My best friend and I work together, though my position is more senior than hers. She is 40F and a “tired mom” of 2 young boys. I am 37F and recently single with no kids. I had an opportunity through my job to attend a fun event and golf tournament in a town about 3 hours from where we live. I invited my friend to come along with me and she accepted. We typically love to go to events, and always have fun together.
She drove us up to the location.
On my company work Amex, I got us a giant hotel suite for the night. It had a master bedroom with king bed and jacuzzi bath in one room, a shared toilet and shower, a full kitchen with laundry room, and a living room with a full sized pull out sofa. (It was truly a very large space).
My friend knew this whole trip that I was interested in meeting men and would potentially be bringing someone back to our room, and she fully supported me on this. (She knows how sad I have been after my breakup).
However, she was adamant that we (the guy and me) should take the living room sofa bed so she could sleep in the master bedroom (with jacuzzi being in her space as well). I thought that was absurd and that she should take the sofa bed since there would be two of us, we could close the door, have more privacy, the bath, etc.
Am I the asshole?
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My best friend and I work together, though my position is more senior than hers. She is 40F and a “tired mom” of 2 young boys. I am 37F and recently single with no kids. I had an opportunity through my job to attend a fun event and golf tournament in a town about 3 hours from where we live. I invited my friend to come along with me and she accepted. We typically love to go to events, and always have fun together.
She drove us up to the location.
On my company work Amex, I got us a giant hotel suite for the night. It had a master bedroom with king bed and jacuzzi bath in one room, a shared toilet and shower, a full kitchen with laundry room, and a living room with a full sized pull out sofa. (It was truly a very large space).
My friend knew this whole trip that I was interested in meeting men and would potentially be bringing someone back to our room, and she fully supported me on this. (She knows how sad I have been after my breakup).
However, she was adamant that we (the guy and me) should take the living room sofa bed so she could sleep in the master bedroom (with jacuzzi being in her space as well). I thought that was absurd and that she should take the sofa bed since there would be two of us, we could close the door, have more privacy, the bath, etc.
Am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I took the bigger room so I could hook up with a guy. We wouldn’t have been on the trip if it weren’t for me, and there were two of us so the bigger room plus use of the jacuzzi made more sense to me. 2) My friend thinks I was selfish and that she should have gotten the room since she’s as tired mom.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. She’s the tagalong. She gets the couch.
TBH, imma say YTA here. Doesn’t matter if you’re single or a mom, respect is key. You invited her, so technically she’s your guest, plus she did the driving. She’s not a blocker for your fun, man. Still hope ya had a great time, tho! Hot take, but some privacy would’ve been nice for her too. 🤷♀️
NTA, you invited her on the trip so the master bedroom is yours.
If she wants the master bedroom then she can pay for the room.
NTA. She’s essentially an invited guest here
NAH. My initial thoughts were is she has the master y’all too can go buck wild and she can just take a bubble path with headphones on and live the staycation. But, then your point of y’all can get locked it. To me it comes down to who is more likely to stay in the room the most? You got this dude, some work ish, she on the other hand was really your wingman in waiting so to me, she is more likely to just stay in the room the entire time.
I don’t think there is a clear right/wrong, you can certainly pull the “I brought you I decide” card but it wouldn’t make her asshole for pointing out that actually it might make sense for her to just become one with the jacuzzi tub.
NTA at all
You’re footing the bill for this trip. YOU should get to stay in the master bedroom, whether or not you hook up with anyone.
Hold your ground on this one. She has absolutely no “right” to the master bedroom that she seems to want to commandeer.
Info
Go to his room?
No one should be kicked out of the bedroom because of the other
NTA. It’s your work trip and she’s tagging along. Why would she get the bigger room?
Mild YTA. If she was on the living room couch, she’d be trying to sleep knowing that a stranger/man could be walking through her sleeping space at night. You might be awake to escort him in, but what if he wanted to leave or go out to the kitchen in the middle of the night? The MBR was her only means of having a locked door. That’s a reasonable request.
Your title is freakishly misleading. You booked a suite with one bedroom.
Are you kidding me?
YTA. A flaming one.
