AITA for not letting my sister wear white to my wedding, even though it’s the only nice dress she owns?
So I (28F) got married last weekend. It was a small, outdoor wedding, pretty laid back, but I still wanted the usual traditions—like being the only one in white.
My younger sister (22F) texted me two weeks before the wedding saying she didn’t have anything to wear except a white lace dress she wore to a graduation. She said she couldn’t afford a new dress right now and asked if it would be okay if she wore it.
I told her no, nicely, and even offered to Venmo her $50 to find something else, or let her borrow something from one of my friends. She got super upset, said I was making her feel embarrassed and like she wasn’t “good enough” to attend. She ended up not coming to the wedding at all.
My mom is mad at me and says I humiliated my sister by making a big deal about the dress, especially since the wedding wasn’t super formal. I still feel like white is off-limits at a wedding unless you’re the bride, no matter how chill the vibe is. My husband agrees with me, but now the family is split over it.
AITA?
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AITA for not letting my sister wear white to my wedding, even though it’s the only nice dress she owns?
So I (28F) got married last weekend. It was a small, outdoor wedding, pretty laid back, but I still wanted the usual traditions—like being the only one in white.
My younger sister (22F) texted me two weeks before the wedding saying she didn’t have anything to wear except a white lace dress she wore to a graduation. She said she couldn’t afford a new dress right now and asked if it would be okay if she wore it.
I told her no, nicely, and even offered to Venmo her $50 to find something else, or let her borrow something from one of my friends. She got super upset, said I was making her feel embarrassed and like she wasn’t “good enough” to attend. She ended up not coming to the wedding at all.
My mom is mad at me and says I humiliated my sister by making a big deal about the dress, especially since the wedding wasn’t super formal. I still feel like white is off-limits at a wedding unless you’re the bride, no matter how chill the vibe is. My husband agrees with me, but now the family is split over it.
AITA?
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told my sister she couldn’t wear a white dress to my wedding, even though it’s the only nice dress she owns. I offered money and other options, but she still felt embarrassed and ended up not coming. I might be the asshole because I enforced a tradition that made her feel excluded, especially knowing she was struggling financially.
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> told my sister she couldn’t wear a white dress to my wedding, even though it’s the only nice dress she owns. I offered money and other options, but she still felt embarrassed and ended up not coming. I might be the asshole because I enforced a tradition that made her feel excluded, especially knowing she was struggling financially.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You’re totally in the clear. White’s the bride flex, no cap. Sucks your sis got salty and ghosted tho, but fr, she should’ve understood. Fam’s just extra making a fuss over some dress drama. You did you!
NTA for the simple reason that you offered her $ so she could get a new dress. Or suggested she borrow one. How was that not helping her out?
And if it wasn’t that formal a wedding, she could’ve just worn something more casual; doesn’t sound like you would’ve minded that.
NTA you gave her alternatives; she turned them down.
NTA. It is very common to ask people not to wear white, no matter how “chill” the wedding is. It was worth her asking, but your “no” should have been the end of it. And you offering to give her money for a new dress was a very nice gesture. Sounds like she is being incredibly petulant here, and trying to ruin your joy.
Let her stew, and congratulations on your wedding!
NTA but could your sister really not grab anything else in 2 weeks? And was this an unplanned wedding that she only had two weeks notice? No she should not wear a white lace dress to your wedding. Sounds like she wasn’t that interested in coming to begin with.
NTA. White is a no go. You gave her money to buy a dress!! She just threw a fit. Why your Mom would coddle her, I have no idea. But you did NOTHING wrong. You got your money back, right?
NTA. You offered to buy her one or let her borrow one. Both are good solutions. If she didn’t want to accept “no” as an answer then why did she even ask permission
If your mother was so bothered, how come she didn’t help your sister find something else? Or help her dye the dress a different colour?
