My fiancé of 9 years bought me a car 2 years ago as a gift. For the first year, I paid half the repayments plus all the running costs like servicing, fuel, insurance, and registration. After a year, we refinanced our house loan and included both of our cars for a cheaper rate overall. He pays the mortgage. The issue is that he constantly uses this car against me during arguments, threatening to sell it even though it’s our child’s only form of transport. I told him I won’t keep paying for the registration unless the car is transferred into my name (it’s still in his name because he originally took out the loan). He then told me that if it’s transferred into my name, I’ll have to back-pay him everything he’s spent on the car. I feel like this is unfair since it was given to me as a gift, and I’ve asked him to transfer it countless times before. Am I the asshole for refusing to pay the registration anymore?
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My fiancé of 9 years bought me a car 2 years ago as a gift. For the first year, I paid half the repayments plus all the running costs like servicing, fuel, insurance, and registration. After a year, we refinanced our house loan and included both of our cars for a cheaper rate overall. He pays the mortgage. The issue is that he constantly uses this car against me during arguments, threatening to sell it even though it’s our child’s only form of transport. I told him I won’t keep paying for the registration unless the car is transferred into my name (it’s still in his name because he originally took out the loan). He then told me that if it’s transferred into my name, I’ll have to back-pay him everything he’s spent on the car. I feel like this is unfair since it was given to me as a gift, and I’ve asked him to transfer it countless times before. Am I the asshole for refusing to pay the registration anymore?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like the asshoke because he’s guilt tripping me into believing I should pay him back
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You want the car in your name, because it’s your car, even though it was a gift. He wants the car in his name, because he can use it against you in arguments by threatening you with your child’s only mode of transport.
NTA for not paying the registration–YTA to yourself for staying with someone who threatens you during arguments with taking gifts away and threatening your ability to take car of your child
NTA. If you marry him, he’s going to take away you and your child’s only form of transport. Leave now.
Say that you will backpay him, have him transfer the car and then don’t.
He went back on his word, so can you. This is obviously not healthy – but neither is how he keeps holding a shared investment against you, after going back on his words to transfer the car to you.
Either he will understand that you are making a point or this relationship is not going to go anywhere, anyways. But at least you might only have a hurting heart and not a hurting bank account
NTA
not the asshole. also he sounds like an asswipe.
NTA. If it was a gift, it should be in your name. It sounds like your relationship is pretty shaky, so refusing to pay the registration might play into his hands – he appears to want you to not have the car at all.
NTA This was never a gift, it was a way to control you.
NTA but he is I do have a question for you though. Is this how you want to live your life? He’s holding your car for ransom. If he buys the groceries are you allowed to have any, if he pays the utility bills are you allowed toget warm or cool? He sounds a little controlling. Be careful.
How was the car a gift if you payed half of the finance repayments
NTA, please reconsider marrying this guy
NTA
And let’s be clear: If it’s in his name, it’s not a gift to you, because it’s not in any way legally yours despite you having paid a significant amount towards it. If he wants you to pay him back for it in its entirety in order to put it in your name, also not a gift to you, because you’d literally be buying it back from him.
You are not in any way TA, but given everything you’ve told us here (his calling this car a “gift” when it’s really just a car he’s letting you use, and you paid towards it; his threatening you with the punishment of selling the car and leaving you isolated and without transportation any time he’s upset with you; etc.), you have WAY bigger problems than who pays for the car registration.
This man has been with you nearly a decade, you have a child with him, and he still hasn’t given you any of the legal protections of marriage (and his being your “fiancé” is meaningless, a gesture he can make without giving you any of those legal protections, so he can walk away from this relationship anytime he wants and owe you nothing except child support, which I’m guessing you’d have to fight tooth and nail to actually get from him). He is controlling and punitive towards you, and threatens you in a manner that would negatively affect both you and your child whenever he’s angry with you.
You say “our house” but is your name on the deed? Because there is no “marital property” outside of marriage. You say he’s paying the whole mortgage, which may seem lovely, but if your name isn’t on the deed then again, it’s not “our” house, it’s “his” house, and he can walk away from the relationship with the roof over your and your child’s head.
Do you work? Because if you’re a SAHM, or working only part-time, again it may seem lovely that he’s the “provider,” but unless you live somewhere with common-law marriage, there is no alimony, and again, he can walk away from the relationship and owe you no support while you get back on your feet and try to care for your child, even if that has been the established relationship dynamic for years.
This is not a good guy. This relationship is problematic at best, and almost certainly abusive, and you don’t even seem to realise it.
A fiancee of 9 years is not a fiancee, it’s a roommate with benefits.
Wow some gift
You do realise that you’re in an abusive relationship, don’t you?
NTA
You have been with him for 9 years.
You have a child together.
He owns your car.
Who owns the house?
Anyway – this sounds untenable. I don;t understand this relationship.
NTA, or maybe ESH…..
NTA, and get out of that relationship. Using something nice he did for you against you in arguments is abusive.
Just walk away. Please don’t marry him or you’ll be paying spousal support since you out earn him. And just go buy your own car and pay nothing on this one. By the way, it wasn’t a gift if you’re still paying for it
>bought me a car
Really?
>For the first year, I paid half the repayments
No, not really. And you have a child with this guy but he doesn’t want to support you? Have you reduced or stopped work due to the child?
He’s an ass.
If I were you I would start hiding away money to get away from this person. NTA, he sounds awful. Making you pay 50% when he earns twice what you do is not fair.
He’s been your fiancé for nine years, (long pause to think). Does this person not understand that many states are 50-50 states is he gonna make you sign a prenup before you get married? If I had the ability or time I would get a part-time job additional to my regular job so I can relieve some of the stress and pressure on my wife. Or at least be able to pay off the car and house faster.
Sounds like there is a lot more going on I your relationship than car ownership. Your partner is using the car as a form of control. Would suggest you speak to a counselor.
YTA to yourself! If the car was a gift, WHY are you paying half of the repayments???
Are you able to go buy a different car? I think that you should do something to make it so this man has no control over you. I can’t believe he is threatening your child – that’s insane and so nasty!
Aside from the controlling and abusive nature taking place here, refinancing a home loan and using it to pay off car loans is generally a terrible financial decision. You do realize you’ll be paying for those cars for another 15-30 years? Long after they’ve died and you’ve replaced them. Unless you’re super disciplined and make the extra equivalent payments in your mortgage for the cars for the next 3-5 years or so.
NEVER pay for any property that does not have your name on the title!