I 31f have been dating a guy 34m for just over two months and we started having sex about a month ago. We’ve had sex 3 times and I noticed each time he wouldn’t perform oral on me. I plucked up the courage on the last time to ask why that is out of genuine curiosity to which he answered ‘I’m religious/reserving that for my wife’.
A few bits of context to flesh out the story:
– I had given him head on two separate occasions (which he didn’t protest) before asking him this question.
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Before we started having sex I asked him to do a full STI test. I came over one day and he started to initiate sex. I asked him if he had done the test and he was like “no but I have it here (it was a home kit) and i promise I’ll do it don’t you trust me”. He did the test In front of me and promised he’d send it off to the lab the next day. We ended up having sex that night after quite a lot of pressure from him. I didn’t enjoy it and felt stupid for not upholding my boundaries. I also felt panicked about the truth of his STI status. it was the only thing I’d put my foot down about and it had fallen through. It was consensual but I felt a bit violated. He did eventually return me clean results
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when he returned the clean test results I got on the pill and we had condomless sex. he finished inside me (at his request) multiple times the second and third time we had sex
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I haven’t climaxed once in the bedroom with him as of yet, he has multiple times
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he has been my only sexual partner, I didn’t share this with him at first but I did tell him after. He did know I was very inexperienced but I didn’t go into specific detail about number of partners
I found it quite jarring to hear him talk about reserving oral for his ‘wife’ because he let me give him oral twice knowing that was his stance. I feel like I’ve been quite trusting and done very intimate things with him and, while he’s free to make any choice he wants regarding the kind of sex he wants to give, it makes me question how he views me. It’s made me feel a bit used and foolish to be honest, especially considering how he didn’t return clean results before our first time together and I’d stressed for weeks how important that was to me.
I’ve told him moving forward I won’t be performing oral anymore which he protested, and that there will be no more condomless sex to which he responded that I’m playing tit for tat and that his choice is to do with him being ‘religious’ so it’s different. I’m starting to feel like I don’t even want to have sex with him again while I mull this over to be honest.
I do like him but he makes me feel like a tool that exists for his pleasure in the bedroom. It’s sad because we otherwise get on quite well but I feel like this has kind of put a timer on the relationship. I’m not reaching orgasm, there’s barely any foreplay, my boundaries have been played with while he’s had his cake and ate it too.
Am I the asshole for feeling upset and withdrawing from sex with him completely after this
Comments
He is going to lose out just because he won’t go down on you.
NTA
He is just being so selfish with his intimacy and you are being too giving.
Reserving oral for his wife?
There is no religious text that I know of that says you need to reserve oral sex for marriage. It tends to work the other way around that penetrative sex is held for marriage.
He’s just being a jerk.
Get a boyfriend who is interested in your pleasure and not just his.
NTA, but it doesn’t sound like the two of you are compatible. You’re constantly being pressured into doing things you don’t want to do and the things you ask for are being ignored or excused, and that’s not fair. It doesn’t sound like he really cares about your opinion or boundaries, and if it’s like this now then I doubt it will get better down the line.
Besides, I’m not sure what religion allows you to have sex and receive oral, but you’re not allowed to give it. Sounds a bit odd, imo.
Absolutely NTA. Simply put, he is gaslighting you by using some fictional religious exemption that condemns oral sex by a man on a woman, yet freely allows all other forms of sexual gratification that benefit him?!? It sounds like he is also using your innocence in this area against you as well. My suggestion would be to stand your ground with your demands, or simply move on. You are so young, and there are SO many great things that will come to you in this life. Don’t settle, and don’t let guys like him take advantage of how seemingly innocent you are.
NTA. He’s being a dick. Coercion is still sexual assault, he coerced you into sex that first time, and then into allowing creampies. He’s literally awful and you know that or you wouldn’t have posted about him so negatively. Throw the relationship in the garbage where it belongs.
I hope your next partner isn’t a selfish twat-waffle.
NTA tell him you’re reserving condomless sex and oral for your husband. He’s also using you for sex and not satisfying you because he knows you don’t know any better due to your inexperience. Don’t sleep him anymore.
So you were a virgin at 31 and that’s your story? 🤔
NTA… it’s pretty rich for him to claim it’s “for his wife” when he already let you go down on him twice, huh? Maybe his real issue is he can’t handle pleasuring a woman as much as he wants to get. Either way, it sounds like he’s just trying to avoid intimacy and you deserve better.
