TL;DR: My girlfriend (20F) constantly complains about everything, to the point where I (18M) dread calling her. I used to listen, validate, and try to help, but it hasn’t changed. I love her and want the best for her, but her constant negativity is draining me, and I feel resentment building. I’ve brought it up, she acknowledges it, but doesn’t change. How do I cope with a partner who seems perpetually miserable?
I simply cannot deal with this anymore. When we first
started dating we were inlove. I promised to always be there for here and constantly adapt as we change throughout the relationship but it seems I was a fool. I tried at first. I listened I validated her feelings and gave solutions when needed. I may sound stuck up for this but I am a good boyfriend. I give her everything I can. I’m always loving towards her and understanding. But this constant complaining is eating away at my soul. It has gotten to the point I avoid calling her because from the moment I say hello she starts complaining and complaining. I’m trying. I can feel my love fading if it’s not gone already. I don’t know how to cope. If I leave her it’s going to devastate her. I want to help her. No matter how much she complains I’ll always love her and want the best for her. What do I do. I’ve brought it up to her sometimes. She acknowledges it but does nothing to change. Imagine having someone whine about something every second of everyday like nothing is going well in their life. Constantly negative. I don’t know how much more I can give. I’m so tired. I resent her. It’s ironic that I’m complaining about her constantly complaining. Is anyone’s else’s partner like this ? How did you deal with this if so? Please help me understand how some people
can let themselves be so miserable?
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TL;DR: My girlfriend (20F) constantly complains about everything, to the point where I (18M) dread calling her. I used to listen, validate, and try to help, but it hasn’t changed. I love her and want the best for her, but her constant negativity is draining me, and I feel resentment building. I’ve brought it up, she acknowledges it, but doesn’t change. How do I cope with a partner who seems perpetually miserable?
I simply cannot deal with this anymore. When we first
started dating we were inlove. I promised to always be there for here and constantly adapt as we change throughout the relationship but it seems I was a fool. I tried at first. I listened I validated her feelings and gave solutions when needed. I may sound stuck up for this but I am a good boyfriend. I give her everything I can. I’m always loving towards her and understanding. But this constant complaining is eating away at my soul. It has gotten to the point I avoid calling her because from the moment I say hello she starts complaining and complaining. I’m trying. I can feel my love fading if it’s not gone already. I don’t know how to cope. If I leave her it’s going to devastate her. I want to help her. No matter how much she complains I’ll always love her and want the best for her. What do I do. I’ve brought it up to her sometimes. She acknowledges it but does nothing to change. Imagine having someone whine about something every second of everyday like nothing is going well in their life. Constantly negative. I don’t know how much more I can give. I’m so tired. I resent her. It’s ironic that I’m complaining about her constantly complaining. Is anyone’s else’s partner like this ? How did you deal with this if so? Please help me understand how some people
can let themselves be so miserable?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because instead of continuing to support my girlfriend through her struggles, I’ve started avoiding her calls and resenting her. From her perspective, that could make me look like I’m neglecting her or being unsupportive when she’s relying on me.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO. Can we have samples of things she complains about? Do you think most of her complaints valid or just right out negative?
I’ve seen posts on reddit about marriage end because of a negative partner.
NTA. You two aren’t compatible and people who constantly complain are exhausting. Just break up with her.
It’s usually women who take partners on as a ‘fixer-upper.’
She can’t or won’t change. The only question is how much of your life you sacrifice to this.
The solution: Go and find someone who will bring joy, not sadness and stress, into your life.
No judgement as there’s nothing to judge.
You’re 18 and not married. You don’t need to put up with other people’s problems. Learn that now and find someone else
NAH. Some people are just unhappy people & no one can fix it. There is also no reason you have to stay with her (you don’t live together or have kids).
NTA – if you are unhappy then just break it off. You tried and it isnt working out for you. End of story, go on about your life.
You are only 18, it’s supposed to be fun some of the time. Doesn’t sound like you are compatible so do both of you a favour and end it kindly.
Maybe you’re the negative energy she’s feeling.