For the last few days my eye has been swelling. It started light and this morning I woke up and it was painful and swollen larger than the day before. Google researching more said that it could be a stye, or an infection and that there is an infection that is quite bad… Orbital Cellulitis. Since I had JUST gone to get my eyes checked and they used eye drops (which i am assuming they didn’t clean). I got kind of worried this morning at 7:30am over coffee. Now to add to all this my parents are in town, so my mom is still upstairs sleeping and I am sitting on the patio with my dad having a coffee.
Being in Canada all walk-in clinics are closed on Sunday. So I decided “I guess I have to go to the ER to get it looked at? If i have to get a prescription.”.
My wife was still sleeping, but I felt I should let her know that my eye isn’t looking too good and I am going to head to an ER (since I was hoping that going to the ER ASAP would make it faster to get in and out). So I very gently wake her and say in a whisper, “I am going to head to the doc, my eye is pretty bad.”
She was kind of frustrated and said “ok.” and layed back down.
I went down stairs and finished my coffee before heading out, chatted about what I was going to do with my dad, and prepared to leave. I got a text from her
“I know pharmacists can prescribe for smaller things, if you cant get into a walk in.”
I thought, oh! that’s a good idea. I will chill for an hour when the pharmacy opens and go. So I keep sitting on the patio to finish the coffee and wait for the time to head to the pharmacy.
About 10 mins later, my wife comes out on the patio and instantly says “You know, you shouldn’t have woken me up. I wanted to sleep more.” in a pretty confrontational “how dare you” way in front of myself and my dad.
No “How are you doing?”, no checking in my well being, no empathy. just… fuck you for waking me up early (at 7:20am)
So at this point I go in the house and she proceeds to lecture me on how she is on her period and needs sleep. She had a rough night (cramps) and that I shouldn’t have woken her up, I should have just texted and left.
My argument was that i totally GET that, but I kind of am worried I have a bad eye infection and wanted to let her know I was GOING TO SEEK treatment. and to ME she should have been like “How are you doing? how are you feeling? is everything alright?”
She maintains that I should have never woke her up, and that i was the asshole and that she is not in the wrong at all for being more worried about her sleep than my situation.
*mind you, I haven’t had eye issues in 30 years… so this is ALL new to me.
I ended up going to 2 pharmacists who both came back with that its more than likely a stye and that a hot compress is all that’s needed.
And she is still pissed at me and refuses to see how I see her actions as selfish and that I shouldn’t be made an asshole for waking her up.
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For the last few days my eye has been swelling. It started light and this morning I woke up and it was painful and swollen larger than the day before. Google researching more said that it could be a stye, or an infection and that there is an infection that is quite bad… Orbital Cellulitis. Since I had JUST gone to get my eyes checked and they used eye drops (which i am assuming they didn’t clean). I got kind of worried this morning at 7:30am over coffee. Now to add to all this my parents are in town, so my mom is still upstairs sleeping and I am sitting on the patio with my dad having a coffee.
Being in Canada all walk-in clinics are closed on Sunday. So I decided “I guess I have to go to the ER to get it looked at? If i have to get a prescription.”.
My wife was still sleeping, but I felt I should let her know that my eye isn’t looking too good and I am going to head to an ER (since I was hoping that going to the ER ASAP would make it faster to get in and out). So I very gently wake her and say in a whisper, “I am going to head to the doc, my eye is pretty bad.”
She was kind of frustrated and said “ok.” and layed back down.
I went down stairs and finished my coffee before heading out, chatted about what I was going to do with my dad, and prepared to leave. I got a text from her
“I know pharmacists can prescribe for smaller things, if you cant get into a walk in.”
I thought, oh! that’s a good idea. I will chill for an hour when the pharmacy opens and go. So I keep sitting on the patio to finish the coffee and wait for the time to head to the pharmacy.
About 10 mins later, my wife comes out on the patio and instantly says “You know, you shouldn’t have woken me up. I wanted to sleep more.” in a pretty confrontational “how dare you” way in front of myself and my dad.
No “How are you doing?”, no checking in my well being, no empathy. just… fuck you for waking me up early (at 7:20am)
So at this point I go in the house and she proceeds to lecture me on how she is on her period and needs sleep. She had a rough night (cramps) and that I shouldn’t have woken her up, I should have just texted and left.
My argument was that i totally GET that, but I kind of am worried I have a bad eye infection and wanted to let her know I was GOING TO SEEK treatment. and to ME she should have been like “How are you doing? how are you feeling? is everything alright?”
