I (29F) am a police officer and I take my job seriously. I worked my ass off to get here and I don’t play favorites, even when it comes to people I know. A few nights ago, I was on duty when I pulled over a car for running a red light and swerving. When I walked up to the driver’s side, my stomach dropped…it was my boyfriend’s brother Sam (22M).
I kept it professional and asked for his license and registration. The minute he recognized me, he laughed and said “Oh come on, Lucy you’re not seriously gonna give me a ticket, are you?” Then I smelled the alcohol…l knew from before that he tends to drink and drive. I asked him if he had been drinking and he shrugged, saying he only had “a couple” beers. I had him step out and do a sobriety test—which he failed. He had a lot of alcohol in him. At this point, I had no choice but to arrest him for DUI. He flipped out, calling me a traitor and saying that I was “choosing my job over family.” He even tried to guilt-trip me by saying that if I called it in, it would ruin his life. I didn’t back down. He got booked and my boyfriend, Liam (29M), was furious when he found out. He called me saying “You really couldn’t just let him go? He wasn’t hurting anyone.”
I told him that Sam was a danger to himself and others he was really drunk and that I wasn’t about to risk someone’s life just because he’s family. Liam is still pissed, Sam won’t talk to me and l don’t know what to do. I think that if one of my colleagues had pulled him over instead of me, they would have done the exact same thing. And honestly, maybe this is the wake up call he needs to smarten up before something worse happens.
I stand by my decision, but now I started overthinking a lot and I’m wondering…AITAH for not looking the other way?
Comments
You did the right thing…Protecting lives comes before protecting egos. Hopefully, this is the wake-up call he needs! Don’t drink and drive!!!
You absolutely did the right thing. Why risk your job or other people’s lives just because you’re friends/family with the person you stopped? As you stated, you worked hard to get where you are. Don’t jeopardize that for anyone. Hopefully, your BF will come around and get over it and understand. If not, maybe he’s not the one for you.
I didn’t even need to read it all before I knew you weren’t TA. You’re protecting people. I’ve known people who’s lost family due to drunk drivers. Liam saying “he wasn’t hurting anyone” but forgot to say YET. he hasn’t hurt anyone yet. If drunk drivers don’t learn that it’s not okay they’ll continue to do so. You did the right thing. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
NTA. You may have saved another friend’s life that night because you took him off the streets. You did well. Maybe thedse losers should not take up space in your life.
NTA. He made the choice to ruin his own life, not you
You absolutely did the right thing. He could’ve killed someone and you are protecting innocent people. Also killing someone would also have been MUCH worse for his life than just a dui. So he should be thanking you for stopping it there. He’s the asshole!
NTA. Choosing to drink and drive is incredibly selfish and puts both the driver and everyone else on the road at risk. Your BF’s brother is an adult. He knew the risks when he got into his car, so the only person he should be mad at is himself. He FAFO’d and you did nothing wrong.
NTA
Why are you involved in this trashy, toxic family?
You can do better. You deserve better.
If it was just a stop sign or speeding I can see letting him off but you did the right thing here. Brave.
NTA.
Nah he could have caused a major accident unbeknownst to himself and the other drivers on the road. Your bf needs to know that family isn’t exempt from the Law.
Damn right NTA for locking up that drunk idiot. Duty calls when lives are at stake, family ties can bend but not break like that. If he’d slammed into a minivan instead of just getting popped, there’d be no more second chances or ‘what ifs.’ Just manslaughter charges and shattered lives all around. So yeah, your hubby needs to chill about it already
You did good Lucy, stayed strong in the face of backlash. Hope Liam comes around soon
Your boyfriend will understand you have great character and integrity one day.
NTA. My sister was hit by a drunk driver, she had life changing injuries, and her friend in the car died. The man the hit them had been pulled over 2 times previous for driving and drinking before and paid fines and jail time. It didn’t stop him until the next drunk crash that claimed his own life and took out a telephone pole. I’m happy you did what you did. Loose the boyfriend, there are always better people out there who will respect your choices. He is not it.
NTAH you should be really proud of yourself. Decisions like that takes a lot of guts to pull off and you did it and did your job as a cop to its best so either your boyfriend decides to meture up and look at this as a serious issue or in my opinion you should leave and not let yourself be put down and questioned for doing the right thing if he dosent agree to see your reasoning or hear you out.
I still say being that drunk and attempting to drive your car should be mandatory jail time
Is this one of those AI generated things?
You did the right thing. You did your job. If you hadn’t done your job and let him go, and he caused an accident and either injured somebody badly or took a life it might reflect back on you. And then you would have to deal with certain things in your job and it might be the difference between keeping your job and losing your job as an officer of the law.
