TL;DR: I went all out for my boyfriend’s birthday while 40 weeks pregnant and broke, but for my birthday a week later, he got me donuts, roses, and a late gift (plus shoes for himself). I told him I felt unappreciated, and he said I’m ungrateful. Am I the asshole?
Edit: I’m saying “I am broke” because I didn’t have a lot of personal extra spending money. I already set money aside for my bills. I’m not going to make him buy his own birthday gift. Money is not an issue for him. Money is not an issue for our family.
My baby was due the day before my boyfriend’s birthday. Baby didn’t come yet so I got scheduled to be induced the day before my birthday which is a week later. We ended up going in for my induction the day after my birthday because of issues with the hospital.
For his birthday, I got him the exact sweatpants he asked for, a nice shirt I knew he had wanted in the past, made him breakfast, took both our families out to lunch (and paid), bought his favorite cheesecake, and took him to a nice steak dinner. I even had him pick out seats to take him to see his favorite NFL team play, but that fell through when we realized the baby would be too young. But anyway… I had very little personal spending money (due to being laid off at 28 weeks pregnant) but still wanted to make him feel special. (This is money I put aside periodically after bills and savings are taken care of. I basically used most of that personal fun spending money for his birthday)
For my birthday, he left the house after I already had woken up, and went to buy me my favorite flowers, a card, and got me my favorite donuts for my birthday breakfast. He placed 2 candles in the donuts (the candles I bought him for his birthday he week before) That was sweet, but he then said he didn’t have a gift because he ordered it late, and because he thought we’d be in the hospital for my birthday anyway. The thing is, I thought the same about his birthday bc it was my due date!! but I still made sure he was celebrated, even while I was super uncomfortable and exhausted from being 40 weeks pregnant and also, I was broke. Even if we were in the hospital for my birthday, I feel like that’s even more reason to make me feel special.
I had told him in advance exactly what I wanted: teeth whitening strips, a bathrobe, and a necklace with our baby’s initial (all inexpensive). Instead, 5 days later he gave me Nike Dunks (not really my style) and also bought himself shoes in that same online order. That night we went to my favorite restaurant (not cheap), but that’s where I go every year with my family anyway so he didn’t have to do much thinking or planning for that.
I recently told him I felt unappreciated because there didn’t seem to be much thought or effort for my birthday. He said I sound ungrateful.
Am I wrong for being upset?
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TL;DR: I went all out for my boyfriend’s birthday while 40 weeks pregnant and broke, but for my birthday a week later, he got me donuts, roses, and a late gift (plus shoes for himself). I told him I felt unappreciated, and he said I’m ungrateful. Am I the asshole?
My baby was due the day before my boyfriend’s birthday. Baby didn’t come yet so I got scheduled to be induced the day before my birthday which is a week later. We ended up going in for my induction the day after my birthday because of issues with the hospital.
For his birthday, I got him the exact sweatpants he asked for, a nice shirt I knew he had wanted in the past, made him breakfast, took both our families out to lunch (and paid), bought his favorite cheesecake, and took him to a nice steak dinner. I even had him pick out seats to take him to see his favorite NFL team play, but that fell through when we realized the baby would be too young. But anyway… I had very little money (due to being laid off at 28 weeks pregnant) but still wanted to make him feel special.
For my birthday, he left the house after I already had woken up, and went to buy me my favorite flowers, a card, and got me my favorite donuts for my birthday breakfast. He placed 2 candles in the donuts (the candles I bought him for his birthday he week before) That was sweet, but he then said he didn’t have a gift because he ordered it late, and because he thought we’d be in the hospital for my birthday anyway. The thing is, I thought the same about his birthday bc it was my due date!! but I still made sure he was celebrated, even while I was super uncomfortable and exhausted from being 40 weeks pregnant and also, I was broke. Even if we were in the hospital for my birthday, I feel like that’s even more reason to make me feel special.
I had told him in advance exactly what I wanted: teeth whitening strips, a bathrobe, and a necklace with our baby’s initial (all inexpensive). Instead, 5 days later he gave me Nike Dunks (not really my style) and also bought himself shoes in that same online order. That night we went to my favorite restaurant (not cheap), but that’s where I go every year with my family anyway so he didn’t have to do much thinking or planning for that.
