Me and my 5 year old were at an indoor playground on Thursday evening when he had a bad fall on the trampoline. I immediately took him to the ER and we were there for 3 hours. They took xrays and all of that and said it was a clean break, put a cast and splint on it, but of course still referred me to an orthopedic surgeon. I asked if he would likely need to get a new cast or anything at that appointment, and all of the nurses and the doctor told me that it was more likely that what they had put on would suffice. Nobody said a word to me about straightening or setting it, and 1. This is my first experience whatsoever with a broken bone and 2. His arm didn’t look crazy. It was easy to believe that it wasn’t a really bad break and didn’t need straightening. It was just very slightly wonky looking.
I told his father (we’ve been seperated for years but he’s exremely involved and almost always a very good coparent) the second I had the chance at the ER. The next day, Friday, I get a call from the orthopedic office. They originally wanted to schedule him for Thursday, but I wanted it sooner so we got him in on Monday. My son hasn’t been in any pain since that night and has been really tough through all of this, and we just had a lazy and careful weekend. I bought him a better fitting sling in his favorite color. I’m only including this because I’m kind of emphasizing how his father was not present for any of this yet despite being constantly updated, and that I’ve been doing everything I believe was in my power since it happened. He had his appointment today and it turns out that it is a worse break than the ER lead me to believe, and they needed to straighten it. He seemed baffled that the ER let him leave this way. We scheduled his surgery tomorrow. So I call his dad after the appointment and tell him what’s going on, I can’t believe this and I feel so bad that my son is going through this especially when we thought all he had left to do is heal now. He gets immediately angry with me and starts saying it’s my fault for trusting ER doctors. He’s saying that I’m naive and stupid for “believing everything I’m told”, and that I “nonchalantly let our son be 3 days late for a surgery he needed” and that I “didn’t do enough” and that he can’t trust me with anything, etc etc. Nothing like this has ever happened and my son has had a very normal, happy and healthy 5 years of life. He’s never been injured before and I have never failed to take care of my son, this was an accident. But what’s making me mad is he isn’t even angry at me for “allowing” this to happen, it is specifically that I believed everyone at the ER and simply just should have known better, and he’s trying to say I never took his broken arm seriously, which is just ridiculous. Like I said, he still has not even visited him since this happened. He also lives close to that ER and could have of course shown up himself. Of course I feel awful about all of this but I felt I had no reason not to believe the ER doctors at the time. He also kept insisting that I wasted “all of this time” when it has been ONE business day.
Tldr; my son broke his arm and the ER told me it didn’t need straightening. 3 days later (two of those days being Saturday and Sunday) he had an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon who says he does need it straightened and he has surgery tomorrow. My ex/his dad then blew up on me on the phone saying this is all my fault for trusting the er doctors, calling me names and saying he can’t trust me with our son.
Comments
NTA- My mother had this happen with my brother. They ended up re-breaking his arm to get it straight. the only AH in this situation is the original doctors that didnt see this as an issue
NTA. My feeling is that your ex is feeling guilty about not being around and is projecting his feelings on you. Stand firm, tell him you did what was reasonable, and if he is not satisfied then next time he can show up.
NTA – Dad is playing armchair parent
You did what the ER advised you. The orthopedist advised otherwise, because theyre a specialist. Dad needs to chill and if he wants to get mad maybe be present.
NTA. Your ex, however, sounds like a monumental AH!
NTA Why should you know better than the medical professionals who are literally trained to know this? Anyone would have done the same thing. Especially since son was ok.
NTA. You trusted the doctors information they gave you and had no reason to doubt them. You followed up with the doctor 3 days later and uncovered the issue. If your EX wants to yell at anyone give him the ER phone number.
Your EX, and the other hand, definitely is the AH…
NTAH – this situation literally happened to me. There is a reason why the ER needs you to check with a doctor who is an expert in bones. Often the ER will miss something because they don’t have the fancy special equipment that an orthopedic surgeon’s office has. The ER has a basic xray machine that is probably old.
edited to add:
Your ex sounds like he could have handled the situation better, so next time call him to handle it 💅. It’s easy to sit back and critizise the actions of others which is why they say hindsight is 20/20.
Come on, obviously NTA. Also, your husband is showing very clear signs of abusive behavior. This kind of language and negligence is not normal. Get some serious distance. And tell other people, in detail, about what he does.