All that guy was doing was try to take advantage of the fact that you were the girlfriend of his brother. Thank you that you wouldn’t do anything because of that right there just tells you what the brother also thinks in all of this. They think just because you’re the girlfriend they can get away with things and be above the law or not have to do with the law says.
I may be time to rethink your relationship with the brother.
NTA – In fact, if anything, it’s evidence you’re (hopefully) not among the overwhelming amount of LEOs who are either corrupt themselves, or at least complacent in corruption.
For all any of you know, you arresting your boyfriend’s brother may have imminently saved a life. As LEO, I’m sure you’re all too familiar with how life can be dramatically changed in literally the blink of an eye.
I find it more concerning that your boyfriend is more upset with you, than he is at his brother for being a reckless dumbass. That said, I’ve always been that friend/family member that calls out the stupid shit my loved ones do. As far as I’m concerned, if you don’t call out the stupid, dangerous shit your friends do, you really aren’t a friend.
Listen, decent, upstanding people would understand that the one who needs to be reprimanded here is the drunk driver. Not you for doing your job and perhaps saving his life. You have integrity, and that’s what we need more of in police. You should have no moral dilemma about this, what you need to be considering is your partner’s integrity and his respect for yours. NTA.
Yea that’s what you need… a 22 year old spreading the word that he got off on a DUI because his brother is banging a cop named Lucy
Times like these you learn how people really are under stressful situations. Take note of that, it probably won’t be the last time you’ll deal with something like this.
NTA, he is. You aren’t picking sides, you’ve already picked one. To protect and serve your community and you did that by removing a drunk driver from the public streets. It’s not about the drunk killing themselves in an accident, it’s the innocent people they crash into that deserve the protection.
NTA. Get a new boyfriend. If you hadn’t done your job, then that night, he could have killed someone and/or himself, and you would lose your hard earned job and bore the guilt for the rest of your life. You need someone who doesn’t think dating an officer is a “get out of jail” free card for him and his skivvy relatives! Take my advice or you’ll regret it when you’ve lost your job and he leaves because your career is finished and you’re no benefit to him and his loser relations.
NTA. You could have saved a life – maybe even his.
Liam needs to be fussing at his brother – not you. He should be giving you a special date for having to deal with his trash brother.
NTA
Nta. Throw away that whole family. They aren’t worth it.
Poor baby doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. They’re both AHs.
NTA
In my world, ACAB, except for you, OP. NTA
What will they say when he kills somebody drunk driving?
NTA. Sam is a MAJOR AH for driving while drunk! He could kill someone or multiple someone’s doing that! You did what needed to be done. If you had let him go, and then he wrecked, think of how you would feel? Point that out to Liam! That this isn’t the first time Sam has driven drunk. That you SAW HIM RUN A RED LIGHT! You had a duty to protect everyone else on the road.
If Liam can’t accept that, then the relationship is over. And good riddance I say. He should be backing you up, not his alcoholic brother.
NTA. Your bf will eventually compromise your integrity if you stay with him any longer.
When your bf said “He wasn’t hurting anybody “, that’s some bullshit right there. You didn’t give us his b.a., but I presume it was over whatever the legal limit is in your jurisdiction. People who are impaired by alcohol who get behind the wheel are a clear and present danger to themselves and others. BF needs to focus on his brother’s alcohol issues and back the fuck off you. Let’s put it this way: you let him go, he continues on his way, crashes and kills someone (or himself) because of his impairment, you would have been morally responsible for that death. NTA.
NTA what would have happened if you let him go and he unalive himself or someone else what would your BF think then smh, I think it’s time to re evaluate your relationship
You absolutely did the right thing, unfortunately no one is going to see it that way. You’ll probably lose your boyfriend over this, and that’s sad. Take comfort knowing that you probably saved Sam’s life. If he got away with it again, he would have kept doing it until he hurt someone and spent a lot of time in jail or a lot of time dead.
I hope your boyfriend and look past his initial anger and see this needed to happen.
NTA. You probably saved his life. Your boyfriend ought to be thanking you.
“He wasn’t hurting anyone”… yeah, until he plows into some poor innocent person and kills them.
NTA but you may want to reevaluate whether you & Liam are compatible. His moral & ethical code sounds very flexible – at your expense!
Your bf needs to understand that just because his brother hasn’t hurt anyone or himself yet doesn’t mean he won’t. Imagine what would’ve happened if you had let him go and he slammed into a light pole and paralyzed himself. Imagine what their reaction would have been then. “You should have done something. You knew he wasn’t ok to drive but you let him go anyway.” Imagine having to explain yourself to the family of someone he hit because his car jumped the curb for just a second.
His family, your bf included, are enablers and aren’t doing Sam any favors. I’d seriously consider where that relationship is going and whether you’re willing to tolerate any future challenges concerning your integrity and dedication to protecting your community.
