Hi,
My mum, my niece (8 years) and I were walking through the park on our way to a snack place. En route, we start talking about something stupid, and I question something my niece says, as it’s contradictory to what she said a sentence before.
She starts saying rather aggressively, “are you dumb, do you have a brain”, or something to that effect. I get so angry by this, that I just have to say to my mum “I’m not going to spend time with a child that insults me” and walked off into the opposite direction, hearing my mum call my name and my niece yelling “byyyye”.
I wait for them on a bench, and when they’re walking back, my niece refuses to speak to me, staying by a tree and proceeding to hit the tree very aggressively with its own branch…
She then refuses to continue walking. I tell her that I’m sorry for walking off but it hurt my feelings that she called me stupid so I would like to get an apology. She refused. We then made our way home, with my niece storming in front of us, bursting into tears occasionally, throwing her coat here and there and saying she never wanted to see us again.
Once we got back, I asked if she wanted to talk about it, she refused and then I just stayed out of her hair.
AITA?
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Hi,
My mum, my niece (8 years) and I were walking through the park on our way to a snack place. En route, we start talking about something stupid, and I question something my niece says, as it’s contradictory to what she said a sentence before.
She starts saying rather aggressively, “are you dumb, do you have a brain”, or something to that effect. I get so angry by this, that I just have to say to my mum “I’m not going to spend time with a child that insults me” and walked off into the opposite direction, hearing my mum call my name and my niece yelling “byyyye”.
I wait for them on a bench, and when they’re walking back, my niece refuses to speak to me, staying by a tree and proceeding to hit the tree very aggressively with its own branch…
She then refuses to continue walking. I tell her that I’m sorry for walking off but it hurt my feelings that she called me stupid so I would like to get an apology. She refused. We then made our way home, with my niece storming in front of us, bursting into tears occasionally, throwing her coat here and there and saying she never wanted to see us again.
Once we got back, I asked if she wanted to talk about it, she refused and then I just stayed out of her hair.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i feel that i m the asshole as i walked off in the middle of the park, instead of trying to help my niece learn constructively that she can’t yell like that. i feel like i acted like an immature kid when my niece needed me the most.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, as you know parenting has been declining year by year and such is the result.
NTA. When she’s throwing a tantrum I’d ask her if she’s a stupid baby since only stupid babies throw tantrums and whine
YTA. You basically started a fight with a 8 year old child. You probably should have ignored her behaviour rather than rewarding her by stomping off and it could have been avoided if you hadn’t started the discussion on what ever ‘stupid’ topic you picked the first place. For an 8 year old to be acting like this there has to be something going on – family troubles, school troubles, mental health concerns, is she being bullied….
NTA if you’re not an adult.
It would help
If we knew your age.
Kids say stuff like that and most adults usually tell
Them to mind their manners or ignore it. Depending on the day and what they are dealing with.
It sounds like your niece is angry about something that has nothing to do with you. You were just what she thought was a safe place to vent. Does not make it right. It just means she’s a kid and having some problems.
Shes 8
INFO: Who was supposed to be taking care of that 8 year old? It sounds like her mother wasn’t there, so was the responsibility on you or your mom to take care of her?
Did your mom just stand there and not intervene the whole time?
NTA What is wrong with her parents that she thinks it’s okay to act like this? She’s picking up this bad behavior from somewhere!
Its not great you walked off instead of facing the problem head on butSometimes walking away before we say something bad is the best course of action. Children shouldnt see us blowing our tops off.
You did the right thing allowing space to cool off and then asking for dialogue later on
NTA. Telling a kid they’re being rude isn’t a bad thing. It definitely sounds like she’s got something going on, but saying “I’m not gojng to be around someone being mean to me” and then leaving (without being nasty about it) is actually a great example of boundary setting.
NTA This was probably the very first time she was called out for her behavior. That’s on her own parents to not teach her how to communicate with other adults. She didn’t know the difference between saying something is dumb versus saying someone is dumb. A 6 year old should know the difference.
This really depends on what preceded her meltdown?
I can understand being frustrated by her behavior, on the surface it feels like bratty behavior.
However if you analyze it further, this sounds like a child who’s deeply upset (or embarrassed) and lacks emotional regulation and communication skills. Refusing to walk or talk, crying spells, throwing her coat- that all sounds like a child who doesn’t know how to process their feelings.
NTA. My guess is that there is some suboptimal parenting going on here, resulting in this kind of behavior being tolerated at home. To some extent, kids will be kids, but this behavior seems to go a bit beyond that. Possible the kiddo is mirroring the way the parents talk, ie being raised by wolves so to speak.
