About a week ago, my grandmother called me around 11pm. She told me that my uncle (her son, 43M) was “stuck” outside of town and needed a ride home. Since I don’t drive, she asked me if my fiancé would go pick him up. I told her no, and explained the reasons why.
I told her my fiancé and I both needed to be up for work at 4:20 am. My second reason was because he has been doing this for years. He doesn’t drive, but he gets around- he likes party so he either walks or hitches rides. My issue here wasn’t exactly picking him up- it was that he has a habit of getting himself to a party, or a bar, or a friends house, knowing he doesn’t have a ride back. I had said if he was coming home from a doctor appointment, or if he had been stranded, that would be different.
She tried asking me again, explained that he asked my mother to go get him and she also said no. I told her I would call her back. I called my mother and my mother said not to do it because she started picking him up, and once she started he began calling her all the time, sometimes 12, 3 in the morning.
I called my grandmother back and told her that I made up my mind and no, we would not be going to get him. The walk for him would be about 20 minutes, and for him that should be nothing since he walks out of town all the time. She hung up on me then, and hasn’t spoken to me since. I have called her at least 10 times, messaged her about 5 times and nothing. I had my step father call her to see if she’d answer for him. She did, and he told her he was just calling because I wanted to make sure she was okay. She simply said “yeah, I’m fine.” And that was it. I called her again after this, and she still won’t answer.
Am I the asshole for not picking him up?
Edit: I want to note that when I spoke with my mother, she said he never called her and asked her to pick him up. So I’m unsure if my grandmother lied, or if he did.
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About a week ago, my grandmother called me around 11pm. She told me that my uncle (her son, 43M) was “stuck” outside of town and needed a ride home. Since I don’t drive, she asked me if my fiancé would go pick him up. I told her no, and explained the reasons why.
I told her my fiancé and I both needed to be up for work at 4:20 am. My second reason was because he has been doing this for years. He doesn’t drive, but he gets around- he likes party so he either walks or hitches rides. My issue here wasn’t exactly picking him up- it was that he has a habit of getting himself to a party, or a bar, or a friends house, knowing he doesn’t have a ride back. I had said if he was coming home from a doctor appointment, or if he had been stranded, that would be different.
She tried asking me again, explained that he asked my mother to go get him and she also said no. I told her I would call her back. I called my mother and my mother said not to do it because she started picking him up, and once she started he began calling her all the time, sometimes 12, 3 in the morning.
I called my grandmother back and told her that I made up my mind and no, we would not be going to get him. The walk for him would be about 20 minutes, and for him that should be nothing since he walks out of town all the time. She hung up on me then, and hasn’t spoken to me since. I have called her at least 10 times, messaged her about 5 times and nothing. I had my step father call her to see if she’d answer for him. She did, and he told her he was just calling because I wanted to make sure she was okay. She simply said “yeah, I’m fine.” And that was it. I called her again after this, and she still won’t answer.
Am I the asshole for not picking him up?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that I am asking to be judged is the decision to not pick him up and if that might possibly make me the asshole in this decision
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
20 minute walk? That’s it? I’m confused as to why a lift was even needed at all here. Your reasons are sound, and the extra info from your mother that he started calling regularly in the early hours of the morning are a very strong reason to not offer yourself up as a “lift option”.
NTA
NTA. There’s no reason to try to strongarm someone into picking you/another person up unless you/the other person is in immediate danger. Your uncle did this to himself. If it’s so important that someone go get him and him not having to walk 20 minutes (oh no! So far! Poor baby!) then she can go pick him up herself. Lack of planning on her/his part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Stop trying to call her and live your life without her drama.
NTA. His continued inability to plan does not mean your fiancé has to lose valuable sleep to bail him out of a twenty minute walk. Your mother warned you from establishing a precedent in being a private taxi service in the wee hours, listen to her on that.
Does Uber not operate where he lives?
NTA but next time make an excuse sat you cant because ur busy, been drinking whatever but it saves arguments with people, obviously hes spoilt by mummy
NTA but I wouldn’t continue to reach out to the gym at all. But that’s me.