i started dating my girlfriend 6 months ago. whenever we have sex i can smell a smell that should not be there. at first i thought it was just a long day for her and she didn’t have time to shower but it persisted. i couldn’t handle it anymore. i told her “Hi ***** I don’t meant to be rude at all but whenever we have sex, i can smell something that should not be there and i’m worried for your health.” She then processed to leave me on read for an hour and then she came back and said she was scream crying for an hour straight. she then proceeded to tell me since i’m a man i dont know how a woman smells down there and that it was extremely rude of me to notify her. imma be honest it wasnt normal at all and the whole time i was comforting her and assuring her i still love her. I don’t know how to feel.
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i started dating my girlfriend 6 months ago. whenever we have sex i can smell a smell that should not be there. at first i thought it was just a long day for her and she didn’t have time to shower but it persisted. i couldn’t handle it anymore. i told her “Hi ***** I don’t meant to be rude at all but whenever we have sex, i can smell something that should not be there and i’m worried for your health.” She then processed to leave me on read for an hour and then she came back and said she was scream crying for an hour straight. she then proceeded to tell me since i’m a man i dont know how a woman smells down there and that it was extremely rude of me to notify her. imma be honest it wasnt normal at all and the whole time i was comforting her and assuring her i still love her. I don’t know how to feel.
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You jumped the gun. Could have tried other things first imo. You essentially gave her a complex and confirmed a terrible fear. There had to be other and more desirable approaches that would not embarrass her and leave you with a zero win scenario
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole cause i told my girl her pussy stank but not like that
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Oder can be a sign of infection. Embarrassing but easily treated. She should go see her doctor.
I also don’t know how you could have brought that up in a way that wouldn’t have offended.
NTA
You’re TA for doing it over text. But nta for telling her.
What does politely smell like?
Yta
If true tell her in person like wtf you must be 19
as a girl it is pretty embarrassing to get told this! it is totally normal to have a yeast infection or even an uti! i suggest having her go to her doctor to get it treated because it can get worse..
NTA her SHit STonk
NTA. It’s not your fault she smells like a wet tuna sandwich
yta talk in person and if you can’t identify the smell like say fishy then yes something may be going on like a bacterial infection but she’s right your a man and can’t even identified a smell 🙄
NTA. Perfectly reasonable health concern to raise. It could be a sign of infection and she might not have noticed the odor whole in the throws of passion.
YTA for telling her in a text message. Wtf dude…
You’re not an asshole, women are egotistical AF apparently you have to be a slave to the smell
This really depends on what she smelled like. If she smelled normal and you just don’t know what women smell like then y t a but if she doesn’t smell normal and has a hygiene issue then n t a. There’s no way to know from your post; what is this cryptic “smell that should not be there”?
NAH. She was clearly embarrassed by what you said, as a woman I would be too.
However, you definitely should’ve approached this a different way, saying this through text can’t communicate the tone you meant to say it in. She might’ve thought you meant it rudely and not in a concerned way.
YTA for telling her by text. Next time send a hand made card by registered mail and include a scratch and sniff.
You did nothing wrong. She’s just immature.
YTA
This is a sensitive topic that needs to be brought up with finesse. Like “damn, girl. Make sure you wash up. My guy deserves the very best. He’s bougie like that.”
Nta, it’s not normal to smell idc what these other comments are saying but it’s not. 6 months and she still smells ? She’s blind to it because she’s been living in stink. Hygiene is not hard and the people saying you’re ta are wrong. My bf better tell me if I stink because as embarassed as I’d be, atleast I’d know so I could fix it
YTA *if* she is going to an OB/GYN. Surprising number of women don’t.
Some men know how women smell more then women, but I would go there with her.
YTA dont tell her in text but youre also right to bring it up, they way you did it is just ass
Ima be real. In am adult relationship this shouldn’t cause too much stress. Most men and women at a certain age appreciate these kinds of comments in a healthy relationship. People worth being being around heavily consider their appearance and hygiene. Any concerns with regards to these issues should be and usually are addressed quickly. Intimacy on that level is a dialogue.
NTA for wanting to address a health concern.
YTA for trying to tackle a difficult situation like this via text.
For the women jumping right to “he’s a man, he don’t know”… Yes, we men can tell. Especially after sex. The confusing part, for me, is that it’s just an infection… something to be medically treated… why is there such a stigma to this? Why is it so offensive?
I can imagine not smelling great is a reason. Most of us humans take showers for this reason, women make fun for their men for stinky feet and butts… maybe because it’s such a “personal” smelly location? Because it may hint at being unclean? Sometimes… also sometimes, women just get infections… no judgment, just fact.