How would you feel had he killed someone 5 miles down the road? You did exactly the right thing.
In my opinion you would be an asshole if you had. If my mom got in an accident with a drunk driver and I found out a cop let the drunk go because they knew them I would be in a rage. I already am not a fan of cops because of too many instances of “protecting” each other. Not allowing this guy to get away with a DUI is your duty.
Edit: Your boyfriend is a piece of crap if he thinks his brother should have been let go. He will cause you nothing but headaches.
NTA.
You were being professional. It’s Sam who decided to drunk and drive, maybe he wasn’t hurting anyone, but driving under the influence is a tragedy in the making, waiting to happen.
NTA
How would you have felt if you let him go with a warning and he got into an accident and killed a family of 4 when he pulled away?
Wouldn’t you have lost your job if you just let him go? Isn’t it all on camera?
Remind your boyfriend of these points and if he still gives you grief, move on. He isn’t the right match for you.
NTA. But it may have been the bullet for your relationship.
NTA. Better a good wakeup call at 22 than taking out a family at 23.
As far as your (x?)BF, tell him that he should have set a better example so his brother didn’t grow up thinking DUI was acceptable.
You chose other people’s families over ego. Good on you
NTA, break up with BF
NTA and…get a clue from these comments and get a better boyfriend. Seriously. Really…unless you want to spend your life (your only life) with a jerk.
If you did let him go, and he hurt or killed himself/ or someone, you are going to be at fault as much as him. You made a brilliant decision for the safety of us. Hope you stay that way with ethics during your career.
He broke the law & the law won- just keep saying it over and over as a response and even bother them by playing the song really loud when they’re nagging you.. and until you’re married, no one is family. Don’t live being bullied by men. That’s just how they are- now you know -yours ain’t different
Yes you did the right thing but could have handled it differently. Because this was someone you know the proper thing would have been to call for backup. Let your supervisor or another officer handle it so there is no question of favoritism.
NTA! You did the right thing. Maybe you should reconsider dating that piece of work. The immediate vibe I got was like a Karen saying “do you know who my husband is?” He probably thinks that just because you’re a cop, him and his family can do whatever they want. “He wasn’t hurting anyone”? Sure, maybe he wasn’t. But how many cases are there where people get killed from drunk drivers? Its against the law for a reason so why would he suggest you ruining your career to protect someone who was breaking the law and a potential threat to other’s safety? Just because he’s family? Actions have consequences.
NTA. If this is a hill your boyfriend wants to die on, kick his ass to the curb. You maintained integrity when it matters. Your boyfriend and his brother would rather a drunk be allowed to drive undeterred.
I’m glad you did not have to arrest him for a vehicle homicide. I get his brother’s reaction initially. But he should have gotten over that in like 2 minutes. Little brother screwed up, and you saved lives.
Maybe not today, but you saved lives by taking him in. If it costs you your BF, he was not a keeper anyway.
He’s not your family ? He’s a loser
You did him a favour actually. You had to do your job.
NTA
As a person who had to identify my husband, in a tiny morgue smelling of pine trees and vanilla… touch his cold, grey cheeks and say goodbye. He was a victim of a DUI.
Good on you for keeping your values intact. The tough choices are where we grow the most as humane and empathetic people. I think that when we deal with conflict directly to defend our beliefs, we become at peace with ourselves.
You are one of the forces of Good out there. Keep it up. 💚
NTA…Having an acquaintance son killed by a drunk driver
Currently have an adult son hit by a drunk driver..son with herniated disc treated with multiple injections and ablations and two surgeries from being rear ended by a speeding drunk driver
So thank you for doing your job from preventing this from potentially happening to some one else
NTA
It’s what we call INTEGRITY! Good for you! He hadn’t hurt anyone up until that point, but if you would have let him drive away and he killed someone or himself 2 mins later…? Then what? That would have been on you, and they would have blamed you for that! These people should be thanking you. You absolutely did the right thing. And the best thing for him… even if they can’t see it.
NTA. You did your job and probably saved someone’s life that night. You probably also saved yourself a world of guilt and trouble. Say you would have let him go and he would have maimed or killed himself or someone else. You would feel incredibly guilty, his and the victim’s family would blame you for letting him go, and you’d lose your job, reputation, subject the city to one hell of a lawsuit, and probably be prosecuted. I wish all cops had your integrity.
Redirect that second guessing to your relationship with this morally bankrupt family. Cut them out your life.
Wow, a cop with integrity! 👏 You might find that BIL will thank you one day. A dui usually comes with court mandated AA. He obviously has a drinking problem and the meetings might help him admit that to himself. Far from ruining his life, it might be just the low point he needs to get a handle on his problem. If your bf is oblivious and holds a grudge against you, maybe he doesn’t need to be your bf anymore. Thank you for keeping the streets safe for everyone!
