His dad died just recently, I went to the wake, comforted him. Then I decided that that would be the last time I’d be there for him.
I’ve been meaning to silently cut ties with him because he was never there for me, I realized. His career and relationship milestones, his birthdays, his little wins I celebrated. Gifts, greetings, and all. In his lowest moments, I was there with him to comfort, to support, to be what a friend ought to be. Three years we’ve been friends. I loved him like a brother.
I looked back and realized he forgets my birthday, and when I badly needed someone to be there for me, he couldn’t be reached, he couldn’t be bothered. For the many weeks I was so low, I would reach out on Messenger but he would always leave me on delivered… But in one of the group chats we’re both in, he’d appear to be active being able to actually read the messages there from other members.
But when he would send me a message, I’d almost always respond instantly. I’m the always available friend. He’s the never available one unless it’s convenient for him. He’s never there when it matters.
I realized I deserve a friend who would be there for me just as I would be there for them especially. So I’m cutting him off… Or should I?
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His dad died just recently, I went to the wake, comforted him. Then I decided that that would be the last time I’d be there for him.
I’ve been meaning to silently cut ties with him because he was never there for me, I realized. His career and relationship milestones, his birthdays, his little wins I celebrated. Gifts, greetings, and all. In his lowest moments, I was there with him to comfort, to support, to be what a friend ought to be. Three years we’ve been friends. I loved him like a brother.
I looked back and realized he forgets my birthday, and when I badly needed someone to be there for me, he couldn’t be reached, he couldn’t be bothered. For the many weeks I was so low, I would reach out on Messenger but he would always leave me on delivered… But in one of the group chats we’re both in, he’d appear to be active being able to actually read the messages there from other members.
But when he would send me a message, I’d almost always respond instantly. I’m the always available friend. He’s the never available one unless it’s convenient for him. He’s never there when it matters.
I realized I deserve a friend who would be there for me just as I would be there for them especially. So I’m cutting him off… Or should I?
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NTA. As with any relationship, if you aren’t receiving the same effort and dedication in return, then it’s unsustainable. You are entitled to setting boundaries. You owe him nothing, especially if you’ve given more than he gave.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m cutting him off for being an absent friend. His dad just died. But I went there to console him for his loss because I truly care about him. But I realized how he was never there for me, so I’m severing my ties with him even when he’s grieving at the moment. It’s not like he’d even notice I’m distancing myself from him.
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NTA. This happens to many friendships over time. Maintaining a one-sided relationship is something of a burden: at times it can seem relatively easy and worth the effort but ultimately it will drag you down. Let it go.
>He’s never there when it matters.
So he wasn’t a friend to you just let it go. Nta
Cutting ties sounds justified. Friendship should be mutual, not one-sided.
Nta. Just did this last year with my best friend. It’s sad cause I know its not her fault due to a NDE and brain damage, but I’ve been mentally fragile for a while and needed to surround myself with people I could rely on, and she just wasn’t there for me anymore. We are still friends but it has changed for me. I can’t let myself be open with her anymore, just surface level now. I wouldn’t even be her friend if our daughters hadn’t grown up together and were so tight.