EDIT: And I’m not even going to touch the part about your intent being to hook up (with random strangers, sounds like, since neither of you are from that town) with your friend a wall or two over from you.
Seriously. This is insanity. You should each have had your own damned hotel room. Why is your friend so undeserving of any modicum of space or privacy that she merits being tossed out into the living room??
You, it’s your trip, you(your job) is paying for it. If she doesn’t want the sofa bed she can stay home. Cringey that you are 40 & wanting to bring back one night stands with your friend right there.
NTA for wanting the master bedroom – you booked the entire trip and she is tagging along – however I find it odd to invite a friend on a trip when you intend on meeting men / hooking up. I would have booked accommodation that allowed for both you and the friend to have your own separate, private space.
You booked a “get laid” trip and dragged your 40yo friend along to bare witness and sleep on a fucking couch?
No, I’m not sleeping on a couch after doing all that driving with my old ass.
YTA She’s not your 14yo kid, she’s a fucking adult!
You booked the wrong room!
Your trip, that you invited her on… she doesn’t get the master suite, she gets the guest accommodations. NTA
You’re not an asshole for wanting the actual room your company paid for… but you really are looking to get laid on this trip and brought your friend along as a third wheel? That’s fucking weird lol.
YTA.
There’s no way to do this so that there won’t be resentment.
If you want to meet men, you should be going alone and using the bedroom to be with men. You invited her though.
You’re paying for the room, but she’s driving and this is a friends trip. You can’t banish her to the living room sofa like she’s the maid if she wants to share the bedroom.
What you’re doing is inviting her along to meet your need for company while you’re out meeting men and then expecting her to disappear. That’s OK for college students in a shared room, but you’re mature women and this is a special trip. It’s not like she gets access to the room on the other 364 days of the year.
Forget about the men on this trip and focus on your friendship. Let her share the room with you. If you banish her, the resentment will fester.
Mild YTA. Look usually the person tagging along would get the worst accommodations. BUT…you’re planning to bring a guy back and what walk him past your roomie and wake her up. Are you hoping for a 3some
YTA. This is a one-bedroom suite. Either invite your friend, or look to hook up with strangers. It does not work to do both, in the space you have.
I think slight YTA. If you just planned on sleeping, then yes you should take the master since it is your trip and your company is paying for it. But if she is in the room and you come back with him that’s super awkward for her to have to see that. And if he has to “sneak” out the next morning she is literally right there.
Also why put ” ” around tired mom? What does that have to do with anything? Did she say she should get the master because she is a mom of two kids and is tired??
She is your guest for your trip so she doesn’t get to dictate sleeping arrangements
YTA. You invited her along to a fuckfest. So basically you’re using your friend so you won’t be alone when you go out, but then you want to kick her to the curb when you find a hookup. All of these ppl saying that your friend is “tagging along” are WRONG. She was invited! There’s a huge difference. You should’ve gotten a suite with 2 rooms or 2 separate rooms if you want to hook up. And again, she was invited, so yes OP should be paying for the room.
NAH. This sounds like some college age shenanigans. That aside, there’s a pretty big split on how to handle situations when you invite someone.
In one corner, if you invite someone, you are the host. As the host, you should be a gracious one and make sure your guest is comfortable. That feels a bit dated of a view but I kind of dig it at the same time for that reason.
In the other corner, you’re allowing your friend to come along on your fuck a stranger trip so she should roll with whatever comes. That seems reasonable as well.
I don’t know about where the best place to shag privately would be but yall are at an impasse on this and someone will have to compromise.
Additionally – This is a good reminder for us all that hotels are pretty gross places! Even (and maybe especially) the nicer ones.
NTA in that you booked and paid for the room so of course the bigger room would be yours. But if your plan was to hook up with random guys, why would you even consider sharing a hotel suite with your friend? She doesn’t need to hear you having sex. That’s just icky.
You paid for the hotel, and she’s going because of you so NTA. My first thought tho was why not get separate rooms? Anytime there is an extra person/partner involved with one person, trouble starts because the one with the partner wants the bigger/better area with privacy, and the other wants to have their own space to not be around all that