You know you did the right thing. I’m sure that there is protocol for this anyway. Just like I’m not allowed to look up anyone I know at my job or do anything for them on the side. In the moment I may have called for backup and had them complete it but if it would have added enough time for his PBT/BAC then you do what you gotta do. You protect and serve. You don’t neglect and disregard.
What’s funny is if he hadn’t have been drunk and driving, he wouldn’t have gotten a DUI. He’s responsible for his actions and actions have consequences.
NTA
He thought he had a free pass because “it’s family”. Your job is to keep people safe, by that logic, choosing your job over family is choosing safety over family, which is an even better reason. NTA. He’s just bitter he has to suffer the consequences of his own actions.
What if you’d let him go and driven on and killed someone, you’d never have forgiven yourself. Plus u put your job on the line if you’d let him go. He only has to brag to someone how he got let off by you, it gets to your superiors and then your job is fucked
NTAH
NTA.
I’ve known far too many people whose lives have been destroyed by drunk drivers to see it as a victimless crime. And you know better than me that drunk drivers get caught after they’ve done it before countless times. You even say he regularly drives drunk.
Anyone who blames you for doing the right thing is trash. Who wants to date trash?
NTA. Thank you for doing your job. I know it isn’t easy at times. You may have saved someone’s life.
Wasn’t hurting anyone my generous ass. People are killed almost every day from drunk drivers, good job and fuck him.
Break up with your boyfriend. What else is he willing to overlook. If a car had been crossing that intersection, his brother could have altered the lives of many people. Your boyfriend’s sense of right and wrong is off, sounds like a family you might not want to be a part of.
NTA, thank you for doing your job and dong the right thing. You may have saved his life or someone else’s life. My suggestion is for you to ask your bf to do something that would get him fired from his job and see how he reacts when you get upset bc he won’t break the rules, like he expected you to do. Then ask him how is it ok for him to expect you not to do your job but it is not ok for you to expect the same from him? Pointing out his hypocrisy would come to mind when he refuses your request to out his job in jeopardy.
NTA. I have a zero tolerance policy for drinking and driving. Because I consider drinking and driving to be the equivalent of playing Russian roulette with a car. Every time a drunk turns the key, someone might get seriously injured or die. Every…time. It’s not a question of “if”. It’s a question of “when”.
Please…do not ever look the other way when someone is being so selfish as to think driving drunk isn’t hurting anyone.
I think it is hard to date a police officer if you are a partier, and you did the right thing. NTA
This reads fake as shit and I’m sure “LushiePetalKiss” will be adding their OF link once their karma gets to the right place.
I mean, MAYBE you literally just had your birthday in the last 24hrs, or maybe you forgot you’re supposed to be 28F, not 29F.
But on the offchance it’s real (happy birthday!) – you actually WANT to be with somebody who wants their brother to get away with risking their own life and that of others?
You even care about that opinion? That boyfriend is just as worthless as his drunk-driving brother.
You would very clearly be NTA, but, importantly, this is fake shit.
NTA. just last night in my area a drunk driver killed three construction workers. no mercy for people who do this.
NTA.
That’s called FAFO Sammy.
Liam is an enabler.
They can freaking DEAL WITH IT.
Well wouldn’t you be liable if you let him go and something happened? Not fare to you to be asked to be put in that type of spot.
Time to find a new boyfriend.
NTA: You did your job and quite possibly saved his life and a few others.
I could see your boyfriend being a little upset if you gave his brother a ticket for a minor infraction that you could have legally given him a warning for but even then you still would not be in the wrong.
If your boyfriend refuses to accept that your job will require you to make decisions you don’t always want to make then it may be time to reevaluate your relationship.
My brother in law is also an officer and used to work in the county that I live in. In your situation he would have arrested me as well and my sister would have just told me that I shouldn’t have been stupid.
I think you could’ve saved him the DUI which in many ways can ruin a person’s life early on while still doing your job, but if it was just “let him go free” or “DUI” then you ruined one person’s life and potentially saved lives which is a very meaningful part of your job.
NTA.
What would happen if he drove away and killed someone or died himself? All real possibilities. You did the right thing.
NTA. You swore an oath to protect and serve. You may have issues with your relationship with your boyfriend down the road, but you are in the right. Maybe you need to explain to your boyfriend and his brother what you’ve experienced with coming across drunk driving scenarios (loss of life/destroyed lives) to get your point across as to why you did it.
Another thing…. Say the brother did make it home and then by circumstance it got out that you let him go. Your job would likely be on the line.
