I (29F) and my husband (31M) have a 6-month-old daughter. She’s generally a good sleeper, but like any baby she wakes easily and it takes me a long time to settle her back down.
Last Friday, my husband went out with some coworkers for drinks. I knew he’d be home late and didn’t mind, he rarely goes out and works hard, so he deserves to relax sometimes.
But when he came home at 1AM, he was drunk, loud, and stumbled into the bedroom, flipping the lights on and dropping his keys on the floor. Of course this woke the baby, who then screamed for almost an hour.
I was exhausted and snapped at him, telling him to sleep on the couch because I didn’t want him disturbing her (or me) again. He grumbled but went to the couch.
The next morning he was icy with me, saying I “overreacted” and embarrassed him. He claims he wasn’t that loud and that I should “cut him some slack” since it was just one night.
Now he’s sulking and making passive-aggressive comments about how I’m “militant” about the baby’s sleep.
AITAH for making him sleep on the couch?
Comments
You gotta get that baby out of your room and into her own room.
I can vaguely see where he’s coming from, but he’s still acting like a jerk. He can handle a night on the couch. And it’s not being militant, it’s you 1) making sure you can put the baby to sleep again 2) ensuring BOTH of your comfort and 3) he kinda deserved it imo. 100% nta
I think you know you aren’t the AH…
He should be thankful that you let him go out and get drunk. He should realize the sacrifice you are making and be respectful when he gets home. If he can’t do that then he is either too drunk or just plain inconsiderate.
He has no reason to be embarrassed. So that’s not valid.
Nope
was he embarrassed in front of the newborn? What?
NTA, sounds like misplaced anger. He screwed up and got called out for it, so he’s doubling down and getting mad at you so you’ll be the one feeling guilty and in the wrong (which you’re not, for the record). Don’t let him manipulate the situation to his benefit.
Also, don’t let the co-sleeping haters bully you into moving your baby out of your room before you’re ready. Research is clearly showing that babies who sleep in the same room as their parents have a lower chance of SIDS and other health problems. Keep it up, mama!
My wife and I had a rule. When babies are little, nothing we said to each other during the hours of 11 pm and 5 am could be taken too seriously. If we snapped at each other in our sleep deprived state, we didn’t carry it into the next day. Your husband fucked up and you got more mad than was probably necessary. If this was my wife and I, we would have each apologized in the morning and moved on with our lives like nothing happened.
I’m sure you were just mad that you had to go put down the baby again instead of resting peacefully. He’s probably just mad becuase it was an innocent mistake and doesn’t realize the trouble it takes to get the baby back down to sleep. It’s hard for me to say anyone is the asshole there. Just tired parents not thinking clearly.
The passive aggressive comments he’s making are asshole behavior though.
My husband knows that if he comes home drunk then he sleeps in the spare room. I have two kids, the baby is still in our room, and sleep is a necessity to function the following day. You’re NTA. When you’ve spent potentially ages getting a small angry human to sleep only for someone to wake them up, it’s painfully irritating. He wants to go out, no problem, but he sleeps elsewhere so it’s not disruptive.
By 6 months your baby should be in her own room.
If I come home late and tipsy I usually intentionally sleep on the couch so as to not wake anyone else up. That was even before kids. Unless you have a really crappy couch or he has back problems or something that would make it painful to do, NTA.
His drunken feelings are more important than a sleeping baby? NTA
NTA – he was drunk and you fully and better remember
NTA.
He was inconsiderate coming home like that, drunk or not. Embarrassed him?? He was rude and called out on it. Then he got to go sleep, peacefully, on the couch while you and the baby were interrupted, and you had to resolve his mistake.
A man w a 6 month old baby who puts his buddies first has got a priority problem.
NTA…. h3 gets the next screaming baby duty
My wife makes the spare bed up for me if I’m out with friends for a big one.
Happens maybe twice a year.
Last the I want is to disturb the family.
