I (25M) have been dating my girlfriend (23F) for about 10 months. She’s very active on Instagram and TikTok. Lately, she’s been posting a lot of revealing pics – bikini shots, bedroom mirror selfies in lingerie, suggestive dances, you get the idea.
I asked her (calmly) if she could tone it down a bit. Not stop posting completely, just maybe… post stuff that doesn’t look like it’s begging for male attention? Her response was immediate: “I do this for ME. If you have a problem with it, that’s your insecurity, not mine”.
She even made a story post after that conversation saying something like “if your man can’t handle your glow-up, he’s not your man”. Subtle, right?
I get wanting to feel confident, but why post that kind of content if you’re in a committed relationship? She says I’m being controlling, but I feel like I’m just asking for basic respect.
AITAH?
Comments
Definitely not!
You and her are exclusive, its not about feeling insecure
Its about respect
NTA, personally. But people will have a wide range of opinions on this.
NTA, she’s for the streets, kick her to the curb before she leaves you there.
Just leave. Why is she looking for attention from other men? She doesnt respect you nor herself. Move on. You set a boundary. She crossed it. Its your move. Leave or be a simp. If you dont leave, stop crying. Nobody wants to hear you sob when you’re letting it happen.
It’s about boundaries compatibility. If this exceeds your boundary and it’s that important to her to continue to do it over your feelings, then the two of you are not compatible. Sounds like the story she posted told you exactly that but you refuse to listen. You’re not the asshole but you need to make a decision stay and accept it or leave and find someone that is compatible.
I mean, it sounds like you two are just different. She wants to post bikini pictures; you want a modest girlfriend. Maybe she doesn’t want to be modest. And she’ll never be forced to be. She’ll have to choose to be. For herself. I get where youre coming from. 10000%. I would feel the same way. But her reaction to your request would immediately paint the picture for myself. We ain’t it.
I understand confidence, but there’s also wanting validation from complete strangers which is what she’s doing it sounds like! You can still be confident without posting yourself all the time, I am sure if you commented on a woman’s post doing what she does in hers she would have a fit, it’s all about respect in a relationship, she seems to be wanting attention from other people all the time which a red flag.
If she was confident in her “glow up,” she wouldn’t need to post such revealing pictures. That said, it’s her right to post them. It’s your right to kick her to the curb.
She sounds phone obsessed, self absorbed, and narcissistic. Bail unless that’s your bag
NTA.
She craves attention, and this is such a shallow way to get it. The post she did after you talked with her is ridiculous.
Your girlfriend is a hoe and you’re not insecure. Her reasoning makes no sense. There is no other reason for her to post these videos other than for thirst traps. If she was really taking the videos for herself then she could just save them to her camera roll. She likes the attention she gets from it and shes giving other men little testosterone boosts every time they watch. She has zero respect for you. If you don’t dump her then she will cheat on you, probably with one of the guys who like her videos. NTA
You’re Nta.
And she’s nta for posting that stuff, but that doesn’t mean you have to be ok with it either.
It just means you guys aren’t right for each other… At least not right now.
NTA. Walk away. Getting validation on social media is more important to her than respecting you and your relationship.
Yes. 🤦🏽 People need to learn to define what constitutes inappropriate behavior BEFORE getting into a relationship.
It is your insecurity. YTA
You are not her bf. You are just a guy she’s with for convenience.
There’s nothing wrong with posting thirst traps, as long as it doesn’t cross any boundaries, which you’ve tried to set. Her reaction shows she doesn’t value you. Id dunno her ass. Nta
NTA and I think she was pretty blunt when she said when your man can’t handle your glow up he’s not your man. Obviously she was telling you you’re not her man so stop being that and find someone who has as much respect for you as they do for themselves.
not the AH for bringing it up calmly. it’s fair to want to talk about boundaries in a relationship. but if she sees it as you trying to “control” her and shuts it down immediately, then y’all might just have different values on what respect looks like and that matters long term.
She’s for the streets, leave her now. Use her up then find someone who is wife/mother material.
Demote her to sex toy status and line up her replacement.
She is for the streets.
Is she making money doing it?
