There’s a lot of nitty gritty so I am just going to try and keep it brief. For my 26 birthday a large group of us (12 total) was planning to go to LA and get a huge airbnb for a weekend trip. The airbnb had been booked and was going to be about ~250 a person.
3 weeks before the trip one of our friends (M25) says he can’t go. He had an actual reason but I was still disappointed. Because of this his closest friend says she isn’t because he isn’t. I texted in the groupchat and said since this trip is 3 weeks away and we had booked everyone needs to let us know now who is going. This leads to about half the group dropping out.
Due to this the price for the airbnb has now doubled for all of us going. Since the trip is so soon we can’t even cancel and book a new one without losing a lot of money. I asked everyone who dropped out if they would still pay half of what they owed since it was last minute and we would not be able to find people to replace them.
My one friend (F25) texted asking me if I really think it’s fair to ask her to pay when she isn’t going. She said we booked the airbnb too soon and should have waited. I feel like dropping out this close to the trip even if we picked a less expensive place we would have still been booked.
Her reaction makes me think maybe I am in the wrong, so AITA?
TLDR: Friends dropped out of a weekend trip last minute and don’t want to help pay for their portion.
Edit for clarification**: I didn’t book the airbnb someone else in the group did. Everyone was responsible for their own flights. It is my birthday sunday, another girls 2 days before, and my S.O the week before mine so it was supposed to be a kind of joint celebration. We all work together so know everyone makes enough to afford this/would see one another frequently enough there would have been chances to back out sooner/raise concerns.
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There’s a lot of nitty gritty so I am just going to try and keep it brief. For my 26 birthday a large group of us (12 total) was planning to go to LA and get a huge airbnb for a weekend trip. The airbnb had been booked and was going to be about ~250 a person.
3 weeks before the trip one of our friends (M25) says he can’t go. He had an actual reason but I was still disappointed. Because of this his closest friend says she isn’t because he isn’t. I texted in the groupchat and said since this trip is 3 weeks away and we had booked everyone needs to let us know now who is going. This leads to about half the group dropping out.
Due to this the price for the airbnb has now doubled for all of us going. Since the trip is so soon we can’t even cancel and book a new one without losing a lot of money. I asked everyone who dropped out if they would still pay half of what they owed since it was last minute and we would not be able to find people to replace them.
My one friend (F25) texted asking me if I really think it’s fair to ask her to pay when she isn’t going. She said we booked the airbnb too soon and should have waited. I feel like dropping out this close to the trip even if we picked a less expensive place we would have still been booked.
Her reaction makes me think maybe I am in the wrong, so AITA?
TLDR: Friends dropped out of a weekend trip last minute and don’t want to help pay for their portion.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I expect them to pay money when they are no longer going on the trip. I don’t like asking people for money in general but it doesn’t seem fair to those of us going for our bill to double now.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA you have the right to ask for the money because they cancelled plans after money was put down. That being said, they don’t have an obligation to pay you because they are not going. On there part it is rude but you can’t force people to pay for something even tho IMO they are being quite rude by cancelling
NTA – This is what I hate about vacation homes. People always drop out and leave other people on the hook for their portion. You booked a place to sleep 12 and could have booked something for 6 for less money if they had not told you they were going. People shouldn’t make commitments and not follow through.
NTA. Perhaps I’m only projecting my own poverty at 25 but I think you all misjudged y’all finances or maybe I’m misjudging the price for things. Thats alot of money to not get up front just fyi. Never commit more than $100 bucks of anyones money without SEEING the $100
I don’t think you’re an asshole for asking people who have canceled last minute to help pay for the AirBnB, Had they booked a hotel themselves and then canceled they would be docked the first night’s stay by the hotel. I sure wouldn’t be booking future trips with these people I mean what kind of people agree to do a shared trip knowing they will have to pay for it in advance, then they just cancel leaving the person who booked the trip, in good faith, to foot the entire bill? Who does that? I know when I have booked trips with friends, I got payment from them upfront, prior to doing the reservation. Their flights were to be arranged by themselves but the hotel was booked by me because you get a group rate. A couple people had to cancel but their space was paid for so I was not out anything. One did ask me to return the money she paid but since she was booked to share a room with another friend there was nothing I could do.
