My boyfriend (30 M) and I (27 F) live together. Today we had plans to go out to a really nice dinner. After work, he mentioned meeting at the gym, which I responded to as I’m debating on the gym. But I also need to do my hair (for the date). I did inform him that I would be weight lifting more than likely. He responded to okay I’ll just take my time here then. I assumed we would be meeting up.
So I get to the gym, I don’t see him. I’m there for nearly 45 minutes before I finally reach out asking where is he? I thought he’d still be here but I see on the ring camera he pops up home. He then texts me to let him in, he lost his keys. Okay. So I responded what happened to your keys because he locked the door when he left. He didn’t answer the question, instead he went around the question. I asked a few more like what happened to them? Where did you go? No reply.
I get home and I asked him what happened? Where was his keys? He responded he lost them and he doesn’t know where they are, hence why they are lost. He only has his headphones from his keys but the keys itself is gone. So I proceed to ask him where his car is to which he responds, “I don’t know.” You lost your keys and don’t know where your car is?
So I get annoyed because I feel like every question im asking, he’s dodging. I get silent. He did ask me what’s wrong I said nothing as i’m trying to process my own emotion and I don’t want to get mad or say something in the heat of the moment. (I know now, I shouldn’t have said I was okay but it was the first thing that came to mind).
So we finally are at the restaurant and I ask him again what happened to his car? He finally tells me he gave it to his cousin to use. So why didn’t you just say that the first time? Then he gets irritated that im irritated with him (which I understand). I ask him did my questions bother you to which he responded, “I’m not trying to argue with you right now. What do you want?” So I get silent again and we have a quiet dinner. I try talking later, he hardly responds.
In the car I ask if he’s mad to which he says he isn’t mad he’s irritated that he spent a lot of money and planned a nice dinner date for me to be mad over a car.
I’m not mad over the car, I’m annoyed that it took me to ask so many times for him to just tell me his cousin took the car. I thought something happened and the story just seemed off to me which is weird. He stated obviously he was just kidding because he wouldn’t be so calm if something happened, but he didnt seem as if he was joking and my boyfriend doesnt really overreact in stressful situations.
All I wanted was to know what happened. He comes home with missing keys, none of his things he left the house with, saying he has no idea what happened to his car, and not being at the gym when he was there. Yeah I’m a bit confused and the whole thing feels off. I felt like he was just jumping around with excuses. At any point he could’ve said just kidding, but he didn’t.
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My boyfriend (30 M) and I (27 F) live together. Today we had plans to go out to a really nice dinner. After work, he mentioned meeting at the gym, which I responded to as I’m debating on the gym. But I also need to do my hair (for the date). I did inform him that I would be weight lifting more than likely. He responded to okay I’ll just take my time here then. I assumed we would be meeting up.
So I get to the gym, I don’t see him. I’m there for nearly 45 minutes before I finally reach out asking where is he? I thought he’d still be here but I see on the ring camera he pops up home. He then texts me to let him in, he lost his keys. Okay. So I responded what happened to your keys because he locked the door when he left. He didn’t answer the question, instead he went around the question. I asked a few more like what happened to them? Where did you go? No reply.
I get home and I asked him what happened? Where was his keys? He responded he lost them and he doesn’t know where they are, hence why they are lost. He only has his headphones from his keys but the keys itself is gone. So I proceed to ask him where his car is to which he responds, “I don’t know.” You lost your keys and don’t know where your car is?
So I get annoyed because I feel like every question im asking, he’s dodging. I get silent. He did ask me what’s wrong I said nothing as i’m trying to process my own emotion and I don’t want to get mad or say something in the heat of the moment. (I know now, I shouldn’t have said I was okay but it was the first thing that came to mind).
So we finally are at the restaurant and I ask him again what happened to his car? He finally tells me he gave it to his cousin to use. So why didn’t you just say that the first time? Then he gets irritated that im irritated with him (which I understand). I ask him did my questions bother you to which he responded, “I’m not trying to argue with you right now. What do you want?” So I get silent again and we have a quiet dinner. I try talking later, he hardly responds.
In the car I ask if he’s mad to which he says he isn’t mad he’s irritated that he spent a lot of money and planned a nice dinner date for me to be mad over a car.