I recently told him I felt unappreciated because there didn’t seem to be much thought or effort for my birthday. He said I sound ungrateful.
Am I wrong for being upset?
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> I might be the asshole for telling my boyfriend I had a bad birthday even though he spent a lot of money on me
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. You’re broke and weeks away from having a baby but decided to blow all that money on your boyfriend’s birthday while also expecting him to do the same? You need to reexamine your financial priorities.
Donuts and flowers are sweet, but they don’t match the level you went to for him, and the gift he gave himself in the same order kinda undercuts the thoughtfulness…nta
You’re broke and have a baby on the way. Neither of you should have celebrated your birthday with that on the horizon. You’re both bad with money, and your child’s gonna suffer because of it.
NTA for telling him your birthday succes because it was low effort, but why the hell did you go over the top and spend that much money on his birthday when you’re broke and having a baby? Shouldn’t the money go to the baby’s needs rather than lunch with the whole family and steak dinner? These seem like very odd priorities on your due date.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Lame birthday gifts means nothing if he otherwise treats you well and is a good man. If he has red flags and doesn’t treat you as you should be treated outside of birthdays then the birthday issue is still irrelevant. What kind of person is he? That matters more than what birthday gifts he got you. How old are you to still be caring about having a special birthday?
ESH. You both need to be prioritizing this baby when it comes to spending. Now, if your wife/gf ever gives you exactly what she wants for her birthday (and it’s reasonable), JUST GET THAT. Roses plus one of the items you listed would’ve been perfect for him to do. My recommendation is to take a step back and give each other some grace since you are both in the middle of a stressful life change. Prepare for the baby and stop worrying about pointless birthday stuff.
NTA but I keep seeing posts on here from women who are pregnant by men who don’t treat them right. Maybe it started after they nailed them with babies but I don’t know why they grovel for these guys. The bar is so low…
NAH I think your boyfriend put in real effort that doesn’t meet your expectations. And just cause it doesn’t meet your expectations doesn’t mean he didn’t do enough or doesn’t care. On other hand you are in a very vulnerable and stressful position right now. It’s clear your boyfriend loves you and you guys are preparing for a major life change. It’s hard but try to relax the last few days of your pregnancy and not let these little things consume you. A lot of women have no support during pregnancies. Not saying that as a reason to accept anyone’s BS but sometimes u gotta put things in perspective.
SO focused on the wrong things LOL
he bought his own birthday gift and just brought you along for the ride. NTA.
You have a right to your own feelings and its good to speak openly about them – so in this part NTA. But – broke people should be more carefull about money. Especialy when the baby is almost here. And – its a matter of POV couse he – bought your fav flowers, fav donuts and a gift (other than you expected but still), he took you to expensive meal also. So I understand it didnt met your expectations but it wasnt like you were ignored or something.
Seriously? If my wife bought me my favorite doughnuts and a bouquet of flowers, and then informed me she also got another gift on top of all that, but ordered it late, I’d be over the fucking moon. He still celebrated you. But, unlike you, he chose to spend within his means, knowing the baby is on the way and he’ll need the rest of his good check to cover your butt while you’re handling his child. YTA. Yeah, I agree. A little tacky reusing candles. But not ah worthy. Bdays aren’t a freaking competition. You shouldn’t have hardly spent any money on him for his. You’re freaking jobless and living off savings while pregnant. Ffs.
In my opinion: ESH
You should not have spent all that money on your bf, and he shouldn’t have spent a lot on you. You have to prepare for a child, and that’s going to be more expensive, with unexpected costs than you think.
He clearly thoughtfully planned your birthday, and aside from getting the wrong shoes. It wasn’t as expected, and then you actually told him you felt unappreciated. I’d be extremely hurt and pissed off too. Especially if I went significantly out of my way, both financially and with personal time. The only thing that would have me staying in the relationship after this, would be the pregnancy, and the effect and affect it has on one’s personality.
Just because you do things differently, does not mean that the other person doesn’t think about things, and put great thought into them.
YTA. He’s always gonna be like this get used to it or move on .
NTA because you’re allowed to tell your honest feelings to your partner but also YTA possibly depending on how you said it
You let him pick out seats for an NFL game – so did you have the money for that? Because that’s not considered broke.
ESH – you both should probably be focused on this kid.
Kinda. You’re also having a baby, get used to your birthday not being a full day affair.