I have two elder sisters. Both have two children each. I love my niblings and I gift them expensive gifts and baby sit whenever I can.
I am a single, anesthesiologist and 38m. I am a gay. Lgbt marriage isn’t legal and I always wanted a child. So I adopted an orphan boy recently who is six years old. We are learning , developing bond. Getting therapy and got him into English medium school. I bought a house and my parents live with me. My parents sacrificed everything for three children..so never bought a house, so we could have an english medium education and other things in life.
It has caused an uproar..My parents has finally came around and loving their grandson , as he also carry our family’s surname. But my sisters and their husbands aren’t happy. They said niblings ( nephews and nieces ) love me and they would always care for me , even when I become old. That I am robbing them of potential wealth
My sisters are well off too. So it’s not like that they need my money. But my son is my focus and I will make sure he gets the best things in life. Currently we aren’t talking after they mistreated my son and I told them clearly, if they want a relationship , they have to accept my son. And they aren’t allowed at my home. Though kids can come.but they aren’t allowing them either..I have decided to cut all these gifts
My parents requested me to forgive them and give them a chance , but their behaviour isn’t good. I told them that both of them have to show in actions. My parents are sad that they can’t meet sisters in my home.
I have been called difficult. But my son and his happiness is most important. AITAH?
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NTA, tell your Mom and Dad you are talking to the wrong people. Your daughters are coming at this with greed, not care and you both are welcome to live with them if you agree on this as I’m allowed to make choices on what family is to me not my sisters. The audacity of some people. Remind them their daughters are only mad because of money they have shown me who they are.
NTA.
Your life, your child, . Full stop. You don’t owe your sisters’ kids anything beyond the love and kindness you’ve already given them. Adoption isn’t robbing anyone it’s giving a child a home, love, and a future.
And since you’re gay, may I gently ask
have you also thought about finding someone you love to share your life with?
No need to answer this question if you don’t want
NTA
Quite obviously all your siblings care about is getting expensive gifts and getting a hold of your money.
They don’t care about you and your happiness, they certainly don’t care about your son. I don’t think they care much about your parents eiither
Your siblings only see you as a bank account. They are even proving it by using their own kids as pawns against you. They are not good people. Your money was NEVER theirs to make plans for. You could have left everything to charity if you wanted, why did they think their kids would get your money??
Tell your parents if they want to take the siblings side, they can go and live with them, but you don’t have to have them in your life.
NTA – your life, your money, your joy all your decisions no justification needed… your siblings can kick rocks for acting so badly. Hopefully they will eventually come round but in the meantime ignore that noise focus on your son!
NTA
NTA. Your son is your child, not some obstacle standing between your nieces & nephews and a hypothetical inheritance. It’s wild to me that your sisters see him as a threat instead of as their new nephew.
NTA. You’re doing the right thing. They won’t accept your son because they want your money for their own kids even though they’re well off. What a bunch of greedy bullies.
NTA. It’s your money, your life, your kid. They’re tripping acting like they’re entitled to an inheritance you haven’t even written down yet
Feel free to never use the word nibling again
absolutely NTA your sisters acting like your love and money are some kind of inheritance bank is gross. you didn’t “rob” anyone, you chose to give a child a safe home and a family. that’s the most selfless thing you could do. if they can’t respect your son, then they don’t respect you either. your son is your family now and it’s 100% right that he comes first
So you were going to be their piggy bank. Fuck that and them.
NTA
They and their kids are not entitled to your wealth or the benefits that may come with it, now or in the future. The trouble is they got used to assuming you would lavish it on their kids and that their kids would inherit it.
It’s THEIR job to generate the wealth to leave their own kids an inheritance if they want them to have one.
They assumed that because you are gay, that would preclude you from having kids. Instead of being happy for you that this isn’t the case, and that you are now able to have and enjoy a child of your own that are sticking to the little fantasy they concocted in their heads.
Even if you do decide to heed your parents and forgive them, you are absolutely not obliged to accept continued shitty behaviour from them or to resume spending your income on their kids instead of your own.
Edited to correct grammar
INFO: how is adoption by a single gay man legal, if marriage between two men isn’t? I thought both of those scenarios tend to be a big NO, from those who feel compelled to object to equality.