Nta. Your husband embarrassed himself. It’s nobody’s fault but his. You and your baby should be able to sleep peacefully without an obnoxious drunk bumblefucking all over the house making noise.
NTA & you decide when you’re comfortable to have your baby go to her own room. I did find my son slept better in a room of his own but you get to decide when you and her are both ready for that transition.
Militant about the babies sleep? Too bad you didn’t have a camera! It’s a good thing it was only one night otherwise it sounds like he really tied one on and it might be grounds to send him packing? You remember that line about being militant with the baby’s sleep when it’s his turn to put the baby down and see how he likes it
Why do women act like they own everything? It’s always the guy who has to sleep on the couch. I’m sorry I don’t support this type of behavior. It’s just as much his bed as it is yours. Men don’t have any rights at home anymore. When a woman moves in it becomes all about what they want, from the paint to the type of dishes, sheets on the bed, pictures on the wall, so on and so forth.
I literally dont let my husband sleep in the room with us because my two month old doesnt sleep. Like at all. And his snoring is so loud it wakes the baby up.
*I should note his snoring is from his drinking and Im the one working & doing the night shift with baby so whatever sleep I can get I have to protect
You’re NTA. Your husband is feeling shame about this and projecting it onto you.
Absolutely NTA.
If your partner is in bed and you have a baby you take the couch.
My husband rarely stays out late but if he does or he works late and gets home after everyone is asleep, it’s assumed that he takes the couch or spare bedroom if he doesn’t want to spend the night crying because sleep-deprived me is mean.
Nope
NTA. He sounds like a child.
NTA. He needs to know that it’s not okay to interrupt your or you babies sleep. Being drunk is not an excuse to turn on lights and not at least try to be quiet or he should sleep on the couch. That’s what adults do. They have fun, but are also responsible. I hope you continue this standard of expecting to make him sleep on the couch if he’s going to go out. Also, from what you said, I don’t agree that people think he is an alcoholic. People go out with co workers and have a few drinks sometimes. We don’t know if it’s common, or every few months. One example of someone being drunk doesn’t equate to being an alcoholic. It happens. My coworkers and I go out for drinks and other activities every other month. But we also are considerate of our partners when we get home late.
To be honest, I hope you’re very tough and brave because a guy like that is never going to take accountability, will get drunk frequently and blame everything on you.
Drunk people are usually loud and aren’t consciously being loud. Given that your husband is apparently a stabd up guy abd going out with his co-workers was an unusual thing for him not something he does regularly and you did not object to him going you probably over reacted a bit. A simple apology for over reacting would probably go a long way.
Hopefully he got a ride home…
NTA – I am a dad, and if my wife came in home, drunk and woke up the kid I would be pissed too.
I wouldn’t have even walked into the bedroom. If I knew before going out the baby was sleeping in there I would have mentally prepped myself to know I am going to be drunk, probably loud, baby is sleeping, wife is sleeping, so don’t be an asshole. I would have already games out that I am going to be using the kitchen sink to freshen up and then sleep in the recliner. Come morning, explain why I was there and make some coffee.
In parenting, you cannot be always reactive, you have to be proactive. If he knows he is going out and drinking, he needs to plan for the after-outage before he goes out. For instance, I leave side doors unchained if I know I am coming back very late so I don’t trigger motion sensors and can come through them instead of the front door. I will y grab my bathroom stuff and put it in the kitchen, etc.
He is just not being a Boyscout about it. Being prepared is a requirement as a parent.
Also, how was he embarrassed? Its just you and the kid that saw him. If he is embarrassed by that, then he knows he was in the wrong.
You didn’t overreact; his drunk butt forgot he had a child.
How often in the middle of the night does he get up with her? You should arrange it where he has to be the one to get her down and keep her asleep for a few nights and then come in and wake him and the baby up. He might understand then how precious sleep is.
NTA but as someone who grew up with an alcoholic father just be prepared to have a husband who sleeps on the couch often.