I (34F) have a sister (37F) who just recently got engaged in February. My sister and I have never been close growing up, to the point where this summer we went no contact after another argument. My partner and I will have been married 3 years this August, and after my partner proposed my sister messaged me saying she did not want to be involved in the wedding or even hear about wedding plans. Although hurtful I complied, and now that she is getting married she has begun to make contact again. Today while talking to my mother she mentioned that my sister had said she wants to wear my wedding veil. I told her that was okay as long as I could give it to her with a box stating “something borrowed” as I have already offered it to two other friends with upcoming weddings. Then my mother informs me my sister and her partner are getting married the weekend of my and my partners wedding anniversary, that they are booking the same photographer, that she wants her photos taken in the same location as mine- and then asked if my sister could wear my dress (which she would have to have fitted so it would never be my dress again). I expressed to my mother I wasn’t sure about using my dress and how I wanted to keep it. However, my father chimed in to the phone call saying I should “just give it to her”. AITA if I say no?
[TL/DR – My older sister plans to get married on my anniversary weekend, wear my dress and veil, and take pictures at the same location as I did. AITA to say she can’t wear my dress?]
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I (34F) have a sister (37F) who just recently got engaged in February. My sister and I have never been close growing up, to the point where this summer we went no contact after another argument. My partner and I will have been married 3 years this August, and after my partner proposed my sister messaged me saying she did not want to be involved in the wedding or even hear about wedding plans. Although hurtful I complied, and now that she is getting married she has begun to make contact again. Today while talking to my mother she mentioned that my sister had said she wants to wear my wedding veil. I told her that was okay as long as I could give it to her with a box stating “something borrowed” as I have already offered it to two other friends with upcoming weddings. Then my mother informs me my sister and her partner are getting married the weekend of my and my partners wedding anniversary, that they are booking the same photographer, that she wants her photos taken in the same location as mine- and then asked if my sister could wear my dress (which she would have to have fitted so it would never be my dress again). I expressed to my mother I wasn’t sure about using my dress and how I wanted to keep it. However, my father chimed in to the phone call saying I should “just give it to her”. AITA if I say no?
[TL/DR – My older sister plans to get married on my anniversary weekend, wear my dress and veil, and take pictures at the same location as I did. AITA to say she can’t wear my dress?]
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> IMBTA as I might tell my sister she cannot wear my wedding dress to her wedding even though she wants to.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA…what? This sister who wanted nothing to do with your wedding, did not attend now not only wants your veil, but your dress as well and us basically mirroring your wedding? Just tell her no to everything. You have gone no contact. Keep it that way. The only reason there is contact now is because she wants something from you.
Your sister wants your life and a dress for free
NTA. And store the dress at a trusted friend’s house so your mother doesn’t somehow come into your house and take it. It’s your dress. You deserve to keep it.
NTA.
The dress is yours. You have no obligation to let her borrow it for her wedding, especially considering she would need to have it altered to wear it.
If you’re feeling generous, tell your mother that your sister can borrow your veil. (But you shouldn’t feel obligated to do this either.) Tell your mother your sister will need to find her own dress.
NTA. That is YOUR dress. You can’t stop her from using the same photographer, booking the venue, sane date, etc but you can sure as hell tell her to get her own dress.
What’s she going to want next, your husband ?
NTA – I don’t understand why your sister is trying to replicate your wedding. I have to be honest, I wouldn’t even let her borrow the veil. Especially considering she wanted nothing to do with your wedding. Which makes the whole thing even more bizarre considering she’s copying you right down to the date or weekend of your wedding anniversary. This is weird.
You’re NTA and your sister’s behavior is weird enough to make a Lifetime B-movie of the week plot outline.
>However, my father chimed in to the phone call saying I should “just give it to her”.
Let me guess, he went on to say “to keep the peace.”
NTA.
And honestly, your sister sounds little bit insane to be copying basically everything she can about your wedding. It would already be weird to do so many things the same even if you were close, but the fact that she didn’t want to be involved in your wedding or hear about it and you’ve been pretty low contact makes this insane.
NTA
That is such an unusual request, especially coming from an estranged sister who now, when she wants something from you, is making attempts at being back in your life (she will be AWOL again once she no longer needs anything from you).
All of this sounds mega creepy, she’s clearly trying to copy your wedding.
Don’t even lend her the veil, you’ll never get it back. Definitely don’t hand over the dress. “This is my wedding dress, which I spent months hunting for and designing and making adjustments with my seamstress. This is a very personal garment with so many dear memories. I just don’t want anyone else to wear it let alone make alterations to it. I told you I already promised the veil to friends, and I’m not convinved you’ll give it back to me after the wedding or that it won’t be altered or damaged, so I’m not going to lend the veil to you either. Enjoy wedding planning, but please leave me out of it as it’s clear you wanted nothing to do with my wedding, so I don’t know why you are now asking for my involvement in yours.”
NTA! Why do people ask for the dress?! What if you want to pass it on to your future child?!
Why are you loaning anything to someone your no contact with?