She maintains that I should have never woke her up, and that i was the asshole and that she is not in the wrong at all for being more worried about her sleep than my situation.
*mind you, I haven’t had eye issues in 30 years… so this is ALL new to me.
I ended up going to 2 pharmacists who both came back with that its more than likely a stye and that a hot compress is all that’s needed.
And she is still pissed at me and refuses to see how I see her actions as selfish and that I shouldn’t be made an asshole for waking her up.
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> Because maybe I should have thought about her having a period and let her sleep?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
If it was my partner I would like to know. Regardless of the time even if I had a rough night.
NTA. This can just be resolved with some apologies.
Nta. I don’t care what time it is, how tired I am, or what I have going on. If my husband tells me he needs to go to an emergency doctor appointment, I’m going with him. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
NTA. Most people would want their spouse to tell them if they were going to the ER. If I were in her place, I would have gotten up and driven my husband to the ER. Personally, I would be very upset if my spouse went to the ER without telling me.
My husband had a disc collapse in his back less than 48 hours after I had my gallbladder out. I spent 16 hours in 2 different ERs with him, because I refused to let him go alone.
I would have written a note and taken my phone so she could call once awake. Unless you wanted something from her (e.g. care, a lift, help, emotional soothing, advice, whatever) you shouldn’t have woken her up if she’d had a bad night and you were planning to go alone to the ED anyway. I think it reasonable to work out, from your POV OP, what was the point of waking her, why did you do it given a note would have sufficed? That might help you understand why she is annoyed.
She sounds nice.
/s
NTA
Do you need any more evidence that you are not a priority to your wife?? That really sucks!
Yta. This genuinely wasn’t that big of a thing. There was another person awake who could have told her when she woke up, you could have texted her, or left a note. You did not need to wake her up that early in the morning especially when she was already having issues with sleep.
I’d want to know if my husband was going to the ER. NTA
ESH. You’re making a huge drama over a bloody STYE – I mean, please! Period cramps trump a stye any time of the day. Also, your wife is probably also in a bad mood because of her period, so you need to give her a little break. HOWEVER – and I can’t emphasise this enough – if my husband told me he was going to the ER I would jump out of bed and go with him, check on him, ask if he was okay etc.
Probably not for a bloody stye though, that’s just ridiculous. She probably realised you were being silly, so I’m not even sure if it’s just you who’s the AH here.
Honestly she’s on her period give her a break she still loves you it’s her hormones talking
Small YTA, I mean, you weren’t on the verge of losing an eye. Your eye was a bit swollen and you’d scared yourself by using Dr Google. You had your parents round for emotional support if you needed that.
I don’t see why you needed to wake her to inform her you were going to get it looked at, why not leave a note or a text?
That being said, it’s really not the biggest deal in the world and she could be less grumpy about it.
NTA. I would be upset if my husband didn’t tell me. I may have not gone with him (depends on the reason) but I still would want to know.
Hell, my grown kids that still live at home (students) let me know.
NTA, I would want to know if my husband was sick, and more then likely I would go with him if there was time. Wild that she’s mad. Hopefully this was just a one off for her, and she normally doesn’t act that way towards you.
YTA You could have just told your dad or left a note. It wasn’t an emergency. Plus you didn’t even leave right after you woke her up. You went back and finished your coffee and chatted. You could have left her sleeping that whole time.
Your wife acted like a jerk, but she’s on her period, in pain, and couldn’t sleep. NTA but neither is she – we’ve all acted like jerks when we’re physically/hormonally out of whack.
NTA
As somebody who has chronic eye and vision issues, this shit can get serious, fast. Never take chances with it. And telling your partner you are concerned enough to seek medical help should be her concern. Losing out on a bit of sleep an d being pissy about it is a dick move when your SO is cocnerned about their vision.
Everyone sucks.
You woke her at 7:20, THEN went downstairs to finish your coffee, chat with your dad and prepare to leave. When she texts you, you still haven’t left and now only have to wait an hour for the pharmacy to open. That says to me it’s close to 8am at this point, pharmacy will open at 9.
And, quite frankly, if you did some research and knew it could be a stye, why not start with a warm compress before jumping to “emergency room”? You overreacted, woke your wife up 30+ minutes before you were actually trying to walk out the door, and gave no empathy to whether she needed sleep. Did YOU ask HER if she needed anything, how she was feeling, if everything was alright? If she’s up through the night with bad cramps, she’s also not in a great place and you’re frustrated she’s not more worried about you.
