I woke up this morning craving a bagel. So I asked my family if anyone else would like a bagel. My daughter said yes, my wife said no. As I was leaving, she asked if I could get her a muffin. Anything but corn (she doesn’t like corn muffins). Note that our bagel shop sells precisely 2 things. Bagels and muffins.
By the time I get there (around 8:30) they’re sold out of all but 2 corn muffins. So I get my bagels and text my wife sorry, no muffins. I pay and leave. As I’m coming home she’s texting me, what am I gonna eat? I tell her we have the overnight oats in the fridge (that I bought for her), these egg things she likes. She responds whatever, I’ll just get the corn muffin. By this point I’m almost home.
Now she’s sulking because “everyone else has a fancy breakfast” and is refusing to eat anything else and is mad that I didn’t go get her breakfast from somewhere else (or, I suppose, turn around and get her the corn muffin). I’m really trying to see things from her perspective here. AITAH?
Comments
NTA. They were sold out of non-corn muffins. Now she’s sulking like a baby.
NTA. Since when did a bagel and muffin become a fancy breakfast?
Would have been better to call her to say there were only corn muffins and let her decide from there. Just texting sorry, no muffins wasn’t the most caring move. NAH
Sorry, she sounds like a brat. You offered and she was late with a response. Maybe you should’ve called her instead of texting to save time but NTA. And btw, you’re not trashy for her calling it a “fancy breakfast”. Maybe she called it that to make you feel bad because now she has to use her limbs to make her own breakfast. I have missed out on plenty of “bring home” food and not a word was said or tear shed. I got over it, hopefully she does as well. Good luck! 🌞
Dude, call before leaving?
YTA
She changed her mind on the corn muffins and perhaps could have chosen a bagel, but you just left without giving her the option to change her mind.
Srsly, this is your wife, dude. Be thoughtful and considerate. Give her options when the thing she said she wanted wasn’t available.
Not the ass exactly, but not considerate of your wife’s wishes either.
You should’ve gotten her something from another place. You were craving a bagel and she was craving a muffin. Her expectations were set.
If our cafe doesn’t have croissants my husband grabs me a danish or a scone. Even if I wanted nothing but a croissant the gesture is still super sweet and I love him for it. Want to earn brownie points with your wife and make her feel loved? Bring her food. It’s simple.
For the future, could you call versus text when they are out of things. Then you can make quicker choices and nobody gets leftout
NTA. I would never have called my husband to ask if he wanted a muffin that he’s already previously told me HE DOESN’T LIKE. Your wife sounds exhausting.
NTA but your wife is a petulant child. WTF does she need you to wipe her ass too. Grown ass woman can get her own breakfast. Ladies stop expecting others to read your fucking mind. Be clear and concise.
You did exactly what she asked for and she is mad at you for not reading her mind and getting her a bagel anyway? She’s a bitch.
Idk, both i guess. And why text when you could have called, it would have saved you the grief of not bringing anything
NTA but definitely inconsiderate
NTA. She’s acting like a child. ugghhh
You married a little diva, didn’t you?
NAH but how did you expect it to go? You said you were buying food, when they didn’t have what she wanted you texted her and left before she could respond, and didn’t even pick up anything from somewhere else??
Yeah she’s sulking. She’s disappointed. Like dude you’re her husband. You could’ve called her, guessed a replacement, or picked up something else from another place on the way home. You excluded her for no reason
This is such a non issue why are you on reddit asking about this???
Dude. I’m sure there’s more bakeries you could find.
Tell your old lady to grow up.
NTA, but your wife is. Is this really what you argue about? Seriously? Your wife needs to get a life.
NTA, your wife sounds childish.
There is no asshole, she is being childish.
However, i got a feeling you knew this would happen, and still didn’t bring her anything to make a point.
Just tell her.
YTA. Drive somewhere else and get her something she likes.
This whole thread made me laugh. They’re adults. Both of them are the AH. Her 65%, him 35%
Nta. How are bagels “fancy?” You shouldn’t be expected to make another stop. Y’all got food at home or she go find what she craves.
If it was me, I would’ve just got her a bagel like everybody else wanted and if she didn’t like it, I’d eat it myself.
These phones are meant for talking, but that’s not what you’ll do. One of these days, those texts will be the doghouse for you!
Seriously, call her next time. You did leave her out and brought home a treat for everyone, but were like, meh, they didn’t have what you wanted so you don’t count. Plus, sounds like you’ve been with her for a bit. don’t you have any idea of something else she might enjoy? A muffin from somewhere else? A breakfast sandwich? Something to tell her she counts too?
