My son and DIL are about to have their 7th baby. My husband and I bought the stuff our DIL requested, a bassinet, stroller, car seat, and clothes which amounted to over $1000,00. It made my husband and I upset as it was financially hard on us to provide all of that. We feel we were more than generous, and we’re frustrated about how they often ask us for money and other things. They had their youngest 18 months ago (they average a new baby every year or two) so they should already have, other than a car seat, most of what they need. Well, tonight, I got another text message from my DIL, requesting a $60.00 breast feeding gift set, and I don’t want to buy it. I feel that we’ve already spent more than enough. I had already bought gifts for after the baby is born–it’s due in a week. Would I be an ass for saying no? I’m already feeling guilty.
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My son and DIL are about to have their 7th baby. My husband and I bought the stuff our DIL requested, a bassinet, stroller, car seat, and clothes which amounted to over $1000,00. It made my husband and I upset as it was financially hard on us to provide all of that. We feel we were more than generous, and we’re frustrated about how they often ask us for money and other things. They had their youngest 18 months ago (they average a new baby every year or two) so they should already have, other than a car seat, most of what they need. Well, tonight, I got another text message from my DIL, requesting a $60.00 breast feeding gift set, and I don’t want to buy it. I feel that we’ve already spent more than enough. I had already bought gifts for after the baby is born–it’s due in a week. Would I be an ass for saying no? I’m already feeling guilty.
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> I might be the asshole for refusing to buy a requested gift. The gift might be needed.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. As someone who is the oldest sibling of 11. My mom stop having baby showers after baby 3. It was no longer needed. She should be keeping these items after each kid. My guess is they sell them for the money. I would say unfortunately you have already spent $1000 on items and you can no longer afford to send anymore as you have your own bills and such to pay for. After 6 other children she should already have the necessary items for the baby if not that’s on them. If they can’t afford to have the kids they should not be having them.
lol why are you feeling guilty, if they wanted to have this many kids they need to have a plan to afford it. You are not responsible for your children‘s children, outside of being a caring support system. NTA But stop giving them any money at all
NTA, don’t buy them any more baby stuff. They are financially irresponsible if they are having that many kids and not keeping items from the last one. Are they going to buy totally new toys and clothes for each kid? Idk how people expect to bank roll that sort of thing. Stop helping them and they will have to figure it out for them selves and be more responsible with the children’s items.
NTA. Also, what’s a breast feeding gift set? She’s already got the essentials for that 🙂
Nta. With 6 kids, they should have most of that stuff already! If they can’t afford the things they need, they have no business having more kids and it is NOT your responsibility to buy anything!! You can gift them things on your terms but they shouldn’t be requesting anything. It’s their job to provide for the children they choose to have!
NTA are they on wic? If so in some states they give out breast pumps and other items
NTA,nobody gets baby stuff after the second and CERTAINLY not after the third, they’re selling the stuff you get them. Don’t buy any more, they don’t need it.
NTA. Now she (or both of them) are just looking for things for you to buy them.
NTA, do they have a drug problem? Are they selling it all for money?
Why on earth did you buy everything else?
What even are the parents providing for their own kid? You’ve bought all the big ticket items. Buying just one of those things is more than generous. Have you asked where all the previous items they originally had from the previous kids have ended up?
NTA, but seriously stop subsidizing your kids being parents. They need to step up or you will be TA but to yourselves.
You don’t owe an explanation, no is a complete sentence.
NTA. What? I didn’t even buy anything for my second baby, and certainly didn’t ask for anyone to buy us anything. 7 kids!?!? I can’t imagine they need any new stuff, they sound greedy and/or dumb.
NTA. They need to stop having babies if they cannot buy everything they need themselves
NTA
I really don’t understand why you said yes to all of the other things. You can say no.
Did you ever consider that subsidizing their breeding enabled more breeding?
Where are the DIL’s parents? NTA.
A “breastfeeding kit”? She ASKED for a breastfeeding kit by text? She’s already had 6 kids and doesn’t need a kit.
Stop buying stuff for her. You already did that.
Anyway NTA.
Buy them a packet of condoms or hand over a pamphlet for local family planning clinic. Not your circus, so not your monkeys..
Nta. clearly, your son needs another birds and bees lecture, along with a heads up you will not subsidize any more grandkids.
NTA. As a DIL who just had her first child, I was grateful when my MIL bought our car seat/stroller combo. I didn’t expect anything else and I didn’t ask for any more. Please don’t buy her anything else, it’s crazy she’s asking for more stuff after 7 kids.
IMO, after this many kids (and really after 2 kids), you don’t need to buy anything for them. Gifts for the kids (clothes – though really this is also for the parents), book and toys that they’ll enjoy are what I’d be “expecting” from grandparents. I was grateful anyone bought me stuff for my second kid. And even that was only because we currently live in a Brooklyn apartment with limited space so I couldn’t keep everything from the first kid.
Of course, this is my American point of view, I’m not sure what your culture is but expecting grandparents to subsidize 7 kids seems unreasonable to me. NTA.
NTA what happen to the stroller and bassinet from the first 6 kids? i get car seats can expire but the other stuff doesn’t.
Also note to self- call my mom in morning and ask her to buy baby stuff. Can’t have baby number three slumming it with used stuff.
Oh my word, but she isn’t buying it.
7th baby? Surely they have enough hand me down, how selfish can you get. Yikes. Just tell her no. Someone apparently needs to. Are you not worried about how your son can afford to house and feed 7 babies?
NTA Tell your son that the next gift you’re buying him is a vasectomy.
Tell them if they pay your power bill, car payment ???? That you’ll buy her a ‘breast feeding gift set’. 6 kids already she should steady have breast feeding figured out.
What is a breastfeeding gift set????? She has boobs, she has baby, what else could possibly be needed????
About 80% of the crap in the baby department today is not needed.
Enough is enough.Stand your ground.
NTA.
Nope. Stop buying them all that stuff.
You’re NTA but you are a doormat. Stop letting them walk all over you. You can say no. You are choosing to say yes.
Is this a joke? 1k on baby stuff when it’s their 7th. I wouldn’t buy her anything else more
Send them a brochure for a vasectomy.
Are they planning to buy anything for this kid that THEY decided to have?
Your son needs to tie a knot in his pecker if they can’t afford more kids.
There is no way they need all this if this is their 7th baby and they have them this often. I just had my second and my kids are 2.5yr apart. I only needed the second seat kit to make my stroller a double, diapers, infant meds, diaper cream. Already had the car seat from my daughter, the bassinet, the carrier, the swing. DIL sounds very greedy. “No” is a complete sentence and I suggest you start using it with her.
NTA. At this point you’re only enabling them.
Of course you’re NTA for saying no. But, you’ve been trained to be the provider of all things. And, you’ve trained them that you will simply get them anything they ask for. They don’t even need to speak with you, they just send a text. You’re all enmeshed into a system that’s developed and it’s probably going to be very uncomfortable to untangle yourselves. You’re probably going to have to word your response/ denial very carefully. I’d keep my replies about myself rather than about them. I’d probably simply say that I’m not able to make any more purchases right now. Then drop it. I wouldn’t offer excuses or explanations, just that I’m not able to make any purchases right now. It’s probably going to be a painful growth experience for everyone.
They are using you . Don’t give them another dime or gift .
They shouldn’t need anything at kid 7 they should have everything but diapers to roll over . You shouldn’t have to fund their family .
NTA, tell your DIL you’ll pay for a vasectomy instead.
The best present ever.
NTA. Someone should explain to them that they don’t have to have a litter of children.