I need to know if I am the AH here. Yesterday morning, I was downstairs food prepping for the week for me and my daughter.
My mother came in and immediately started making comments on how I didn’t make it to church (she didn’t either) and started slamming me, my fiance, my daughter, my parenting, etc. Anything she wanted to vent about, she did. She told me I am a neglectful parent because I haven’t been able to afford to take my daughter to a psychiatrist yet (I’m working on fixing this and she IS in counseling but I can’t afford both).
I finally had enough and started asking her to shut it. She refused. Bar none. Refused to stop, even with my dad begging her to. I had enough of her dogging on my parenting and lack of funds to pay out of pocket $200+ for psychiatric care per week on top of the $100+ I’m paying every week for therapy for her.
I yelled at her to shut up. That just made it worse. She became more verbally abusive with every sentence. I finally retorted that at least I never did what she did and backed my daughter into a corner with a closed fist over grades. She immediately called me a liar (she had done this several times to me as a teenager) and demanded my dad kick me out. I said I’m not leaving. Dad told her no, so now she’s left. She left her ring because my dad and I both stood up to her.
I need to know if I’m the AH because I reacted. Should I have just continued to take the abuse? I’ve been trying to move out since December but we just can’t afford to yet.
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I need to know if I am the AH here. Yesterday morning, I was downstairs food prepping for the week for me and my daughter.
My mother came in and immediately started making comments on how I didn’t make it to church (she didn’t either) and started slamming me, my fiance, my daughter, my parenting, etc. Anything she wanted to vent about, she did. She told me I am a neglectful parent because I haven’t been able to afford to take my daughter to a psychiatrist yet (I’m working on fixing this and she IS in counseling but I can’t afford both).
I finally had enough and started asking her to shut it. She refused. Bar none. Refused to stop, even with my dad begging her to. I had enough of her dogging on my parenting and lack of funds to pay out of pocket $200+ for psychiatric care per week on top of the $100+ I’m paying every week for therapy for her.
I yelled at her to shut up. That just made it worse. She became more verbally abusive with every sentence. I finally retorted that at least I never did what she did and backed my daughter into a corner with a closed fist over grades. She immediately called me a liar (she had done this several times to me as a teenager) and demanded my dad kick me out. I said I’m not leaving. Dad told her no, so now she’s left. She left her ring because my dad and I both stood up to her.
I need to know if I’m the AH because I reacted. Should I have just continued to take the abuse? I’ve been trying to move out since December but we just can’t afford to yet.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because I reacted to her. If I had just stayed quiet and bore it, she would have burned out and stayed with my dad.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta your mom sounds awful.
NTA. What a terrible woman. I hope you can move out soon and that you are able to get your daughter psychiatric care soon. Are there community resources you can access for that? I know they have those in California.
NTA, she’s a narcissist and would be permanently out of my life !!!!
NTA, my mum is similar to yours from the sounds of it. Had a similar experience bout 6 – 7 years ago, I snapped.
Anyway getting off track, no I dont think you did anything wrong, sometimes people need to learn the hard way that you can’t talk to people like they are nothing and have no consequences.
Can I ask, why are you paying for her to be in therapy, she or her husband/your dad should be covering that cost. I’d stop paying for it, if she wants/needs therapy, well then she better start paying for it.
I imagine saving the £200 – £300 a month will help speed up getting a place for yourself & your partner.
NTA- check out r/raisedbynarcissists — you will find your familiars here.
NTA, but why are you living in the same home with your abusive mother when you are an adult with your own child?