At any rate, unacceptable behavior, NTA.
NTA, you’re fine, your niece is a brat.
Omg she’s 8 and probably reflecting words previously directed at her. Walk off is a bit of a tantrum from you
NAH. How old are you? I’m assuming fairly young…
I think you hurt her feelings when you pointed out that she contradicted herself. She’s a kid and she lashed out. Your response should have been to tell her that it was inappropriate to talk to you like that. You reacted emotionally, same as her. Demanding an apology seems like a bit much since you were also acting like a child. I do understand why you felt and reacted the way you did. But it wasn’t an appropriate way to respond to your niece (unless you are just a teenager).
YTA
I’d have walked away too, because the next thing out of my mouth would have been unforgivable to say to an 8 year old.
I guess ESH
I’m gonna say NTA, but this sounds like a very childlike situation between two children
Sam: He’s 8.
Victoria: He’s good at it.
~Sleepless in Seattle
A typical eight year old should know how to speak to people politely and not call them names because they’ve picked them up on something they’ve said. You were quite right to walk off when someone was being extremely rude to you. It’s better than engaging in an argument and potentially escalating the situation. I would not put up with being spoken to by my own child like that so I certainly wouldn’t put up with it from someone else’s child. She’s not a baby, she is eight, and is old enough to control what she says and how she behaves, and face the consequences of her saying something rude to someone. Her behaviour afterwards was extreme. She was acting like the hurt party because you refused to allow her to speak to you so appallingly. I’m guessing this is a child who always gets her own way? NTA. Actions have consequences. Even toddlers can learn this, if they are taught.
Sounds like your younger, you didn’t want to spend time with someone who upset you, that’s fine it’s your choice.
My response would probably have been “I know you are but what am I” in a kid voice on repeat until the kid explodes
NTA! She needs to learn what she said was disrespectful and you don’t speak to anyone that way especially someone who is considered your elder.
NTA
8 is old enough to know better.
Your sibling needs to teach his child better
She was probably embarrassed by her contradiction and then by her childish behavior so she was in a state of internal self-flagellation.
I mean that’s 15 for you.
Not really. The kid needs to learn manners. Just wait until she expects a present from you, then remind her of the consequences of insulting others.
NTA if I was your niece I’d have gotten popped in the mouth for being so disrespectful.
NTA. Your niece is a stupid poo poo head.
NTA
8 is getting a bit old to be throwing temper tantrums like that.
You walking away showed her that harmful words mean people will walk away. No one will want to be friends with her. Not nipping this behaviour in the bud now is how you get mean girls.
Does she act like this at school? Is this behaviour new? Are there problems at home, school?
8 year olds are old enough to know insulting people is rude. Sounds like she needs better parenting (or any parenting ngl). NTA.
NTA you didnt hurt or yell at or even directly reprimand a child who isnt yours. you walked away and that is a healthy response. you did not enforce any parenting on her to be reprimanded for later, you simply removed yourself from the situation while another perfectly capable adult was still watching her. if you had been the only adult watching at the time or had bickered with her or called her names back then i would say y t a
Someone needs to check her brattitude. My guess is her parents do nothing about it and probably think it’s “cute.”
NTA.
Her behavior was totally unacceptable. You should have explained to her in no uncertain terms that she is not to speak to you like that. If she can’t respect the adults in her family she should keep her mouth shut. Because her off putting behavior continued, I think that she may be dealing with some trauma or an uncomfortable situation. School or neighborhood bullies, unhappiness at home. It seems that something in her life is out of her control. If nothing untoward is happening, then her parents should handle her attitude.
You were the adult in that situation. You definitely needed to handle yourself in a more mature manner.
At 8 years old we know politeness and we don’t have this kind of crisis.
You shouldn’t have left…alone.
Your mother should have explained that given your niece’s behavior, the outing is over.
I’m very curious how old you are, OP.
There’s no reason to embarrass an 8 year old for “contradicting herself”, she’s 8 and it probably doesn’t matter that much. She acted like a massive brat and sounds like she needs some kind of discipline from her parents/guardians, but that doesn’t negate the fact that you started a fight with a child and then got pissy when she acted like a child.
ESH
Here’s my take: your niece secretly admires you, she was trying to act all grown up and sarcastic (in an 8 year old way), it backfired spectacularly, she then felt terrible about herself and showed it by smacking trees, throwing her coat and crying. Sounds like a lesson was learned.
Hopefully the rest of your weekend goes better. I wouldn’t bring it up again, and maybe a little one on one time with your niece will fulfil her craving to ‘impress’ you.