NTA
You would have been risking your job if you had let him go, especially if he later crashed & he or someone else was injured…..in which case you could potentially be held liable for not arresting him which resulted in damage/injury. Your boyfriend’s sibling made the choices he made & there are consequences to those actions, he’s been lucky to not have to face them until now.
Have your boyfriend consider how he would have felt, likely blamed you, if his brother had been severely injured or killed as a result of you not doing your job.
At that point, if things don’t change, you need to consider if you should be in a relationship with this person…. because they clearly put their sibling not being in legal trouble, as a result of their own actions, over you & your career.
>“You really couldn’t just let him go? He wasn’t hurting anyone.”
He ran a red light when he was drunk. How many times has this been cited as the cause for an accident where deaths occurred?
You happened to be the one who simply performed their job.
Sam’s an AH for driving impaired and Liam’s the AH for suggesting preferred treatment for said AH drunk driver.
Unsure how you could ever think YTA in this situation and you need a serious conversation with Liam.
So, your boyfriend is totally ok with drunk driving. So, you need to decide if your moral compass is in sync with his. NTA, thank you for keeping the streets safe from that POS.
NTA. “Wasn’t hurting anyone” until he crashes and kills a child? A mother? A father? A family? Of course he wouldn’t get too hurt coz he’s drunk and just goes limp and walks away with a few scrapes, until the guilt sets in and they find his brains painting the bathroom ceiling
NTA IMO you would be TA if you didn’t do what you did. Could you imagine if you let him drive home and he killed someone? Your life would be ruined. If the brother says it works ruin his life so him why he chose to do what he did. Ask him if it’s okay to drink and drive. If your bf is okay with drink driving, I would have a problem with him. We’re you driving alone, or corps you blame it on someone else?
NTA, frankly it’s refreshing to hear about a cop standing by their morals and oath. If your boyfriends brother didn’t want to get a dui, then he should’ve ubered.
The fact he’s your boyfriends brother means he should know better than most.
People never think about the effect their actions have on ones career. He especially deserved that ticket
As someone who lost their dad at age 6, to someone who ‘just drank a few beers’-I applaud you for doing the right thing. NTA-you’re a mutha fu@&ing hero!
NTA, the law should apply to everyone
NTA, but the fact you asked this makes me question if you would treat everyone equally. Would you arrest a fellow officer in the same situation?
NTA. Imagine letting him go and then rolling up to a car accident where he hurt himself or someone else. There are consequences to his actions. That was his choice. Thank you for doing the right thing even though it was hard.
Updateme
If you let him go and he killed someone, it would have haunted you for the rest of your life. You did the right thing.
My brother is a retired policeman and he would arrest me in a heartbeat if I was drinking and driving. This is real love and concern for the other persons welfare as well as others. In real life if you play risky games eventually things will catch up. I hope the young man learned a valuable lesson. If they keep nagging, just tell them that if you let him go and he would have been in a tragic accident, not only would his life be ruined but your career as well. The damage and fallout would be off the charts. You did the right thing Period!
You done good.
Better than visiting him in the morgue
NTA. I would be heavily considering if this is a relationship I want to keep. Drinking and driving kills people every single day. As a paramedic, I have seen a lot of horrible things that have happened on the roads because of drunk drivers. I would never want to associate myself with someone who would excuse a drunk driver just because they love them.
And this is on top of the risk to your job. I’m sure you completely understand that you already have to work harder and be better as a woman in your field. Letting him go would have been a bad cop thing to do. Letting him go would be one of those things that people hate cops for. Your boyfriend questioning your job performance and asking you to participate in something illegal and immoral is disgusting. You are not above the law, and I’m proud of you for sticking to doing the right thing.
Maybe on your way out of the relationship you should mail him some info about drunk driving fatalities. Or people in your town who have lost loved ones that way. Or ask Liam how he’d be reacting if Sam had killed someone’s or himself and he found out you’d let him go? The family sounds like trash.
You did the right thing everyone knows you don’t drink and drive.
He could have killed himself or even worse innocent motorists/pedestrians, then it would be why did you not book him.
You need to get out of this toxic family, you know the brother abuses substances and if he gets arrested for that then they would think they have their own law enforcement agent on their side to sort things out for them.
You need someone who respects your job and their family does as well.
How about a nice fireman/ police officer/ paramedic or medical professional who appreciates you upholding the law.
Someone who was drinking and driving was WRONG. Not you. He is to blame, no one else.
NTA, you completely did the right thing.
However, if you value your relationship, I wish you had called in another officer to “make the decision” to arrest your BF’s brother.
Also, your BF, his brother (family) sound like trash, why would you want to stay with him and around these people.
Get a new boyfriend. He believes what he said. NTA.
