AITA? My husband has trouble falling asleep without me and kinda guilted me about it.
To preface, we have a few cats that he occasionally lets sleep in the room with us. I brought a small dog into our relationship and he is not a dog person. The dog is never allowed to sleep with us because she apparently “smells like a dog” even though she is bathed and groomed even more than suggested. The cats are allowed to do whatever they want and even the “outside cat” will come in and sleep in our room on occasion.
Well it’s the 4th of July and I practically begged my hubby to let my baby in the bed with me for just this night, because she is shaking and terrified because of the fireworks. He refused. I told him I can’t leave her so now I (the wife) am sleeping on the couch to stay with my puppy and keep it calm. The cats appear chill like they don’t care. My dog on the other hand is hiding under the blanket terrified.
He would rather I sleep on the couch than let our dog sleep on my side of the bed. I even offered to put her on the other side of me so they are separated 🙁 he told me he is not allowing it and guilted me saying he will have trouble sleeping without me. I did the right thing and communicated and got shut down. I was told plenty of dog owners leave their dogs alone on the 4th. It just doesn’t feel right to me. I feel I made the right choice because she is hiding under my blanket and snuggling me and her little heart is pounding. AITA?
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AITA? My husband has trouble falling asleep without me and kinda guilted me about it.
To preface, we have a few cats that he occasionally lets sleep in the room with us. I brought a small dog into our relationship and he is not a dog person. The dog is never allowed to sleep with us because she apparently “smells like a dog” even though she is bathed and groomed even more than suggested. The cats are allowed to do whatever they want and even the “outside cat” will come in and sleep in our room on occasion.
Well it’s the 4th and I practically begged my hubby to let my baby in the bed with me for just this night, because she is shaking and terrified. He refused. I told him I can’t leave her so now I (the wife) am sleeping on the couch to stay with my puppy and keep it calm. The cats appear chill like they don’t care. My dog on the other hand is hiding under the blanket terrified.
He would rather I sleep on the couch than let our dog sleep on my side of the bed. I even offered to put her on the other side of me so they are separated 🙁 he told me he is not allowing it and guilted me saying he will have trouble sleeping without me. I did the right thing and communicated and got shut down. I was told plenty of dog owners leave their dogs alone on the 4th. It just doesn’t feel right to me. I feel I made the right choice because she is hiding under my blanket and snuggling me and her Wittle heart is pounding. AITA?
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> Because my husband has trouble sleeping without me and I still chose to sleep on the couch, leaving him alone by himself with his sleep problem
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Fireworks and thunderstorms can be terrifying for dogs. Cuddle your fur baby and keep them safe.
nta, zero empathy for a innocent creature is disgusting
NTA. Take care of the dog. With all those fireworks, the dog is the priority for the day.
NTA
Would you be able to sleep knowing she was scared and alone locked out of the room? He can deal for one night.
New year’s eve and Fourth of July—the dogs get precedence. NTA.
NTA, your husband might have trouble falling asleep, but your dog is experiencing real trauma. Those are not the same. Give your fur baby an extra snuggle for me!
NTA. You offered him compromises and he refused. Him not having you in bed with him tonight is on him at this point. Good on you for wanting to soothe your dog.
NTA, your husband can deal with one night, especially if he’s being inflexible. Fourth of July is when most pet owners lose their pets because of fireworks, so you’re doing the right thing.
It’s your dog. And even if he isn’t a dog person or doesn’t like the dog, there should be empathy and care for your pet.
I assume if roles were reversed you would help him keep the cats calm and happy.
NTA. You’re a good pet parent. Your husband can do with out a sleeping partner for 8 or so hours
NTA. You tried to compromise fairly and your husband refused. The dog needs you more than he does. It’s his own fault if he doesn’t sleep well.
NTA. Your dog needs comfort and it’s sad your husband can’t understand that. Love is about compromises. Today it’s the dog, tomorrow it’s him. He’ll understand when the tables turn.
