I don’t consider myself to be a particularly picky eater. Human, sure. There are foods that I don’t like. I’ll even admit that outside of shrimp and crab, seafood is a no go for me. I’ve never been able to stomach fish. No, they way you make it isn’t going to be an exception. Yes, that type of fish you claim doesn’t taste fishy absolutely does. I also have fairly delicate American sensibilities when it comes to organ meat, but I can be talked into trying it.
My (27f) boyfriend (31m) disagrees with me. To hear him describe my food habits, you’d think I was a dino nugget and mac n cheese girlie because of two things. The first is that I don’t cook super spicy food at home (the operative word being cook. I like spicy food). The second being that I won’t order sushi when it’s his turn to pick where we eat out. He wants to be able to order a bunch of different rolls and share.
All of this has come up twice this week somehow. On Wednesday I made a simple pasta dish that pissed him off for some reason. It was just penne with jarred marinara and mushrooms I sauteed in butter and garlic before going in the sauce. It was served with roasted asparagus and store bought garlic knots on the side. It wasn’t the most exciting meal. It was also the middle of the week, and I just wanted to eat. Queue the grumbling and the pulling out multiple bottles of hot sauce from his collection. Cool, douse it in Dr. Donkey’s Atomic Ass Ripper Psycho Sauce if you want to. Don’t sit and bitch about it the entire meal, please. Which he did.
Yesterday is what really pissed me off. He wanted to go out for sushi. Normally I’m okay with that because most places have things I’ll eat like tempura, miso soup, some kind of noodle dish, etc. Except he found a new place that’s supposed to be great with a very streamlined menu that’s almost entirely sushi. I like miso soup, but it’s not dinner. I could order a non-fish roll, but I don’t love the taste of nori, and I just wasn’t in the mood to pay for the pleasure of eating something I don’t enjoy. This started a huge argument about how picky I am. Seeing as how my counter offer for where to go was either Indian or kbbq, I just don’t see.
Ironically, I think he’s pickier than I am. He won’t eat anything made in a crockpot because of the texture. Absolutely no soup. He doesn’t like most fruits unless we’re talking about strawberry milkshakes. He acts like me eating olives is a war crime, and don’t you dare suggest something with cabbage, kale, bell peppers, or any type of bean in it. And all of that is fine with me even if I’d love to be able to throw shit together in the crockpot before work for dinner.
Am I off base here? I know seafood is a wide category that does limit things. I could have sucked it up and forced down a tempura roll. I can try to cook spicer at home to appease him a couple nights a week because as I said, I like spicy food. It’s just frustrating to be accused of being so picky when I feel like I’m not. AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
I don’t consider myself to be a particularly picky eater. Human, sure. There are foods that I don’t like. I’ll even admit that outside of shrimp and crab, seafood is a no go for me. I’ve never been able to stomach fish. No, they way you make it isn’t going to be an exception. Yes, that type of fish you claim doesn’t taste fishy absolutely does. I also have fairly delicate American sensibilities when it comes to organ meat, but I can be talked into trying it.
My (27f) boyfriend (31m) disagrees with me. To hear him describe my food habits, you’d think I was a dino nugget and mac n cheese girlie because of two things. The first is that I don’t cook super spicy food at home (the operative word being cook. I like spicy food). The second being that I won’t order sushi when it’s his turn to pick where we eat out. He wants to be able to order a bunch of different rolls and share.
All of this has come up twice this week somehow. On Wednesday I made a simple pasta dish that pissed him off for some reason. It was just penne with jarred marinara and mushrooms I sauteed in butter and garlic before going in the sauce. It was served with roasted asparagus and store bought garlic knots on the side. It wasn’t the most exciting meal. It was also the middle of the week, and I just wanted to eat. Queue the grumbling and the pulling out multiple bottles of hot sauce from his collection. Cool, douse it in Dr. Donkey’s Atomic Ass Ripper Psycho Sauce if you want to. Don’t sit and bitch about it the entire meal, please. Which he did.
