Let me preface that I fully believe in the right to choose, the right to start a family, and the right to inclusive healthcare.
I’ve known my friend (F23) for our entire lives. We’ve grown up together. But since college, she would say one thing, then switch what she said later. Essentially, it’s gotten to the point where I am convinced she is a pathological liar.
In December of 2023, she got pregnant with her ex but ultimately miscarried. She explained to me she was scared to tell everyone about her miscarriage (understandably) so she kept showing ultrasound pictures she’d find online. Long story short, it resulted in people questioning how truthful she was about her pregnancy to begin with. Her fiancé broke things off because of this.
Fast forward to spring of 2024, she is inviting herself to my dates with my boyfriend. She’d ask what we are doing and would show up to wherever we went. She’d always tell my boyfriend that she “needs a nice southern man like him.” I cut things off there because she never respected my boundaries.
Anyways, she started dating someone in July (mind you she is a serial dater, so I didn’t take her seriously when she said she has a new boyfriend) and calls me in September to tell me she’s pregnant! In December she gets married.
It’s now April and I haven’t seen her since last year. Exactly a year. She texted me randomly saying she isn’t having a baby shower and attached a link to her baby registry. She never finished her degree and had to drop out of the ROTC program at our local college. She regularly goes on trips but is sharing a list of brand name items for her baby? I’m not sure…the whole situation feels off…
Am I the a**hole for ignoring her?
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Let me preface that I fully believe in the right to choose, the right to start a family, and the right to inclusive healthcare.
I’ve known my friend (F23) for our entire lives. We’ve grown up together. But since college, she would say one thing, then switch what she said later. Essentially, it’s gotten to the point where I am convinced she is a pathological liar.
In December of 2023, she got pregnant with her ex but ultimately miscarried. She explained to me she was scared to tell everyone about her miscarriage (understandably) so she kept showing ultrasound pictures she’d find online. Long story short, it resulted in people questioning how truthful she was about her pregnancy to begin with. Her fiancé broke things off because of this.
Fast forward to spring of 2024, she is inviting herself to my dates with my boyfriend. She’d ask what we are doing and would show up to wherever we went. She’d always tell my boyfriend that she “needs a nice southern man like him.” I cut things off there because she never respected my boundaries.
Anyways, she started dating someone in July (mind you she is a serial dater, so I didn’t take her seriously when she said she has a new boyfriend) and calls me in September to tell me she’s pregnant! In December she gets married.
It’s now April and I haven’t seen her since last year. Exactly a year. She texted me randomly saying she isn’t having a baby shower and attached a link to her baby registry. She never finished her degree and had to drop out of the ROTC program at our local college. She regularly goes on trips but is sharing a list of brand name items for her baby? I’m not sure…the whole situation feels off…
Am I the a**hole for ignoring her?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am an asshole or think I am because I am ignoring my pregnant friend I’ve known for years. She has flirted with my boyfriend and keeps asking me to buy her things off her registry
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I’m not gonna lie I think I need more info. You mentioned that she’s done things that haven’t respected your boundaries so I’m wondering why you’ve still remained friends. Sure you may have been friends since forever but for her to cross your boundaries and you guys to still talk is strange to me. I don’t think yta for ignoring her but more so maybe continuing to be friends with her
NTA
Doesn’t really seem much like a close friend. And to be honest, of you don’t get her a gift and she gets angry and ghosts you, that seems like a win-win for you anyway. No one needs unnecessary drama.
NTA. Given her history of lying and boundary-stomping, it’s understandable that you’re skeptical and don’t feel like engaging. You don’t owe her your time, attention, or money,especially when she only reaches out to ask for things. Ignoring her is a perfectly reasonable response to someone who hasn’t respected you or your friendship.
NTA. An invitation isn’t a summons. And given her history who knows whether she’s pregnant or not. I’d probably wait until she actually has a kid to send a gift if I were you. And, of course, you’re not obligated to do that either.
You’re not obligated to get anyone anything, especially with how long you weren’t close. NTA
YWBTA if you continue to talk to this person. They’re super sketchy with the fake ultrasounds…. Maybe fake new husbands…. Who knows but who cares.
I don’t think she’s TA specifically for sending you the link, sounds like she’s in need and sending that to everyone she knows. But you’re also definitely NTA for not engaging when you haven’t spoken to her in a year.
You don’t have to respond at all, or you could send her a congratulations without a gift, etc. Sounds like this was a messy friendship and best not to reopen.
Are you even actually friends with her? And if so why? You aren’t close, you had to enforce boundaries.
You do not have to buy anyone a baby shower gift if you do want too.
Or be in their lives.
NTA
Just delete the link.
Just text back “unsubscribe” and leave it at that. NTA
A year? Why are you stressing this? Not everyone buys gifts for parties? Just don’t if you don’t want to. Or do send something bc the baby is an innocent and will need items. Remember anything you do thatvis a good deed is FOR YOU and your soul/karma even if she lies and sells it you still did it with goodness in your heart.
OMG… can’t believe you even need to ask. The saddest part is she’s not mentally or emotionally stable enough to raise a child. Poor kid! But don’t you dare try to save her! Cut ties sista!
NTA.
Whether she’s telling the truth or not, it’s clear you don’t need the energy she brings. It is ok to move on from friendships and it sounds like you’ve done so in a healthy way.
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