NTA
Last year we went to a friends house for the fourth of July. They have two dogs. One is fine with fireworks, the other one was terrified. I stayed sitting near the bathroom most of that night. The dog was hiding in the bathroom and I was sitting near the entrance, kind of off to the side. Sometimes the dog came to be with me, sometimes the dog hid in a back corner of the bathroom.
I didn’t know if going into the bathroom would just make things worse so I stayed by the door. The dog switched between coming over to me and hiding in the back corner of the bathroom.
The dog is terrified and doesn’t understand that fireworks won’t hurt them. Be with the dog.
Gold star doggy mumma
He used emotional manipulation to try and get you to be cruel to a creature you likely love more then him. He didn’t like it. Cue the tantrum!
NTA
NTA. He’s jealous of the attention you’re giving the dog
NTA. Fafo, husband! I hope you Grey Rock him to heck, stand your ground OP!
NTA but why did you marry this “man”?
NTA, he is cruel and heartless.
NTA for sleeping on the couch. My dad was huge on no dogs in the bed because he didn’t like the hair. The big dog was scared of fireworks so every 4th our dog was given downers and my mom would sleep on an air mattress with him. It worked for both of them. My dad felt for our dogs but he has his things and that was one of them. It wasn’t a surprise though to anyone, he has always been that way about his space. He’s gotten more lax with age but he just couldn’t handle it.
I feel like this is a win win. You are out sleeping with your dog and comforting them and he gets no dogs in the bed. This feels like a good compromise imo and if he wants you to sleep with him that bad then he needs to be okay with the dog on the bed for one night
NTA. Your husband can deal with a night of less-than-great sleep. Your poor dog is going through some real trauma. It’s good that you prioritized her.
For the future – you can ask her vet for some anti-anxiety medication to help with scary things when you know they’re going to happen. Trazodone is a good option. You can also use a compression shirt on her, use a calming diffuser, and play some white noise at a high volume so it helps drown out some of the booms.
NTA I am not even a cat or dog person but animals should be taken care of. The double standards with the cats honestly makes him sound like an ass.
NTA of course. Your husband is a selfish AH. I’m glad he’s sleeping on the couch. Boohoo he cAn’T sLeEp without his wife by his side for one night.
NTA. I get the “smells like dog” thing, if you’re used to it, you tend to not notice, but yeah, dogs smell, even when fully properly bathed and groomed. So do humans. So do cats. Some folk are just more sensitive to it than others. It might be why he’s not a “dog person” but I dunno.
Regardless, he can deal with a night without you. It won’t kill him, and worst comes to worst, he’ll have to deal with a lot more nights without you, so he should STFU and take the minor loss.
“He is not allowing it”? Does he usually treat you like he is the parent and you are the child or only when an innocent creature that he clearly hates is involved? What if it was your child that you brought to the relationship and he didn’t “allow” you to comfort the child when it was scared? NTA, but your husband mostly certainly is.
Idk what’s worse – not having any sympathy for a scared pup, or being a baby about not being able to sleep without you
NTA. The only dog owners that leave clearly terrified animals alone on the 4th of July are the AHs like your husband. Compassionate pet owners will actually try to calm their animals down, so you made the correct decision
NTA. You might want to talk to your vet about meds that can help your dog, too. My dog hates fireworks and storms. Meds help her feel calmer, and it’s a kindness to give her something for that anxiety.
I’m a bit concerned about your husband’s attitude. Have you considered marriage counseling?
NTA, your dog needs to feel safe and comforted. You’re doing the right thing. My 100 lb. Lab snuggled on the couch with me agrees.
I am sleeping on an air mattress in the windowless part of our basement with music playing with our nervous pup. We are going to take turns so she isn’t scared. Our girl is our priority
I told my husband last night that I won’t be going anywhere tonight but inside the house with the dogs and cats to give them comfort. My little dog gets more scared each year on the fourth of July and the nights leading up to it, and he shakes and pants for hours.