YTA, next time, punch in her name/number and hit that pretty green button.
She’s being a big baby, but I would not have come home with nothing for her. I would’ve called and said they only have corn muffins or bagels. Would you like one of those?
YTA. The obvious thing to do if the place is out of what someone wants is to call and find out what they want you to do instead. Plus, if it were me or my husband in your position we 100% would’ve stopped somewhere else to get each other something if the first place was out.
You’re not an asshole, but a bit of a doofus. Bro she’s a woman, she’s your wife, coming home empty handed on a breakfast run, cmon man. Make a real time judgement on what to get her if theyre out of her chkice, but my goodness get the mother of your child breakfast man
Get the corn muffin and an extra bagel so she can choose instead of going without.
You should’ve just called her, and asked what she wanted. Easy YTA.
If I said I didn’t want any of that and they only had corn muffins, I wouldn’t think twice about my husband not getting me anything. I wouldnt even expect a text about it. That’s bizarre behavior on the wife’s part. Not sure how bagels are fancier than oats? She’s acting childish.
Hell, I ordered two sandwiches for me and my husband online. Sometimes we split one, sometimes we each get our own. This time he said he wanted a whole one for himself, so I got myself one too. I didn’t explicitly tell him that there were two, so when he picked them up he only grabbed the one. I would never be mad at him for that because like how was he supposed to know lol. (The one he forgot was mine)
YTA
You were kinda insensitive, and she’s being a bit of a brat. Equals out. Move on.
If roles were reversed you’d be upset
You left without giving her time to respond after telling her they were out of all but corn muffins? Come on, dude. You’re either TA or an idiot. Even my autistic ( literally, not using autistic to mean stupid like some people. This is one of those social things that we tend to suck at ) ass knows better than that.
I would say NTA BUT next time call her and see if you could stop somewhere else.
YTA. You know what kind of bagel she would get if she went and they were out of muffins.
Why couldn’t you have called her to see if she wanted something else, instead of hurrying out of there and bringing her nothing? I wouldn’t call either of you an asshole per se, but you could have been more considerate.
NTA. She’s being a baby. Since when is a bagel a “fancy breakfast”? I probably would’ve picked her up a bagel though but you’re not wrong. Sounds like your wife is feeling like a princess today!
NTA. A bagel isn’t a “fancy breakfast.” She’s sulking like a child and refusing to eat anything; cutting off her own nose to spite her face, just so she can try to guilt-trip you to make you feel bad. My preteen acts the same way sometimes.
She’s allowed to be disappointed, but mad? That’s taking it a step too far imo. It was a miscommunication. Tell her next time you’ll call her and ask her what she wants you to do (because if you had decided to get her a corn muffin and made it home before she texted you back, I’m not sure I’d trust her to not get mad that you bought her something she doesn’t like, with the way she’s acting. But maybe that’s just me being jaded). And if she still insists on being mad, well, she knows where the car and the bagel shop are.
Always call or buy back up bagels in these situations
Well this has been interesting. I would have brought her a bagel
Honestly I would have called her to say hey this is all they have do you want something from these choices. I do it all the time with my husband if I’m out and about without him. We know what each likes so it’s usually pretty easy if his first choice isn’t available. But when I’m not sure I call
Some people just like to complain.
She’s acting like a toddler. You offered to buy her breakfast. She declined. She then changed her mind and is upset that she didn’t get what she want because it wasn’t available not for lack of effort. The expectation that you need to solve her breakfast “crisis” is ridiculous.
Is pampering dead?
I don’t think you’re the AH here but I do think u could have been a little more thoughtful. She wanted something but because they didn’t have her muffin at that particular shop didn’t mean not to bring her anything.
Your wife sounds a bit spoiled though tbh. Bagels and muffins are no where near a fancy breakfast lol. But that’s also why u could have stopped at a Dunkin or Wawa etc to grab a muffin. Maybe she wanted u to put in a little bit of effort.
My feelings would have been hurt but I wouldn’t have flipped out. Hopefully you can understand her side now based on all the comments you’ve gotten. Have a talk with her and maybe go grab her a muffin she likes as an olive branch.
Bro I’ve driven for hours to get something my wife likes, couldn’t you just have gone back to get her something. You do you.