NTA
Nta
He ran a red light while drink driving. He’s stupid.
What if he’d been t-boned by a truck? What if he’d hit a car with kids in it?
The fact they though that you’d let him off, risking your career is stupid.
The fact your boyfriend can’t see that his brother was/is a danger is stupid.
The fact your boyfriend thinks drink driving is acceptable is stupid.
You did your job. Protect and serve.
You are protecting other people from his piss poor decisions which is serving the community.
You need to sit your boyfriend down and explain in words a toddler could understand that he needs to understand drink driving= bad.
If he’s still pissy with you after, it may be time to consider a new boyfriend.
His brother was driving drunk and he had the audacity to say he wasn’t hurting anyone?
He was putting people in danger.
Also coddling him and acting like he should be given special treatment because you know him helps no one and is disgusting entitlement.
NTA
But you want a better boyfriend who doesn’t expect special favors.
My uncle is an award winning DWI cop where I live.
When he first got his job he told the whole family the only person he would ever consider using his position to help is my Grandma(his mil). The rest of us are fucked and shouldn’t have done whatever we did.
NTA. You would have been if you’d looked the other way and you’d have to live with yourself if 5 minutes after you let him off, he got into an accident and killed either himself, someone else, or both.
NTA
My mom was hut by a drunk driver when I was 5 years old. She lived, but with life-long nerve damage, migraines, and depression.
She never worked again and was plagued with life-long issues from that selfish asshole who thought he was OK to drive. There were no million-dollar settlements. It didn’t even pay her medical expenses, and it took YEARS to get the pittance she got. She didn’t live to see 50, and that accident was part of it.
It changed our lives drastically and for the worse. Tell Sam from me, to take this opportunity to NOT do that to another family. Tell Liam, from me, to get the fuck over himself. You were doing your job and saving lives.
Thank you for keeping a drunk off the road.
NTA- you did your job. If you hadn’t arrested him and he got into an accident or something couldn’t that come back on you? Wouldn’t it be looked that you stopped this car and all that?
Plus, it’s 2025 there is literally NO excuse he could come up with for drinking and driving. There are too many options available.
Letting a family member go for running a stop sign or a red light is one thing. But drunk driving? Sorry, but I’ve seen way too many tragedies happen because of drunk drivers. You did the right thing. Sam needs a wake up call before he kills himself or someone else. NTA
You did the right thing but obviously there are family consequences.
Your literal job is to protect the public. He’s DRUNK running red lights endangering everyone around him and your BF has the gaul to be mad at you?????
If BF don’t rethink this decision real quick he needs to be an EX BF.
How dare either of them, but BF especially, think that he should be allowed to not only drive drunk but also get out of a traffic stop and DUI because “you’re family”
NTA, but maybe you could have beaten him with your baton a little bit too.
NTA at all my dad was a drunk DUI’d constantly and if someone had put him way under the jail after the 2nd or 3rd time he may not have drank himself to death. You did good police work. The kind that all police should look up to. Fair , swift and actually protecting the community through action.
NTA no one can expect you to NOT do your job. Not to mention to let go of your responsibilities and duty.
Yup, stand by your oath. Dont want him to hit a pedestrian one day.
You did the right thing. I see why he feels free to endanger the lives of others when his family enables him like that.
NTA – drinking and driving is a serious offence
NTA.
Your boyfriend is an enabler of bad decisions, he should be backing you up and telling his brother that he is a piece of shit for putting g you in that position.
If he can’t even stop at a red light, he is a clear danger to society. Running red lights is intensely unsafe and has the potential to kill someone.
You did the right thing, your job. If bf doesn’t like it, then you know his moral code is messed up. This may be a deal breaker. NTA and thank you for your service.
You could lost your job if you’d let him go.
Imagine if you had and he plowed through a crowd.
On what planet is it okay to let a drunk driver go? This isn’t a case of you caught him jay walking.
NTA
NTA for doing your job and arresting a drink driver.
NTA. It’s not like he was just speeding, he was driving drunk! Ask my friend who was killed by a drunk driver if “they weren’t hurting anyone” You did your job and it’s admirable that you didn’t back down!
He’s claiming you’re picking a job over family, but if you’d let him go and he got into an accident, you could lose your job. Not to mention that if he’d been hurt that night, and you’d let him go despite knowing he was intoxicated, the family would have been singing a different tune
Nta. More police should do the same. Covering for them would hurt someone in the long run.
You are. Jobs come and go.. family is forever. And why? Because he’s a criminal? Have you never been stopped and let go? Seems vindictive to me.
You did the right thing but could have made life easier for yourself by calling in a colleague to deal with the situation as soon as you realized who you pulled over and where it was headed.