That said, cranky and tired and frustrated as she may have been, she could have also given your concerns some empathy, especially in front of other people. She doesn’t get a free pass, but you could both be more respectful of the needs of the other.
As a woman who doesn’t sleep soundly and also has had bad menstrual days, I would have been irritated at my husband for waking me early on a Sunday morning- especially if he still hadn’t actually left the house 30-40 minutes later and he hadn’t even tried basic self-care beforehand. That doesn’t excuse her rudeness, but it absolutely does not make her selfish.
NTA, with an eye issue it can be painful and quite serious or not. Until you get checked it’s hard to say. I’d have a chat with her about whether you two have a relationship that if something is wrong you leave a note and get help alone or with someone else to assist or whether you tell your spouse even if they’re asleep, at work, etc. Personally, I think it’s good to have a spouse who’s there in sickness and health. But if that’s not your relationship, I hope you have family and friends who can help you. Let’s face it, some have spouses who are quite terrible at dealing with sickness or crises so it’s important to know and plan accordingly.
YTA. You were so mildly concerned about this that you sat and chatted with your parents while you finished your coffee before deciding just to hit up a pharmacy instead. Why are you angry with her for not leaping from bed to minister to you?
It ended up being nothing. Is this a habit of yours? To play Dr. Google and become overly paranoid about something (like your eye doctor giving you orbital cellulitis with dirty eye drops?!?).
She had a bad night and wasn’t feeling well either. Why wasn’t the first word out of your mouth “how are you feeling this morning?”
It’s kinda… hmmm… that you woke her up, then went back to hanging out. Like I guess it wasn’t that urgent to you.
Her reaction is very grumpy but is there something else going on? Like is her sleepiness is a point of contention in your relationship? Or does she think you are a hypochondriac? Something like that.
She should have said “let me get dressed. I’m coming with you. And I am driving.” You didn’t know what it was and you could have lost an eye. Don’t ignore eye problems.
i’m kind of undecided… but im gonna lean on ESH, purely because i understand both sides. on your end, you just wanted to let her know where you were going. and could it have been a text? absolutely, but imo if i were her, id rather be woken up. personally, the rule in my family is that if youre going to the hospital/er, make sure a parent, partner, or sibling knows where youre going and for how long. whether you tell them via text, email, voicemail, whatever; at least tell one person. you say you spoke with another family member, so why not just tell them instead of having to wake up your wife?
however, i also understand your wifes pov. as someone with endo and pcos, my periods and cramps can lean on the extreme and it can make things like sleep difficult. she was a dick for talking to you like that, regardless of how she was feeling, how she treated you was not okay.
NTA. I would have written a note personally, but only because my mom was the same way as your wife growing up and now I’m weirdly anxious about waking people up for any reason. That said, as someone who also gets periods, I would have still liked to know if my partner was going to the ER and ask if they wanted me to go with them for comfort. I hate not knowing things or being left out of information like that, I want to know if my loved ones are ok, how bad is it, is the pain really bad? So on and so forth. I dunno, in my opinion, a period is no excuse for being so snotty. She no doubt went back to sleep, anyway. Just move on and ask if your husband is ok.
I genuinely think there should be restrictions on googling medical stuff
most ppl just confuse themselves or scare themselves like you did
you did massively over react lol
having said that, if my partner was going to the ER, I would want to know
NTA. I would want to know my husband was going to the hospital. Also I would be angry to be told by my FIL when I woke up and asked where DH was and be told oh he went to the ER
NTA Spouses are supposed to be there for love and support. I’d be upset if my SO was feeling bad and didn’t tell me, worse if he left for the hospital and didn’t tell me. I’d be up, getting dressed and ready to go with him in less than 10 minutes.
Just an FYI and Not medical advice – if you have problems with styes in your eye (this came from my 93 year old mother who was told this by an old lady when she was a kid) rub the stye with a gold ring and it will go away and not come back. I have tried this and it worked for me. Again – I am Not giving medical advice.
NTA. I get that your wife is on her period but she wasn’t being nice to you as well as not being caring.
I’d want to know if my husband was going to the ER.
Maybe you could have told your dad to tell her when she woke up. I get where you are coming from though.
I’m grumpy if I’m tired and woken up for non emergencies. Leave a note YTA
YTA – that could have been a text message.
YTA. wake up your spouse if you need to go to the ER, but if you’re hanging out and having some coffee this is not an ER situation. At a BARE MINIMUM you could have waited until you finished your coffee and were walking out the door to wake her up. I’ve had a stye plenty of times, nothing about that feels ER worthy. The fact that her discomfort and sleep is an afterthought for you and all you want is HER apology compounds it.