It’s boundaries that you’ve discussed with her and she keeps disrespecting it. NTA
When men say “begging for male attention” when women are wearing anything revealing, I always sit back and think : “have men never seen how women dress when men aren’t around?” Cause let me tell you , if it was for male attention the outfits worse when men aren’t around would be worn when men are around. And this is said as someone who goes to a lot of “women only” events.
Also can you please tell the class if he Instagram was like this when you met & if you followed her, liked her pictures before you met her. Also tell the class how your instagram following and likes looks like please.
If she was doing this before you started dating and knew then YTA. You don’t get to enjoy it as a spectator and then demand she change for you.
If she just started doing this then NTA. It would be a sign of an ending relationship tbh.
Either way, if your values don’t align, leave. As long as she isn’t talking to another man or spending time with another man then it shouldn’t be an issue. Enjoy how confident and beautiful your gf or break up with her if you can’t. It’s that simple.
no assholes here tbh. y’all just aren’t compatible.
This seems to be more and more common place. Both women and men give themselves away for nothing. The likes and comments give them burst of dopamine and in order for that dopamine to continue they need to take it further and further. She has an issue. It’s not healthy for you to try and fix it for her. I’d suggest an ultimatum. If she doesn’t agree to it, you should follow through and leave. Move on.
This is a great 10 minute podcast (parts went viral) on this very topic:
Check out this video from this search, youtube females.posting for attention https://g.co/kgs/hwX1BXy
NTA
When people tell you who they are you should listen.
Time to decide what is acceptable to you.
If she is doing it for her, then why is she posting it online? Why not just take the pictures and put them in a folder somewhere for her to look at herself?
This is the BS lie that so many women tell about social media. She is 100% post stuff like this for the attention and dopamine hit. The fact that she immidately also posted about you after this shows that her “online profile” is more important to her than you.
If she wasnt even willing to talk about it, tried to shame you for mentioning a boundary AND hung you out on social media, then why even bother? I doubt it will get better.
NTA, i would just leave her after that post.
YTA my abusive ex was the same way. I never posted anything bc even posting regular pictures got me tripped out on. Now I do porn😂🤪 she’s probably trying to grow her name and her brand online and at 23 and this day and age that’s a good thing to focus on. It can make her good money even if it’s not porn. She can make 100s a month on fb just posting “thirst traps” with no nudity.
If you don’t like it cool, leave her alone and like she said let another man appreciate her glow up🤣
You clearly have different behaviors and views of respect. You think she’s being disrespectful by posting and she thinks you’re being disrespectful by asking her to stop. That does not make grounds for a compatible relationship. Does the root cause of the behavior matter? Does her reasons for continuing matter? Or does it only matter that you differ so much on (what you have deemed is) a pivotal point?
High levels of hoery, watch out man
She is on the Hunt for your replacement, ditch her and move on to someone who has some respect for you.
Definitely NTA OP.
Is she a hooker?
Whats her insta tho? Let me holla at her
NTA~ Find another girlfriend that respects herself and you.
NTA I can tell everything you’re going thru based off her response alone, not to mention the all too common quote post afterward. I know this because I’ve lived it.
Her love is fading, and yes she is trying to get male attention. It’s not for her because she posts it, that’s looking for validation from others. My ex said the same shit and she ended up dumping me over text, blocking me everywhere, rebounding, sending the rebound to stalk me, harassing me anonymously, smear campaigns me to this day, claims she’s a domestic abuse survivor despite being the abuser, and has since reduced herself a fatherless ho with no sense of self respect. I pity this excuse of a human I once loved, think you could avoid that same fate by standing on a very realistic boundary bc let’s face it depending on what you consider cheating even if no one’s DMing her: that’s still trying to cheat.
It’s time for you to move on from her, before she moves on from you. Girls do this bullshit, they look for a new supply before they dip. Almost guarantee you see her DMs and 1 they’ll be outright disgusting and 2 you’ll probably get hurt. I’m sorry man, but hey hit the streets and run now before you bump into her on it after the new guy hits it once and never talks to her again.
Someone who needs validation from strangers ain’t it man.
Find a wholesome girl
Brother, YOU are in a committed relationship….I don’t think she is.