The ER failed you and your son. And your sons father failed him by not showing up. The true victim is your boy. Of everyone else’s shitty actions but yours.
If you do not give other people the reality first, he will create one. Cause trust me, even if you’re protecting his reputation by not sharing, he sure is talking about you.
And his reality will be one where you are a crazy, bad and dangerous mother. He will and is also 100% creating the same mindset in his son.
Trust me, I know enough sons of divorced couples with the same abusive dynamic where the son spent his entire youth blaming the mother for everything and demonising her because of the words, actions and implications of the father.
You cannot ruin someone’s reputation with the truth. You can only CORRECT it.
NTA. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!! You didn’t have any other choice but to trust the ER Dr’s (the only experts there at that moment)! What on earth did ex expect you to do??? Your ex is an abusive AH! Please change all communication to a parenting app so it is documented. Do not take any more phone calls from him since he cannot control himself! You DID do everything right, including following up with the orthopedic surgeon as directed. Do not let ex make you feel guilty or like you did anything wrong. You are a GOOD mother!
So seriously he told you it’s your fault for trusting with the doctor said if he’s not a doctor and you’re not a doctor, that’s what you normally do, especially with your child and I think he’s feeling like a shitfather cuz he didn’t show up and he didn’t even look at it himself to see before he start yelling at you. NTA
And I’m guessing this is why he’s an EX.
Physician assistant here.
You did nothing wrong. It’s even possible the ER did nothing wrong. But you DEFINITELY did not. You even got him in earlier to see the ortho than originally planned .The specialists are the specialists for a reason. ER doctors are generalists .
Three days makes no difference with a broken bone if it is splinted . Unless there was nerve compromise, vascular compromise or an open fracture. No mineralization has occurred in the healing process by then.
NTA! Tell dad to stop being an asshole. Maybe also tell him he should have gotten off his dead ass if he was so damn upset about the broken arm and see his son in the ER. Also, most hospitals aren’t like greys anatomy. Maybe if you’re lucky there will be a specialist there. More than likely not. As someone who is unfortunately familiar with broken bones (and little boys with broken arms) it went exactly how it does for everyone else. You go to the ER to get it x rayed and stabilized. They refer you to an orthopedic surgeon. You go to the surgeon, they do more x rays. They put on a different cast. They say “hey, you need surgery” or “hey we need to set it better”. If you need surgery, their surgery scheduler will call you with a date. If it just needs to be set better, they’ll do it right there. I broke my ankle severely on oct 21st and didn’t have surgery until November 1st.
NTA you followed Dr orders. How in the heck are you supposed to know? You’re not a Dr. the ER sent you to orthopedic to verify, he found it needs surgery so you scheduled it. This is not a big deal. Dad needs to chill as there was nothing you could do beside maybe looking into your crystal ball to know better. Geez your ex is your ex for clear reasons. I wouldn’t blame er Dr and I wouldn’t blame you. ER did his job got your kid set for the orthopedic Dr.
NTA
Your ex is freaked out and I get it, but he doesn’t get to pile on you. ER docs make mistakes like this all of the time. They work in emergency medicine and are not specialists like the orthopedic surgeons are. There is no way you could have gotten into the surgeon over the weekend and your ex treating you like this is just outrageous.
I would state clearly and concisely: “This conversation is over. If you would like to talk to our child, fine, but you are not allowed to speak to me like this and it will not be tolerated. When you calm down and are ready to act in a reasonable way, I am here.”
Parenting guilt is real and Dad is feeling it big time, so he’s taking it out on you. It’s not uncommon but it’s inappropriate.
When I was 4, I had a bad fall and my arm was sore. Mom iced it and it felt better. It was a little swollen but I guess I wasn’t in too much pain. About 2 days later, she didn’t like the way it was looking so she took me to the doctor. He looks at it for about 5 minutes and says “it’s broken.”
My mom felt like the worst mother in the world. Her kid had a broken bone and she didn’t even know.
So hey, you at least got your kid in a cast!
NTA.
NTA. He yells at you and yet has not once showed up for his child. Arm chair dad is right.
NTA. This is LITERALLY why they send you to an ortho after the ER.
If your ex is not an orthopedic surgeon with access to an xray machine, I have a long list of things he can go do. And another thing! Surgery is often several days later. You’ve lost no real time. See also the long list of things the ex can do.