You are a great dad 🙏
Nta. They have their own money. Well their husbands’ money to live off of. Their only extra stream is ending.
Wait .. huh? So your sisters wanted you to leave all YOUR money to their children?
I thought this was a post about your son getting inheritance from your parents in the future… This is even worse/more bizarre 🤣
The entitlement. Basically saying you don’t need kids and should leave everything to THEIR kids?
Yeah, no. Definitely NTA. X
I initially read that as “rubbing my niblings of inheritance” and that’s perfectly fine.
My siblings and my husband’s siblings were similarly unhappy when my son was born after I began ivf and it really highlighted how bad my relationship was with them. They were literally waiting for me to die and ‘spending’ my money in their dreams. My sister even rewrote her will to take into account of any money I might leave her kids!
Now, of course, my son gets it all.
It’s hard to discover you’re the family bank account, you don’t owe ANYONE a share of what you worked for, inheritance is a gift not a right and it’s frankly gross that they are prioritising their planned money grab over being happy for you becoming a parent and your son joining the family.
NTA – congrats on becoming a dad, all the best to you and your boy 💙
Your sisters and their husbands are greedy assholes. If your parents can’t see that there is something wrong with them.
Wait you’re 38 and they’re doing this????? Wtffff were they planning on offing you?? I’d get my will checked and accounts for mysterious circumstances. I had to do a reread like is this guy like 60 and adopting a son? That’s kind of shitty but I get it. But I also get the family being concerned they’ll have to take care of the kid and manage the estate for him.
But at 38….. like you can expect to live at least 30 more years if not more. It is concerning your inheritance is even an active topic??? Seems sus.
You can’t rob someone of something they never had to begin with. What if you wanted to leave all your money to charity, to your potential future lover, your best friend? What if you just wanted to spend it all? Don’t let anyone treat you like they have some right to your money. Congratulations on your son. Enjoy this time and try not to let anyone get you down. 🙂
What kind of people get mad over an adoption? Your sisters are horrible people and only wanted you around for your money. Be happy you know now so you can plan for your future without them in it.
I’ve read this exact post before
Raising your own child is far different than borrowing someone else’s, relative or not. You have your own child and you both will have a strong bond for each other and you’re giving a child a much needed home. Your sisters are looking at you like their personal banks. NtAH to cut them off. I’m just sorry your parents are caught in the middle.
NTa but what wealth? Your parents have none, they are living with you.
So they’re not angry that your parents wealth or family’s shared wealth will go towards your son. It’s YOUR money they’re talking about? They feel entitled to your personal earnings and wealth!? That’s crazy to me. I mean my family all helps each other out, but I can never imagine feeling this kind of entitlement. They also clearly do not see your son as family. I’m so sorry. NTA
I mean YTA in your niblings eyes because of your sisters painting you as one to them but NTA OP
NTA.
They are just mad because they think you owe them stuff. But you don’t.
They are delusional. Your parents need to recognize that your siblings are in the wrong. Your siblings started the feud. They need to be humbled. It is your sibling’s responsibility to apologize and fix things.
NTA. Your sisters can have children, but you can’t? And their children are more important than your son?
Would they have reacted the same way if you weren’t gay, and had just married a woman and have kids? If not, they are just discriminating against your inability to have the “Normal” lifestyle. And they definitely don’t deserve anything from you for discrimination.
NTA. You could have left your entire estate to a cat sanctuary. Or you could get married. Or you could get sick and be unable to work anymore. Your siblings are gross for already planning what to do with your estate. Your niblings aren’t owed a dime.
What the fuck is a nibling?
So, instead of being happy for you and your Son, your siblings are upset about a potential inheritance? Your Sisters are selfish AH’s.
You are making the right decision for your little one. Congratulations on becoming a Father! You are in for a great adventure.!
