A few years ago, me and my kids dad had separated. Two weeks after announcing a new relationship on Facebook he called me stating that he would rather go on a camping trip that I have been planning with our boys and try and make things work out with our family then be poolside with somebody else’s family. I agreed and we packed up and took our youngest son camping that weekend. After what I thought was a really nice day me and him were walking hand-in-hand down the beach Lakeside and we got the devastating Hall that his brother was going to the hospital and was on life-support.
At this point, I was under the impression that he had broken up with the girl and that we were reconciling. We spent weeks going back-and-forth to the hospital only for me to find out that he had still been sleeping with this girl each time we returned home and I had gone home to our kids and he had gone back to his house.
I bit my tongue at first ‘cause he was losing his brother, but then I snapped. I told her exactly what he’d been doing, picked her up myself, and we confronted him. He acted like I was intruding on their relationship. That was my line I went no-contact.
Fast-forward to after his brother’s passing I get a phone call from the girl. mind you not only has this girl not met my children, she’s never met his brother, she decides it’s a good idea to inform me that she will be attending my brother-in-law’s celebration of life with my kids dad.
She asked to talk to my children and they agree and she has a conversation with my oldest son and he expresses that he does not want her there and her response was that her only job is to be supportive of their dad.
So aita for respecting their wishes to not attend the services?
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A few years ago, me and my kids dad had separated. Two weeks after announcing a new relationship on Facebook he called me stating that he would rather go on a camping trip that I have been planning with our boys and try and make things work out with our family then be poolside with somebody else’s family. I agreed and we packed up and took our youngest son camping that weekend. After what I thought was a really nice day me and him were walking hand-in-hand down the beach Lakeside and we got the devastating Hall that his brother was going to the hospital and was on life-support.
At this point, I was under the impression that he had broken up with the girl and that we were reconciling. We spent weeks going back-and-forth to the hospital only for me to find out that he had still been sleeping with this girl each time we returned home and I had gone home to our kids and he had gone back to his house.
I bit my tongue at first ‘cause he was losing his brother, but then I snapped. I told her exactly what he’d been doing, picked her up myself, and we confronted him. He acted like I was intruding on their relationship. That was my line I went no-contact.
Fast-forward to after his brother’s passing I get a phone call from the girl. mind you not only has this girl not met my children, she’s never met his brother, she decides it’s a good idea to inform me that she will be attending my brother-in-law’s celebration of life with my kids dad.
She asked to talk to my children and they agree and she has a conversation with my oldest son and he expresses that he does not want her there and her response was that her only job is to be supportive of their dad.
So aita for respecting their wishes to not attend the services?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I allowed my children to decide if they wanted to go to their uncles funeral independently of what their father wanted.
This might make me the asshole because they are kids and I didn’t consult their dad
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Of course not! I’m sure that you know that. Don’t shy away from telling his family why you’re all not there if they ask.
NTA for respecting their wishes and not forcing them to go.
NTA. Your oldest already said he doesn’t want her there and doesn’t want to go. There is no upside for you to force them to go other than hurting your own relationship with the kids. Respect your kids wishes like you would an adult on this matter.
NTA.
Your Ex is the crummiest crum that ever crummed. She isn’t great for dating him when she knew you were still trying to see if you could work things out, but that’s mainly on him.
If gutless wonder wasn’t going to let you know she was going to be there, I do respect her for giving you a heads up that she was going to be there to support him. It means your kids won’t be able to say goodbye to their Uncle, but their argument will be that brother trumps nephews in the grief circle. This played out terribly, but that logic unfortunately isn’t wrong. Personally I wouldn’t have the nerve to go if I were her, but you can only control what’s in your power.
If he’s not cremated, bring them to his grave to say goodbye in the near future. Spend the funeral day doing something with them that they liked to do with him.
ESH
You dont get to control what happens at your exes brother’s service. No matter what, do not make a scene because this isn’t about you. I think this has nothing to do with your child and everything to do with your ex having a gf. You need to step away from the situation. The gf is there to support your ex and it doesn’t matter if she knew the deceased.
What is your parenting agreement? Did you both decide your child wasn’t to be exposed to new partners? You do realize you can’t control what happens when your child is with your ex, right?
If your child is with you, you can decide whether to go or not. You can decide to go with or without your child. I think it is generous of your ex to allow you there. The family can restrict who attends.
NTA- wow. They really deserve each other.
You’re looking out for your kids, which is way more than be said for their father.
He’s awful, but how on earth can she think it is an appropriate time to force an introduction to his children????
NTA. Remind everyone that no one is guaranteed anything. Your kids don’t want to attend, so they won’t attend. Simple as that. It could be petty, or whatever, but, it is exactly what it is. People need to understand their actions impact how others respond to them. You will not let your kids around someone they don’t know for this event. Period. Next…. Upddateme.
NTA.
Kids don’t want to go the service if GF is there.
Their dad has decided he’d prefer his new GF attend, to having his kids there.
Ex is the one who is in control of who attends the service, and he made his choice.
Can’t have his cake and eat it.