I’m (25m) a double affair baby meaning my mom and dad were both married to other people, cheated on their spouses and conceived me. They ended up marrying each other after their divorces were finalized and they raised me together. Their kids from their first marriages did not accept me and do not claim me as a sibling. I always felt their hostility when I was a kid. They were all moved out by the time I was 9 and I saw them a handful of times after, the last being 7 years ago, and those handful of times they were very clear about not wanting to talk to me and how I was not their brother or their family. I mean one even told me the world would be a better place if I’d never been born or if I had died.
Because of all this I claim I’m an only child when people ask. I never say I have siblings, half or otherwise. That’s just my preference and I find it easier. Plus I only have siblings through genetics. Not through a bond or anything else. I’m pretty sure they would all leave me for dead on the side of the road if the chance ever occurred.
This became a topic because I’m engaged to the cousin of a former childhood friend. He and I were friends most of our lives until we hit junior year and he turned into a real dick and our friendship ended. My fiancée and I met years later and she knows my background and she said she would also consider me an only child also. So she has zero issues. She also has issues with her cousin. I didn’t even realize they were related until a while later. But in the last couple of months he’s appeared at a couple of family parties and he brought up the fact I claim the only child label. He never had an issue with it before but he said I was being childish and a liar by claiming that I am.
Then I have a few relatives (not my parents I’m no contact with them) who get upset when they realize I don’t claim my siblings. We have discussed how if they don’t claim me or count me when talking about siblings they have then I won’t count them. The family members tell me that could change and I could avoid awkwardness by letting people know so if I have a relationship with any of them in the future I won’t end up with egg on my face.
AITA?
Comments
Tell everyone to fvck off and mind the business that pays them.
You are a 25 year old grown man and don’t want or need them to tell you who you are.
NTAH
Nta.
Nah the only opinion that matters on this is yours. Why are you no contact with your parents if you don’t mind me asking.
They don’t see you as a sibling and obviously it won’t change in the future (you are 25 and the younger one so everyone involved here has been an adult for years) so NTA.
It doesnt matter. You are one and only. Enjoy
NTA
It’s perfectly normal for siblings to not want anything to do with the affair kid.
They don’t claim you, why would you claim them?
I would ask those family members if they are also giving the other kids shit
I would also point out that the other kids, as adults, treated a child with hatred and distane and shouldn’t ever want to be in the same space as you now.
As for gf cousin, I would simply look deep into his eyes and with the world’s biggest shit eating grin say “so this is why not even your own family can barley tolerate you. Do better dude”
Good grief. Of course you know the actions of your parents are absolutely no fault of yours, live your life and add anyone who gives you shit to the block list. Congratulations and best wishes!
NTA
Nta
It’s none of their business
They are your siblings, but obviously they are taking out their anger on you for what your parents did. Cant force a relationship, but they shouldn’t have treated you so badly like you had any choice in the matter. Nta
NTA
NTA. Whats important is the support of your fiancée (and her family?), everyone else can go limb.
NTA. They clearly don’t give a shit about you, (or jealous) why would you?
So if i Just met you, these people want you to answer the simple “any siblings?” Question with some long story including drama and trauma? No, thanks, just say no.
NTA
Continue to say you are an only child. If questioned further say:
“My parents have other children from previous marriages, but I am their only child”
This is literally how my youngest teases his sister. He is the only child of his parents. We both have children from prior marriages. Her retort is that she is the only daughter.
NTA. Unfortunately you were the product of an affair. You have to live with the bad behavior of your parents. Let’s be honest for a moment, on some level you must understand that you represent hurt for these half siblings. You didn’t ask for this to happen, and they certainly didn’t either. Go on with your life, and continue to accept this is the way it is going to be.
It’s not your fault you were born, I’ve got a similar background, but I’m glad our families could get over themselves so it didn’t end up like this.
Look him dead in the eyes and ask what happened to you dude that you’re so bitter?
Nta. ‘this is none of your business and I am not going to discuss it with you ‘. End of conversation.