I’m not mad over the car, I’m annoyed that it took me to ask so many times for him to just tell me his cousin took the car. I thought something happened and the story just seemed off to me which is weird. He stated obviously he was just kidding because he wouldn’t be so calm if something happened, but he didnt seem as if he was joking and my boyfriend doesnt really overreact in stressful situations.
All I wanted was to know what happened. He comes home with missing keys, none of his things he left the house with, saying he has no idea what happened to his car, and not being at the gym when he was there. Yeah I’m a bit confused and the whole thing feels off. I felt like he was just jumping around with excuses. At any point he could’ve said just kidding, but he didn’t.
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I don’t think his cousin has his car, unless the cousin is up to something that your BF doesn’t want to admit to knowing about.
There is definitely something going on there.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action was getting irritated with my boyfriend and giving him the silent treatment at the beginning of our dinner that he planned and paid for. The action may make me the ashore because, according to him, it wasn’t anything that serious or big as he had just given his keys to his cousin.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
What a catch
NTA
Something stinks here and you need to get to the bottom of this before continuing this relationship because he is lying to you the why is the key.
This is a very big red flag in a relationship you shouldn’t ignore.
NTA
Although I doubt his cousin has his car, you are most definitely NTA for asking him a basic question. He’s the AH for lying.
Believing a lie doesn’t make you wrong. It’s still the lie that’s the wrong.
There’s more to the story. I’d be looking into it. His irritation seems odd and uncalled for, this normally means someone’s lying.
NTA.
NTA…I smell a rat. I wouldn’t have even gone out without a proper explanation . He lost his keys? Those are the keys to your home. Make him have the locks changed. He is hiding something.
NTA something is waaaay off here. Is it normal for him to let his cousin borrow his car? Why would he hide it if it is. Why in the world would he said he lost it?
How did he get home? Did he walk or somebody drop him off?
I dunno this is weird.
His side piece has his car…
The title should read “AITA for getting confused and mildly upset when my boyfriend showed up at home with no keys/car and lied about it multiple times”
The answer is no, not in the slightest. The way he handled your questions was super sketchy, and I would be surprised if there wasn’t way more to the story than what he told you.
NTA his side piece found out she wasn’t the main piece and is having his car de-keyed. He forgot to take his house key off the car key ring and lied about it being a cousin.
Call the cousin, if you don’t know him like that, try and social media stalk him
Updateme
Yeah sorry but this is a big no! He dodged the questions because he lent the car to someone who should not have it.
If it’s something he shouldn’t be doing, he dodges questions. If it’s something he should be doing he would answers questions right away. Huge Red Flags all over this! NTA.
His cousin didn’t take the car. The car was repo’d. It took all that time for your loser boyfriend to explain what happened to his car.
He repeatedly ignored you when you asked about his keys and then he said he lost them and then said he forgot where he left his car.
Someone now has the keys to your front door and your boyfriend is a liar.
NTA
Updateme
NTA he loses as a first course of action and why didn’t he want to call the cops if he lost his car
NTA. This is weird. Someone has the car, and he didn’t keep the house key with him—and it took you multiple tries to get an actual response?
I think something happened to the car…not sure what, but it seems like something ridiculous occurred and he’s trying to come up with one lie after another to cover it up.
NTA – this is suspicious AF. You are right to be annoyed at his evasiveness on this.
Something is not adding up.
Yeah his cousin doesn’t have the car. You must know that. He lied to you twice and then tried to make you the bad guy for questioning it. Dump this guy. He can’t be trusted. Did he give it to a girlfriend? Crash it? Untrustworthy people aren’t for you. Run!
You are NTA and I don’t believe your boyfriend. He is being crazily evasive and started a fight for no reason.
NTA and honestly I would try to see where he goes to pick the car up from. That’ll tell you everything you need to know.
You can be upset with him lying because he obviously is. But it’s his car ? He paid for it? If yes you have no grounds.
A lot of people have given you possible explanations- another one is that the police impounded it… for reckless driving or something.
If he had loaned his car to his cousin- he would have just told you- & not been sketchy about it.
Also an important factor… why would he inconvenience you AND himself- by not have kept the rest of his keys- giving cousin just his car key?
And why not tell you about it when he was doing the exchange- so that you wouldn’t have to rush home to let him in?