If you can’t trust a doctor with a 5 year old….who can you trust? He’s playing the blame game with you. And it’s good that the Father of the Year has stayed away from, the pure joy of the boy seeing him could’ve disrupted the healing process.
NTA. So so much not. You did nothing wrong. You even bumped it up.
Radiologists read the x-ray. They dictated what they saw. ER doc may or may not have looked at the x-ray in detail but they saw the clinical presentation and made their assessment. The specialist may have seen something different because it’s THEIR SPECIALTY! That’s why you are referred to them. Things happen. Things change. Three days is NOTHING for a broken bone. Would have had the surgery either way and you’re no worse off than before.
Tell ex to pound sand. Or maybe show up next time if he’s so omnipotent. This is not about the arm. It’s about how he sees and treats YOU.
NTA. Sometimes, the break doesn’t actually show up right away. The fact thst you got him in by Monday and already have surgery scheduled is impressive. I work in an Urgent Care. Many times patients have to come back after trays to get fitted for a boot, brace, or sling. Good thing ex is an ex.
Sometimes with broken bones this swelling is so great it pushes the bones together and makes the fracture look not as severe then once that swelling resides or reduces a little bit then they specialist can see the break is more severe or more complicated. You did everything right you do not have X-ray vision and your ex husband should know this. It happened to my son when he was 12, just tell the ex-husband that next time maybe he should show up
NTA at all. The father needs to check himself. You did everything right. Why would you not trust the doctors? Nothing about the situation seemed off.
The alternative was you were gonna get an on-call Doctor Who may have been super tired or disinterested in your son. Time made no difference. He was getting surgery no matter what, I also work in the field. This is extremely common.
NTA I went to the ER with excruciating back pain and the doctor told me there was nothing wrong with my spine and to see my primary care doctor. I was still in too much pain to walk and collapsed on the floor of my apartment lobby and had to call 911 because I couldn’t even roll over. Another doctor looked at the CT scan done at my first visit, no further imaging was done, and informed me that I, in fact, had 3 herniated discs in my spine. Sometimes doctors miss things, but why would you ever think the doctor didn’t know what they were talking about? They literally went to school for this and you didn’t.
There’s a reason he’s an EX. You did everything right.
3 days makes no diffrence for most broken bones. I had to wait weeks for mine to be dealt with sucks, but it will be fine. Just follow doctors orders all you can do.
NTA. You did great. Something is wrong with your Ex. What a weird-ass reaction. Maybe he’s PMSing.!
NTA
Did good ol Dad get his Medical Degree from Dr. Google? /s
Serve him up nice steaming hot cup of STFU!
The ER did right to send to you to a specialist, it’s not like you just walk in the door and demand to be seen…
You did just fine. This is from one Mom to another. My ex was a firefighter. I worked in healthcare. Our daughter’s best friend’s mom was an RN at a well-known Children’s Hospital. So a pretty good idea of what you went through.
Honestly, I’ll be blunt. It sounds like your ex was controlling and abusive. It sounds like he likes to put you down and make you question yourself. I know that I’m just reading into what you told us, but it just feels that way because he immediately went to…
You’re stupid. You can’t be trusted. You’re a bad mom. Etc.
Those aren’t normal reactions from divorced parents. Sure, they may not get along. But the normal reaction is… You took them to the ER. They didn’t think it was gonna need to be sent. But they sent you to the orthopedic just to double check because that’s their specialty. Great. You’ve done everything you can. Keep me posted. Let me know if I need to be there.
And this is even from most parents who don’t get along. Who didn’t have a great divorce. But who have the best interests of the kids at heart.
Please stop second-guessing yourself. You really did do a great job. Your ex sounds like a jerk. And it certainly doesn’t sound like he has any healthcare experience.
ER doctors save lives. They’re usually understaffed and overworked. And they still followed what sounds like the proper protocol for your situation. They stabilize the break. Were able to tell you that there was nothing immediate… And even the orthopedic surgeon had to doublecheck x-rays before they realized what they were seeing and why it needed surgery.
That’s why they refer you to the specialist. Obviously, there was no big glaring thing on the x-rays. Had it been there, the ER doctors would’ve called in the orthopedic surgeon then and there.
