AITA? I (55 F) have a grandson(Johnny) who will be 15 this year. When he was born my son (Jack) and his wife (Jill) lived with me. They divorced when Johnny was about 2.5 years old. After the divorce Jack had regular visitation and got Johnny every other weekend. Jack worked a 2nd shift job and so I would pick Johnny up from Jill and keep him Fridays and Jack would pick him up on Saturday. Jill always gave us trouble with visitation. She would not allow the 2 weeks in the summer that was allowed according to the state visitation guidelines and no extra time under any circumstances. We alternated holidays but always based on what she wanted not what the rules stated.
A few years after the divorce, Jack started doing drugs and became addicted. When I found out about the drugs, when Johnny came over, he stayed with me and Jack had to come to my house to see him. I never allowed Jack to see him unsupervised or to take him anywhere alone. This went on for about 6 years and then Jack died.
Jill informed me that she would still allow Johnny to see me and nothing would change. She lied. She had her husband adopt Johnny. After the adoption was final she said Johnny couldn’t stay all night with me on Saturday anymore because she wanted him to go to church with their family. I was not happy but didn’t make a fuss and just went on. That lasted about a year. Then she decided he couldn’t stay over night at all because there was a registered you know what in my neighborhood, like every other neighborhood, but she didn’t think he was safe there anymore. Then I was only seeing Johnny for maybe 2-4 hours every other Friday, I was not happy again but didn’t fight her. Then it turned into me being lucky to see him once a month for a couple hours.
Johnny was my first grandchild and we were very close and it really hurt when she started taking him away after my son died but this was too far. I hired an attorney and tried to get grandparents rights. I did not get rights because evidently before the adoption I was sent a letter that I had 30 days to respond to and since I never saw the letter, that was supposedly delivered to me while I was on vacation in another state, I lost any rights I had. So when I filed for rights and Jill got the paperwork she went absolutely nuts. I have not seen Johnny in almost 4 years and it tears me up inside, I miss him terribly. Jill admits that I am a great grandma and she knows I love him and would never let anything happen to him but says I disrespected her by filing for grandparent’s rights so, AITA for trying to keep my grandson in my life? Was it disrespectful of me to file for rights?
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AITA? I (55 F) have a grandson(Johnny) who will be 15 this year. When he was born my son (Jack) and his wife (Jill) lived with me. They divorced when Johnny was about 2.5 years old. After the divorce Jack had regular visitation and got Johnny every other weekend. Jack worked a 2nd shift job and so I would pick Johnny up from Jill and keep him Fridays and Jack would pick him up on Saturday. Jill always gave us trouble with visitation. She would not allow the 2 weeks in the summer that was allowed according to the state visitation guidelines and no extra time under any circumstances. We alternated holidays but always based on what she wanted not what the rules stated. A few years after the divorce, Jack started doing drugs and became addicted. When I found out about the drugs, when Johnny came over, he stayed with me and Jack had to come to my house to see him. I never allowed Jack to see him unsupervised or to take him anywhere alone. This went on for about 6 years and then Jack died. Jill informed me that she would still allow Johnny to see me and nothing would change. She lied. She had her husband adopt Johnny. After the adoption was final she said Johnny couldn’t stay all night with me on Saturday anymore because she wanted him to go to church with their family. This lasted about a year. I was not happy but didn’t make a fuss and just went on. Then she decided he couldn’t stay over night at all because there was a registered you know what in my neighborhood, like every other neighborhood, but she didn’t think he was safe there anymore. Then I was only seeing Jack for maybe 2-4 hours every other Friday, I was not happy again but didn’t fight her. Then it turned into me being lucky to see him once a month for a couple hours. Johnny was my first grandchild and we were very close and it really hurt when she started taking him away after my son died but this was too far. I hired an attorney and tried to get grandparents rights. I did not get rights because evidently before the adoption I was sent a letter that I had 30 days to respond to and since I never saw the letter, that was supposedly delivered to me while I was on vacation in another state, I lost any rights I had. So when I filed for rights and Jill got the paperwork she went absolutely nuts. I have not seen Johnny in almost 4 years and it tears me up inside, I miss him terribly. Jill admits that I am a great grandma and she knows I love him and would never let anything happen to him but says I disrespected her by filing for grandparent’s rights so, AITA for trying to keep my grandson in my life? Was it disrespectful of me to file for rights?
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> My ex daughter in law doesn’t allow me to have any contact with my grandson because I filed
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It was a risky move to file for grandparents rights as it was likely to guarantee this reaction from her and result in you being cut off if you didn’t get them. But it sounds like things were headed in that direction irrespective. If she has even said you’re a great grandma then it’s incredibly selfish of her to deprive her son of his relationship with you. This is sad and I don’t know if I have any advice that would help. I hope he gets back in touch in a few years when he turns 18. Big hugs.
So sorry she is doing this to you and your grandson. Grandchildren are special
YTA This is dripping with things unsaid. It’s really easy to read this as the unreliable narration of an extremely enabling parent, who indeed needs to be kept from the grandkids. That the court didn’t grant any sort of visitation, concurs with that.
Gonna need you to do some hard self-examination… or more likely it’ll just be presenting some possible reading-between-the-lines for other readers. Your son got into drugs for the first time *ever* only *after* the divorce? Or were drugs actually a problem for him for a long time, that contributed to his divorce? Cause it would make sense for the sort of parent you’re characterizing yourself as, that every time he “got clean” you treated it like the problem never existed, and any time he relapsed you treated the problem like it was brand new again. Never holding him accountable. Admittedly still allowing him access to his child through you even when he was in active addiction– it’s not some sort of protective flex that you were not so barren-headed to leave your addicted son alone with his child, either.
Yeah, it’s no wonder the courts didn’t award you any sort of grandparents’ rights. The courts saw how you raised your son and don’t want to allow you to do it again.
You knew you were burning a bridge when you filed for those rights, too, and now don’t want to acknowledge the consequences of openly tampering with child custody. You’re now in the “find out” portion of the FAFO program.
YTA for filing for rights when you still saw him a few hours a month.
NTA for missing him and wanting to stay in contact with him. At this point contact him when he’s 18.
NTA
Send birthday and christmas cards by recorded mail (or whatever system allows it to be tracked, and you can see who signs for it). Keep records.
Your grandson will soon be old enough to decide who he wants to see. Just make sure you are there ready if he does.
YTA
She’s right that you went too far. You already saw him as much as, if not more than, a lot of other grandparents.
It’s natural that as time went on it decreased. She moved on and the child got older.
NTA – you did and doing what you believe are what need to be done to keep your grandson in your life. Jill slowly reduced your visitations to a few hours every other Friday because she didnt want to be a bad person for cutting you off completely. If there is any hope, i wish you the best and for it to work out for you to see your grandson often.
NTA unfortunately Jill is an AH. Bright side in 3 more years you will be able to contact him directly. Maybe search for him on social media and send him your phone number, email, address and let him know when he turns 18 you will be happy to see him
So you were seeing your grandchild regularly, but not as often as you wanted. That puts you in the same boat as lot of grandparents.
And then you sued for visitation rights. And, becuase you did that, you lost access completely. You made this bed.
YTA
YTA.
I’m having a hard time believing that the woman who let YOU have EOWE custody for the 6 years your son was using and then, overnights twice a month, just decided to slowly reduce visitations for no “real” reasons.
You saw your grandson regularly. You had him in your life. You got greedy.