I (34f) have a mother, Mary (64f) who I’m not very close to. As a kid my dad was never around (despite still staying married to my mother) and she raised my brother and I with way less help from my father as the years went. My mother would always say I was just like my father and she said often about how much she hated him. She still hates him. Because my mother was alone raising my brother and I, she did the bare minimum as a parent. I got bullied relentlessly in school and she didnt come to my defense. Instead, I fought back, got suspended, and eventually dropped out of school at 18. She yelled at me, but didnt do much else. If I messed up (I failed 4th grade) she waited untill a family gathering to announce it to the whole family. I was embarrassed as a form of punishment often. She fed us, clothed us, bathed us like a typical mom. But she never made us doctor or dentist appointments and even had to fight with my dad once to take me to the ER for my first UTI. I moved out at 21 and moved 100+ miles away. I didnt speak to my mother unless she wanted to buy we*d from my at the time boyfriend’s brother. A couple years passed and I moved back home and got pregnant with my oldest. I lived with my dad and his girlfriend for 6 months and moved in with my mom after I totaled my car when i was pregnant. My brother and I were on our way back home from grocery shopping. I wrecked my car and she came and got the groceries and didn’t go with me to the hospital. (I was 11 weeks pregnant at the time). When I asked for rides to work because of my totaled car, my mother told me that it would be best for me to move back in with my father. Then when I gave birth to my oldest, she and my brother came for an hour, complained about being tired and left me there alone. I got married and got divorced 3 years later because of SA. She told me that she wished he and I could’ve worked things out and to stay for the kids. She told me the last thing a couple of weeks ago. Now she needs a cosigner otherwise her and my brother won’t be able to live there anymore. So she asked me. And my brother (30m) is on the spectrum somewhere, but my mother never went and got him evaluated. He doesnt have a valid ID, his driver’s license, never had a job, never lived on his own. He’s literally 100% dependent on my mother. AITA if I tell her no?
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I (34f) have a mother, Mary (64f) who I’m not very close to. As a kid my dad was never around (despite still staying married to my mother) and she raised my brother and I with way less help from my father as the years went. My mother would always say I was just like my father and she said often about how much she hated him. She still hates him. Because my mother was alone raising my brother and I, she did the bare minimum as a parent. I got bullied relentlessly in school and she didnt come to my defense. Instead, I fought back, got suspended, and eventually dropped out of school at 18. She yelled at me, but didnt do much else. If I messed up (I failed 4th grade) she waited untill a family gathering to announce it to the whole family. I was embarrassed as a form of punishment often. She fed us, clothed us, bathed us like a typical mom. But she never made us doctor or dentist appointments and even had to fight with my dad once to take me to the ER for my first UTI. I moved out at 21 and moved 100+ miles away. I didnt speak to my mother unless she wanted to buy we*d from my at the time boyfriend’s brother. A couple years passed and I moved back home and got pregnant with my oldest. I lived with my dad and his girlfriend for 6 months and moved in with my mom after I totaled my car when i was pregnant. My brother and I were on our way back home from grocery shopping. I wrecked my car and she came and got the groceries and didn’t go with me to the hospital. (I was 11 weeks pregnant at the time). When I asked for rides to work because of my totaled car, my mother told me that it would be best for me to move back in with my father. Then when I gave birth to my oldest, she and my brother came for an hour, complained about being tired and left me there alone. I got married and got divorced 3 years later because of SA. She told me that she wished he and I could’ve worked things out and to stay for the kids. She told me the last thing a couple of weeks ago. Now she needs a cosigner otherwise her and my brother won’t be able to live there anymore. So she asked me. And my brother (30m) is on the spectrum somewhere, but my mother never went and got him evaluated. He doesnt have a valid ID, his driver’s license, never had a job, never lived on his own. He’s literally 100% dependent on my mother. AITA if I tell her no?
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Uh, NTA. That’s generally bonkers-
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> I’m hesitant to sign a lease for my mother, when she’s never been there for me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, your not responsible for your parents.
I see your brother is likely on the spectrum, if you want to help him out, see if you can in a good group home. His mother will not be around for his whole life. Any money spend should be to get him evaluated and on SSI. This is not an easy task, but can be done remotely other than inspecting the homes.
You mother needs comes long after a special needs brother.
But this is not required, but would be a good thing to do.
NTA, if you cosign, you’re essentially paying wherever they live, which is what Im assuming. If they miss a payment, it’s on you and they can wreck your credit as well and make you unqualified for almost anything that needs a good credit score. Like a car loan, mortgage, etc.
You can essentially tell them to pound sand or send them resources so they can fill out what’s need to be done or get help from a church. They can call 211 for resources in their area if they live in the states.
She hasn’t done shit for you, why should you do shit for her?
You cosign for that apartment, and your future will be systematically destroyed when she stops payments and your credit tanks. Why give her yet another chance to screw you over?
NTA. Do NOT sign the loan! You will get stuck paying it or having your credit destroyed. Unless you want your life to be sheer hell, walk away. If you don’t want to fight tell them your credit is bad and you won’t qualify; something like that. Please update us on your decision.
NTA.
Cosigning is just signing. It puts you fully on the hook. Put them in touch with 211.
NTA. I was going to say the contrary when I first read the title because I thought this was a form of revenge of some kind. Clearly, it isn’t.
Your mom is asking for a favor when she did the bare minimum while raising you. You don’t owe her anything.
Moreover, there’s a good chance she’s going to stop paying altogether if you cosign the lease, leaving you to either pay the rent or ruin your name.
Honnestly the whole sibling thing really sucks, but you can’t let that influence a decision that may have great effects on the rest of your life.
Definitely NTA. Never co-sign anything with your mother. She failed you for years and you owe her nothing. She also failed your brother and should get him assessed.
ETA: She got the apartment 3 years ago because my now ex consigned for her and she was always on time with her payments. But now she needs a new cosigner, and that’s why she’s asking me. And I’m the only one she can ask for help that isn’t on social security or any other non-employable income. That’s why none of her siblings can help her.
NTA. Co-signing means her bill is your bill. Do you trust your mother not to dump that on you? I’m sorry they are facing eviction but that means they are not paying their bills now. What has changed to make you think they are able to start paying them now? Time for them to find another solution that doesn’t drag you down as well.