And yes, he’s having surgery tomorrow. But if it had been life-threatening or an immediate need, the orthopedic surgeon would have called the hospital and ask them to find an operatory. Even if it meant they had to go at the end of the “regular“ day and do the surgery into the evening.
You’re fine. Please ignore the jerk and focus on yourself and your child.
So you’re supposed to know better than ER doctors? No. NTA. You did everything right.
From professional experience, ERs miss how bad breaks are all the time. The ER physicians do their best, but that’s why they insist you do follow ups. You advocated for your child, got him in sooner, and he’s getting treatment. You did great, mama!
NTA
Recently broke my arm, and the ER doc confirmed the break and said it would need a cast. The Ortho team was thankfully at the hospital and came to see me. Needed surgery. Break was Sunday, surgery on Wednesday.
You did nothing wrong, especially since your child was not in pain. Your ex is a bully and an buttface.
My toddler had a fall on our driveway as I was unloading shopping from the car. His older sister had grabbed him so he didn’t run off and caused him to bash his chin so it bled a lot. Back goes the shopping into the car, back go the kids into the car, and down to the GP surgery for an urgent appointment (3 minute drive, luckily).
When telling their father (now my ex) about it over the phone, he demands “well, where were you? Why couldn’t you stop him?” My immediate response was “Me? I was doing everything as usual. Where the fuck were you?”
He’d gone to his parents or a friend’s straight from work, he would do that to avoid everything until he figured I’d probably made dinner, then he came home. It was like having a damned teenager in the house.
OP, your response to your child’s father needs to align with mine. NTA.
Nah, dad is projecting. Difficult exes always make things the other person’s fault. Even if by some chance you were able to get in the next day to ortho, they might have scheduled surgery a few days later anyways to allow some swelling to subside. Everything is fine and you did the right thing.
Mama, you did just perfectly. Even with it being worse than the professionals thought, you were in contact with the Ortho & did all you could to advocate for your son.
Dad may be winding up for divorce court with a side of custody battle. Make sure you keep ALL documentation & make notes about what the ER people told you.
My then-five-year-old sister fell and hurt her wrist late one evening. Dad told her to go to bed and it would be better in the morning. It was fractured in two places.
Our dad is a doctor.
I had a tailbone fracture go undiagnosed until 2 years after I had no more pain.
I dislocated my shoulder and broke my arm a couple years ago. ER popped it back in place, put a sling on me and told me to see an Ortho. The Ortho is the one who made a decision to do surgery or not (in my case not). All this to say I don’t see an issue with the events at the ER, and think you handled it perfect. NTA
Well, now I know why he is your ex. Why wouldn’t you trust an ER doc? That’s literally what they trained for. It may have looked like a clean break to an ER doc, who trains as a generalist, but there’s a reason they refer to a specialist. And in some cases they won’t even do the operation for several days because there’s no one available. It’s very unlikely that you’d roll into the ER and be taken into surgery immediately, unless it’s an emergency.
NTA. You took him to the ER right away and got him treated! You got him in to see a specialist quickly, got him a more comfortable sling, and scheduled his surgery.
When my daughter had an injured finger, she didn’t mention it to us for a few days. When she finally told us, we took one look and took her right to Urgent Care. They said they didn’t think it was broken but would send the X-rays to a specialist because it can be hard to tell with kids’ bones. Yeah, it was broken.
You definitely didn’t do anything wrong, the ER doctor may not have, and you were reasonable trusting the ER dr. Some people just want to blame others whenever something goes wrong. Like their first reaction is to lash out.
You did a good job, mom! You got this.
When I was 12 I fell roller skating. ER doctor said hairline fracture, NBD. They put on a cast and that was that. I was in pain, but not a lot so I figured it was supposed to feel like that. Apparently one of the tiny teeny bones in there broke in half and wasn’t immobilized by the cast so it basically crumbled. I didn’t find this out until years had passed when I was still in pain and mentioned it to a doctor during a physical . Nothing could really be done, the bone was basically dust. I still have pain 30+ years later – not a lot, but it’s noticeable.
Good on you for getting quick Ortho follow up and getting kiddo what he needed.
NTA – When I was a kid, I broke my ankle. The ER took xrays, the doctor came in and set my ankle (an absolutely excruciating process) and then put on a cast, gave me crutches, and sent me on my way. 4 weeks later the orthopedic doctor took xrays to see how it was healing, told my mom that it wasn’t set correctly, and they had to re-break it and he would have to fix it.