NTA
You’re definitely not the asshole. He vut you and him in a bad spot. He sounds pretty privileged, and entitled. Is this a white male?
NTA. If you had let him go and he got in an accident they have blamed you too. This wasn’t a speeding ticket this was drunk driving and apparently it wasn’t a one time thing.
NTA
My dads friend drunk drove them home one night a long time ago and wrapped the car around a pole. My dad survived that with a broken hip and other injuries but I think the friend died. Ask BF if he’d rather his brother die or wind up horribly disfigured by continuing to let him drive like that?
Liam being mad and trying to normalize the behaviour for his brother bothered me to read.
Anything else would be corrupt. Refreshing to hear about a non corrupt police officer. The brother is an a$$ for putting you into this position. You could have been liable for his mistakes and misconduct. He has natural consequences for his actions. Sorry if you louse the boyfriend, but his family is a a liability to your life and career. Good luck and good job.
honestly, tell them you saved his life since that might be the only thing they care about. you saved many lives by taking a potential threat off the road, but they don’t see that
if you told them you saved his dumbass little brother’s, bet they’d say he’s done this before and been fine, you didn’t need to arrest him. I’d honestly dump someone with this kind of attitude towards drunk driving. the day after my ex brother in law graduated college, one of the guys at his party died that night from a drunk driver. my ex BIL was devastated, everyone was. he was such a sweet guy, had so many plans once he graduated. his dog was in the accident with him. FUCK your bf and his dumbass brother. walk away from such people, it doesn’t align with the morals of your job.
ACAA
Things that didn’t happen lol
NTA- YOU are a GOOD cop. You did the right thing. You kept a drunk off the road. He could have killed someone. Ask your boyfriend how his brother was NOT hurting someone by driving drunk? Give him the stats on how many people die in DUI related accidents. How would he feel if he killed a kid?
Explain that your body cam was on, and once he stated he knew you there would have been immediate conflict of interest and you could have lost your job if you let him go and that footage was reviewed… once he failed the sobriety test on body cam you had an obligation to perform your duties as an officer of the law. It’s unfortunate but you can’t be forced to choose in that situation.
Nta. He could have killed himself or someone else. You did the right thing
NTA. Sam was the AH here. Oh, and your boyfriend because Sam very well could have killed someone.
Did what you needed to do, but let’s play devils advocate: if that was your brother, sister, mother, or father, would you have done the same thing?
If not your boyfriend probably feels you don’t view his family as your family.
You did the right thing, but…
I’ve always wondered how stuff like this goes. If a cop or a local politician in a certain jurisdiction gets arrested for or suspected of a crime, very often the investigation of that crime will be handed off to another jurisdiction. Say a city cop is suspected of a crime. It happened in the city, so it’s a crime in the city jurisdiction.
But it doesn’t look good. The city police department is going to investigate a city cop? Too much room for cronyism, etc. So the city will hand the investigation over to the county sheriff’s office, or sometimes even to the sheriff’s office in the next county.
Suppose in your case it was borderline. The driver ALMOST but not quite flunks the tests. You let him go. Someone looking at this might think he only got off because you did him a family favor.
Seems like the wiser/safer thing to do would have been to call another officer. Tell him “Hey, I think this guy might be drunk, but we have a relationship where my impartiality could be questioned. You need to take over on this investigation.”
Isn’t this a thing?
You did the right thing. What if you had let him go and he then caused an accident killing a family?
not even the ah. no way im jeopardizing my career. period. preceded by f.
big ups to you for doing the right thing when we see this going the wrong way too many times.
you have a bf problem.
It was something you had to do…it’s not your fault he drinks and drives..you might have lost your job if you let him go..if your if can’t live with that…let him live without you.
So, in 23 hours, you had a birthday?
YTA.
This is the guy that can suddenly turn into a predator because his ego and his taboo excitement is big but low achieving and he will hide behind you as unsuspecting
It may not feel like it but you absolutely did the right thing. He could have killed someone driving like that. Plus there is no excuse to drive under the influence when ride share apps exist. Hopefully he learns a lesson from this. He probably won’t, but you can always hope.
Tell your boyfriend you did put family first, you saved his brother from potentially wiping someone out drunk driving and ending up in jail.
NTA. Since when do cop’s family get preference when breaking the law? More importantly, what would have happened if he got in an accident, killing himself or other innocent people?
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn’t respect you! It also seems that he doesn’t take your job and the ethical and legal obligations that come with it seriously. Honestly, if it were me, a line was crossed that can not ever be forgiven.
Citizens rely on you to keep them and their families safe. Even just second guessing if you did the right thing is concerning, or maybe it’s your conscience telling you that you need to take a real hard look at your relationship with him.
Thank you for protecting others from that drunken stupidity OP.