When I was young and immature and said it to a past girlfriend in a less than mature way. We were both 19. Since then, I’ve learned a proper touch.
NTA but I sure was.
I probably would have said it in person in a lighter way (in my older age) but I don’t think you messed up.
I think you should try to meet her and try to convey how you feel about her and your future together (if you see something, not engagement shit but you’ve enjoyed your time together and can see life growing?) then say how you feel worried about her.
YTA. Look, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have said anything. It sounds like she probably needs to see a doctor. This is a conversation that I think could have been brought up in a sensitive way, but it was not appropriate for a text.
NTA, I understand as a woman myself that she’s embarrassed, but I’d personally be more embarrassed if a stranger pointed it out rudely than my boyfriend who is concerned. Though I do agree with the other comments that maybe you should tell her in person since it is a personal thing.
Gonna go with ESH with a grain of salt. You aren’t in the wrong for noticing this problem and bringing it to her intention- your phrasing, however, is not great.
This is a sensitive subject, and just simply preluding something with “I don’t mean to be rude, but” doesn’t automatically make whatever you say after not rude.
Her response was not great either. “You don’t know what you’re talking about because you’re a man and you shouldn’t have told me” is invalidating your genuine concern for her health. She probably did feel embarrassed by how you brought it up and was upset by it, but she could have communicated that more clearly.
Your girlfriend most likely has BV (Bacterial Vaginosis) which is most commonly from sexual activity. It is not an STI or STD, it’s the result of a PH imbalance that causes the good and bad bacteria that live in all vaginas to get out of wack.
She needs to see a doctor and get medication for it. It will not go away on its own.
You may be the cause of the imbalance or you may not be. Many women are very sensitive to soaps, condoms, tampons, etc…
There was a much, much better way to have this discussion. It shouldn’t have been via text, for sure.
YTA for not being far, far more sensitive about how you handled it.
NTA! This is unfortunately a side effect of women being made to feel ashamed of their bodies and education being hush hush about what’s natural and normal and what’s not. No one is supposed to smell like coconut vanilla down there but fish is a very obvious symptom of BV or some other imbalance.
Her embarrassment is understandable but she should not be freaking out and blaming you for anything, it sounds like you’re being kind about it. Maybe offer to go to urgent care or her doctor together, a BV test is a quick swab and prescription antibiotics to get things in check. Maybe even some probiotics would help. I would want my boyfriend to tell me too.
YTA for telling her over text. NTA for telling her.
Yta, no more raw for you i guess
The answers in this thread are hilarious to me because I stfg I have read advice on reddit basically saying to say what OP said in his text to confront such a situation politely. No one can win here 🤣
Edited to add: honestly if someone were polite enough to tell me via text I would be mortified yet but also OH MY GOD THANK YOU??
NAH
Okay cum balls burger
NTA, I understand both sides, maybe telling her over text wasn’t the best but in all honesty I mightve done the same thing. She should be paying more attention to her hygiene instead of getting defensive about the situation.
Nta women are pathetic around this subject you can be extremely polite and say it kindly but they’ll still lose there shit like it’s our fault they don’t shower at least everyday and should before sex. It’s not that hard just get in the fucking shower becky and have a proper wash.
NTA. Maybe have a talk with her? Except, do it face to face this time, and take some time to explain you weren’t trying to be mean, you are just concerned for her health and care about her as both your partner and a person. If it makes her feel better, offer to get yourself checked, too (which… isn’t a bad idea since you should be getting an annual sexual wellness exam anyway)!!
NTA, if you can smell it, she definitely can.
‘Well none of the other women I’ve slept stank like that!’
How did you articulate this to her?
If it’s a fishy odor she has BV and needs to see a doctor. It’s nothing she should be embarrassed about, but there’s also no easy way to bring it up to her. It’s not an easy conversation. Texting about stuff like this is never a good idea, for future reference you should speak to her in person. It’s not an STD or STI, and can be treated easily. Just be supportive and caring, she’ll be okay
Vaginas can smell different or even unpleasant for a variety of reasons, the most frequent cause being a sexual relationship, as it introduces foreign bacteria and yeasts into the area. That means from a mouth or hands, genitals or toys.
Other causes are fluctuating hormones, illness, improper hygiene, allergies to condom materials, you get the point.
Be a responsible adult about how you mention an odor that strikes you as unpleasant. To her face, not in a message. “Hey babe, I noticed you have a different/strong odor today/lately. I’m not sure what it is because I don’t have the same body part, how are you feeling?”
Yeah, it’s more words than you might want to say but that’s how it goes when you’re being considerate of someone else’s feelings.
YTA for how you went about it, and that’s something you can apologize for and change in the future. Good luck.