Yesterday is what really pissed me off. He wanted to go out for sushi. Normally I’m okay with that because most places have things I’ll eat like tempura, miso soup, some kind of noodle dish, etc. Except he found a new place that’s supposed to be great with a very streamlined menu that’s almost entirely sushi. I like miso soup, but it’s not dinner. I could order a non-fish roll, but I don’t love the taste of nori, and I just wasn’t in the mood to pay for the pleasure of eating something I don’t enjoy. This started a huge argument about how picky I am. Seeing as how my counter offer for where to go was either Indian or kbbq, I just don’t see.
Ironically, I think he’s pickier than I am. He won’t eat anything made in a crockpot because of the texture. Absolutely no soup. He doesn’t like most fruits unless we’re talking about strawberry milkshakes. He acts like me eating olives is a war crime, and don’t you dare suggest something with cabbage, kale, bell peppers, or any type of bean in it. And all of that is fine with me even if I’d love to be able to throw shit together in the crockpot before work for dinner.
Am I off base here? I know seafood is a wide category that does limit things. I could have sucked it up and forced down a tempura roll. I can try to cook spicer at home to appease him a couple nights a week because as I said, I like spicy food. It’s just frustrating to be accused of being so picky when I feel like I’m not. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for being a picky eater and arguing that I’m not. I could also be an asshole for refusing to eat at a restaurant my boyfriend wanted to try because there’s nothing there I like to eat.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
Check out our holiday break announcement here!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You’re not picky, he has control issues. He’s mad that you didn’t cook him spicy enough food. He’s mad that you don’t really like sushi so he can’t order it the way he wants. He’s not actually mad about your "pickiness" he’s mad about not getting his way.
> Don’t sit and bitch about it the entire meal, please. Which he did.
He can cook his own meals if he is going to be so rude and ungrateful.
Sounds like it’s not about you being a picky eater, it’s that he’s mad you don’t like the exact same things he likes.
NTA.
I had this experience with an ex. It got to the point that he pressured me to drink a health drink made with ginger (the smell & taste of which makes me feel sick), and I almost vomited.
I don’t think this is about food. My ex also had an issue with the way I washed the dishes. It wasn’t his way, and wanted me to.. you guessed it: do them his way.
NTA. I love seafood, but I would eat dirt before I eat sushi. That is just gross … and parasites. Yuk.
He sounds like he likes to complain, or he doesn’t like you. What is the problem of adding hot sauce? People have different tolerances and palates–we are not all the same. And his no-no list is just weird. But again, he is entitled to dislike what he dislikes, however, he has no authority or moral high ground to complain about you.
If this is a recurring argument from him, he sounds exhausting.
[removed]
>Dr Donkey’s Atomic Psycho Ass Ripper
I literally laughed out loud at that. NTA, BTW. Partners should be supportive and respect each other’s tastes. That’s how relationships work. Also, he doesn’t eat fruit and veg? Ugh, I’m not a fan of adults who are like that.
Nta. To clarify, the only picky (and arrogant, ungrateful and selfish) person in this story is him.
NTA, you’re not picky he’s just mad that you don’t cater to his exact tastes. If your post is accurate, you’re right, he’s much pickier than you are. He’s acting like a spoiled brat.
NTA. I will admit to being somewhat of a picky eater. I do not like spicy food, at all. My husband loves it. He also loves to cook. He always adds the hot sauce to his directly. I do not like sushi. He does. He gets what he wants, and I get tempura veggies. It’s called respect. You should demand it.
Are you dating a 12 yo? He sounds childish and high maintenance. NTA
I’m sorry but if someone is putting hot sauce into their pasta with marinara sauce I’m not giving their food-takes any real attention.
He sounds like an insufferable asshole who’s mad because you aren’t catering to his specific tastes.
NTA.
It’s all about him. Is this way in other ways as well?
[removed]
My god, he sounds like a complete asshole, why are you with someone who barely likes you? Move on, you’re both adults but the interactions with your bf sound like the kind that 12 year olds have. Smarten up.