I mean, seriously, what kind of “religion” says save oral for marriage but no such rules for penis in vagina? Smells fishy to me… like he’s using some half-baked belief as an excuse to get out of pleasing his partner. You’ve already given him so much and all he can do is whine about this? Get a new boyfriend who actually cares about your needs and pleasure.
He’s being selfish and it sounds like you’re more of a tool for pleasure to him.
Honestly, you deserve better and should be treated with respect in and out of the bedroom. Personally, I’d leave him now and move on. You need someone who will respect you and your wishes to the fullest. The fact that he didn’t even have results for you, and pressured you, after you made it clear how important it was to you is a big red flag.
I find it strange that you waited 31 years and then gave in to this ass hat after just 1 month.
Why stay with him? He’s shown you that he doesn’t care about your sexual needs and doesn’t consider you wife material.
GTFO. This guy is toxic.
He sounds like a tool
Spoiler alert: His future wife ain’t getting any either!
Dump him. He’s a hypocrit.
That excuse is bullshit. I go down every single time and will stay as long as I have to for my queen to get hers. Im dead ass serious he is an idiot if he expects that excuse to work .
He’s full of it. He wants to take. He does not want to give. Don’t waste any more time with him.
He’s a selfish jerk using a flimsy excuse to make you believe he will do something you want if you stick around. I think it’s called stringing you along. He wants to bust a nut and will tell you whatever he has to in order to keep raw dogging you. FYI I hope you watched him to take the test sample. I’d be wondering if it was actually his specimen at the point.
NTA he needs to learn how to satisfy you
After being married 23 years and getting oral maybe once or twice a year, I absolutely refuse to be with a man who doesn’t want to go down on me every time. Why should I go without?
Then just break up with him if you are having theses feelings
Last I checked depending on the religion, sex before marriage is a no-no. So him not giving oral because its against his religion is BS.
Seems like he is just trying to take advantage of you.
I believe that was the fabled eleventh commandment that never made it passed the writer room:
“Thou shalt not drink of her fertile lands until thou doth put a ring on it.”
NTA. If he can’t satisfy you and won’t give oral like you do, I would leave the relationship. It will always be you giving and getting little to nothing in return.
NTA He is full of shit for pulling out his religious card on oral but wants you to give head. Nope. That is just being selfish and clearly NOT religious. smh This is weird. Evaluate what you want with him b4 you get in too deep with this relationship.
Ew. Dump this selfish loser. Also there’s other ways he could make you climax without oral.
NAH
He can have ANY preference or boundary he wants and so can you.
If those preferences or boundaries are deal breakers, then you simply move on.
NTA
Yeah you can change your boundaries about sex or really anything as you grow and develope as a person.
And you sound like you’re being more than fair. If he doesn’t want to give head, you dont have to give him head.
Yeah. I was raised in a super conservative “non-marital sex is going to destroy your life, but ladies your husband needs it so once you get married you best get your submission on” Christian denomination.
Theres no religious practice like that. NTA.
I think you should break up with him. Decent men care about your orgasm as much or more than their own.
But before you do I would act super interested in his religion. Ask for him to teach you. Ask to go to church with him. Ask to study the scriptures his beliefs come from. The real reason for this bs will come to light real fast (spoiler alert, he doesn’t want to so he won’t).
You should have stopped and left him at the “a lot of pressure from him” step. This is a terrible way to start a relationship. Call the whole thing off and try with someone else. Relationships are not always easy but they aren’t supposed to be this difficult at the beginning.
NTA, sounds like you’re not compatible in bed, specially if its only him getting off.
The fact that there is no foreplay is a clear factor of him just pleasuring himself off of you. Foreplay is a MUST, women can’t get off as easily and as fast as guys do because it takes soooo much more stimulation than just penetrating.
Its your body, your choices, you get to dictate what acts to play during sex. Just like he does.
The way you describe it, it seems like you’re tit for tat, but that’s not the issue here.
Why are you even with him? Seriously, I don’t get why women let themselves be exploited by religious nutjobs under the pretense of their religion. To many religions, women are second class citizens at best, and to your bf you obviously are too.
NTAH
You deserve more respect than he’s willing to give. Your instincts are trying to tell you something- taking pause and pondering this situation means you’re smart. Listen to yourself and wait for someone who cares about your sexual experience as much as their own. Good men are out there.
why are you so easily pressurable? it doesn’t take much convincing from him to get you to have sex.
