AITA
So to give some background I am a electrical engineer in the early stages of my career. I am also a husband and sole provider for my family of 3, including my toddler daughter. For the last 2 months I have been studing aggressively for my PE exam ( 8 hours long exam covering multiple engineering fields). Its typically recommended to study for 6 months. My parent, wants me to take the weekend off to drive back home so she can see my family(its been about 3 weeks since we have seen each other last). Also, we leave about 2.5 hours apart. My exam is about 10 weeks away, and I still have a ton of information to cover. This doesnt include practice problems or practice test. Its very difficult to study during the week considering i have a full time job, family, and toddler. This makes my weekends extremely valuable to crank out study time. My parent seems to get very angry that I will not give up my weekend to drive 2.5 hours to see them, when I am very busy and half to study. Its like they thi k I am faking it, and just dont want to make the trip. Its also worth noting the exam cost 500 dollars, the course im taking to study cost 1200 dollars, the review manual / books cost 300 dollars. So in total i have 2000 dollars invested into this stupid test. I also study for about 6 hours on saturday and 8 hours on Sunday. So between that I like to enjoy the little free time I have at home, not 2.5 hours away in house I dont even get a bed at.
Let me know if I should pack up my family, 2 dogs, toddler, and study material to see my family.
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AITA
So to give some background I am a electrical engineer in the early stages of my career. I am also a husband and sole provider for my family of 3, including my toddler daughter. For the last 2 months I have been studing aggressively for my PE exam ( 8 hours long exam covering multiple engineering fields). Its typically recommended to study for 6 months. My parent, wants me to take the weekend off to drive back home so she can see my family(its been about 3 weeks since we have seen each other last). Also, we leave about 2.5 hours apart. My exam is about 10 weeks away, and I still have a ton of information to cover. This doesnt include practice problems or practice test. Its very difficult to study during the week considering i have a full time job, family, and toddler. This makes my weekends extremely valuable to crank out study time. My parent seems to get very angry that I will not give up my weekend to drive 2.5 hours to see them, when I am very busy and half to study. Its like they thi k I am faking it, and just dont want to make the trip. Its also worth noting the exam cost 500 dollars, the course im taking to study cost 1200 dollars, the review manual / books cost 300 dollars. So in total i have 2000 dollars invested into this stupid test. I also study for about 6 hours on saturday and 8 hours on Sunday. So between that I like to enjoy the little free time I have at home, not 2.5 hours away in house I dont even get a bed at.
Let me know if I should pack up my family, 2 dogs, toddler, and study material to see my family.
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> I decided to stay home and study rather than travel home to see family. I decided studing is more important than family.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA: Grandma/Grandpa is just going to have to chill for a few weeks.
NTA. Grandma and grandpa need to understand that you are doing this to give a better future to their granddaughter. If it’s so important for them to see their grandbaby they can drive to you instead, it’s the same amount of time and less bagage to carry since they don’t have to haul a toddler that will get fussy with the trip and a ton of toys; besides your drive won’t be 2.5 hours it will be at least 3 hours with a toddler on tow.
NTA
3 months is a long time so I might suggest them coming to you for a weekend they can take your toddler out and have grandparents time and you can join them for dinners but you simply do not have the time to devote a weekend to them right now.
Maybe plan a celebratory trip once you finish the exam too.
But they need to be way more understanding of your time atm
it’s always best to be you. your a functioning adult. plan your life, plan your path. your parents don’t pay your bills. they should come to you when you’re in time stress. nta be well
NTA. Why are you letting someone manipulate you?
You simply tell them you can not until the exam is over. When the guilt trip starts you say, it isn’t personal and it isn’t optional.
NTA. Tell them that for the next 10 weeks, you’re busy every weekend studying for the exam. If they get very angry, oh well.
i was a EE in school… decided to do software engineering because i didn’t want to deal with the FE/EIT/PE stuff lol. good luck
NTA. They can figure out coming to see you and helping with the grandkid or suck it up. I would not apologize and tell them point blank you have $2K invested and will be putting everything into passing this test to better provide for your family.
