This more of an “are we” the assholes more than just me. We don’t spend much time in the hospital and perhaps don’t understand the rules outside of reading the visitor policy.
Recently my father traumatic injury, breaking his neck and is at least paralyzed. His arms move but past the elbow and fingers it’s limited. He also has Parkinson’s and doesn’t sleep well at night.
The ICU teams were fantastic, and he was moved to general care.
While in general care, due to some complications he started experiencing lung collapse and was on very high oxygen (30 liters at 65%).
Myself, three sisters and mom have been in his room helping him through this. We’re doing movements recommended by PT and breathing exercises recommended by the respiratory therapist (every 15 minutes).
We visit during standard visiting hours, with one guest being able to stay overnight.
We don’t interfere with the staff, but have assisted when needed.
Examples would be when staff turn him, they don’t support his head and it causes him pain (on his side, so his head is above his shoulder).
At times a single staff member will clean his adult garment and we’ll help hold him for easier cleaning.
While there the first day of two in general care, he fell forward in the hoyer lift and hit his head causing him quite a bit of pain.
Multiple times his catheter bag was full, preventing the catheter from draining.
Due to these issues we like one family member in the room.
We’re being told we have too many people and nurses have complained.
Are we the assholes in this situation?
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This more of an “are we” the assholes more than just me. We don’t spend much time in the hospital and perhaps don’t understand the rules outside of reading the visitor policy.
Recently my father traumatic injury, breaking his neck and is at least paralyzed. His arms move but past the elbow and fingers it’s limited. He also has Parkinson’s and doesn’t sleep well at night.
The ICU teams were fantastic, and he was moved to general care.
While in general care, due to some complications he started experiencing lung collapse and was on very high oxygen (30 liters at 65%).
Myself, three sisters and mom have been in his room helping him through this. We’re doing movements recommended by PT and breathing exercises recommended by the respiratory therapist (every 15 minutes).
We visit during standard visiting hours, with one guest being able to stay overnight.
We don’t interfere with the staff, but have assisted when needed.
Examples would be when staff turn him, they don’t support his head and it causes him pain (on his side, so his head is above his shoulder).
At times a single staff member will clean his adult garment and we’ll help hold him for easier cleaning.
While there the first day of two in general care, he fell forward in the hoyer lift and hit his head causing him quite a bit of pain.
Multiple times his catheter bag was full, preventing the catheter from draining.
Due to these issues we like one family member in the room.
We’re being told we have too many people and nurses have complained.
Are we the assholes in this situation?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Should we have fewer family members visiting my father (1 or 2) and not all of his children?
Are we being disruptive, or rude by visiting and staying in the room?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA It sounds like he is not getting good care by the nurses and they don’t want you noticing. Be his advocate for better care.
So much NTA. I would be documenting every time they are noticeably fucking up like this. Your father is SOOO vulnerable right now, and they should be that much more careful with him. I would always have at least one person from your family in that room.
When my mom (elderly, dementia issues) had to be temporarily placed in a nursing facility, my brother and I took turns sleeping over with her. Never asked permission, never got mentioned by any of the staff. The facility was nice but severely under-staffed and honestly, I think they were glad that we more or less kept her out of their hair. You and your family should do what you think is necessary to care for your dad.
NTA. It seems like what they are complaining about is being held accountable for providing prompt care by an ever present family member. As long as you are following the hospital’s guidelines, stay there and keep an eye out on your loved one.
Having recently seen my own son receiving end of life care (over the course of more than eight months) in an ICU, followed by various other units within three different care facilities, I can testify that people will attend to someone when a family member calls their attention to that person’s discomfort much more quickly than when no one is around. I’m not faulting the people who provide that care because they are overworked and short staffed.
Don’t let things become adversarial. But do remain vigilant and insistent on pointing out things that need attending to and also do thank people for their efforts.
Too many people in a standard private hospital room can get quite cramped for nurses to move to and fro, so I can see them shooing out more than one person for a minute or two. However, they should have no problem with one family member remaining as long as they don’t interfere in basic nursing activities.
NTA
NTA. Contact patient advocacy and document everything. Take photos of the full catheter bag
NTA, document all the things you just mentioned and reach out to someone higher up.
When my dad was in rehab, anytime I left a message for the director, they’d suddenly be taking better care of him – for a few days – then I’d have to call again. Sadly, these places are understaffed and the squeaky wheel gets the grease. But no one ever complained about us being there, even when three of us were there in a cramped shared room- this gives me pause and makes me feel like it has more to do with accountability.
Have you talked to them about the specific concerns? I hate to say it, but they are probably more likely to take extra care with patients they know will keep saying something.
Also, you say one family member and then “too many people”. How many are there at once?
NTA
he cant care for himself, you and your family are doing the right thing by caring for him. if the ICU staff cannot keep up, then i dont see why its innapropriate to have a family member to help.
You are doing the right thing. Only really an issue if you are preventing them from doing their work or getting belligerent. Sounds more an issue of improper care.
How many people do you mean by “we”? If it’s more than three I can see that being a problem for the staff if they don’t have room to do the work they need to do.
Report them to state and federal authorities IMMEDIATELY
NTA. Been spending the nights with my dad in rehab care for 3 months. We ALWAYS have someone with him. No one will care for him they way you will. Move facilities if possible.
NTA at all!
He needs you there and you are his only advocates. If all 3 of you are there at once, maybe that is too many? But you said you read the visitor rules so I’m guessing it’s not that. Definitely do not leave him alone. If you have other options for his care, consider moving him. As others have mentioned- document everything with names, dates, times.
I’m so sorry your dad was hurt and it’s wonderful to hear of how caring your family is. Take care of yourselves and each other too, caretaker fatigue is a big deal.
NTA. Document the mistakes you’re seeing. The hospital may have a patient care coordinator or ombudsman to deal with complaints. If they do, send a written complaint to them. Be very neutral in your descriptions, and try to avoid any emotional language. Also be as polite and friendly to the staff as you can. Typically many of these types of problems come from shortstaffing, rather than incompetence or disregard for patients. Though of course some caregivers are actively bad.
NTA.
Continue to hold them to the standard of care. Complain to the drs about the pain they have caused by their inattentiveness to his inability to support his head.
Don’t let them guilt you into staying away. Patients who cannot advocate for themselves, absolutely should have someone paying attention to the care they receive.
Y’all have valid reasons to hang around. They can’t force you out. Don’t let them guilt you out instead.
If they continue, ask to speak to the House Supervisor. They are the administrators in change of the hospital itself. They don’t work for specific departments and are a good place to start if you have trouble with the nursing or support staff.