He’s using you. Don’t have sex with him anymore. Find someone who will at least pretend to try to get you off. NTA
He is just a selfish prick. If he is so religious, why is he even having premarital sex?
You’re NTA.
But…. boy bye. Ain’t nobody got time for not having orgasms.
Kudos 👏 for upholding your boundaries even if you may have slipped them initially. Doesn’t make any difference. Now they are made clear, and it says a lot about this guy’s character from his response to your boundries made manifest. I don’t see the meaningfulness of trying to figure out the alleged discrepancy between him sharing and holding his own boundry about cullingus and your own approach to felatio. That happened due to ignorance on both of your parts, but now ignorance has been cleared away. I hope this man can engage maturely with your boundries. You deserve it.
NTA – Pretty sure the religious angle is completely made up. He just does not want to do it. And if you are not getting sexual pleasure, this sounds like a one sided relationship. Think you deserve better.
NTA.
You’ve described your partner getting the kind of intimacy he wants throughout the entire relationship, without seemingly caring about your needs and desires.
I think your issues are more than you just establishing new boundaries to stick up for yourself, though.
NTA – I’ve never heard of that stipulation before in my life, so I honestly bet he assumes he can lead you on till marriage, do it once, then never again and then he tries to play it off as “what a trivial thing to divorce me over”.
I’d just get the conversation over with ‘ow “if you don’t want to give oral, say it now so I can see if I think we’ll work out.” Don’t wait 5 years hoping for the best out of someone you met 2 months ago.
Oh, Sis, your boundaries are perfectly reasonable given his outrageous attempt at justification. If he can’t accept that, then he’s not good enough for you. Also, he needs to make sure you also climax, every time.
He may be your first sexual partner, but if he refuses to give as much as he receives, then he shouldn’t get to be your last partner.
NTA
Tell him that no more sex until there’s a ring on your finger.
Nope. Dump the asshole. Not receiving oral in return is the least of your worries with this one.
Oral both ways is amazing.
Weird
NTA – you’re a space saver for his wife. You deserve better. Move on. We only live once and this is not a dress rehearsal.
He’s lying he just doesn’t want to go down on you. That probably won’t change so you have to decide if you’re ok with that and proceed forward
I love going down on a woman now. Is amazing. The guy is just a selfish jerk lol
“Had his cake and ATE it to”. Atleast there’s SOMETHING he’s eating😭😅.. sorry it isn’t YOU😓🙈💔.
Sorry guys, I just had to😅🙈.
So you had a boundary of no sex before testing which he was happy to ignore but his boundary of no oral before marriage has to be rigidly enforced. How do you know he isn’t lying to you and just hates oral? I would now institute a boundary of no more sex before marriage and see how he responds.
lol- he’s playing you. NTA. Ditch this non giver.
“i do like him but he makes me feel like a tool that exists for his pleasure in the bedroom”
it’s because you are. he has shown little regard for you and refuses to do the absolute bare minimum for you.
you are being more than fair and asking for one thing and he can’t even do that. he’s a textbook selfish person in bed.
you deserve someone who wants to pleasure you as much as you do to them.
NTA. Withdraw from the relationship, not just sex.
Oh hell no not the AH. I actually insist on giving oral for awhile before we move on to penetrative sex. I mean like potentially a few times together where it is just making out and me going down on her without asking for reciprocation. I want to learn her body for awhile and even then would always do an STI test without asking before even condom or condom less sex. He is totally using you and you should bounce. If he doesn’t go down when just making out or working the bases and expects you do that for him. Girl get real.
Actually, he got to have his cake without even putting in the effort of eating it. Anyway…
NTA. Many men will make any excuse in the book to not go down on a woman at all or at any given time. Every sexual partner I have now is told my rule in advance. No head, no head. You climax, I better get your best effort at getting me there. Plain and simple. And, I stick to it. That’s the important part. I don’t always reach climax, but as long as the effort was put forth, I’ll continue seeing them.
Wait, that guy is saying he never in his life performed oral on a woman, as he is waiting for marriage? He is 34 years old. And the reason is “religion”? LMAO
I’m impressed you didn’t go “huh wait a minute” while writing this all out followed by “nah I’m definitely not the asshole and I should break off this relationship”.