I won’t be able to enjoy myself outside knowing he and our other pets are inside terrified. They are our family too, and they deserve comfort from fright just like any other living creature.
Your man can grow the fuck up for one night and sleep alone, or hell: join you in the living room. You are NTA in any way.
If I had to choose between a dog or the husband… The dog always wins. 🐕
4th of July is every year. You came into the relationship with the dog. How has other firework holidays been handled (4th of July and New years) in the past?
Has the dog always had the fear of fireworks? Has medicine been used for the dog previously?
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One of my parents slept downstairs with their pitty for almost two years in total after she had acl surgery on both knees because she couldn’t climb the stairs and would cry if they left her alone at night. They took turns so it wasn’t all one of them. Had a twin mattress on their living room floor and everything.
As a pet owner you do what you have to do for you babies, just like a parent does for their child. NTA.
You’re a good dog mom. Keep loving your baby exactly the way you are.
NTA and I really dislike people who are “Rules for
Thee except for me”. The proper compromise would have been if doggo wasn’t allowed in the bed then no animals at all in the bedroom. I am a cat person but my husband is allergic. Sleep is important so the bedroom is “sacred ground” so to speak. Your husband is showing no empathy for anyone but himself. This inflexible nature with guilt tripping is gonna be how your life is if you don’t nip it now. What happens if you guys have kids???
NTA. My two and I are about to head to the basement until tomorrow morning. Between my veteran father, and the dogs, I have ten scared feet in this house. It’s to the basement for snax and games and music and safe sleep.
Where the dog pic? Husband pic? Hot wife pic(op)👀
NTA. dog needs a safe place while fireworks are being lit. If your dog feels safe around you then he needs to understand dog safety comes first. Your husband’s response is cruel and cold.
NTA. Your dog is part of your family too, and it’s totally ok to prioritize her comfort on an especially tough night. Don’t let the guilt trip ruin your support for her.
NTA. Your husband will survive. Your dog doesnt know what’s going on and you did the right thing being there to comfort her. I left a bbq early tonight cuz my cat is absolutely terrified of loud noises, like fireworks and storms.
Not a single good dog owner leaves their dog alone on the 4th if they know there are issues. I’m a professional dog walker/sitter and after one disastrous year, I only watch dogs if I can stay with them all night. I no longer do drop ins on the fourth cause it’s so triggering to most dogs. You’re being a loving dog mom. NTA. Idk what to say about your husband but I can’t imagine agreeing to marry someone who cared so little about my dog. He’s being extremely callus and uncaring. I can’t imagine the type of guy who can look at a trembling little dog and say with a straight face ‘no you can’t calm your dog, I can’t sleep and also, no the dog can’t come in our room”. Straight up heartless.
NTA, but your husband sure is. Your dog needs their pack for the night. ou
NTA. I’ll be staying up with my pets until the fireworks finally stop. I feel really back bad for the pets without people to comfort them, and for those who have PTSD caused by the bangs.
I was with you until “wittle heart”.
NTA you can choose where you sleep
NTA. I can’t fathom why you would marry someone like that. I have no words. As if the outside cat is somehow less dirty than the dog lol. You know it has nothing to do with that. Some men have this problem with women having things from before the man was in their lives. Some weird control/insecurity thing. Maybe it’s that. I wonder if the dog is the only thing you had before meeting him that he has this attitude toward. Has he made you get rid of furniture? Knick knacks? Clothes? Or at least tried to guilt you into getting rid of things. Sure makes me wonder.
No! He is because let’s face it. I would totally let my partners dog sleep with us even though I’m not a a dog person. I understand how petrified is for dogs on the Fourth of July. You need to probably quit with that man because yeah, I mean, even though I run a dog person if my partner says hey, my dog needs to sleep with us because the fireworks I totally put the cats outside because they don’t seem to be bothered by the fireworks.
