I brought ds17 and his gf17 to our second home (short flight). Wanted it to just be the kids but gf’s mom was uncomfortable with idea so invited herself. All totally fine. I know from ds that the mom is a bit eccentric and volatile but I’d met her a couple times and she was nice enough. The day before coming home, she took our car and went shopping for souvenirs for other daughter who did not come. She was gone 5+ hours. I texted at 5pm to ask if all was ok, no response. I asked gf if she had any idea where her mom was and she tracked her but there was no communication. She didn’t reply to me until 90 min later (by which time she was back at house and we were down at the pool) and then just to say yes and could I tell her how to turn on the hot tub. All kind of odd but ok. Then I went out to garage to check car (we keep that car at that house, would not be using it again as were leaving next morning) and the tank was on empty with a big red “REFUEL” light on the dash. I called ds into my bedroom to tell him this, and said something like “If I teach you nothing else in life at least learn this: when you borrow someone’s car, never NEVER bring it back empty.” I also had a few choice words for the mom (ds is no fan of hers) and we laughed, I went to fill up the car and that was it. Lo and behold ds tells gf how rude I thought her mom was. Mom gave us cold shoulder the rest of the time, then texted me that she wanted to Venmo me for gas money. I told her that wasn’t the point at all, but taking the car for five hours and bringing it back empty was pretty discourteous. She said I was discourteous for complaining about her to ds and making her and her dd uncomfortable. She claims she never saw the big red “REFUEL” light.
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I brought ds17 and his gf17 to our second home (short flight). Wanted it to just be the kids but gf’s mom was uncomfortable with idea so invited herself. All totally fine. I know from ds that the mom is a bit eccentric and volatile but I’d met her a couple times and she was nice enough. The day before coming home, she took our car and went shopping for souvenirs for other daughter who did not come. She was gone 5+ hours. I texted at 5pm to ask if all was ok, no response. I asked gf if she had any idea where her mom was and she tracked her but there was no communication. She didn’t reply to me until 90 min later (by which time she was back at house and we were down at the pool) and then just to say yes and could I tell her how to turn on the hot tub. All kind of odd but ok. Then I went out to garage to check car (we keep that car at that house, would not be using it again as were leaving next morning) and the tank was on empty with a big red “REFUEL” light on the dash. I called ds into my bedroom to tell him this, and said something like “If I teach you nothing else in life at least learn this: when you borrow someone’s car, never NEVER bring it back empty.” I also had a few choice words for the mom (ds is no fan of hers) and we laughed, I went to fill up the car and that was it. Lo and behold ds tells gf how rude I thought her mom was. Mom gave us cold shoulder the rest of the time, then texted me that she wanted to Venmo me for gas money. I told her that wasn’t the point at all, but taking the car for five hours and bringing it back empty was pretty discourteous. She said I was discourteous for complaining about her to ds and making her and her dd uncomfortable. She claims she never saw the big red “REFUEL” light.
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> AITA for telling ds that the mom was rude for bringing car back empty? I didn’t expect him to share this with his gf but maybe I should have known better.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Why are you taking son and GF on vacation just by yourself? Not a fam vacation from what I can read. Just you and the couple.
I’m not surprised her mom wanted to go with her MINOR daughter.
She was rude, but I’d say she was not the weird parent here.
NTA. You used the empty tank to teach your son a lesson…. Next lesson is teaching him when and what to share with dgf.
ESH. Her for leaving the car empty. You for the words you said about her to your son. You could have simply told him that he should always return a car with gas. And your son sucks for telling his girlfriend what you said about her mom. He had to have known nothing good would come from that.
NTA – gf’s mom is inconsiderate for not even checking the gas, but that doesn’t really matter she should have filled it up on her way back regardless.
NTA This woman is a precious little doddle bug, isn’t she?! She invites herself to your vacation home, borrows your car, uses it for five hours and returns it on E. And, you are discourteous for complaining? Your son should have used a little discretion but he’s only 17 years old. And based on her behavior and response, she does this type of thing, take liberties, a lot. Let me guess, she didn’t offer to buy you a meal or a cup of coffee during her moochcation.
Lesson learned: don’t tell your son anything you wouldn’t want his gf to know.
NTA but you shouldn’t take other people’s minor children on a vacation. I wouldn’t even consider letting my daughters go on vacation with her bf’s family either.
What does ds mean?
Huge NTA. Like, you didn’t even do anything here? She KNEW she was being rude. She’s just mad anyone had the audacity to call her out on it.
NTA. Yes the extra words you said to your son was unnecessary but it was between you and your son. Your son needs to learn discretion. Not everything needs to be said or shared. What did he think him telling his GF what you said would achieve except but to bring discord either between him and his GF, his GF and her mother, his GF and you, and lastly between all the parents.
