I’m in a really hard situation and could use some outside perspective.
I live in Germany. I have a daughter from my previous marriage. She’s still young and currently staying with my parents in another country, because of the war back home. Her mother isn’t around or able to care for her, I’m her only real parent now.
My current wife also has three kids from her previous marriage. Their father passed away during the war. Her children are also staying abroad with her mom. She plans to bring them eventually, but says she needs to get a job and a bigger apartment first, and I fully support that.
The problem is: I want to bring my daughter now. She needs me. She’s been through a lot.
But my wife says if I bring my daughter first, her kids will feel abandoned and jealous, and it would affect their mental health. She insists that all kids come together.
I feel like I’m being pulled in two directions. I want to do what’s right for all the kids, but I feel I can’t keep postponing being a father to my daughter. I don’t want to damage my marriage, but I also don’t want to fail my child.
Is it unreasonable to bring my daughter first, given the circumstances? What would you do in my position?
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I’m in a really hard situation and could use some outside perspective.
I live in Germany. I have a daughter from my previous marriage. She’s still young and currently staying with my parents in another country, because of the war back home. Her mother isn’t around or able to care for her, I’m her only real parent now.
My current wife also has three kids from her previous marriage. Their father passed away during the war. Her children are also staying abroad with her mom. She plans to bring them eventually, but says she needs to get a job and a bigger apartment first, and I fully support that.
The problem is: I want to bring my daughter now. She needs me. She’s been through a lot.
But my wife says if I bring my daughter first, her kids will feel abandoned and jealous, and it would affect their mental health. She insists that all kids come together.
I feel like I’m being pulled in two directions. I want to do what’s right for all the kids, but I feel I can’t keep postponing being a father to my daughter. I don’t want to damage my marriage, but I also don’t want to fail my child.
Is it unreasonable to bring my daughter first, given the circumstances? What would you do in my position?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA How would your wife’s children know you brought your daughter first, unless she tells them and she would only tell them in order to upset them, so why do that? Bring your daughter first. Your wife can get a job and a bigger apartment and then bring her children. She can explain to her children that she must get a job and a bigger apartment for them to join her and is working on that goal.
NTA – you both have kids from previous relationships so they will always be your priority – you do what’s right for you & your daughter.
NTA
i think your wifes lying, i highly doubt she knows that they would feel disrespected or neglected.
furthermore, they should be able to listen to the voice of reason and understand that if your child needs to be cared for, then theres literally nothing else to do
i can already tell, this marriage might not last if she continues to act like this. not trying to be rude or anything like that, just my genuine opinion. if she contnues to view the children as “mine” and “yours” there is most likely gonna be some problems
How long have you been away from your daughter? What does that mean she’s living elsewhere bc of the war? When did you get married? Does your wife know your daughter? Do you know hers? Have the kids met each other?
So many questions.
INFO