To keep it semi short I (33F) have been married to my (34M) husband for over 8 yrs. I never hid the fact I wanted a ring. My husband had not previously in our relationship made any fuss about getting one. I’d said I wanted one before we were married, after we got married and every yr of our marriage until about a year ago. At the start of the year, with my pay bump, I bought a magic the gathering card called wedding ring. I actually use the card, I like the card, but a few weeks ago I made a joke when I played it that I bought it because it was the only way I was ever gonna get one. It was literally just a joke with zero malice behind it to people who already know I’m married. My husband got really upset with me when we got home saying it was an inappropriate joke and it was unfair to him. I asked him how it was unfair when we’ve been together since 2012 and I’ve been asking for one pretty much every year we’ve been married. That when I found one I was perfectly fine buying MYSELF, with MY bonus he threw a fit because “he is suppose to buy it,” so I didn’t buy the damn thing. I’ve never been resentful for not having one, more like I’ve just accepted that I’ll never have one. I’m actually just upset about the fact that he threw the fit and is STILL upset about an offhand joke I made to my friends. Like if you’re that ashamed of not buying me a ring then just buy a ring?
In the past when I asked (roughly 2 yrs ago) about why he wouldn’t just buy one he said he just didn’t see a point in spending that much on something when he could buy a computer part and it be more useful. This is the same man who gets pissy when I get hit on all the time because I am no longer starting every conversation with “I’m married, that’s my husband over there, please don’t hit on me cause it’ll go over my head.” I’ve just stopped. If it comes up in conversation organically yeah I let people know I’m married, but I don’t go out of my way to be a weirdo who says “hey I’m married” when we’re talking about our favorite magic card. I don’t notice when people are flirting with me anyways, so wtf do I even care. I told him if it bothered him that much buy a ring because I’m done inserting it into conversations with every dude I wanna play a card game with when we’re literally just having fun. I could see if I was reciprocating the flirting, but I am literally to fuckin autistic to pick up on it. It’s a running joke with my dad at this point and how he feels so bad for a guy trying to get my number and I’m over here like look at this 68th picture of my cat.
Asking if I’m the asshole for making the joke and just not running around telling everyone I’m married unless it comes up?
I genuinely don’t think any of it was wrong, but I also can’t trust him when he says it is because he has openly used my autism against me saying things like I’m to retarded to pick up on conversational queues.