You’re both the AH, sorry. I don’t think you should have complained to your son about the woman’s behavior. I think you should have just mentioned you were going out to fill the gas tank and let the gf’s mom handle it from there. GF’s mom would probably feel a bit embarrassed, but then apologize and offer to either go out and fill the tank or reimburse you. This didn’t need to be a thing.
NTA…but your son, and the gf, and the mom are.
1 – Son: he should know when convos are private without needing to be told. He shouldn’t have said a word.
2 – GF: for telling her mom. If she agreed with you, she could have framed it as ‘I thought you were rude to BF’s parent.’ She shouldn’t have stoked the fire, which is what she did.
3 – Mom: – for obvious reasons.
NTA.
ESH!
You for regarding it as odd that mom wants to supervise her minor child who is on vacation with someone she doesn’t get along with
Gf’s mom for bringing back car empty
Your son for telling gf what you said unnecessarily (you don’t get on, no good will come of gossiping)
Gf for telling her mom (again, not needed, she could have instead suggested she apologise or compensate for car being empty, or stayed out of it.
NTA…I believe in calling a spade a spade…..she WAS rude. You shouldn’t be lending out your car….your insurance might not cover them.
Whether she saw the refuel light or not….you always replace what you use.
NTA. She invited herself, disappeared for 5 hours and brought the car back empty (where TF did she go??) It’s not a secret that the mom is rude AF. Not sure I’d want to play fake nice for the rest of the trip either.
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NTA – honestly, it’s common curtesy that you borrow a car you refill what you used or return with a full tank. Next lesson for son, that GF mom might become an issue if he continues to stay with her and that GF could turn out just like her mother
You kind of were the AH – to yourself. I doubt very much your insurance would have covered her driving your car. I doubt she would have paid if she damaged the car. You put yourself at risk for much more than an empty gas tank.
NTA. The mom sounds horrible; personally I try to stay clear of people like that.
ESH
Mom was an AH for not refueling.
You were an AH for gossiping to your son (if you have something to say, say it to the mom, not whisper to your son)
Son was AH for sharing with his gf which of fucking course she shared with her mom. Why would son badmouth his gf’s mom to gf’s face, via YOUR words? That’s straight up awful.
Lesson learned – don’t skip the lesson to your son about conversations that are meant to be shared versus not.
NTA. Son’s GF’s mother is rude times like 10 in this write up. Borrowing a car for nearly an entire day and bringing it back empty is indeed rude AF – whether she saw the light or not, she surely knew she was using gas while using the car – but it’s just one of many rude things the woman did. Seems like she wanted to enjoy a free trip is what it came down to. Insanely ungracious.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Son and then his GF could have kept their mouths shut in order to prevent it from being awkward but the woman probably needed to know! And now you know you can’t trust her to have basic manners.
Meh she is “Rude” NTA
The lesson.
Don’t let people use your car.
NTA, it’s completely rude for someone to borrow a car, using it for multiple hours with no contact, then return with no gas left in the tank. OP was just using this as a teaching lesson for her son on what not to do in life. Son also just learned a lesson on when to keep information to himself.
You took her on your family vacation uninvited. You are not the asshole. You were kind enough to allow her to stay at your home and let her borrow your car for the entire day.
Also I think teaching your son those life lessons in a real world situation is ideal.
The other mom was clearly rude and selfish. You were not rude for telling your son to be sure to return a car with a full tank of gas, but it was rude to make further comments about the mom to him. Your son was rude for passing on your comments to his gf and putting her in the middle. I guess ESH but some more than others.
YTA. When you have a problem with an adult’s behavior, you address it with that person. What you taught your child was to be a gossip.
NTA. You taught your son a lesson without him feeling any guilt, which feels kind of rare when your kids are teenagers. The fact that he decided to share that information may indicate that either you need to be clear when he needs to keep something to himself, or you might want to teach him that certain conversations should be assumed to be under the Cone of Silence.
Alternatively, he has demonstrated an appreciation for your generosity as a parent and has a well-developed sense of justice, and maybe don’t change anything.
INFO: What’s this ‘ds’ abbreviation/acronym?
What is DS? But eh NTA. You were giving your DS (son?) a lesson. They brought it to girlfriend’s attention and it got back to her mom. Awkward, but mom being a grown ass adult should’ve known better and shouldn’t have needed a lesson. Hopefully she won’t do it again.
NTA even if I borrow my husband’s truck I bring it back full. Common courtesy.
NTA. You weren’t rude; you just caused her a loss of face but Westerners don’t have the language for that generally so they just say “rude.”
NTA, though I believe her that she didn’t see the big red refuel light. The lights on her own dashboard are probably all lit up and ignored. She knows she’s wrong, just thought she would get away with it. “And I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!”
Ds stands for robot or spaghetti?