ESH. First of all, the Dr. doesn’t just use dirty eye drops. That is a wild accusation and leads me to believe you were overreacting and not thinking clearly. Then you make half a plan, wake her up, and then do absolutely nothing. If you’re not worried enough to leave immediately then let her sleep. Make a real plan before you bother her, but also DONT trust Dr. Google on anything medical and don’t assume the worst. But the fact that your wife didn’t want to drive you or at least make sure you were safe is wild and feels very uncaring.
Nta
I would never leave the house in the morning without telling my husband where I’m going, unless I’m going to work. Even if it’s something he knows about, I go in to say goodbye, kiss his forehead and say “I’m off to x”. I wouldn’t want him tot wake up and freak out that I’m not home.
YTA immediately – wasn’t that urgent if you were sitting around drinking coffee. Sounds like you were being passive aggressive because you wanted her up and fawning over you
Not enough information. Do you wake her up usually about things? Was she up with kids? Has she not been sleeping well.
I don’t know where you live, but in Edmonton most walk-in clinics are open on Sunday
YTA. Even if no one else were there, you could have sent her a message, or just left an old-fashioned message and put it where she’d see it when she woke up. Something more like “eye is not getting better so I’m going to the ER” and not just “gone to ER” with no further information.
Dude, it’s not like you have a man cold where you have to stop, flop, and be catered to by both your wife and your mother since both are there.
Do better. Be better.
Couldn’t you have gone downstairs to see if someone was up? It’s not like your wife was the only person in the house…… you could’ve told your dad and he could’ve told your wife once she got up. YTA
YTA. She bothered to text you about pharmacists, so she took your problem on board and tried to find a solution. Did she wake you up in the night to tell you she had cramps and was suffering? Did you ask her how she was doing, considering she had pain that kept her awake?I presume not. You could easily have left a message with your dad.
NTA – idc how small and insignificant the issue was – if my hubby was worried about anything and wanted to go to the doctor or ER, I would be livid if he sent me a text or didn’t tell me. I’d want to be driving and know for sure myself it’s nothing to worry about. At the time you didn’t know it was minor.
My hubby had a small issue with his eye one day and went to the DR, thinking it was nothing. 24 hrs later we are in the ER at the top of the priority list to be seen because it turns out a blood clot erupted in the veins leading to his eye. You can never be to safe in my opinion!
Now dip a cloth or cotton pad in warm salty water and take care of that sty 😁
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NTA but could be slight YTA
This is a learning moment perhaps. Yes, I would typically wake my husband if I was going to the hospital. However, if he had had a bad night, and it wasn’t an emergency, I’d text him so he’d know where I was when he woke up.
It kind of comes down to common practice in your marriage though. Is she a morning person? Is she usually annoyed at being woken early, is she typically an early bird or sleeps in?
She may have been more annoyed because you were still lounging around an hour AFTER you woke her up.
NTA. She should have DRIVEN you to the ER.
My guy just woke up this morning with a super swollen eye. I heard the shower running super early and asked what was up and if he wanted me to go. He said yes and i went. Your loved ones should be concerned when medical things happen.
NTA. You didn’t wake her up because you were going to the store for beer, you were going to the ER. I’d be angry if my husband didn’t wake me up.
There was another adult awake in the house. Your dad could have even gone with you. You shouldn’t have woken her up, you just wanted attention. YTA
YTA. Just text or leave a note… or ask your parents to tell her when she gets up. You definitely didn’t need to wake her up for this. I would definitely apologize to her and try to make it up to her with a nice breakfast or new pajamas. Sleep is very important especially on your period; follow the simple rule of only waking someone up prematurely if you are actively dying/need a ride to the ER, the house is on fire/other active disaster, police are at the door, etc. Expecting to be coddled like a child over this is kind of strange… especially if you were fine enough to leisurely have coffee with your parents. I would also have been pissed! Don’t mess with sleep, OP. YTA, be more considerate.
YTA. I was onboard with you until you woke her up and then sat around. If you’re gonna wake someone up like that you do it right before you walk out the door. You could’ve just sent a text but I’ll give you a little leeway because you’re nervous yous till don’t wake her up and then sit around d the house even longer.
YTA. You jumped to a worst case scenario, including the assumption that your eye Dr wasn’t following basic hygienic and sterile product protocols, got yourself all freaked out and reactive and panicked and woke your wife up, which was completely unnecessary. You ended up having two pharmacists tell you it was probably a minor sty. This is why you should seek advice from a qualified medical professional rather than ‘doctor google’. She was not out of line to basically tell you off here.