NTA + divorce him. the way men treat pets is an indicator of how they feel toward:: beings who are completely helpless and/or beings whom share your love (i.e. children, you in your old age, a disabled family member, etc)
Nta why did you marry such a fuckin hater? Cruelty to animals is a red flag, and leaving a terrified dog alone for National Explosion Day is cruel af.
wittle is not acceptable.
NTA for comforting a terrified dog, though
My husband complains, but I just ignore him and pat the bed near me so my dog will snuggle up. In fact, she’s lying beside me now.
Absolutely NTA. He doesn’t get to refuse Option A, B , C, and D then guilt trip you for choosing Option E. You offered plenty of other ways to make it work and he shot them all down. He will have to have troubles sleeping without you because he made that choice. He decided she can’t be in the bed or bedroom, so he chose to make you sleep on the couch. His choice.
IMO: Dogs/cats, pets in general are family. It is our job as the people folk to provide the best possible care for them. That’s a commitment you make to your animals when you bring them home. If anyone else in the family was shaking with terror, hiding under blankets and crying, do you think it would be OK to leave them alone to suffer? Nope, probably not.
It’s not a case of ‘I feel like having the puppy in bed’
it’s ’it is my responsibility to stay with her and comfort her.’
Put that guilt away, it isn’t yours to carry. You have done exactly what your pup needed.
NTA. My husband and I don’t let the animals in our room at night, but this time of year we give them access to be close or not. Its hard on them and it scares the piss out of them. Keep that baby calm and feeling safe.
NTA. Your husband is a baby. He can’t sleep without you? Give me a break. What if you go on a trip? What if you are in the hospital? He won’t sleep? He’s too needy. I mean, you’re right there in the house.
Your dog needs you. My dog is currently shaking and panting. And he is in meds. I will not leave his side tonight.
Seems like a solid compromise to me. Comforting a scared pup is important, especially during stressful times like fireworks.
We put on a loud movie so our pittie can’t hear the fireworks. Just loud tv for thunderstorms. Fireworks are illegal where I live but there are asswipes that say ‘I’m a ‘murrican, I can do whatever I want’, and ignore the law.
I will always do what’s needed for my pets. Period.
I’m huddled in my empty bathtub with the shower curtain drawn and my half-sedated dog swaddled in a weighted blanket. NTA. Your husband is heartless.
NTA. I don’t understand why the cats can sleep where they want and your dog can’t even if there weren’t fireworks. I sleep with my babies (cats, but that’s what we have). And the one even gets carried around in a baby-type sling. You are doing the right thing by comforting the poor little one and don’t let your husband guilt you. I’d be sleeping with my baby on the couch every night if there’s going to be such a weird pet double standard (but that’s me).
Also, two of mine are scared of fireworks and thunder storms. There’s some awesome (and free) pet calming music on YouTube. You can see if it helps your baby.
NTA but your hubby is, I also don’t understand how you would choose to marry someone who doesn’t like dogs? You came into this relationship with the dog and he has never made an attempt to bond with your dog, but you’re expected to just accept the cats everywhere? Makes no sense to me, and personally I think cats smell worse than dogs but a mile.
YTA. Why would any person want to sleep with a stink dirty animal. It’s an animal so stop pretending it’s a baby that won’t survive loud noises.
I have no problem with him not allowing the dog in the bedroom, the dog being traumatised by fireworks, or you sleeping on the sofa to calm her.
But whining that he needs you to be next to him when he sleeps, is ridiculous. Tell him he can come and sleep on the sofa with you.
NTA the only mistake you made is in who is sleeping on the couch
NTA. You did the right thing by being there for your fur baby.
You aren’t being unreasonable. You gave him a choice- sleep with you and the dog, or sleep alone. NTA. He should be happy to have had the choice at all. Is he usually this manipulative?
NTA. I’m surprised hubby isn’t getting dragged harder in these comments. I would definitely look at someone differently if a trembling, frightened dog didn’t melt their heart. And then add the weird “but it’s hard to sleep all by my widdle self” thing and it gets even less tolerable. These are major red flags, OP. Your decision is the right one – well done! And you get to cuddle your little baby all night knowing you have given her the security she needs.