Maaaaan. I’m glad my husband doesn’t do this anymore. Note the fact I said ANYMORE. Because he used to. I ALWAYS grabbed him something whenever I was out regardless if I had to make SEVERAL stops. I expended the energy to be thoughtful and caring first. I expect him to MATCH the energy I put forth. I would never ever do this to him so he better not even think about ditching me like this. And in front of EVERYONE? Good lort.
Do you know you just put out a signal to everyone there you don’t REALLY think about ur wife? Watch the relationships around her start changing because even her own HUSBAND doesn’t care about her. J/s
YTA. I call and ask if they would like anything else if they run out of what they want. Even if I know the answer is gonna be no, its the thought that counts. This way the issue you are currently having isn’t a thing.
YTA. You really thought she’d be ok with getting nothing?
I’m old and married a very long time. My piece of advice – whenever she says no she doesn’t want anything, always get her something. NTA as it took me a while to figure that out. Now, if you do it again, then you would be.
Not TA but you should confront your wife on her behavior.
NTAH, your wife needs to grow up.
NTA- could you have called her or asked her what she wants in case they don’t have muffins? Sure and you probably should in the future. But the fact she’s sulking and refusing to eat anything in the house is so immature and such a disproportionate response that makes it seem like she was looking for a reason to get angry and that’s why you’re not the asshole.
Yes. YTA. And you’re a bigger AH coz you didn’t even think to get her a replacement item.
She sounds extremely childish and exhausting to deal with. Have fun with that.
Oh come on man, smh.
That’s why you always ask.. “what if there’s no muffins?”
People saying YTA are tripping. It’s a fucking bagel. A fucking muffin. How is this even an issue?! My partner comes back, “sorry they got no”, I’d be like “aw poop” and that’s it. The fact that this is something she got upset over, and the fact that you guys had enough of a conflict over this to post it to reddit is fucking bonkers. NTA, call before leaving next time, and tell her that internet strangers are saying she needs to grow the fuck up. She didn’t even want a corn muffin in the first place. She specifically told you so.
You’re not wrong, but you probably should’ve seen it coming.
These comments are wild OP.
NTA.
I would have done the exact same thing.
If I know the place is out of the only thing my partner actually likes, I would not have assumed they would want the item they’ve told me they don’t like.
Part of being in a relationship is knowing their likes and dislikes. You knowing she doesn’t like corn muffins is actually a good thing. It means you pay attention.
The fact that there is plenty of food at home further supports you.
She is a grown woman and can figure it out.
The sulking is ridiculous.
I’m really glad my husband is the type of person who would go to 3 different stores to find what I wanted, even if I said not to worry about it. Seeing me smile is worth more than the time it’d take him.
Your wife is behaving like a child. NTA
apparently i’m an asshole too — sorry OP i wouldn’t have called and i wouldn’t have gotten anything extra. maybe a bagel but my partner loves bagels and would never not ask for one. if you ask me for 1 of 2 things they sell and specify you don’t want a specific flavor but that’s all there is, i would have expected she didn’t want anything. hopefully i would hear a response but if i didn’t then they would eat at home or get a different “special breakfast” on their own, but i do have a hard time with taking things too literally so maybe this is one of those situations where you should just “know”
Maybe I am soft, but if I was getting everyone breakfast, I would have gone to another store to find a muffin for my wife, if I am already out.
Personally, I think YTA.
Crikey, it’s not the end of the world ! She’ll survive! NTA
NTA.
Good lord, all the the “you should have called” comments…
NTA. You asked. She had other food available to her. She needs to get over it.
My bf would have looked somewhere else and if he didn’t find something, would have written a message that he didn’t find anything and is now on his way, but at least he tried. i think you could have waited some minutes for her to answer but I wouldn’t have waited 15 minutes either. I don’t know how much later she answered but you could have called her on the phone. If you want you will find a way. Well the situation is like it is, you can both now find a way to make it better next time 🤷
My husband always calls me in a situation like that.. hed even go somewhere else for me hes always so thoughtful ofme. And I’ll do the same for him.
Be more thoughtful.
Is this the first time you’ve disappointed your wife/partner?
So in that situation I’m calling, not texting, before making the rest of the purchases, that way she can confirm that she doesn’t want either a bagel or a corn muffin. My wife would also understand that, in my mind, offering to buy breakfast means that, for anyone who didn’t want something from the bakery, I’m going to prepare and serve something from what we have in the kitchen already because to me that’s part of the deal
The fact that you looked after yourself and your daughter but expected her to make her own breakfast is one of those little bits of neglect that grinds away at a relationship
NTA cause you weren’t being malicious but in the future it’d be best to call.
