I’m an immigrant and I moved to this country when I was about eight years old with my mom and two little siblings. I had started to go to public school and was beginning to make a lot of friends just like back at home. I really wanted to see these friends and wanted to hang out with them, but my mom was scared of the new environment and in her eyes it was safer for me to be at home rather than outside playing with my friends; because of this, from third grade all the way up until ninth grade I was basically stuck at home with an Xbox.
In high school I started to rebel and try different things like going to parties and just hanging out with friends in general. But even that was too much for her, she insisted that I share my location with her and be home strictly before dark, because that’s when the demons are out or some bullshit. Also she is extremely religious smfh.
Over time I began to question why she was really keeping me away from going out the house; is it because she thinks I’m going to get a girlfriend? Does she think I’ll get addicted to drugs? Is this normal? And every time her answer was “I am your mother and you have a god given duty to respect and obey your parents”; as if I’m a fucjing slave. I get that you gave birth to me, raised me, cleaned my fucking diapers and taught me how to walk; but I still have some autonomy over myself, right? Anyways some of my friends started to smoke weed and man once I got a hit, all the worries about, “what’s mom going to say” or “I hope I don’t get kicked out of my own HOUSE” went away. I felt as if nothing else matters, especially my parents.
Don’t get me wrong they haven’t done anything crazy but it still gets to me that they kept me in a fucking house for 6 years and if I wanted to go play tag with my friends, I was told no because I might get kidnapped….like that’s insane
I’m 24 now and have moved out but my mother still refuses to even acknowledge that she may have made a mistake or two; in her eyes, she has created this image of how the world should work and that world involves obedient children who listen to every fucking word their parents say.
Some background on my mother: she was raised very strictly and was married off at the age of 19 and had me at the age of 22. So I do feel terrible that she was essentially pressured and manipulated into getting married and raising a family.
And now we’re at the point where that cannot be undone so she justifies everything in her past including her getting married off at 19; because parents always know what’s best for their kids.
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I’m an immigrant and I moved to this country when I was about eight years old with my mom and two little siblings. I had started to go to public school and was beginning to make a lot of friends just like back at home. I really wanted to see these friends and wanted to hang out with them, but my mom was scared of the new environment and in her eyes it was safer for me to be at home rather than outside playing with my friends; because of this, from third grade all the way up until ninth grade I was basically stuck at home with an Xbox.
In high school I started to rebel and try different things like going to parties and just hanging out with friends in general. But even that was too much for her, she insisted that I share my location with her and be home strictly before dark, because that’s when the demons are out or some bullshit. Also she is extremely religious smfh.
Over time I began to question why she was really keeping me away from going out the house; is it because she thinks I’m going to get a girlfriend? Does she think I’ll get addicted to drugs? Is this normal? And every time her answer was “I am your mother and you have a god given duty to respect and obey your parents”; as if I’m a fucjing slave. I get that you gave birth to me, raised me, cleaned my fucking diapers and taught me how to walk; but I still have some autonomy over myself, right? Anyways some of my friends started to smoke weed and man once I got a hit, all the worries about, “what’s mom going to say” or “I hope I don’t get kicked out of my own HOUSE” went away. I felt as if nothing else matters, especially my parents.
Don’t get me wrong they haven’t done anything crazy but it still gets to me that they kept me in a fucking house for 6 years and if I wanted to go play tag with my friends, I was told no because I might get kidnapped….like that’s insane
I’m 24 now and have moved out but my mother still refuses to even acknowledge that she may have made a mistake or two; in her eyes, she has created this image of how the world should work and that world involves obedient children who listen to every fucking word their parents say.
Some background on my mother: she was raised very strictly and was married off at the age of 19 and had me at the age of 22. So I do feel terrible that she was essentially pressured and manipulated into getting married and raising a family.
And now we’re at the point where that cannot be undone so she justifies everything in her past including her getting married off at 19; because parents always know what’s best for their kids.
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> I think I’m an asshole because I argued with my mother and told her how I feel
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA but I had a similar issue once I got to the age of pushing back against my mom about how I grew up. You can voice how much it hurt but it doesn’t mean they have to accept it or apologize. It sucks and isn’t what is wanted, but you have to accept what it was and move on with your life or be stuck in that “what if” forever. Change what you can about how you live your life, especially if it involves children. People will die on their hills and you shouldn’t camp there hoping they raise a white flag at the last second, especially if it’s out of spite
NAH.
My mom had me at 19, and one day in my 30s I laid into her about something from my highschool years.
She had heard it before, but this time instead of offering advice or apologizing she simply said that it was time to get over it. And she was right… how long are you going to hang on to this bullshit?
You want your mother to admit she was wrong. She may not be able to do that. If you attempt to force that issue she will just dig in her heels and not only refuse to budge but accuse you of abusing her. All parents make mistakes in raising their children, whether they came from another country or were born right here in the USA. My parents should never have had children, they had no clue how to raise them and messed it up royally. I gave up hope of ever getting an apology or an admission of guilt from my parents as it was an exercise in futility. Sometimes you just have to learn to seize your power and call it a day. You are now an adult. You can not turn back the hands of time and get your mother to admit what you want her to admit. Maybe as she gets closer to death she will start thinking of the things she could have done better but you trying to force feed her guilt is going to backfire. Move on with your life as best you can. The day will ultimately come when she is at deaths door and you can finally get her to ask your forgiveness.
NAH. You’re completely valid in wanting her to acknowledge that her behavior wasn’t normal and was incredibly overly strict, but at this point in time she may not be able to do that due to how she herself was raised. Sounds like both you and mom need some therapy of some sort to work through this, your mom especially
NTA. Children are people, not property. Parents shouldn’t be surprised if their kids resent overbearing parenting later. Not allowing you to leave the house for six years is ridiculous.
Your mother’s problems are not your problems. You should not have had to carry the burden of her own strict upbringing.
Go to therapy to work on those feelings. Then take your mom with you so your therapist can set it up for you to be able to express yourself to your mom.