Let me start off with I met this girl on a dating app that lives in my city from Honduras. She’s 34 and I’m 46. She’s on a work visa. Time has gone by and we’ve known each other for around 8 months now. She has this notion that anything she wants, I should freely just buy it for her. I’ve taken out to eat with her kids multiple times. I got her a car and taken her to several Airbnbs which have cost several thousands. She wants to get married, but she thinks she should be able to ask me for anything like microneedling and I should just give her the money to get it.
I don’t see that as a necessity, but she says she will always want to look beautiful and if I was her husband, I should be paying for it. She feels very uncomfortable asking me bc her ex never would do anything for her. Anything she wants from me, I get her at the store. I’ve gotten her kids diapers. I’ve never asked money back for any of these things. Well, after I got her daughter some pillows, she sent me 2 links to get her microneedling supplies. I told her, baby….that’s too much right now and many people say not to get it, especially on Amazon. (terrible reviews on Amazon and $150 but over $1200 by a professional).
She said it’s not asking for much. I got so offended since I do everything else for her. Got her a new bedframe bc hers broke. I get her things all the time. I just told her along the lines (very nicely) I couldn’t do it right now since I need to save. She threw a tantrum and wouldn’t talk to me for almost 2 days, until I told her I was very worried about immigration etc. She only responded, I’m ok. After that, the whole thing has changed our relationship. I feel taken for granted. I feel like she doesn’t appreciate me. I told her this many times and she said she didn’t do anything wrong. I told her, why can’t you just apologize and understand how I feel? This led to days of arguing back and forth on texts. She told me I was playing the victim. I told her, when you get upset and cry and I hold you, never once did I say you were playing the victim.
I told her, you aren’t even remotely trying to care or be considerate of how I feel. I said, I don’t like at all that you threw a tantrum over 1 thing I wouldn’t get you. She said she thinks she’s too demanding for me and said she won’t hold me back to go find someone else I feel better with. I said, you’re just going to let me go? She said, I’m not going to beg someone to stay with me who doesn’t want to. I never tell her no. Am I the asshole for telling her no this time or expecting her to apologize?
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Let me start off with I met this girl on a dating app that lives in my city from Honduras. She’s on a work visa. Time has gone by and we’ve known each other for around 8 months now. She has this notion that anything she wants, I should freely just buy it for her. I’ve taken out to eat with her kids multiple times. I got her a car and taken her to several Airbnbs which have cost several thousands. She wants to get married, but she thinks she should be able to ask me for anything like microneedling and I should just give her the money to get it. I don’t see that as a necessity, but she says she will always want to look beautiful and if I was her husband, I should be paying for it. She feels very uncomfortable asking me bc her ex never would do anything for her. Anything she wants from me, I get her at the store. I’ve gotten her kids diapers. I’ve never asked money back for any of these things. Well, after I got her daughter some pillows, she sent me 2 links to get her microneedling supplies. I told her, baby….that’s too much right now and many people say not to get it, especially on Amazon. (terrible reviews on Amazon and $150 but over $1200 by a professional). She said it’s not asking for much. I got so offended since I do everything else for her. Got her a new bedframe bc hers broke. I get her things all the time. I just told her along the lines (very nicely) I couldn’t do it right now since I need to save. She threw a tantrum and wouldn’t talk to me for almost 2 days, until I told her I was very worried about immigration etc. She only responded, I’m ok. After that, the whole thing has changed our relationship. I feel taken for granted. I feel like she doesn’t appreciate me. I told her this many times and she said she didn’t do anything wrong. I told her, why can’t you just apologize and understand how I feel? This led to days of arguing back and forth on texts. She told me I was playing the victim. I told her, when you get upset and cry and I hold you, never once did I say you were playing the victim. I told her, you aren’t even remotely trying to care or be considerate of how I feel. I said, I don’t like at all that you threw a tantrum over 1 thing I wouldn’t get you. She said she thinks she’s too demanding for me and said she won’t hold me back to go find someone else I feel better with. I said, you’re just going to let me go? She said, I’m not going to beg someone to stay with me who doesn’t want to. I never tell her no. Am I the asshole for telling her no this time or expecting her to apologize?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took is telling her how I feel and why she should be considerate of my feelings. She said that I was playing the victim (or being the asshole in this case) for not getting her exactly what she wanted when she wanted it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
The sex must be amazing
NTA, she’s taking advantage of you. She wants you for your money, not for you. What do you mean “She feels very uncomfortable asking me” ?? she seems plenty comfortable to me, sending you amazon links and throwing a fit when you say no… Man, find someone who appreciates you.
I’d like to refer your to r/Scams
NTA for telling her no. It’s about time. And now you learned that her interest in you is only on the condition that you always say Yes — even when you literally don’t have the money. She’s fine with you going into debt, going bankrupt, whatever, so she can spend on whatever she wants to. And when you finally say No, she’s done with you. It’s good that it happened now, before you got married.
OP I don’t mean this in a mean way, but is she a lot more attractive than you? If she is, is that why you are with her? Or are you both on equal grounds in terms of attractiveness? Either way man, I think you can find someone who will make you for loved for who you are, not for your ability to pay for micro needling (whatever tf that is)
She’s a gold digger – get out before she baby traps you NTA
NTA. Relationships are partnerships, not sponsorships. Setting healthy boundaries and looking after your own financial health is not only important, it’s necessary.
NTA. What exactly does she bring to the relationship apart from guilting and manipulating you that not letting her use you for money is like her ex. Who, by the way, sounds like a perfectly reasonable person whom she vilifies and accuses because he refused to let her take advantage of him.
NTA. This story about her ex never buying her things is pure manipulation.
Read some articles about The Silent Treatment, which she is also using, a
along with the tantrums, to manipulate you. Read psychological articles about control, so you can recognize the classic warning signs.
I dislike how she uses you like an ATM. This is still a relatively young relationship, so this is her on her best behavior. Imagine the level of expectation she would bring if you stuck around longer.
Slow down, in future relationships.
NTA it is your money and you decide how to spend it. However, your GF perceives this as a Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationship which is fine as long as both parties are in agreement. However it sounded like you were blindsided or even naive about the relationship dynamic. Now she made that clear to you, you need to make that decision of how you want to proceed with this relationship.
No. Set the rules before you ever marry that girl my friend.
If she’s a tantrum princess. Dont marry her. It’ll be an expensive divorce
NTA. You’re not an ATM, you’re a partner. She needs to understand that love isn’t defined by materialistic demands. Self-care is important, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of someone else’s financial welfare.
You’re being used and abused. This isn’t her first time “asking” she’s not uncomfortable asking, she has no shame. You’re just another transactional man to provide for her and her kids. The audacity to guilt you?!?!? JUST NO. Cut this grifter off and send her home
NTA. You need a new girlfriend, one who’s a partner and not a parasite. This one seems to be all about the loot, not so much about the love.
So youre her sugar daddy? Just paying all her bills, whatever she wants?
Nah NTA she shouldn’t get a free ride.
I think it’s very glaring that you omitted the ages…
NTA…..stop being her ATM
You’re being used. Worse, you’re allowing it.
NTA. Saying no means no and not to be contested.
It feels like she is using for money.
Shes looking for a sugar daddy end of, NTA – say bye bye x