YTA and clearly overreacted. I can’t get over the fact that you went to a pharmacist, they told you it was a stye and to do a hot compress. You didn’t believe them so you went to a 2nd pharmacist, who told you the same thing. You are the living stereotype of the “man cold.”
YTA why not just tell your awake father to tell her when she gets up. Why wake her for this crap? Did you need attention?
YTA
As a woman who gets really bad cramps that keep me up at night AND had a horrible Stye last year that required a procedure for removal.
I can imagine how frustrating it would be on a Sunday to get woken up early. I also often can’t fall back asleep so the few hours she got is all she will get. Add to that tomorrow is Monday and a workday.
You’re mad she’s not babying you, but you showed absolutely no sympathy for her. The bottom line is there was no reason for you to wake her up. If you thought she might want to know, but turns out she didn’t, you could at least apologize.
Your Stye can wait a couple hours.
YTA, you didn’t leave, you sat around drinking coffee with daddy. If it was that big of an issue you’d seek immediate care, instead you disturbed someone’s peace for your own peace of mind.
YTA- Try imagining a pain so bad it wakes you up from a deep sleep sleep and it’s every month of your life. How often have you shown compassion over that or do you ignore it every month
And YTA for wanting to bung up the emergency room with a non-emergency. Sounds weird that there’s an ER nearby but no walk in or primary care clinic.
YTA…you knew she had a rough night the night before but woke her up to tell her something that as she stated, really could’ve been a text. Especially considering your parents were there and would’ve been able to inform your wife of your whereabouts when she woke
NTA
All you did was tell her something then let her fall back asleep. It’s not like you made her get up. I have a feeling that if your parents weren’t there and she woke up alone she’d be mad you didn’t tell her where you were going. She also gave you really helpful advice to save you time. So it was helpful you woke her up.
Even if I left and came back my husband gets upset if I don’t wake him up to say goodbye. There’s a good chunk where he won’t even remember it because he was so dead asleep. It’s a good idea for both of y’all’s safety to share where/when you’re going.
I’d want to know if my partner needed to go to the ER for anything – and I’d probably offer to go with or meet him there once I’d managed to shower and dress. Emergency or not, I wouldn’t want him to feel like idgaf.
Nta. Your wife sounds rude
YTA.
You could have texted her but men tend to do this shit.
It wasn’t an emergency as you finished your coffee spoke to your dad etc.
She’s the AH
NTA. I’d be very upset if my husband had any type of illness or injury and left the house to go to the doctor and didn’t tell me. I can’t understand any spouse not caring about that.
YTA. Leave a note. Leave a text. Tell your parents and have them tell your wife when she wakes.
If your eye is pushing out of your orbital socket, that’s different. That’s an emergency. If your pupil is dilated, vision is odd, and you have a splitting headache, that’s different. That’s an emergency. You have a possible aneurysm or stroke.
Dude, your eye was swollen. You could still see. Leave a note.
YTA
She’s tired, doesn’t feel well, is stuck entertaining your parents, and now has to be woken up by your inane announcement that could have just been a note or a text message.
YTA. I would have said NTA if you had woken her up, and left right away for the ER. But you didn’t. You hung out, drinking coffee, chatting with your dad. You never even went to the ER – just to the pharmacy. You could have easily told your dad to fill your wife in, then left IMMEDIATELY for the ER. I also would have said ESH, cause your wife is holding a grudge, except I wonder how often she feels like she has to be your mother and you run to her whenever you have an owie and she is just sick of it.
These comments are wild. I can’t imagine being such a baby that I was bothered by my husband waking me up to tell me he was going to the ER. I would want to know that, I’d be worried and would likely get up and go with him.
If you care more about your sleep and getting woken up than your spouse then Y T A. I don’t think half of Reddit in here is married and if they are they really don’t deserve to be.
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YTA. If you could sit around for like an hour drinking coffee & waiting for the pharmacy to open, you could sit around for like an hour BEFORE you woke her up. Your mommy was there, why not cry to her instead?
NTA. if my husband is ill enough to go to a doctor for an unscheduled visit (urgent care or ER), I ask if he wants me to go with him (for comfort) and my anxiety is up and I need to know what is going on the whole time he’s gone because I worry about him, especially since he doesn’t get sick enough to see a Dr often. it doesn’t matter what time of day it is, I want to know what is going on
YTA. what did you accomplish by waking her?