Your sister left it to the last minute and then tried to make this your crisis but everybody knows you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding, especially not a white lace dress which is very obviously way too bridal. You tried to help and she didn’t want it, this feels like she manufactured a drama for some reason. NTA.
$50 doesn’t buy you a nice dress. It’s just doesn’t.
Your sister wasn’t trying to stand you up, she couldn’t afford anything to wear and told you that. I guess only time will tell whether being the only one wearing white was really more important than having your sister attend your wedding.
So even not wearing a white lace dress to someone else’s wedding your sister managed to make it all about herself. What an unpleasant person. I assume she takes after your mother.
NTA
I bought a dress today at goodwill to wear to my nephew’s wedding in a few weeks. It was $8.47. She could find something if she wanted to.
Info: what did you say exactly
NTA except that this is probably AI since there have been 20 of these in the past few weeks. You offered to pay for a new dress and she threw a fit.
I find it extremely hard to believe anyone is split over this, but whatever. It’s Reddit.
ESH. You both chose a dress over your sister.
YTA You shamed your sister for being poor. Is this really the hill you wanted to die on? Now your sister didn’t come and resents you and you’re posting on Reddit for validation. Fucking bridezillas.
Your mother’s criticism of your actions is understandable but your priority should be maintaining the integrity of your wedding day and honoring traditions that are meaningful to you.
While family dynamics can be complex, your decision to uphold wedding traditions was reasonable and respectful of your role as the bride.
NTA
It’s not a big deal to enforce a basic color requirement and offer your sister money(!) to buy a dress that met the requirements.
Your sister is a drama llama.
I really hope this is a troll post because good god
if it’s real then obv NTA she presumably knew about your wedding for more than 2 weeks and then could have accepted the money, she wanted to be the centre of attention and is getting it again by pulling such a childish move.
Make sure to send her a copy of the family photos with a “shame you didn’t bother coming”
NTA. ONLY the bride should be wearing white a a wedding.
if she don’t take that 50 and buy her a cute dress from the mall she totally wanted to wear WHITE on purpose, if you gave her the option of money AND option of harrowing from a friend/you then she is ultimately the issue it’s common knowledge that the bride(traditionally) is the only one to wear white, dresses from other retail stores are also not that expensive and she should’ve put herself aside and chosen to respect you versus choosing her pride
NTA. You offered her money to buy a dress and she refused. Her decision.
Tell your mom to f-o too.
NTA and I’m sorry you have a ridiculous, selfish sister. I hope you wedding day was nice anyway.
YTA. You chose a wavelength of light over your sister.
NTA You gave her many options to help her.
If your sister is so bothered she should stay home.
NTA, you tried to offer solutions, instead your sister is making this all about her. Her statement of feeling like she’s not good enough to attend gives enough of a signal for that, her not coming at all is the cherry on top. Your mom should be mad at your sister for making YOUR wedding all about her and her appreance (again at YOUR wedding), when it’s her wedding then she gets to decide what goes. It was incredibly childish for her to not go just to prove how mad she is about not being allowed to wear a dress, like it is an event for a few hours and your sister’s wedding for crying out loud, is it too hard to care? I guess so.
I guess she got what she wanted, she will be remembered for this for the next 2 decades at least: the sister who refused to show up at her older sister’s wedding because of a damn dress. But somehow you’re TA? What a joke.
ESH – I’m a total dipshit but even I know only the bride wears white, regardless of the size of the ceremony.
But $50 isn’t enough to buy a decent dress. That doesn’t even buy one shoe.
NTA, obviously. Your sister complained she’s short of cash, you offered a solution. She needs to grow up.
NTA. Hopefully you were tactful during the conversation, and the $50 offer was made with sincerity. Maybe you could have offered to take her out to pick it out too, and make it a fun event? But her embarrassment isn’t on you. It’s unfortunate she feels that way, and let that get in the way of attending the wedding.
For the love of all the gods, will guests just stop wearing white to weddings please 🙏