Hi I 21F am married to my 25M husband, we’ve been together for four years and I’ve lived with him for around three. We live with my mother in law as we’re still saving to purchase a home of our own. Now I get along GREAT with my MIL and his little sisters. Now like every married couple we agree to disagree. But the only one thing we can’t agree on, is the EGG PAN. Now the pan I’m taking about is a small pan with handles on the side. We’re Hispanic so we cook eggs, sausage, bacon, hotdogs, spam (you get the idea) all in this little pan. However, my husband and his sisters will use the pan…and not wash it afterwards. And my husband will USE the pan after it’s sat there with grease for a day. I’ve told him to wash it before using it and he says he does it all the time that it’s just grease. But I really don’t want black grease eggs. I told him that it’s nasty to do that…but he doesn’t see the issue. Am I being the asshole? I haven’t brought up the issue anymore and have just washed it when I use it.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
Hi I 21F am married to my 25M husband, we’ve been together for four years and I’ve lived with him for around three. We live with my mother in law as we’re still saving to purchase a home of our own. Now I get along GREAT with my MIL and his little sisters. Now like every married couple we agree to disagree. But the only one thing we can’t agree on, is the EGG PAN. Now the pan I’m taking about is a small pan with handles on the side. We’re Hispanic so we cook eggs, sausage, bacon, hotdogs, spam (you get the idea) all in this little pan. However, my husband and his sisters will use the pan…and not wash it afterwards. And my husband will USE the pan after it’s sat there with grease for a day. I’ve told him to wash it before using it and he says he does it all the time that it’s just grease. But I really don’t want black grease eggs. I told him that it’s nasty to do that…but he doesn’t see the issue. Am I being the asshole? I haven’t brought up the issue anymore and have just washed it when I use it.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like the asshole because I told him it’s gross and he might feel like I’m judging him on how he was raised and that isn’t my intention just that it’s unhygienic.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA. Sounds gross.
NTA, but…. it may help to find out what kind of pan it is, if there are special ways how to clean it/ how to manage it so that this pan has a longer “life”. And it would help to find out “who” of this family first decided/ said that this pan does not have to be cleaned or how it has to be handled.
NTA, don’t eat the eggs he makes gross.
NAH I probably clean my cast iron once a week and I cook in it all week long.
NTA but if everyone else is using it this way (you say the sisters use it too) and none of them wash it, you might be outnumbered in the “people who give a shit about gross pans” department and none of them will change this habit because there’s no benefit to them, only the drawback of extra cleaning.
NTA What kind of pan is it? Cast iron? If it’s cast iron and properly seasoned anything left behind after cooking should wipe out with a paper towel then a light coating of oil is all it needs. Cleaning with soap and water wouldn’t do anything that heat from cooking already does.
NTA But you started dating him when you were 17 and he was 21…?
If it is a cast iron pan, it is very common for people to not wash them with soap and water. Cast iron kind of absorbes oil and makes a seal that will become none stick over time. If you wash it with soap and water, you undo all that nonstick and have to start over, and it can also cause the pan to rust (don’t ever soak a cast iron pan).
Most cast iron users, wipe it out immediately after use, use a scrapper to get off any left over bits, wipe out very well, then pop it into a blazing hot oven to “set” the oil and continue to non stick coating. I wouldn’t leave grease to become rancid and then wipe it out, that’s icky. Cast iron has been used this way for decades, it’s pretty safe, but yeah it’s not for everyone. If it’s cast iron NAH.
NTA this is unsanitary. Unwashed pans can grow germs,contaminating food.
It used to be a very common thing to do when solid fats were used. The fat would solidify and you would just melt it down again. It wouldnt bother me personally, cafes/chip shops etc dont change their fryer fat daily
NAH
> so we cook eggs, sausage, bacon, hotdogs, spam (you get the idea)
I grew up in a house that had a sort of communal grease pot. Yes, I thought it was kind of gross sitting there, but damn it was good for making fried stuff.
This makes me inclined to think NAH, but I do understand your squick, and I do understand their preference for it.
YTA
NAH. If it’s a cast iron pan, a lot of people just wash it with water and a soft sponge, so as not to strip the seasoning. I think you can probably go a couple of uses without washing it if you want to, as long as there is no food residue beyond the oil/grease.
This very common in the south and with poor people. I keep it covered with a lid though.
Just buy a little pan for yourself. There’s no need to argue back-and-forth about that. Just don’t use it.
NTA. After they use something, just wash it?? It does not take that long. Also, unwashed cooking items can risk cross-contamination and other shit. Not to mention it makes the food taste that you are cooking taste weird sometimes.
Um… so you were 17 and 21 when you first got together?
Anyway, NTA.
NAH….Neither of you are wrong or right.
My grandmother had a cast iron skillet on the stove all the time that had lard in it. (Crisco shortening).
She used it whenever she would fry something, mostly for fresh fries, I think. She would cover it with a lid when not in use. This is the way she grew up. Now, we have all kinds of fancy gadgets that the boomers did not. (She might have been before a boomer). I do not know how often the lard was changed. When in use, the lard turns to an oil. When not in use, it goes back to a solid.
To you, this is gross. To your boyfriend, it is what he knows and how he grew up.
Just get a pan of your own and cook your way.
Boy you’re not gonna like what a cast iron is
Just don’t use the pan.
Eh, I know plenty of people who would and wouldn’t do this. Either get your own pan or, if they’re ok with it, you can wash the pan. If they’re not, you can choose to not eat food cooked from the dirty pan.
Smdh. Nta
Nah, but the pan is seasoned. You do not wash a seasoned pan, same with yorkshire pudding tins. Wipe them out with kitchen roll but never wash them.
NTA because yuck, but some kinds of cook ware like cast iron do have special care/cleaning processes (don’t use soap, let it cool before you clean it, sometimes you have to re-season it after cleaning)
YTA…but only because he was making eggs for himself. You have every right to insist on a higher level of sanitation and food safety protocols to be observed for food you will be eating, but when he’s making food for himself, you’re just inserting your opinion where no one asked for it.
Also, as someone with several cast iron and carbon steel skillets, I can say with confidence that washing pans between uses isn’t strictly necessary… if the only residue left in the pan is grease and the pan will be used again before the grease goes rancid.
It depends on if the pan is steel or cast iron. If that is the case you do not wash them in the traditional way. You run water and wipe.
If it is a typical Teflon pan, then it’s gross, but realize that the heat of the pan will kill germs so it shouldn’t be too bad.
Either way, NTA