I wanted to just find something else to do.
I need a third person opinion
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
What you are describing doesn’t sound like a vacation.
It sounds like ‘let’s go visit with my family for a week’.
These are 2 very different things, at least to me.
I’ve found that my happiness has A LOT to do with my expectations.
You… expected a ‘vacation’; mostly just you and your husband. This expectation was built upon what you wanted AND what your husband said you should expect.
What you got was a week visiting with his family.
NTA
I would have been out of there like shit off a shovel.
Heading out to a nearby hotel and spending a few days alone together was okay until your boyfriend asked his mommy?! I think you have bigger problems than a vacation from hell.
OP NTA. I’d leave, without him, and go where I could sleep in comfort and peace, enjoy the rest of my vacation. When it’s time to go back, have a serious think if I want to be with someone who cannot make his OWN decisions and needs his mama to decide for him, if I want to be with someone who disrespects me, my needs, and insults me for wanting to be able to sleep comfortably! He sounds insufferable, IMO, so if it were me, I’d leave both him & the vacation. Good luck OP.
NTA.Sounds like you have a husband issue. You need to get out of there for your own health. If he wants to stay let him, take the car to the hotel and commute back and forth. Maybe that will be a wake-up call for him to figure out who the main woman is in his life, you or his mom. Good luck!
NTA. You wanted a vacation with you and your husband. You were told you were getting a vacation with you and your husband. You are not having a vacation with you and your husband. You are having a family get together. Even without the crappy bed this is not what you agreed to.
You need to explain all this to your husband and set boundaries and consequences if they are not respected. You clearly need some time to rest and rejuvenate and to you that means just the two of you and a decent amount of restful sleep. If he canât respect that, then maybe go stay alone at a hotel and pick him up when you are ready to go home. If he canât respect that he can enjoy his family and you can get some of what you need.
Time to leave him with his family. It seems that he’s not concerned with you enjoying YOUR vacation.
NTA but don’t ever let him talk you into vacationing somewhere where his family is also vacationing. Lesson learned.
NTA
Your husband agreed until he talked to his mother, is this a more common occurrence? He goes to talk to his mom about a decision you make together and then mommy dearest says something opposite, blames you, and then he changes his tune ?
Even if it’s not a common occurrence he must have very much framed it as “she wants to leave” my question is, why does his mom need to know that at all ? Couldn’t he in support of you simply have said “neither of us can sleep in this bed it’s horrible I’m renting a hotel see you later ma?”
I’m getting major mommys boy energy, and certainly not supportive husband vibe.
NTA. Your partner gave you false expectations of what you were walking into. Neither of you have been getting any sleep and are completely exhausted. The fact that they obviously are not taking your feelings into account is completely inconsiderate on their part.
Ya’ll need to have a serious discussion without family around, and he needs to learn to stand up to his “Mommy”. It shouldn’t be that hard for him to tell his mom that you 2 need a little alone time on this vacation as well.
Ew NTA. Let him stay with mommy since she makes all his decisions anyways and go enjoy the rest of your vacation
ESH. What did you expect, going into a shared house with his family? It’s not a couple’s vacation, it’s a family vacation. That said, he lied to you about doing your own thing, which is crappy, and is being immature about you being legitimately upset about it. Maybe next time plan something for the two of you, or maybe even separate vacations.
NTA leave and then break up with him
NTA. Unfortunately you got yourself into a situation you didn’t expect. You’ve been patient to endure quite a bit and now it is time to have the vacation you’d anticipated. Sounds like your partner is not able to stand up for you before his mother. I’d say his lack of empathy and concern for your happiness is concerning, at the least.
NTA but I don’t think the husband is one either.
Honestly, this sounds like a “Latino vacation”, whenever my parents would tell me and my little sisters “we’re going on vacation to Mexico/out of state” as a kid, we all knew that was code for “we’re visiting family and maybe doing a fun thing or two in between”. So much so sometimes when our parents would say “vacation” me and my sisters would groan and be like “I don’t want to gooooo” like teens often do.
If I had a wife and she wanted to “vacation” in the same area as her family, I would automatically assume “yeah, so we’re mostly just visiting family, got it” just from how I was raised with a different meaning of the word vacation đ¤Ł
NTA, go to the hotel yourself if he won’t go with you. Also, you have a partner problem if all it takes is a convo with his mother to change his mind off of what you need for your health and happiness.
Leave. Go rest up somewhere nice.
Info: Have you been to the house before? In what size and type of house would you expect no communication with his family?
NTA. Your partner is belittling you for something he greasy knew about you. That doesnât sound like a vacation at all. You got to babysit the cousin and then made to feel bad that you wanted an actual vacation. Go vacation on your own and really look at how youâre treated in this relationship.
Updateme
ESH here. I think most people would rightly assume that going to a shared house with multiple extended family members would mean spending time with them. Iâm a bit confused why you didnât see this coming???
You describe multiple days of understandably overwhelming interactions with his family, but did you ever stop to tell him immediately âhey i wasnât quite expecting this situation and Iâm feeling overwhelmedâ. No you waited until it built up and came to a headâŚ.steps could have been taken to avoid this had you been more upfront about how you were feeling.
Your partners reaction was odd and very mommyâs boy of him. You both need to work on yourselves and your ability to handle uncomfortable situations in a mature way.
NTA
NTA, if your vacation is torture it’s not a vacation. Leaving might be the wrong move, I’m not entirely sure, depending on details, but it’s not an a-hole move even if it’s the wrong call.
But…
More important than “How do you deal with the situation today” is “How do you prevent it form happening again?”
Having a single vacation from hell is one thing… having that be the norm for as long as you and your partner are together is an entirely different proposition.
Its one thing for you and your partner (and your partner’s family) to have a disagreement on how to deal with this when you’re already in the middle of it. It’s another if the next time you’re planning a vacation they thinks this is all acceptable, and you do not.
Like, you just might not be able to vacation with their extended family ever again, and you need to talk about that.