The place has bagels and muffins. The wife asked for a muffin but she didn’t say she didn’t like bagels. Calling while you were their just gives her the option of choosing something different and it gives you a get outta jail free card. She can’t be upset with you if you give her options in real time with even more time to maybe ask for you to stop somewhere else.
Is your wife picky? If she is, she should probably start telling you what she wants plus an alternative. That’s what I do.
He followed directions. He didn’t read her mind.
YTA This is your wife man and you’re already out! if you have to drive an extra 20 mins to grab her what she wants.. do it! what’s wrong with you?? Do you not like her? Who doesn’t do this for their wife? This is just being nice… which I’d hope you would want to do for your spouse.
lil bit, coulda gotten her something!
You’re not an asshole, but as someone who is married I am surprised that you expected your wife to be happy about you not just calling her to see if she wanted a bagel instead or if there was anywhere else you could stop for her
YTA how are you married and don’t know you pick something else up. Do you not like or love her?
I’d rather have the unexpected wrong thing (a bagel or a corn muffin) than nothing.
A quick apology for something out of your control (the bagel shop being out of the good muffins) with a consolation prize (literally anything) and I would be a little sad but fine.
Alternatively, my partner spending a few more minutes of his time while he was already out to track down something I like for breakfast (like swinging by a starbucks and grabbing a bfast sandwich) would make me feel loved that he went above and beyond to make sure I had something special to eat l.
Come home with nothing and have the disappointment shrugged off would just suck.
NTA
She behaves like a child and is here not a good role model for your kids
Sometimes there’s no winning, either way. NTA
YTA you should have called while at the shop and had her tell you what she wanted.
Yes, you should have made a better effort to find something else for her. JFC, do you even give a shit about her?
Your wife sounds like she needs to learn to communicate. NTA.
You wanted a bagel and asked if anyone wanted some thing. Nice. Both your wife and your daughter wanted something. Cool. So why do you think coming home with nothing for your wife was a good idea ? You didn’t even try to find a replacement. YTA
Who in the hell goes out to get bread for breakfast? And she calls that fancy?
Nope
Just get her SOMETHING. Jesus. How are people this dense. If there’s no muffins, get a bagel or ANYTHING that shows you put some thought into it.
Soft AH – you were a bit literal in your understanding of your wife’s instructions. However to be devil’s advocate she must know you can think this way and should have been clearer and not expect you to mind read.
I think, tactically, in future get her something so you’ve shown you’ve thought about her.
I think her response was super childish though.
NTA. Just 4 days ago my husband went out for lunch. There was a slight miscommunication and he didn’t bring me any food. I was a little sad but I didn’t sulk. I made myself food and just yesterday he took me out for dinner. Your wife is acting a bit dramatic over a muffin. Does she usually experience FOMO like this?
Is she always this childish?
NTA but not very considerate tbh. But also, she’s an AH for being mad about it.
In the ideal scenario, you would have swung by some other place to get her something she likes.
In the case that was presented, ideally, she’d just express some disappointment like ‘aw, i didn’t get anything? :(‘ and you’d console her by promising to bring her one of her favorite treats after work this afternoon.
I thought cows loved corn? Weird.
NTA. You followed instructions. She’s acting like a child.
Could’ve asked her if she wanted a bagel since muffins are all sold out. Or just picked up an extra bagel. It’s not like a bagel cost $40 and it’s going to go to waste. You can always eat it later if she doesn’t want it. YTA.
It’s not about the muffin. It’s about the fact for her it feels like you didn’t think further than: oh no muffin oh well. And that’s where it stopped. You didn’t care. It sounds silly maybe but sometimes us woman want to know that we are still on our man’s mind. That they still care that there wasn’t the muffin we asked for.
Men spoil woman when they are dating. Go the extra mile etc. But then when they get married or have been committed for longer, they just stop and are surprised when we get butt hurt about a muffin.
Think about it. If you went to get a bagel while freshly dating, would you have come home empty handed? It’s these little things that sometimes matter so much. And sure they may seem silly and excessive but just show us once in a while that these little things that mattered back when love was young, still matter some time later!
How long have you guys been married that you don’t know what your wife’s preferences are?
If that muffin that she wanted wasn’t available then you thought to get her nothing at all instead of a substitute with something else she also likes? Or call her and ask? Like literally anything would have been better that nothing.
NTA, her refusing to eat anything else is immature.