Would your cancelled friends be willing to pay the cancellation fee? And then you can rebook a smaller place with whoever is left? A lot of people bristle at paying for a big fancy house that they won’t stay in. Instead, make it so that no one ‘benefits’ from people dropping out, and try to hold to account those who have dropped out. Cancellation fees are better more than a week out, but you can check cancellation fees the next time you want to book for a group. Also, asking in a group chat who all is going makes it sound like you can back out easily. Collecting money before booking will also prevent this, although drop outs can still cause issues.
cancel the trip, cancel the air bnb, invoice everyone equally.
NTA but you kind of set yourself up for people bailing when you asked post cancellation period, how many people were actually going.
Once the Airbnb is booked, people’s money should be collected and once the refund period ends, they don’t get money back. Give people the inkling of an out and they will take it.
Live and learn
NTA they all committed to attending and the booking was made with that in mind. If they choose to cancel, they should still pay their share, even the one with a good excuse.
This is why I never like planning these sorts of things, people flake out all the time. My friend who plans a lot of stuff insists on money upfront now, before she’ll count anyone in for the event, and if you back out and no one replaces you, tough luck, you’re out the money.
3 weeks out you might be able to find a smaller and less expensive place in LA. I would look, confirm it with the ones still going, and then those who bailed pay the cancellation fee on the other place.
Should at least collect a downpaymenr before booking and you guys would be out the rest
They dont downpayment. They are on their own
Nta though
But how does 1 person dropping out almost double everyone else….
NTA – once you make a commitment, you need to honor it. If you cancel, you should pay what you owed unless someone will cover your spot.
This is one reason I’ve stopped having girls weekends at the beach.
NTA I’d text that friend back “Do you really think it’s fair to expect me to pay for you backing out? That’s where we’re at. Either you pay what you agreed to for the trip when it was booked, or I have to pay my portion plus yours.”
There’s a lesson in this for you—as soon as you make a non-refundable deposit, insist that everyone venmo you their share, and IN WRITING get them all to understand that if it’s non-refundable for you, it’s non-refundable for them. Hard stop. You’re not going to get that money but you’re NTA for requesting it. Probably going to lose some friends over this. BTW, there’s another lesson here—don’t try to schedule “destination birthdays” or expensive birthdays where it’s dependent upon others chipping in big bucks. It sounds insufferable—26th birthday isn’t even a milestone. So unless you’re paying for everyone, don’t schedule trips like that because nobody wants to spend their hard earned money and vacation time just to fete you on your bday.
NTA
That sucks. I doubt you will get them to pay anything at this point. Going forward, I would not plan group trips for this bunch unless everyone venmos you the money at the time you have to put down a deposit, with the understanding that if anyone pulls out of the trip, you are not refunding it.
It seems like these things always go south and sometimes people have a really decent reason for needing to cancel–someone gets sick, a pet gets sick and needs emergency surgery, etc, or sometimes they just plain decide they don’t want to go anymore(!) but it still doesn’t change the equation if the group has already paid for the Airbnb and can’t get the money back.
If you were traveling alone and your pet got sick, or you decided you just didn’t feel like going anymore, you would lose that money or a fair chunk of it if you chose to cancel your vacation (lost deposits, cancellation fees, etc.) But somehow when it’s a group trip, everyone expects to get 100% of what they put into it back, at no cost to them.
NAH. This is a textbook example of why these “friend group holidays” are a terrible idea.
INFO – this depends entirely on the terms that were in place when you organized the trip. It seems that you collected zero dollars from people when they agreed to go on the trip. That is never a good way to proceed, particularly when you’re dealing with people in their twenties. Did all of these people make a firm commitment to attend and to pay $X by ?
Info: You just wrote: The Airbnb had been booked. Did all of them agreed on the airbnb and the cost explictly before booking? I mean like: “I found this Airbnb, it will cost …. in total and … for everybody who is attending and this is not refundable. Are you ok with that? I will book it when everybody has agreed. ” Or did you just tell them “I will organise a weekend away. It will be around xxx Euro. Do you wanna come?”.
We have gone on a long weekend trip with the same group of friends for the past 9 years. Max is 8 couples but sometimes 1 or 2 cant make it.
We absolutely get people to confirm they are in before paying anything non-refundable. Once you’re in, you understand that you have agreed to pay, regardless of whos credit card it goes on first.
Absolutely NTA for asking for the dropouts to contribute. You should however be clearer in organising future trips so there isnt this shenanigans.
Doesn’t help you now I realize but I get earnest money from all parties b4 the drop dead date. It weeds out the flakes.