Also, it’s concerning you let yourself be pressured into having sex, without upholding your boundaries, that is not consensual, and if you feel violated, that is exactly because it was non-consensual.
Regarding oral, it is as simple as that, some people prefer not to engage in oral, and it’s their choice. That needs to be respected. You need to look for another partner, if it’s important to you. However, you cannot expect the other person to engage in oral, if you don’t do the deed yourself. So I can totally understand that you want to stop that. And I think that’s the right thing to do.
Anyway, if he doesn’t get you to climax with his “experience” he has to find another way, use toys or his hand. Someone with experience would know that both have to feel good, and selfishness just doesn’t work out here.
NTA
Sorry but WHY would you let a man you don’t know finish inside you, and I’m pretty sure birth control takes time to take effect (and even then)
This sounds like my ex lol are you in NY lmao
How is this not a dealbreaker? I mean, u ain’t coming, so shouldn’t he be GOING??? YTA😒
I’ll suck you
“Reserving for his wife”? What a load of crap, he might do it once or twice on the honeymoon, but his whole attitude screams “real men don’t go down”, so it won’t last.
(If this was a real religious issue, why TF is he having sex?)
You need to find someone else. There are plenty of men out there who want to give you orgasms.
Clearly you guys aren’t sexually compatible. So why bother not the a hole?
Sweetie, the only tool here is him. Nobody saves oral for their spouse. If anything they save sex for their spouse, but do everything else. Seems like he just doesn’t like going down on girls and that’s fine, but don’t lie about it, ya know? This doesn’t sound like a compatible relationship. He’s sounds like a taker, and he will take everything you’ll give him leaving you with nothing. I’m sure you didn’t make the decision to sleep with him lightly, so I feel bad for you that he hasn’t been a generous partner in the bedroom. If I were you, I’d go ahead and end this now before you get too invested in him. He doesn’t sound worth it to me.
Girl, no. He’s selfish, and hypocritical. It’s been two months. Dump him. He doesn’t give a crap about your pleasure. That alone would be enough, but what else about you doesn’t he care about? What an absolute tool. NTA
NTA, but reserving exclusively oral for marriage is a pretty good bit lmao
NTA. But also, how many red flags do you need before you walk away? Pressured you into sex without the clear stinscreen you had insisted on. Happy to receive head, but not give it “before marriage”. No interest in your satisfaction. This should be when he is on his best behaviour, trying to give you the very best impression of who he is.
If he is a selfish jerk at this point it is only going to get worse. Unless he has other major redeeming features I’d bin him. To be fair, I think you should bin him regardless but that’s your decision.
If he’s truly religious, he would be a virgin til marriage. What a load of bullshit. He doesn’t want to please you. Just himself. And then after marriage, you’ll find out he lied, he still doesn’t want to do oral or foreplay or any of it.
Nta
…he’ll have sex before marriage but not oral? 🤨
Ah. Now I see. You saying that you’ve given him oral and that he hasn’t protested proves that he’s making up an excuse because he just wants to receive and not give.
I would not trust a home kit. Tell him to get professionally tested. Also, be aware that there’s no HPV test for men and go get the vaccine if you haven’t already. Cervical cancer is no joke. The strains of HPV that cause cancer usually have no visible symptoms.
Use. A. Condom. BC does not protect against STDs and by itself is not as good at preventing pregnancy as you might think. He may try to baby trap you. Make your partner wear a condom for the love of yourself and whatever you believe in.
He pressured you into sex. He’s trash. Leave him. Let me be clear…to quote a male friend of mine: “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” If someone pressures you into sex, that’s not true consent, it is coercion and a type of SA (unfortunately you can’t prove it in court). Consent needs to be freely, explicitly given and can be withdrawn at ANY time. If he’s already inside you and you feel uncomfortable and say STOP and he doesn’t listen, that is SA. If you safe word and he ignores it that is SA. Period. Full stop.
You changing your boundaries does NOT make you an AH. He doesn’t respect you and just wants to use you. It’s reasonable for you to feel used and violated right now. Find a good counselor to help you with your feelings and break up with this douche canoe. And get an STD test and the HPV vaccine pronto!
NAH
You’re not compatible with each other. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s been 2 months in this relationship and you’re already not happy. Get out and run.