NTA.
You are simply not availaible randomly on a whim.
Make plans for the future you can and will stick to for visiting after the exam. Offer to have them over for a day you can and will take off of studying and/or off work.
In my opinion, as a licensed PE, they can do the drive and pick up your toddler for the weekend. Good luck on the exam!
“I’m sorry, but my weekends are booked for the next 10 weeks.”
If they complain, ask them if they’re willing to reimburse you for the $2000 investment you’ve made toward the PE exam.
NTA.
NTA. Your parents need to learn that
Their wishes do not override your NEED to do this important exam, and
You are no longer their child, to be ordered around and disrespected.
yta
I’m going to teach you something I was very lucky my parent taught me very young. Please, teach your daughter this as soon as you can while she’s young.
No.
Is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain anything, you don’t need to justify anything, you don’t have to apologize about it. Just say, No.
NTA, did they forget that they can drive to you? Even taking the baby out the house for a few hours so you can study would be beneficial for you…
I saw your comment. Parents are pushing to demonstrate they are the most important people in your life and they should be served. They don’t care you are studying for one of the most important tests in your early career, their concern is making sure you still obey them. Parents are being dysfunctional.
NTA. Don’t feel any guilt about this. You have a family now – partner and child. Those are the most important people in your life. Pushy parents who think they still get to order you around at their whim are somewhere below the 2 dogs in the family ranking at the moment.
NTA.
At least where I live, most roads run in two directions. Is your parent incapable of driving? Even if they are, FaceTime calls are a thing. Tell them you are up to your a$$ in alligators and trying to drain the swamp, so if they want actual face-to-face time, they need to come to you.
You’re doing what you need to do to take care of your family. Give the parent in question an end date and tell them that you’ll be more able to travel then. Tell them if they keep pestering you, you can and will block their phone for X amount of time (effectively putting them in time out). Once the time out is up, try again. If they FAFO, they get blocked for 2X, and so on. Either they’ll get the message and abide by your rules, or they stop pestering you completely — win-win.
Good luck on the exam.
NTA you should study
NTA. You’re doing everything you can to support your family and have invested heavily to ensure that you will be able to pass this very strenuous test to ensure your career can continue and you can grow within your field.
The next time you speak to your parent’s let them know that you will contact them to schedule and plan a visit after the exam is complete. When they get angry, try to remember you are not responsible for other people’s emotions (parents included). Especially, not in this context. So you have two options. Option 1: The next time you talk to them, you can inform them that their anger is misguided and misdirected, that how they feel about it is not your responsibility, and that you will contact them after the test is complete to discuss the situation and see about planning a visit. And LEAVE IT. Or option 2: The next time you speak to them, inform them that the emotional manipulation will not be tolerated, and that if they want a visit so bad, then they can pack up and visit themselves (if they can drive/get transport), but if they decide to visit they have to get a hotel, and that they would be spending time with your wife and daughter and that they wouldn’t see you during that time because you have to study, and go from there.
Wishing you the best of luck on your test!
NTA. I don’t notice your parents saying “we know you’re busy and overwhelmed so we’d like to drive up, take your wife and kid out for the day so you can have quiet time to study, then cook dinner for you. The next day we can do some housework and yard work to help you out before we drive home.” If they don’t understand and don’t care that they should be helping you right now, they aren’t worth the time to stress about them, let alone spend a weekend with them.
NTA. The answer here is “no.” The longer answer is “Sorry, I can’t make it. I have an important exam coming up that will allow me to better provide for my family.” Your parents will understand… or they won’t. Either way you will do what you have to do to be a good husband and father. That’s what your priority has to be.
Do people really get upset they don’t see family members for three weeks? Especially as a parent?
I would tell her that for the next 10 weeks you’re not visiting, you’re not doing anything, if your wife wants to drive down there to see your parents, then she’s free to do that.