NTA. What in the name of double standards is this? He wants to go to a sushi place that has no food you can eat. How would he feel if you decided to go to a soupy mcsoup place where everything is a soup?
NTA, but this isn’t really about food. It’s about your bf giving you grief because your tastes differ from his. Instead of just accepting it, he continually complains about it.
He’s insisting that his way is the only right way. My question is whether this carries over to things other than food. I’d be surprised if this is just an isolated attempt at control.
My little bro survived on pb&j sammies, plain chicken tendies and man n cheese until his 20s. You already have a wider pallet then that. Nta. I’m have similar feelings on raw tomatoes. I cannot stand them. Idgaf if they’re the most sweetest, garden fresh organic heirlooms on earth. They’re still disgusting to me. When I was a kid, I’d pick the chunks out of pasta sauce. It’s the texture and this weird flavor they have.
Yeah, I don’t think food is really the issue here.
I don’t eat fish at all, it’s a no go. Organ meat…not so much.
My partner LOVES sushi, which is horrifying to me.
We find restaurants that suit us both. Easily.
Married 30 years, have never had one single argument about food.
His issue is about control.
You-NTA, obviously.
I really think people should stop using the word picky eater. There are people with real food issues and eating disorders. Some people when forced to eat certain foods become very ill and it’s not due to a mental illness .
We can use the word “Non Adventurous eater”
Many people have issues with certain food textures.
NTA
Stop cooking for him. I literally just (within the last hour) had a conversation with my partner about cooking: I said I cook food and he makes meals. He will eat practically anything, even things he doesn’t particularly like and as a result I have tried things I never did before and found some I like. But if he tried to make me eat oysters, I would throw hands. In fact, I don’t even think I could watch him eat them. He never and I mean NEVER complains about the food I make… Because it’s (usually) edible and I made it. He knows if he complains, he will be making his own and he really prefers the convenience of having his food made fresh for him. And if he’s not happy he’s free to add whatever he wants. But what he is not allowed to do is moan about the food I put time and effort into making. Sounds like your bf just wants everything his way and will make you feel bad if you don’t comply. Sounds like the ah to me.
NYA, he seems to have a bigger list of foods that he won’t eat, many of which are a lot more common than raw fish. He just wants you to cater to what he wants. Very egotistical imo
NTA
Everybody has their own preferences. I tell my kids this all the time. If they help cook, then they can choose what’s on the menu. If I factored out everyone’s dislikes, there’d be nothing left to serve or we’d be eating the same thing every single night. So I rotate meals to not pick on the same person.
When we eat out as a family we choose places that have something all of us will eat. If I want to try a new place that only serves fish, then I’ll wait for a day when the guys are busy elsewhere and take my daughter. They don’t like fish but she and I do. He should do this when he has a sushi hankering.
NTA, it sounds like this is either about 1. him wanting to control you and what you eat, or 2. him wanting to always get his way about what you guys are eating. Neither option makes him look good. He kinda gives me the same vibes as the abusive mustard husband from that one BORU.
My dude is the least picky eater ever. Loves all the weirdest shit. I am a picky eater. Not crazy, like I’m not only eating mac and cheese and chicken nuggets, but there are tastes I hate. Onions and mushrooms are 2 huge ones. Onions make me gag and I hate the texture of mushrooms. He came over one night with leftovers and one was a pork sandwich with onions and mushrooms. He left the next day for a week for work (he travels) and asked a few days later if I ate the leftovers he left for me. I was like…..noooo, there were a ton of onions and mushrooms in the sandwich. He said "omg, get over yourself, be an adult and just eat the food". I had to explain to him, like a five year old, that I can’t "get over myself" to eat something that my instant reaction is to start retching.
Some people just can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes. Or choose not to. 6 of one.
In fairness, he did get it after we talked.
*edit for clarity
[removed]
YTA. A WHOLE CATEGORY of protein being off the table establishes that. But so is he, and combining two picky eaters with different “no go zones” is the challenge here. Y’all deserve each other. Figure it out.