You go to the hospital and hope that they’re doing the right thing, and can do the job you end up paying them for.. Unless I missed the comment where you stated that you’re an MD, there’s nothing more you could have done.
I’m betting your ex is feeling guilty, but that’s not an excuse for him to treat you like crap.
Good thing he’s an ex, right?
Orthopedic surgeons have equipment that is light years better than that in the ER and pediatrician’s office. NTA
ESH in a very minor way. Separated parents armchair quarterbacking their child’s care is as common as green grass. The fact that your son is a young kiddo (probably your first) with his first major injury adds to the emotional mess. Both of you need to take a step back and a deep breath. Your son is going to be fine. He’s a little boy. If he’s like most little boys, this probably won’t be his last injury by a long shot. The two of you need to sit down out of his earshot and figure out a way to keep your personal feelings about each other from bleeding into situations like this in the future.
My mom broken her shoulder. It took her a week to get seen by the ortho, and 2 weeks later to get ball and socket replacement. The ER sent her home with a simple sling because had no idea what the ortho was going to do. She ended up with several options she got to chose from. Stabilize and pain meds truly was all she needed until the ortho visit. She did get better sling though 😉
Idk I’m bias so I do not trust er drs i question them like they are criminals. Only because they misdiagnose my child with a cold 3 times in 2 weeks cold medicine wasn’t working and i told them I heard gurgling in his lungs, but they didn’t care. It was the cold. The last time I took him to the ER. I demanded an x-ray and told them if they do not. I want a paper writing that they are refusing to look into my child, so when I sue I have a paper trail. X-ray showed. He had pneumonia And proceeded to give him antibiotics that he was allergic to.
ER Nurse here. You did nothing wrong. The ER most likely did nothing wrong. We send home broken bones all the time to follow up with ortho that end up getting surgery later. If there is no vascular compromise, this is normal. The ED doctors will consult orthopedics when a bone is broke. The ortho docs tell us to splint send them home and do office follow up.
You did what you where suppose to you kid was not crying out in pain.
Son’s dad is right. Don’t believe what everyone says. Especially him./s
Ummmm they don’t always do surgery immediately anyways. I broke my ankle in 3 places and dislocated it. They put a splint on it. I had an ortho visit 4 days later and then surgery another week after that. The ER isn’t necessarily the experts, they do what they can and refer you to the ortho specialist who makes the final treatment recommendation. He’s being ridiculous.
They usually wait a few days for the swelling to go down a little before surgery anyway. It’s fine and he is being an asshole.
NTA
I’m not in medicine…..but I broke my elbow years ago…
The night of it looked like a fracture on x-ray…. orthopedist sent me in for a CT & made an appointment to follow. The orthopedist who I was scheduled with came in & said he’s not touching it & introduced the elbow specialist in the practice….by surgery a week later it was 1 cm out of place because the muscle & ligament had gone with the broken part & had contracted without tension on them…..2 screws into the tiny bit of bone to hold it in place….
X-rays are a snapshot in time of the bone….but not as helpful seeing the soft tissue….the muscles & ligament can cause things to shift…. Things probably looked ok on the x-ray the night of….
What did your ex expect you to do? I’d guess he has issues and is blaming you because HE feels inadequate. You did as good a job as anyone could expect.
I’ve been this kid. ER set my arm, ortho looked at it a day or two later and was happy and then a week later at my follow up appointment they wanted to do surgery on it to pin it. They blamed the fact that when ER set it, it was swollen up, and in the week since it had been put in a cast my swelling had gone down and I’d lost muscle, so my cast was loose and my arm had moved in the cast… The entire reason for the appointment at a week was because they want to take X-rays to look for exactly this problem and remake the cast to tighten it up. Nobody had messed up at all, this was a totally routine thing that sometimes happens.
I didn’t really want surgery, so I asked what would happen if we just put a tighter cast on without pining it. Ortho told me, “your arm will have a slight curve in it when it first gets out of the cast, but within a year or two it will straighten out…” And yep, it took about a year. It wasn’t weaker or anything while it was curved, it was just that you could tell if you looked closely while holding my arms side by side.
NTA Your son’s dad is a real piece of work.
Oldest son had so many broken bones, I ask the orthopedic surgeon to adopt him. He laughed and said, “Don’t tempt me. This one is fun.”