So many things just don’t add up! 😠
OP- Do not put up with deceit, games or any mistreatment!
He’s snapping rudely at you because HE did something wrong- but is trying to deflect & make you feel like YOU are in the wrong!
You are NOT overreacting! Take care!
NTA
We’ve all lost a set of keys, so doing that with the house keys isn’t that far fetched.
What is bizarre is the whole car thing.
If he lent the car to his cousin, why literally drag it out saying he lost the keys? Like why not just say I lent x the car because they needed it for whatever or they were in a jam.
Something isn’t adding up, you’re not getting the full story. What that story is who knows, could be financial, something illegal going on, he’s cheating and left it at his side pieces house? Regardless, he’s hiding something
It’s not about a car. It’s about piss poor communication skills.
ESH
NTA – you asked basic questions like a normal, concerned partner, not the FBI. If he wanted a peaceful dinner, maybe try not rolling in like a walking mystery box.
NTA I doubt his cousin has the car…good luck op
I am sorry, he lied to you. He should be an ex.
NTA for getting upset when you were blatantly lied to about the key, the car, and the whole shebang. Cousin doesn’t have the car either.
He is up to something bigger. This is not something you lie about. Something else is totally going on.
NTA. You feel confused because he deliberately confused you. He lied to you and wanted to distract you by acting mad, so you’d be focused on his feelings instead of his actions.
Sounds like he’s cheating and trying to cover it up. Ask for the cousin yourself I’ll bet he didn’t use the car. NTA
Super sketchy, he’s lying (period). Tell him to come clean or take a hike!!
Sorry, his car isn’t with his cousin. There is likely another woman in the picture and they have his car with all of his keys. If what he is saying is true, he wouldn’t have held it in, and would have been upfront, but he was formulating this story for you.
Major red flags, NTA.
He got you to leave the house! Are you sure whoever has the keys wasn’t at your house to collect the car? Get your locks changed immediately and ditch his shady ass!!
NTA. I have to play twenty questions with my wife just to get a simple answer, and it is infuriating. And she’s not trying to hide something like your BF is, she’s just really bad at explaining things. So I can imagine that it’s even more frustrating for you.
NTA but I think the relationship should be over. Either you’re the side chick or, the other girl found out about him having a gf (doesn’t matter that you live together) and messed up his car. If he won’t give you answers to a VERY sketchy situation then he’s not the one for you and I’m sorry he’s being weird af
He’s avoiding talking about it likely because he’s either embarrassed about the real story because he did something stupid or something he wants to hide. The cousin story is what he came up with to get you to stop asking.
UpdateMe
Updateme
I would call the cousin immediately and ask if they took the car and keys. He’s lying, obviously, and something more sinister is up. Did he get robbed? He must have been up to something if he lost the car and keys.
At the very least, he should get his house keys back from cousin,assuming house and car keys are on the same ring.Is your BF planning not to leave the house,until cousin returns car?
Congratulations. You let him completely turn that around on you to the point that you were apologizing to him because he did something to make you mad.
he’s cheating
He won’t tell you the truth about the car and the keys? More importantly he won’t tell you who has the keys to your home? That’s potentially dangerous. Be careful. He is up to something shady.
UpdateMe
When my husband came home without the car he told me it broke down. A couple of days later the husband of the trashy ‘ho he was messing around with took the keys to my car to my dad at his office. Apparently he got in the garage where my car was hidden and took the keys.
He was mad because he kept telling me something was going on and I was in major denial. So he figured this would prove it.
NTA, but he is lying to you.
Either he didn’t pay the note on the car and it got repossessed, he got pulled over for no insurance, and the cops impounded the car, or he has a side piece that found out about you and went ham on the car.
If he can not tell you the truth, then you have an even bigger problem.
Updateme
NTA. His cousin doesn’t have his car. It took him that long to respond because he’s slow and could t think of a good lie.
Here’s my hypothetical. He stopped somewhere on the way the gym. His car was either repo’d, or impounded by the city for parking tickets or something. His gym bag with his keys were inside.
Regardless of what happened to the car and keys, you’re NTA. Something is very wrong with his story.
Or he left his keys at his hookups house, and therefore can’t access his car.
Either way, he cheating.