Even if he were to do oral on you, you’re not going to forget this. There’s something mentally wrong in his reasoning and you should definitely take this as the warning it is. Go find yourself man who wants nothing more than to give you all the orgasms.
Dump him
What religion does he claim to practice?
I think you should dump him.
But even if you don’t, you should definitely tell him that he’s never made you come once. So until he figures out a way for him to give you pleasure, you won’t be giving him any. And the next time you start making love, he needs to get you off first or he’ll be finishing himself off with mother thumb and her four little helpers. And do not let him insert in his penis in any part of your body until after you’ve come. Get up and walk away if you have to. And if he pushes it, that’s rape.
Because a sex life where you never achieve orgasm but he always does isn’t going to cut it anymore for you.
Also, as others have said, that religious stuff is just bullshit. Besides, he’s the type that wouldn’t give his wife oral either. NTA
I’m really happy that most of these comments agree that the bf is trash and problematic. The few men who disagree have made some very telling statements.
NTA For your own sake, take a step back and watch your whole relationship and all your interactions like it’s a movie and you are watching someone else in your role. Now honestly, tell yourself how many red flags that character ignored. Because there is no way this is out of left field
Ecclesiastes 68 and I owe you 1.
OP… it has been two months, and he is waving red flags.
He pressured you into sex and actively ignored boundaries. You don’t enjoy the sex. His excuses are lame, and he sues you look a tool (your words). Whatever you “like”, I’m sure you can find in plenty of other guys who check a lot more boxes.
What religion? Did you ask? I’m guessing you did, and he dodged the question since you didn’t post it here.
You know this relationship sucks. It isn’t worth it. Just get out. Find someone who cares and makes you happy.
Hi OP,
He’s not suddenly going to become a devotee of cunnilingus once you hit the arbitrary (as far as relevant to this) milestone of marriage. It’s just going to be too late for you to back out when he still isn’t giving you any.
That’s even assuming that marriage to you, which it seems you are open to down the line, is something he is even considering. Given the utter lack of concern he is showing for your needs, it is pretty likely he is seeing you as just something ‘for now’.
Oral sex if anything is the half-way point to sex for those abstinently-inclined, not the other way around. He is full of shit.
He is a selfish lover, figures he can manipulate you because you are less experienced, and has unashamedly been fairly successful so far.
How people treat each other in relation to sex is a pretty good litmus test for how they are going to roll in all other aspects of the relationship. This guy is not going to change.
Your reasonable relationship needs are not being met, and he will not meet them in future. If anything, he will or should be showing his best self in the first couple of months, this is the honeymoon period.
You are only a couple of months in. Cut your losses, life is short.
No, move on past this one. No sexual attraction means you need another boyfriend or partner. Thats a hard one to overcome.
Withdraw from the relationship. He’s using you.
Mmmm probably just leave. Eff this guy.
Follow your gut!!
NTA Leave him lol. Your body is clearly rejecting him if you’re not comfortable and your boundaries are being pushed way too much. Put your foot down and keep it there, there are better people out there.
Yeah. He’s full of shit and just doesn’t want to give you oral. Honestly you aren’t that deep in this relationship. If he’s already not respecting you at 2 months it’s not gonna get better as time goes on.
If the sex is bad atthe beginning it doesnt get miraculously better with time
depends on if u enjoy giving him head. if not well tell him that he needs to go down on u first (make sure u smell and taste nice and clean down there) before u go down on him again. I love getting sucked off but I find other ways to make girls cum rather than going down on them cuz of a few bad experiences which have pretty much scarred me for life but if I find the right girl we can work on that together
just my 2 cents
I would make sure I wasn’t pregnant and also stop seeing him. How long have you been on the pill?
He is a jerk. Dump him. Plus he is bad at sex
NTA. But break up with him.
NTA. You should dump him. He’s pressuring you and that’s never okay.
You got tested to protect him from you causing him harm.
You got on the pill so sex could feel better for him, more effort and enjoyment for him.
You performed oral sex so he could enjoy that experience.
You have made sure he orgasmed
You have communicated that you have felt not treated well or fairly in several ways and that boundaries were manipulated and not respected or honored.
He has done the opposite in everyone of these examples.
Didn’t get tested beforehand for your safety
Don’t care about what feels good for you or gets you off
Didn’t reciprocate sexual acts and efforts
Didn’t communicate fairly, instead tried to guilt you for having boundaries, needs, and requests equal to his, AGAIN!