NTA. While their anger is understandable, you didn’t ask to be born, nor did you ask your parents to have an affair and to break up their first families. It’s a double way street – if you are not family and they don’t claim you as a sibling, then you are an only child and they are also not your siblings.
However, to be honest, I somewhat get them keeping their distance from you, but they could’ve been nicer to you, they didn’t have to insult you and act like AHs for something you didn’t participate in. The biggest AHs are your parents.
I had a friend who called himself a “one of a kind”
He also had many other sets of half and step siblings but was his mom and dad’s only child together.
Maybe you should call yourself one of a kind too
NTA. Why is your biological family tree anybody’s business?
NTA. I’d do the same in your position. Why would you even think of them as family if they treated you so badly? You didn’t ask to be born.
Tell them to keep their nose out of your business, and even if they decide they want to build bridges, you don’t want that.
No Sweetie, you’re not an Arsehole! You’re what is called, a “Scapegoat”. Your half & step siblings irrationally think/belief that the reason their parents got divorce is because you were born. You were an innocent little baby, it’s NOT your fault! Even if your parents were having an affair but took better (or some) precautions (birth control) and you were never conceived… Who’s to say that your parents would have stayed married to the spouse that they had at the time?
Most children don’t want to see their parents get their divorce. (Even if they’re adults!) Children (generally) love and idolize their parents and even if the child is angry at their parent/s… They look for any other reason/excuse for their parent/s “Wrong doings or Mistakes” their parent/s make. Children don’t want to know that their parents make mistakes and are human!
I.e. My Dad only hits me when he’s drunk. Or Mom’s only screaming and saying horrible hurtful things because, she’s upset Dad’s drunk again! Some children will even blame themselves for their parents their behavior: My Dad drinks a lot because, I a bad girl!
Your siblings sounds like a bunch of assholes.
I could excuse their behavior when they were minors… But now they’re all adults and still blaming you and ostracizing you? Oh they definitely the arseholes!
You continue to do whatever makes you comfortable and happy! Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!
NTA. Anyone who’s that concerned with the title of siblings needs to be told to fuck off & mind their own business. They can go find more siblings of their own!! Giving you shit for not claiming people who don’t claim you is beyond weird. I would avoid them like the plague for the rest of my life!!!! Seriously, what do you gain from having these people around???? Besides headaches?!?!?!!?
This is just fiction,
Op has even made his name based off this fiction
CommunicationLazy974
All the NTA are suckers who have been sucked in by a poor me story line, and ignoring the fact that its a story about poor communication
Not their business. Not their lived experience, not their reality to define for you. People are so annoying, like how does this have anything to do with them???
There is no awareness for you if you stick to your truth. If something changes it’s up to you on how you address it, if at all. They’re trying to steal your peace today over shit that has not or may not happen tomorrow.
Nta
We don’t claim ppl who hate us. It’s that simple.
My father had 4 children before having me. We were never raised in the same house. And I’m only 4 years older than his eldest grandchild. We’ve never really had much contact
I’m my mother’s only child. I was raised alone. I’m an only child. If I have to refer to them, they’re my father’s children, never my half siblings
First it sucks that your „siblings“ blame you for something you had no control over. Your parents broke their marriages and destroyed the families they had. Sure they were just children as well but maybe they will realize later in life that they are hating the wrong person.
Secondly if ever one of your „siblings“ would reach out, apologize and start having a relationship with you and they don’t understand why you didn’t claim them as a sibling before you had a relationship, than they don’t deserve that relationship anyway.
You could always say you’re not in contact with your older half-siblings.
NTA
You were bought up as an only child. Your older half siblings are suddenly going to turn around and want a relationship, and even if they did why would the egg be on your face? The awkwardness wouldn’t be on your side. You’re not the one who blamed a literal baby for the families breaking up.
What a load of old cobblers.
Tell them to stick it up their arse. Probably more politely than that, though.
NTA, blaming you for your mother and fathers love is evil. You did nothing wrong and your siblings has treated you terrible. I totally understand your need to protect yourself by claiming you’re a lonely child.
I’m curious though how much energy you use on pretending this and if it could be better for yourself to just open up and tell the real story when asked. Maybe start open up with your mother and father.