Edit: I think I’ve worded this wrong. I’m really asking aita for being frustrated at how upset my partner gets about my alarms when he can and does sleep whenever he wants (he often will sleep all day whether or not I have alarms) I completely understand where he’s coming from and don’t want to disrupt his sleep therefore I’m looking into solutions. I just wasn’t sure if any sort of my frustrations were valid.
I work full time and have issues with sleeping through alarms. Ever since I can remember I will turn off my alarm in my sleep and have no recollection of doing so. This has made me late to work and I have extreme anxiety about being late to work. I set multiple alarms in case I turn off the one I need to wake up to. I have diagnosed ocd and will obsessively check my alarms before going to bed. Even this isn’t fool proof I have slept thru all of my alarms before it turned them off and immediately fell back asleep. Putting my alarm in another room doesn’t work because my brain will ignore it. It will just exist in my dreams sometimes and I don’t realize it’s my alarm. My partner is upset about the multiple alarms because it wakes them up. But aita? I understand where he’s coming from but he’s unemployed so he doesn’t have to go to work and can sleep whenever he wants to.
Edit: in case some don’t read the comments. I don’t care that my partner is unemployed I mention it only because I’ve seen posts about multiple alarms but never seen one where the partner isn’t working. I totally understand where my partner is coming from just frustrated because he can and does often sleep whenever he wants (for example sleeping all day and up all night) whether or not I have alarms. But overall I want to find a solution that benefits both of us.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
I work full time and have issues with sleeping through alarms. Ever since I can remember I will turn off my alarm in my sleep and have no recollection of doing so. This has made me late to work and I have extreme anxiety about being late to work. I set multiple alarms in case I turn off the one I need to wake up to. I have diagnosed ocd and will obsessively check my alarms before going to bed. Even this isn’t fool proof I have slept thru all of my alarms before it turned them off and immediately fell back asleep. Putting my alarm in another room doesn’t work because my brain will ignore it. It will just exist in my dreams sometimes and I don’t realize it’s my alarm. My partner is upset about the multiple alarms because it wakes them up. But aita? I understand where he’s coming from but he’s unemployed so he doesn’t have to go to work and can sleep whenever he wants to.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I set multiple alarms in the morning. Those alarms wake my unemployed partner up and upsets them.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
[removed]
Info: Have you tried options like placing your phone/alarm in the same room but away from the bed forcing you to actually get up to turn it off? Have you tried going to bed earlier so you’re not always so exhausted in the morning that you sleep through multiple alarms?
NTA if there’s really no other solution, though I do see your partner’s side. Have you done a sleep study? It sounds like you’re spending too long in deep sleep which might be why you have such issues getting up?
NTA. I want to know what your partner thinks is a reasonable solution, given the context in your comments.
YTA .
Been unemployed is a separate issue that you should deal with if you are not happy with it.
been unemployed doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to complain if their sleep is disturbed and doesn’t give you the right to disregard him unless you are doing this to punish them.
Did you ask your partner to wake you up after the first alarm goes off so you don’t have to set a million of them? If yes, do you wake up if he tries or you ignore them like you do with the alarms?
You should talk to your doctor about your sleep issues. Might be an underlying issue. Or maybe you just need a sleep aid. My doctor prescribed trazadone. It helps.
Been there and it was so fucking annoying. Even if I was already up I was like how is a grown ass adult still pressing snooze a thousand times. Maybe I’m the asshole.
YTA…Not for your issues, but for the way you disregard your partner’s lack of sleep. Unemployed or not he has a valid concern that you’ve tossed aside. Your current method doesn’t well for you OR him. What are you both going to do about that?
YTA just because he’s unemployed doesn’t mean you can wake him up by sleeping through all your alarms. And this doesn’t really seem like an issue you’re willing to fix, so I understand his frustration.
I’ve been there before and I had to use an app where I solve multiple math problems before I can turn it off. I’ve also had a lot of luck with my hatch alarm clock. I hope you can figure something out.
NTA, but please go get checked out. I’ve lived through this with my husband, they were getting such shit sleep it was impossible to wake them before the third or fourth alarm. Turns out it was sleep apnea! Now sometimes they’re up before I am and in a MUCH better mood than before
Just because he’s unemployed that doesn’t make it okay to force him to have to his sleep disrupted by multiple alarms every day. His feelings matter too. And eventually he will go back to work and it’s unfair to expect him to continue being woken up a bunch of times every day. You should sleep in separate bedrooms at least. And you should get help for your sleep issue.
YTA. Setting multiple alarms is a stop gap, fix the problem that requires you to have multiple alarms. Also, the fact that you put “unemployed partner” in the title seems like you are seriously looking down on your partner.
Change your alarm to one that vibrates under your pillow.
Should wake you, and has a better chance not waking your partner.
Long term, yeah Y T A. But I’ve been there and I definitely empathize. Some things that helped me that maybe will help you.
I realized I need sunlight. If it’s dark, my body does not want to get up. If you don’t have access to real sunlight, try a sunlight alarm clock.
I use my Apple Watch as a second alarm. It vibrates which wakes me up better than the loudest alarm clock. I’m sure there are alternatives to an Apple Watch if you don’t have one of those. Another option is getting an alarm clock that’s designed for the deaf and HoH. It also uses vibrations to wake you up.
If it’s possible, I’d also recommend getting a sleep study done. This could be a bigger problem that can’t be solved through alternative alarms. This probably isn’t your case, but I’ll throw it out just in case. Part of my problem was I have a tongue tie. I’m unable to properly suction my tongue to the roof of my mouth, which is the proper tongue position for sleeping. It can affect your quality of sleep and make it difficult to wake up in the mornings.
YTA. You’re not doing it maliciously but you’re discounting how disruptive this is to him. I’m sympathetic to the problem but I would be upset too if I didn’t have to get up but was being awakened by repeated alarms.
The obvious solution is to sleep in separate rooms when you have to get up.
YTA
It is SO rude to do this. Your SO deserves sleep, even if you think your anxiety is more important.
ETA: I sounded too cold.
I’m deaf and will be buried with my vibrations wrist watch! The Apple watches are great for people with time anxiety.
You’re both assholes. He should wake you up with the first alarm. You should turn off your backup alarms when you wake up. You should both communicate better and work together to resolve the issue.
NTA, He’s unemployed and not contributing so you getting to work takes priority over his sleep. He can always go back to bed
YTA…unemployed or not sleep hygiene is essential for everyone, getting disrupted while sleeping is not good.
What about these swatches with integrated intelligent alarm? Did you try that out?
Yea kinda yta. Try a light up alarm clock like the one Phillips makes. It progressively gets brighter till the time to wake up where it starts playing a tune. I got one and it way nicer waking up to that than an alarm blaring. The body looks for light when it wakes up
You’re making the assumption that his sleep quality is just as good/restorative if he sleeps during the day and usually that’s not true – humans are meant to sleep at night.
I sympathize with your sleep problems but its hard to understand why its been an issue “as long as you can remember” – I think I’d do everything in my power to fix it immediately after the first time I was late to work. Why didn’t the person who diagnosed you with OCD addressed this? Good psych care includes ruling out underlying medical (non-psych) problems that could contribute to or mimic symptoms of a psych condition. YTA.
YTA. Sleep is important for everyone, including your partner. You are the one with abnormal sleep habits so it’s on you to figure out a reasonable solution.
YTA.
It doesn’t matter if your partner is working or not. Disrupting someone’s sleep repeatedly, every day, because you haven’t figured out how to get up in the morning is asshole behavior.