I do not believe this can work. It seems like he is very selfish in the bedroom. I highly doubt he is suddenly going to be going down on anyone once they are trapped in a legally binding marriage with him. Instead they’ll be trapped caring for a child and being treated like a sex dispenser machine.
The way it’s making you feel is exactly how it is and how he sees you. He sees you as a tool that exists for his pleasure.
I am not much familiar with Scientology so I can’t say no religion says reserve oral for wife but ok to fornicate otherwise. But the whole religion thing is bs
So you’re a 31 year old virgin who suddenly has sex and knows what oral and all the foreplay u want is?
NTA. You gave in and slept with him anyway. You fucked up your boundary and the relationship by going back on it. Just end it and walk away.
NTA. I’m so sorry, but he’s not treating you well and you deserve better. Please break up with him.
NTA He pressured you into sex, despite not observing the one boundary you had put in place. He could have been tested, he just didn’t bother. He worked harder getting you to ignore your boundary than he did trying to comply with your extremely reasonable request. He is getting off yet is not putting any (not just oral) effort into returning the favor.
He is not the one. Go find a man who will work with you to get you both those fireworks!
YTAH
NEVER F*CK SOMEONE NEW WITHOUT A CONDOM!!!! Home test kits are as stupid as you, I’m sorry to be rude but you have no boundaries to begin with.
He will only perform oral on his wife? And that didn’t sound like a red flag to you?????? So his virgin wife-to-be sits in the Middle East or a christian cult and waits to by flown in or what? And you spread your legs to let him get what he wants. Congrats, good job!
>We ended up having sex that night after quite a lot of pressure from him
That makes me really angry, drop the victim shit, you’re 31 not 19. If someone new came along and would pressure me, I would pressure him – out of my door!
Have some dignity and common sense please. It’s not about oral, it’s about self worth.
He’s not saving it for his wife, he just doesn’t like to do it or doesnt know how to and gas lighting you in the process. Ditch him and get an upgrade or train him up.
DTMFA
Thanks for sharing.
Definitely NTA… but we all know who is!
So many red flags:
If he doesn’t like to give oral, that might be ok, as long as he makes up for it with some alternative (your call!).
I‘d guess there are couples where one partner likes to give head and the other one doesn’t… as long as both end up satisfied, it might still work.
In your case that doesn’t seem to work that way.
So unless you don’t care about getting satisfaction, I‘d have a serious talk with the guy.
Sure… it will sound like a checklist… but then again: it seems like his checklist is completed whilst yours remains unchecked… every time!
Life‘s too short to waste it on half-baked, selfish partners…
This will most likely get worse and you‘ll end up resenting him.
Get out of Dodge while you can!
Stay safe & sane.
I‘m rooting for you!
NTA Your boundaries are yours to decide. I don’t know why you are wasting your time and energy on someone that seems to be a poor match for you. That has me stumped more that his odd reasons for not performing oral. Especially because his tantrums are disrespectful and he seems selfish. Like… why are you there?
NTA. You should withdraw from him completely.
Like, what are you doing dating a tool like that? You can do better.
lmao everyone in the room knows that man ain’t going down on his wife
If he going to have sex at all, then religious reservation is out the window that boy is just making up shit to avoid it
Well isnt he just the perfect big red flag parade all by himself…
“Before we started having sex I asked him to do a full STI test. I came over one day and he started to initiate sex. I asked him if he had done the test and he was like “no but I have it here (it was a home kit) and i promise I’ll do it don’t you trust me”. He did the test In front of me and promised he’d send it off to the lab the next day. We ended up having sex that night after quite a lot of pressure from him. I didn’t enjoy it and felt stupid for not upholding my boundaries. I also felt panicked about the truth of his STI status. it was the only thing I’d put my foot down about and it had fallen through. It was consensual but I felt a bit violated. He did eventually return me clean results” 🚩
“when he returned the clean test results I got on the pill and we had condomless sex. he finished inside me (at his request) multiple times the second and third time we had sex” 🚩 (lemme guess, it didnt feel right wearing a condom… if you loved me you’d let me finish inside you etc etc etc)
“I’m religious/reserving that for my wife” …. 👀 biggest load of bullshit ive had the misfortune to read …
Girl, get gone … and get tested…
Just dump his ass. He has no business being in a relationship if he is going to be this selfish and self righteous. The religious shit is just that. Bullshit. A man is supposed to make sure his partner gets off as well and if he is not striving for that then it shows his lack of concern for his partner. Just my humble opinion for a random person on the internet.