Dump. Her. And. Move. On.
She is a thot, plain and simple. When you break up with her, she will pretend like she doesn’t care. Maybe she actually doesn’t. But don’t worry: her own ego will force her to think about it.
All in the meanwhile, you have found somebody better.
She’s not yours it’s just your turn till she finds the next guy.
Attention seeker, no accountability, delusional
Unfortunate but typical
NAH. I’ve been in a relationship 9 years now and I’m partial to posting the odd thirst trap. Sometimes my boyfriend takes them for me. You both just have different opinions on what is appropriate. You’ll need to compromise or find someone you’re more compatible with in this area.
You are a bit part in her life story
She doesn’t respect you but she also sounds extremely manipulative. There’s a difference of dressing sexy for others and dressing sexy for yourself.
Dressing sexy for yourself….like you’re going out on the town and you wanna look great doing it. Nothing wrong with taking pride how you look.
Dressing sexy for others….being chronically online seeking validation from complete strangers.
If she doesn’t want to fight for this relationship why should you?
NTA. Neither is she. But she is not committed to you, and you two are not compatible long term.
She’s most likely a covert narcissist. I had one who was very much like your gf. Don’t walk away – RUN!
She craves attention.
INFO: How many of her thirst trap pictures did you like at the beginning of dating her?
Post on her instagram feed that you are no longer her man then.
As a woman who was actually guilty of this, I say you are NTA. Sorry going into a bit of a self confession of my own here, but when with my BF I also did the same as your GF, and even went further (more than just revealing…). I realized that I loved the attention and wanted more than what my BF gave. I realize I was doing a lot of harm, so if things are not super serious, it might be better to break things off with her. Even if she agrees to stop, she will crave doing it again if she is dependent on it for feeling happy.
She’s entitled to post whatever she wants. You’re entitled to breakup for any reason. Additionally, it’s not insecure to ask your partner not to post revealing and suggestive pics and videos.
If you girl starts acting like she is for the streets, probably best to leave her. No self respecting man should put up with that. It is probably going to get worse.
Men really think the whole world revolves around them and getting their attention, huh?
She’s a bop bro sorry man
the lack of respect is a deal breaker :
Buy her a dildo and tell her to go fuck herself
NTA, drop her ass. She is already trying to monkey branch. Her dms are open on those sites and someone you don’t know about is hitting her up man. Just shrug and tell her if she wants to act single then she is single and move on.
Not the asshole. If she feels the need to post those images in order to feel “secure” and “confident “, that’s fine I suppose. But if you aren’t fine with it, and you asked calmly letting you know that it makes you uncomfortable, and her only reply is if it makes you insecure then it’s your problem, then it’s time to cut her loose. Unless you’re truly okay with it, cut her loose. Don’t lower your standards just to keep someone in your life that thinks so little about how you feel. Good riddance. Let her be someone else’s issue. 20 more just like her
She’s for the streets, NTA but she is.
Dude, get away from her. She’s a walking red flag, not you. She is the one full of insecurities, not you. And she’ll get banged by the first guy who pays her a compliment. You don’t wanna live walking on ice, right?
Huge red flags. She isn’t your GF. She is looking for attention and acknowledgment from other men. Her DMs are probably not anything she would want you to see. Know your worth. Move on.
If she does it for herself, then why post it to social media which is literally for anyone else to see? Does she know she can keep photos/videos on her phone and can view them at a later time?
NTA
Is she getting paid for it? She’s being manipulative. She is also invalidating your feelings and then pseudo blasts you. That is fucking rough. She isn’t doing it for herself if she is posting them to social media. That just her doing attention seeking. Hell I hope she sees this post and realizes that she is being the manipulative/abuser. Maybe it will be a wake up call. As it stands she doesnt seem to respect you at all. Maybe ask her how she would feel if you started to show her the amount of respect she’s been showing you.
You started dating her and she was doing this. Now you think that because you are dating her she should change her behavior to fit your comfort.
Fundamentally no different than starting to date a doctor or lawyer and being mad they are busy and won’t carve out their life for you. Or a smoker who won’t quit for you. Or an addict who won’t stop drinking for you.