You have spoiled your niblings and their parents. But it is your money and they are counting their chickens before they hatch. Even if you did not adopt a child they had no reason to feel entitled to your money as your will could just as easily exclude them. As for cutting ties how will you know if your siblings are respecting your boundaries if they aren’t allowed at your house? Have a family meeting at a restaurant including the kids. Make your explanation simple and kid level. Your siblings seem to have trouble understanding anything too complicated. Explain that grandparents, parents, aunt, uncles and all the kids are all family. If anyone cannot accept everyone or be kind and fair to everyone then the people who are not nice cannot come over to your house any more. You will not let anyone be bullied or excluded just because someone in the family is mean. By making a public and clear announcement even a child can understand you set the boundary. Then ask if everyone understands what you mean. Then give them one chance to step up and do the right thing going forward. You cannot make the adults play nice, but you can be clear what happens if they do not. A little family pressure can correct a lot of behaviors.
NTA. Your sisters are greedy and you are well within your rights to refuse them access to your home. They have proven that they only care about your wealth. Your parents should be mad at your sisters for their behaviour. They are the ones that are raised them like this, and they should be putting pressure on your sisters to grow up instead of expecting you to give in.
NTA. Congratulations on becoming a parent. I hope your son always knows how much you love him. Would your greedy sisters feel the same way if you were straight and impregnated a woman? If not, they’re not only selfish but also homophobic. Good for you for not exposing your kiddo to that.
Parents are sad because they realize they raised terrible women.
NTA
You’re NTA. You’re being a good father and standing up for your child. Your sisters are acting entitled and need to realize that family isn’t about inheritance — it’s about love, respect, and acceptance.
“Thou shall not covet thy sibling’s estate, not even on behalf of your own children”
My siblings would be dead to me if that happened. And as much as I love the nieces and nephews, I’d be alert to whether they would still love me.
NTA
They are not automatically entitled to your money and for your sisters to be upset with you is crazy. What if you married and had a child in the cis sense?
Yta for using the word niblings
Of your siblings are also well to do why are they concerned about your wealth at all? They need to respect your generosity and your choice to adopt, then they need to focus on their own family and children and leave you to care for yours.
nta your siblings are greedy
Truth is your sisters don’t care about you, they are only after your money. They made it clear by saying that your nephews and nieces are always there to take your inheritance when you are gone. NTA
Ask your parents this: “If I gave them another chance, would they change their behavior and accept my son? Are they willing to apologize?”
It sounds like the answer is no. So it’s not another chance they want, it’s to make you pretend like nothing happened.
NTA but this is a sad situation. They may never accept your son and you are right, not to allow them around him. It’s very sad for your nibblings because you probably would’ve been a great uncle to them and they probably would’ve accepted their cousin..
You have a child to support and his future you need to secure. Your siblings are responsible for their own children, and should not be thinking that they are entitled to your money that is for you and your family. NTA
Thank you for having your son’s back. Your siblings are unreasonable if they thought that their children would profit from your death. You owe them nothing when it comes to an inheritance. You would be within your rights to leave every dime to charity.
Being jealous of a six year old is pathetic. Tell your parents that they are welcome to go live with your sisters. NTA
PS If they continue to act entitled, threaten to adopt more children! That would split your inheritance into smaller pieces…
I thought England was progressive? Women deserve the pleasure of marrying women! Take one for the team ladies.
NTA. People have a tendency to spend money in their mind, even though it’s not theirs, and they don’t have any entitlement to it. I suspect that happened here, with your sisters, assuming they (or their kids) would be entitled to your estate later in life. Their assumptions were wrong. If you want a family, you deserve to have that. They should get over themselves. I would also stop buying their children expensive gifts because it has clearly given them an entitlement mentality.
NTA.
This is the second time today an anesthesiologist started a thread today asking if they are an AH for not being more giving to their sister(s).
Weird.
I seriously don’t understand people who think like your sisters. How are they so entitled, they feel entitled to YOUR money??
NTA
Your siblings are greedy and entitled though, assuming what is yours will be their childrens’. What if you’d been planning to donate it to an orphanage or an animal shelter…or a multi-million dollar statue just for you? Yes, ridiculous, but so are they.
As you said, definitely apologies are required as well as actions showing their remorse and acceptance of the new reality. Also…start putting things onto paper now. Set up trusts & etc just in case.
YTA automatically for using the term nibling, I’m sorry but it’s up there with other war crimes like “holibobs” and “nom nom”
They want your money.
NTA – you are being a good dad. I wouldn’t trust the harpies around your child.