No to the veil, no to the dress, no, you won’t be at the wedding.
No, you don’t give a damn, and if your parents are upset about it – well, you already knew they were like this.
Why would you lend your dress or your veil to someone you don’t even speak to? This makes zero sense to me.
NTA personally if I went to a wedding with this much stolen shit, I would think the bride is a loser. Why does she want to embarrass herself like this..?
NTA but a question: who paid for your wedding? The dress?
Either way, I concur with others. Move items to a trusted friend’s house and say “no”.
NTA
Your wedding dress is yours, to keep and preserve for yourself, or to give away to someone else, if that’s what you want to do.
It’s very telling that your sister and you haven’t been in contact for what sounds like several months, and it’s only now that she wants to borrow your veil (at first), and now wants the entire dress (as of now), knowing that you will never have it for your own souvenier of your own wedding again if you give it to her.
Your father’s opinion is his own, and he is entitled to it. Keep in mind, however, that most men rent tuxedos to be married in, clothing that has been worn by probably dozens and dozens of other men before and after them. They don’t feel the same way about wedding clothing that women do.
It sounds like your sister, by using the same venue as yours, wearing your veil and dress, and on your anniversary as well, is trying to hijack your memories of your wedding; the photos of all that will complete the deal. Why would she do that? It sounds like she is very jealous/envious of what you and your husband have and your own wedding, and want’s to take those memories away from you for some reason. It’s sounds malicious and spiteful to me, dressed up in words that sound like she’s making nice but really isn’t. She has the choice of any other date, almost any other venue, and getting her own dress and veil.
If you aren’t completely comfortable with all that she’s doing, don’t loan or give her anything at all. These are your memories, your wedding, your dress, yours and your husband’s. Don’t let her horn in on that.
YTA for posting yet another “the most horrible woman I’ve ever known, who kicks both puppies AND kittens, wants to borrow my $1 million wedding gown” story. Should I let her?
NTA. It’s your dress, and if I were you, I’d resent my parents advocating for it. On the one hand, you’ll never wear it again, so why not? On the other, your sister was totally rude about your wedding, and you’ve gone as far as to let her use your veil, so you’re already being plenty generous.
NTA No veil! Absolutely NO dress! And go back to No Contact. Your sister is being super weird.
NTA. your sister seems like she is upset that her younger sister got married first and she basically wants to copy your whole wedding as some weird power play
NTA, they are cheap and creepy and frankly, I’d say that. Also, send the dress and veil somewhere parents won’t guess for safe keeping.
okay, NTA, you know why.. dont let her have the dress OR the veil tbh, I would honestly cut contact but thats your choice… blah blah whatever, but girl 3 whole people want your veil??? Can you drop a pic or a link 👀?! How beautiful is this thing!
>I expressed to my mother I wasn’t sure about using my dress and how I wanted to keep it.
You are sure. You don’t want to loan it. No is a complete sentence.
If you loan the veil you won’t get it back.
NTA but grow a backbone.
No means NO. Just say it.
Hide your stuff!
She’s not even asking you herself… NTA.
NTA. No to ALL that bullshit. She’s pushing 40 and should be able to buy her own shit.
NTA. She has a lot of nerve asking this if you. Tell dad to buy her one.
NTA, Hard no. Unsubscribe from her wedding conversations the way she did yours and just tell her and your parents she already has enough from your wedding. She can’t have more.
There is genuinely no reason to even consider this. Let them be mad.
NTA, and no is a complete sentence.
No. Tell your dad to “just give her” a new wedding dress.
NTA, It’s your wedding dress. You paid for it. When people call you up only when they want something, you can deny the favor with a clear conscience.
You could offer to let her buy it for twice what you paid, cash up front, because you KNOW that gown isn’t coming back in good condition.
NTA. Don’t even let her use the veil. Let daddy buy her a dress and veil. Or she or her fiance can buy her, her own dress. She just wants a do-over of your wedding and she will make it bigger and better because she is and always has been jealous of you. Will she have her own groom or will she want to have yours for the big day?
No is a complete sentence, as they always say here on reddit
NTA. It’s understandable that you want to keep your wedding dress as something special for yourself. Your sister’s sudden change in behavior after previously stating she didn’t want to be involved in your wedding and now wanting to wear your dress and replicate your wedding seems inconsiderate, especially given your strained relationship… It’s perfectly reasonable to set boundaries about something that holds sentimental value for you, and it doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting to keep your dress as a personal keepsake. Your feelings are valid, and you don’t owe her access to your dress just because she’s getting married. Honestly, I’d remain no contact or at least low contact with her. Your parents are wild too thinking that her requests are acceptable
Definitely NOT THE A
NTA. I’d say no to her borrowing the veil at this point too. You’ll never see it again
She wants nothing for herself? She’d rather copy everything you did? That’s… flattering?
Make a big deal about being so flattered that she loved your wedding as much as she did and help her know every little thing you did so she can copy it. Like, take it to the next level. But NTA, it’s your dress and you don’t have to share anything if you don’t want to.