Find someone who already doesn’t do the things you aren’t comfortable with. Don’t find someone who does shit you aren’t comfortable with then try to leverage your relationship to get them to change.
NAH. As a girl who posts thirst traps while in a long-term relationship, you two just simply aren’t compatible, and that’s okay. You either need to learn to deal with it or move on from her.
NTA. If this is only “lately” behavior, it’s advertising.
She’s already let everyone know you’re “not her man,” very publicly.
She’s checked out already, she just hasn’t left. Don’t prolong your pain or start drama, it doesn’t benefit anyone. Move on.
info: did she post like that before you got together/is she an influencer?
She got a touch of that social media brainrot
NTA…it’s projection and gaslighting…saying you’re insecure when she’s the one who needs constant validation of her own worth thru the eyes of others. Maybe I’m just too old, but I don’t have time for childish games like that.
If she’s this desperate for attention from other men, then she isn’t in a committed monogamous relationship. It’s just your turn.
Have some self-respect and kick her to the kerb.
She is lying, guarantee if she had no hits or likes on what she is posting, she would stop or become upset. Some women need constant validation and have maiin character syndrome. NTA
Depends if you look at thirst traps or porn yourself. If you never look, then your boundary is reasonable. If you’re out there consuming this exact content by other women while in a committed relationship, you have no rights to complain that she is producing that same content that you are consuming
NTA she’s not your girl, it’s just your turn
Sounds like she wants the clicks
NTA the constant need for attention and validation screams insecurity in herself and in the relationship. Bounce now, avoid the drama. Only thirst traps my fiancé posts go to my dm’s since she met me. There’s a girl out there who is secure enough to not need that outside validation.
Yea just break up w her instead. Word of advice if she wont respect ur boundaries she doesn’t respect u. And ull never have success in a relationship where u constantly feel the need to tell someone to change how they act
She is right she is doing it for herself with that i mean she thrives of attention she gets from men online.
Nta I would not stay in this relationship when you putting a boundary that you dont want your gf to act like she is single makes her label you insecure and then make a post to purposely put you in bad light.
I do hope your next update will be that you dumped her.
Updateme
Being a thot online is not a glow up lol
I’m like 9 years older than you and my girl is beautiful but very modest/shy. She dresses pretty conservatively and we neither of us use Facebook/instagram/tiktok/etc.
I can’t imagine if my chick was one of those girls online trying to give strange men something to…”enjoy”
You can ask but she is in control of herself and can do what she wants. You don’t get to control her or tell her what to do.
Sounds like she already knows that you’re not the one for her.
YTA. You are being controlling. She is in a committed relationship which means she isn’t dating anyone else or sleeping with anyone else. If you don’t like what she’s posting then end the relationship and move on. You’re within your rights to ask but not to dictate.
She is def at least texting a few dudes. Sorry
Sounds like she just broke up with you. That’s a blessing, she saved you the trouble.
Leave her bro. Find someone that actually cares about you.
She for the streets
I make myself look or feel beautiful…. FOR ME. Idgaf if a man finds it sexy. It’s for the way it feels to me. It shows my appreciation for my body/ vessel.
Social norms say women should or shouldn’t appear a certain way FOR MEN. Gtfoh with that nonsense. I don’t post private pictures but if someone who loved me told me that the way i showed love to myself was thirsty I’d send them on their way.
Oftentimes i wear a low cut dress or shirt, or a tight outfit….. i walk downstairs and my husband is like Holy shit, you’re stunning and kisses me and then we (our I) go out and have a great time.
No projection, control, insecurity, fear….. Just beauty, and appreciation…..
that flows both ways, because he looks great too…. but we don’t assume that when a man looks great that he’s obviously doing it solely for the attention of women.
Dude drop this social media idiot. She does it to get validation from the many men that message her. Any woman seeking this much attention from strangers is definitely a red flag because where does it end ? How far will she go for validation from others. You’ll be better off with a woman who is happy to have your attention and not half the internet. Don’t waste any more time with your social media loser and get on to a good woman
Lol i said tht shit while reading the title but after reading the post might even be worst than i thought she probably already cheating. Cut that off ASAP please dont let her gaslight u either. Not respecting ur boundaries is one thing. Disrespecting u and throwing subs on social media is absolutely inexcusable. Good luck out there man, trust me u can and will meet someone better but dont waste time chasing this
Eh, YTA. Just like men who get with women that dress a certain way, and then tell them to tone it down, I feel you know damn well what you walked into. You got with a woman who is extremely active in social media. And then you insisted that what she does, she does for male attention only, and that because you are now part of her life it needs to be toned down.