There’s nothing worse that ruins the time when a drunken AH causes a crash involving pedestrians & other drivers.
Your bf made a humongous mistake by thinking that drunk driving was going to be a free pass to continue on with his brother’s drunken stupidity.
You followed the law & did it to protect others.
NTA OP.
What a rat. 🐀
You possibly saved his life.
NTAH.
You did the right thing. No question.
Nah both your BF and his brother had no call to expect special treatment.
NTA. He “didn’t hurt anyone”… this time. Next time he may kill a family, or mow down a pedestrian or two. There’s absolutely ZERO reason to drink and drive. My mom’s best friend was killed at 16 because some jackass was having his “last night of fun” before his wedding the next day. He didn’t make it to his wedding, the groom and my mom’s friend (seperate vehicles) died instantly. Three families destroyed because one idiot decided to roll the dice with innocent people’s lives. It’s not like it’s a new thing and hasn’t been exhaustively advocated against. Your boyfriend and his brother are showing you what you get to look forward to. They want to be able to do whatever they want regardless of the fact they could and eventually will kill someone or themselves and want a cop on their side to turn a blind eye and make it go away for them. I’d be telling both to suck a lemon and forget I exist. They shouldn’t expect you to shelf your morals to save them from their own stupidity. If he didn’t want to be charged he shouldn’t have done it.
“If I call it in, it will ruin his life”
No, his decision to drive drunk is what would ruin his life.
If this story is true then you fucked up. Any LE agency is going to have policies in place to avoid conflicts of interest in such a situation. As soon as you recognized him and that he had alcohol onboard you should have called for another officer to come take over the investigation. Even if you work for some 1-officer agency, why wouldn’t you call for an assist from another agency to take the case so you could avoid the conflict of interest, and avoid familial/BF drama??
“He wasn’t hurting anyone”?
And what if 5 minutes after you let him go he got into an accident that killed him, destroyed property or killed someone? Or permanently maimed them? Then what?
You aren’t the AH. That said, the world is definitely different. There was a time where if someone got in trouble for doing something dumb, but not egregiously bad, a cop might say call someone to come get you. You put the fear of god in them, you made a judgement call largely based on whether they seemed to understand and accept what they’d done as wrong.
But something changed – probably too many lawsuits – and too many accusations of favorites. And now you have to play it by the books or risk giving up your career. Of course, small town vs bigger city can be a factor too.
Point is – doing the right thing is always the right thing. Letting someone off with a warning is a big risk you take if they ever do it again and it comes up you’ve let them get away with it.
Trying to break the ACAB mold, huh?
No you are not the AH, I absolutely despise drunk drivers, they put themselves and others at danger for their stupid decision.
Your values clearly don’t align and in most experiences, that makes a lasting relationship
Absolutely did the right thing! Even from their selfishness perspective, he could have killed himself or someone else and that would have been worse for everyone involved
NTA. You may have saved his life or an innocent person by taking him off of the road when he was drunk.
I would ask your BF if he could have lived with himself if his brother died in a drunk driving accident (or killed someone else) if you had let him go. And if you had and something had happened your BF and his family would have gone after you if they found out that you let him drive off drunk.
Many many years ago I was a Loan Review Officer. There were loans that I reviewed that were issued to people I knew. They were treated the same as everyone else, including my sister’s MIL.
UpdateMe!
Nta
And I would seriously question judgment of a boyfriend who doesn’t understand why you did your Job.
NTA. So if you would of let him go and you ended up losing your job. That family would not be paying your bills.
Former Officer, no, you absolutely did the right thing. Still, I probably would have tried having another Officer come to the scene and handle the arrest if one were available. Just think of the ramifications IF you let him go and he had an accident and severely injured or killed someone? Kill your career, and the Department/City would have a huge lawsuit.
You did the right thing. This man is dangerous. For all. You know you may have saved his life.
If it was another cop would you have done the same thing or looked the other way? No judgment just a question.
You 100% did the right thing. Honestly, this shows a LOT about your boyfriend’s character. Think hard about what you’re doing with him.
Imagine where you’d be if you had let him go and he then got into an accident and killed someone. You would be responsible for that person’s death. You took a dangerous person off the road. Thank you.
You are absolutely not the asshole. You are a dedicated public servant who takes their responsibilities seriously. I don’t know your relationship situation but sadly this may have a big impact. Clearly your boyfriend wanted you to give his brother a pass for illegal actions. Bad sign. There’s too much “ the rules are for thou and not me” out there.
Ntah. He’d be okay with you being a dirty cop? Boyfriend is ick & maybe now his brother will think twice before he kills someone or himself.
ACAB
You’ve posted 2 stories within 24 hours where you’re different ages….
You’re only TA for posting this fake BS story.