Good luck to all the U.S. doggie lovers out there tonight! have one dog who’s indifferent and two that are already falling apart. They will absolutely sleep with us tonight.
NTA I stopped going out to fireworks events because the rescue I got in 2018 freaks out. I get it!! Your guy seems heartless and cruel.
NTA I would do the same thing, but my husband would never be such a jerk. You have a husband problem. I don’t like the smell of dog but I would probably let my SO have the bed with our pet and sleep on the couch.
Reading this from my couch while my dog shakes in his thundershirt next to me. You are NTA.
Wdym he can’t sleep without you? He’s a grown man. A dog doesn’t understand fireworks and is terrified so she has to sleep alone but he can’t? Lmfao be for fucking real. I doubt he can’t sleep without you, he’s jealous of the dog and controlling.
NTA – Your husband is not a dog person. This problem will only get bigger as time goes on. The fact that your husband does not understand how much your furbaby means to you and needs you right now means he does not know how to sympathize with you or the dog. You need counseling so he can learn when it’s appropriate to put you and your needs first.
I’m immediately bothered by the ‘he’s not allowing it’.
If I put aside the language he used and thought he’s allowed to have a preference then that’s fine,what he’s not allowed to do then is to emotionally manipulate you into getting you to sleep in the same bed.
Sleep with your pup and make sure they are less scared ❤️
For holidays that have fireworks we go to our vet and medication to help our dogs to keep calm. But we also stay with them all the time so they feel safe. Ask your husband if he would want to feel scared all the time and no body cared about it, because that’s exactly what your husband is doing to you dog.
NTA. We’re cuddled up with our little weiner dog right now because he’s scared. We have 2, one doesn’t care, but my poor little Potato Chip is terrified
NTA. Your husband is selfish and devoid of empathy. When I was a kid, I took my dog outside briefly to go to the bathroom. She started barking, crying and running around in circles because of the fireworks. For the rest of the night she clung to me and kept shaking. And I’m worried that your husband might “accidentally” lose your dog one day.
NTA.
He’s a big boy (No, he’s not).
He can make it through one night on his own while you take care of a pet that’s having a tough night figuring out why their normally peaceful world sounds to their sensitive ears like it’s exploding all around them.
His highness has ‘decreed’ that the bedroom is his and the cats’ domain. Sweet.
Have a good night, “King Mattress”.
Thank you for being a loving, responsible pet owner.
NTA but your husband is. I 100% could not live with and love a man who didn’t care for my dog.
I’d happily sleep on the couch with my dog for any reason, but I’d also never have a husband who wouldn’t do the same— or just let all the animals in bed.
I have a dog who is terrified of firework and a cat who is afraid of thunderstorms and fireworks. We have a very full bed.
NTA!!!!
NTA for comforting the dog, but maybe an AH for bringing a dog into your home when your husband clearly was not okay with it.
YTA – this is a pathetic non-problem.
Why marry someone who cares so little about your wants and needs? I’m not saying divorce him he’s the devil or any of that reddit kool-aid stuff, just genuinely don’t understand why you would want to be with this dude in the first place. You said you brought the dog into the relationship so I’m assuming he’s always been this dismissive of what you want and how you feel when it comes to this issue specifically, but as he owns cats and seemingly cares about them you would think he’d have at least some small shred of empathy for you as an owner, if not for your dog, who is a living breathing being who deserves some basic decency at least. He just comes off as very self-centered and selfish, and definitely too old to be so immature, especially with his emotional maturity. Notice I’m not saying anything about him not liking the dog- people are allowed to dislike dogs. (that would’ve been an immediate deal breaker for me tbh, but I’m crazy about animals of all kinds so liking animals is bare minimum for me) So the issue for me is not that he doesnt like dogs, because you presumably already knew and accepted that. It’s the double standard that his animal of choice is allowed in your shared space but yours is not; his comfort, wants, concerns and feelings (not wanting to sleep alone, not liking dogs, wanting his cats to have unlimited access to everything) matter, but yours (feeling bad for and trying to comfort your terrified dog, also just generally wanting to be around your dog) does not; and that he, apparently, is the only and final decision maker in situations where you disagree (“Practically begging” him? When your poor little dog is literally shaking and anyone with half a heart and 2 braincells to rub together should be able to see that an animal is scared and might need some extra care, even if you don’t like dogs what kind of person can just outright dismiss that? Ew.) I realize it’s probably not so black and white as all that, but damn. NTA, and I think there is more under the surface here.