No. You need to chose someone you’re actually compatible with. Forcing incompatibility to bend to you, instead of letting her go – is where you cross the line from boundary to control.
Run
NTA but get some self-respect. We can’t give advice to her but we can to you. She isn’t going to get better. She has a shitty mindset. You willing to deal with that in this relationship?
Run far and run fast. You can’t build a kingdom with someone seeking attention from the jesters.
NTA and if I saw her post that after your argument I’d have broken up with her on the spot.
NTA. Since when is confidence about showing off on social media? It SCREAMS insecurity and attention seeking.
I’d be even more concerned about this sudden urgent need to post this type of content. And don’t even start with this pseudo-empowerment bullshit.
She’s for the streets. Another single mom on the way.
Ntah.
Dude she’s putting bait out there. If this was fishing she’s trying to get caught. You obviously put up boundaries in which she ignored. You have 2 options here. 1 let her keep doing her and if she cheats you can’t be surprised or cry about it. 2 tell her straight up this is not the kind of behavior I want out of a potential wife, I think we’re not compatible in that department and that’s a deal breaker for me. I wish you well but you can’t be with me.
Have some respect for yourself and just fully ghost this train wreck. After a conversation like that it’s obvious she isn’t into the relationship.
YTA … if you stay with her. You wanted a baddie. Deal with it or break up.
I just wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who did that. I don’t have a high opinion of people who post on their social media to get validation from strangers. It scream insecurity on her part. I’d assume she is doing it for her. To feel good about herself. I find that small and sad and I want to be in a healthy relationship with someone a bit more confident than that.
If she’s making money off this in someway then I wouldn’t judge her for that. I still wouldn’t be in a relationship with her but I would have more respect for it in terms of how I viewed her as a person.
Never trust a woman whose currency is male attention. It’ll leave you heartbroken, every time.
You’re not an asshole. Just very insecure.
NTA.
“my body, my rules” stops being a defense when it starts disrespecting the relationship. if public attention is the priority, then say that. but don’t call it confidence when it comes at the expense of your partner’s trust. relationships need boundaries, not just freedom.
She doesn’t respect you and sounds like she’s not ready to be in a relationship. Right now she wants pure attention from as amnay people as possible. Break it off and tell her you need to work on your ‘insecurities’.
INFO: Was she posting similar content before you started dating?
If u break up w here tho, dont fall for the gaslighting shes gonna hit you with. Expect it tbh. She’ll call u insecure and then some time will pass nd if u stick with it she’ll come back apologizing saying she’s sorry that she needs u and that she wont do it again. This is a Lie!!!! She is an attention seeker and when she realizes the temporary dopamine hits of likes and dms actually dont mean anything this will just be her way to cling onto ur attention. Still leave it alone and remember how she disrespected u online for expressing urself and your boundaries. But more importantly dont take any of this as a reflection of urself, she has her own issues that she needs to deal with to grow as a person and just isnt compatible with u. So dont force anything that doesn’t need to be
NTA. She is doing that for attention. No regular person just posts pictures of themselves in lingerie to strangers often while in a relationship. I have a few friends/family members who do similar things. They either ended up cheating on their partners or “upgraded” from their partners meaning as soon as they found a guy that was better looking/richer they broke up with their boyfriends and immediately moved onto the next one.
She is out fishing
Good on you for bringing it up. In today’s society that took quite a bit of confidence. Her response is projection in its simplest form. If she was doing it for her, in a healthy way. She would have no need to broadcast what she is doing to get continuous attention and constant validation from strangers. Her actions leave three possibilities, she is extremely insecure and needs 👆, or she wants to make sure she has others lined up behind you (again insecurity, fear of being alone), or you are part of her stable which she clearly intends to keep growing.