Girl run for the hills
I am so sorry! It sounds like you are a very nice partner to have and pleasant person in general with great communication skills and ready to commit to a romantic relationship. He, on the other end, does not. F* this guy, he is a hypocrite. I’d tell him and dump him. This is not set out to a good start. You will meet someone nice, I promise!
He targeted you precisely because you’re unexperienced and he knew he could try his BS with you that a more experienced woman wouldn’t put up with.
This is not a good man. You deserve better. You deserve someonewho at least tries to make you cum. A bad lover can learn how to be better in bed. A bad man will never care whether he is a bad lover or not.
He pressured you into saying yes, thats not consentual. you feel violated because he did violate you.
Dump this idiot and find yourself a guy with a long tongue. Nta
This is fake. No one is this silly.
So he can be shit at oral with no practice for his wife.
Great guy.
Leave him and let him disappoint someone else
So to recap:
-he accepts oral sex, even protests it’s removal, but won’t give any
-he doesn’t make sure you orgasm and have pleasure like he does
-he pressures you into doing what he wants after you say no. Several times. This is coercion which is where the used feeling comes from.
-his choices matter because they’re religious and yours don’t. (Hint it’s because he didn’t make them)
-he ‘s using your inexperience against you so you don’t realize how shitty he’s being
“…he makes me feel like a tool that exists for his pleasure in the bedroom..” He’s told you who he is. A selfish asshole who only cares about his own pleasure. That’s why you feel like a sex object. Because that’s how he treats you. NTA but please respect yourself and shut this shit down. Enforce your boundaries on your way out of the relationship and find someone who wants an actual person, not a living sex toy.
There’s enough red flags here for you to make a better choice than just withholding sex.
Find someone else
NTA, but he is TA because it sounds like he doesn’t care about your needs and pressures you to get his met. I would cut my losses and break up with him and find someone that you are compatible with. I am speaking from experience because my kid’s dad and I weren’t and it created problems in the long run. Don’t waste your time on this man. Go find one that is worth your time because you deserve a person who cares about your needs as well.
Why do you like someone who acts like that? Work on your self-esteem before boning anymore dudes.
Do you want a life with unsatisfying sex?
honey leave him WHAT?? he coerced you into having sex when you didn’t want to. that is rape.
I’ve never heard of oral being reserved for a wife for religious reasons.. that sounds like an excuse not to do it.. my guess would be once he gets a wife.. married people don’t do that.
So… He’ll cum inside you, but not go down on you because religion?? This is bass-akwards.
You’re only 2 months in. Just end it and move on. Find someone that will respect your boundaries and actually care about your pleasure as much as he does his.
to which he answered ‘I’m religious/reserving that for my wife’.
Oh, he’s so full of shit. He’s just a selfish arsehole in bed.
So, in two months he has delayed completing a STI test, pressured you to have sex (before submitting the test), a failed to make sex enjoyable for you. I’m trying to understand why would consent to wasting any of your time with him. There are a lot of fish in the sea. Throw this one back. And, next time, reserve the best parts of you until the dude proves he is worth your effort. NTA
Does anyone believe he’ll go down on his wife when he’s married?
NTA for this but you will feel like one if you stay with this loser. It’s only 2 months in and you already aren’t happy….. he sounds awful, is that really better than being single?
You’ve been with him for 2 months, if he doesn’t meet your needs, f*** him off and find someone that does.
Nopeeeeeeeee there’s just no point anymore. NTA.
If you can’t give, you don’t receive.
If he can’t get you off he doesn’t deserve to get off.
Not playing tit for tat. He eroded your boundaries, and when you realized how shitty that felt (something like betrayal), you re-asserted those boundaries. Of course this manipulative man who thinks it’s ok to pressure women to have sεx they’re uncomfortable with, would say you’re in the wrong and play victim while continuing to pressure you to do things you’re uncomfortable with.
For only 2 months in, these are MASSIVE red flags. Never ignore a manipulative streak. Look up DARVO (deflect, accuse, reverse victim offender).
Please believe that not all partners are this callous, selfish, disrespectful, and shitty. You can do better. He’s going to pull this shit again and pressure you to do things you don’t want to again.
Nta, he’s a creep