This is ridiculous lol
So your husband can’t sleep without you. Sounds like he needs crate training so he can learn how to self-soothe.
NTA. Your husband is a dense cabbage.
NTA ….also all or none. Put your foot down babe!
These kinds of marriages blow my mind. He’s “not allowing” you to do anything is ridiculous- He’s your partner, not your owner/boss. Beds are shared spaces so you both get a say, of course, and he feels strongly about it so the couch makes perfect sense & is a good compromise, IMO.
He’s being a dick, very controlling and maybe let him know that if babies can learn to self-soothe, so can he. Our animals depend on us to make them feel, and be, safe. Sleep on the couch with your dog and seriously consider the power dynamics in your relationship. He sounds awful.
Edit: NTA
Why are you with a man that tells you what to do? Do you not pay bills? Just bring the dog in the bed & tell him to kiss your ass. Will he hit you if you do something like that?
Men run their mouths but the only recourse is him leaving or hitting you. Are you afraid of those things?!
Your husband is the AH!
NTA. your husband doesn’t seem to care about what would make you happy or even compromising, is hypocritical (cats are fine, dogs arent), and dhows no empathy for an innocent and terrified creature seeking comfort in the only way they know how. Then pouted and tried to guilt trip you. Is this who you want beside you when you’re old?
Thank you for being a good dog mom.
NTA. We have a dog who is not at all disturbed by fireworks. They are going off now and she’s asleep. However, she can wake up at 3 am and make noise. One of us gets up to stay with her and calm her down. It involves sleeping on the couch. At about 6 or 7 am, the one still in bed switches shifts with the one on the couch.
4th of July is one day per year. He can suck it up.
Maybe your hubby can move back in with his mommy?
I slept in the basement with my 2 dogs on a lumpy couch under blankets to keep them calm. You are NTA, your husband should be more understanding
No. NTA. My miniature dachshund (7 lbs, almost 1 year old) has been shaking and crying the past TWO HOURS. I’ve been running a white noise machine the whole time and singing to her until I ran out of anything to sing. I’m starting to feel fireworks are cruel to animals. And I’m solidifying my hatred of our backyard neighbors 😡
I’m sorry your pup is so distressed. And I’m sorry your husband is a butt hole making you sleep on the couch. FWIW, we have separate bedrooms. Always have had. Why people think married people need to share a bedroom let alone a bed is beyond me.
You’re right to prioritize your dog tonight, because in addition to being terrified, she doesn’t understand what’s happening. Your husband is choosing to have a bad night’s sleep. Comfort your pup with no guilt. NTA.
You should not put up with this double standard!! 😒
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat animals…..🤔
NTA! Your husband definitely is though. Take care of your baby. I just gave my big baby some pain meds he had left over to hopefully calm him down. He practically laid on my head because of the noise. He’s 80 lbs!
NTA. Tell your husband to buy a blow up doll. He’ll be fine for a night. What a whack ass whimp.
NTA. I’d tell him if he doesn’t like it, too bad, she’s sleeping with me and YOU can sleep on the couch if you don’t like it.
YTA for marrying him.
NTA. Next time you might want to try a thundershirt or something for anxiety from the vet.
Is your husband controlling and abusive all the time?