NTA
Ok I may be bias because seafood is also my no food but at the same points there are so many other options out there that it sounds like you are good with. He just wants you to capitulate to what he wants so is trying to see if shaming you will work.
I feel like us no seafood people need a group because it’s wild how quickly people will say that hating fish makes you fussy when half of those same people won’t touch more than 4 veg for their whole diet or be willing to try more niche meat options.
NTA. Some people are absolutely vile towards picky eaters, and your boyfriend seems to be one of them.
NTA.
There are picky eaters out there as my eldest was one. In the main, I have found that people are accused of being picky eaters when they don’t eat the same range as someone else.
My husband sometimes calls me picky because I can not eat food with chilli due to allergy and some other hot spices. I don’t usually like fruit with savoury. My husband isn’t picky, but he doesn’t like seafood, blue cheese, most sweet things, eggs.
One way my husband gets around the issue of spices is to cook for my taste, then add spicy sauces to his portion. That way, we are both happy.
NTA I love sushi and seafood and my boyfriend does not like any of it. I cant imagine making him go somewhere that doesnt have decent options for him. The few times I have gone to a place with just seafood its been with others who like seafood- if he wants to go somewhere with no options for u thats what he should do.
Maybe if it was his birthday id get it a little, but any other time he can easily choose a place that has seafood AND stuff for you. Its not that hard or crazy.
NTA. You’re not picky. Everyone has food they don’t like. It’s not picky to try something and dislike it. He’s controlling and weird. He just wants you to do what he wants.
NTA. It doesn’t sound like OP is a particularly picky eater, just that, like pretty much every other person on the planet there are a few foods OP doesn’t like and prefers to not eat. It just seems to happen that the foods OP can’t stand are ones the BF likes and the BF seems to want to push these foods on OP. There is nothing wrong with declining to choke down a food you finding disgusting, and someone who actually cares about you won’t ask or expect you to do so. Perhaps time for OP to assess if this behaviour is something OP wants to live with for the next 30 or 40 years because if OP stays with this person that is what OP is signing up for.
Were i can I pick up some Doctor Donkeys Ass Ripper. Sounds lovely. Seriously, though, I’m a picky eater as well. In this case, mushrooms are something I would simply move to the side of my plate, and thank you for making dinner.
NTA. There is a certain type of person that sushi shames every time they get a chance. Enjoying sushi does NOT make anyone superior. It’s a super weird flex. Food shaming is stupid. If he can’t get over that; he is an unredeemable jerk
NTA. I eat neither spicy foods nor onions. The first because it tears my guts up and the second because I’m allergic to it. Beyond that, if it’s something that I haven’t tried and know the ingredient list to (allergy prevention), then I’m willing to try it at least once. After that, if I decide I don’t like something, it will never grace my plate again.
NTA Is he your kid or your boyfriend….
NTA. Is there anything else going on w the relationship? It seems like he’s using food to be able to act annoyed, but it sounds like maybe there’s something bigger that’s not being addressed.
NTA. As other posters have commented on, your BF seems very controlling. He is also passive aggressive if he spends the entire very nice sounding weekday meal you put together, complaining about it.
Take your time before making a long term commitment with someone who is criticizing you over something as basic as food. Keep your eyes open for other areas where he seems inclined to diminish you to get his way. I would cut him off every time he ridicules or complains about your food choices.
don’t you know? you’re supposed to just be everything he wants not actually your own person. NTA
NTA. I would think long and hard about continuing a relationship in which you are the one who is expected to make all of the sacrifices. That’s what this is. He expects you to conform to his needs. The most worrisome part is the last. He won’t eat anything in a crockpot or no soups. So he expects you to modify your cooking to accommodate him but is unwilling to extend you the same courtesy and actually attacks you to enforce it. This is not long-term BF material.
NTA. My husband and I don’t always align on our food preferences, so there are some restaurants I plan to enjoy with friends.